mark clemson Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 4 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: I know I’m bugging everyone about the number but do you think he would have deleted it if he had no intention of going back to her? Probably, but it's hard to know for sure. It certainly would have been wiser for him to delete it if he had no intention of contacting her as it reduces risk. I think it might be nice for posters here to back off a bit and give you a little space to process all this and clear your head somewhat. Just IMO... Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 OK, he could have not deleted,as it is he just does not delete anything. I have numbers of co-workers from 20 years ago, and the numbers are all wrong or out of service. Also, he may have a email account, Hotmail, yahoo, that will repopulate his phone after he deletes, if the account is connected with the phone numbers. You can never get rid of them no matter how many times you deletes. My Dad, would never get rid of car keys. Still had the Ford model A key on his ring, along will all others he ever owned. I asked him why he did not pare down the keys, and he would always say he was getting to it. Never did. I have that key ring now as a remembrance of him. OK, this is the benign reasons. The other is that he uses it a a memory device. Seeing the number lets him remember his time with her. Even though he has had pain, I am sure he has some good memory of her. Call it and see if it is still good. The OW, may have changed it. If so, you have a good idea that it is a memory artifact. If the number is still good, look up on the phone bill, phone history and see if he has called it. The issue is, "is he still in contact" that is one issue, and problem, compared to "Is he keeping affair artifacts". The number itself is nothing, it is what he is doing with it that counts. I wish you luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nats_16 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 You clearly want your marriage to work out, but he also has to want the same. Perhaps ask him to leave for a few days to decide what it is he really wants. You wouldn’t be happy remaining with him if he is in love with another woman and just staying at home under obligation and false pretence. He quite likely does still love you and this is why he is still with you but if it’s another woman he is in love with then you can’t compete against that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 49 minutes ago, Nats_16 said: You clearly want your marriage to work out, but he also has to want the same. Perhaps ask him to leave for a few days to decide what it is he really wants. You wouldn’t be happy remaining with him if he is in love with another woman and just staying at home under obligation and false pretence. He quite likely does still love you and this is why he is still with you but if it’s another woman he is in love with then you can’t compete against that. I’ve just found a message from him to her today of a picture of when they worked together in a team with the quote ‘happy memories’ happy memories? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’ve just found a message from him to her today of a picture of when they worked together in a team with the quote ‘happy memories’ happy memories? A message from him to her - today? Then they are still talking. Clearly he is happier with her. It is where he wants to be at. But this is further proof of their continual talking even if you live-out watching him like a hawk, he will find a way. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 How much more proof do you need that he kept her # to stay in touch? What is it going to take to spur you to call a divorce attorney? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Stevnx3 said: A message from him to her - today? Then they are still talking. Clearly he is happier with her. It is where he wants to be at. But this is further proof of their continual talking even if you live-out watching him like a hawk, he will find a way. Yes today. Happy memories? Like she’s in the past? Or that he wants her in his future Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Yes today. Happy memories? Like she’s in the past? Or that he wants her in his future He is longing for that time he was by her on his work team. It is both a longing for the past and a desire for the future. So I take it they met at work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Yes today. Happy memories? Like she’s in the past? Or that he wants her in his future Past, present & future. HE WANTS HER! Why do you continue to refuse to accept this? Why fight for a marriage that has been dysfunctional from the beginning? What are you hoping to gain? Do you even know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 Yes they work for separate companies in different part of country. They worked together on a project that’s how they met Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 Just now, d0nnivain said: Past, present & future. HE WANTS HER! Why do you continue to refuse to accept this? Why fight for a marriage that has been dysfunctional from the beginning? What are you hoping to gain? Do you even know? I’m watching the messages now my friend told me how to sync the iPad. He hasn’t mentioned my pregnancy to her and it is general talk. But that photo, you’re right - why quote it with happy memories if you’re happy with your wife Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m watching the messages now my friend told me how to sync the iPad. He hasn’t mentioned my pregnancy to her and it is general talk. But that photo, you’re right - why quote it with happy memories if you’re happy with your wife He is not happy with you. You are watching their conversation live? Lauren, he is not happy in his current life. He is not happy in his current life. He is happy with her. I'd screenshot all of that. It could come in handy in the future, like court.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 4 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: He is not happy with you. You are watching their conversation live? Lauren, he is not happy in his current life. He is not happy in his current life. He is happy with her. I'd screenshot all of that. It could come in handy in the future, like court.. Yes I’m watching the whole thing. I thought maybe because he hasn’t spoken to her in months (which he has just said) that he was happy with me but clearly he was just biding his time Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Yes I’m watching the whole thing. I thought maybe because he hasn’t spoken to her in months (which he has just said) that he was happy with me but clearly he was just biding his time Clearly indeed. So you need to start taking whatever measures you can for yourself and your kids. Do keep a record of everything he is telling her. That will come in handy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Lauren is in the UK. Adultery is not taken into consideration in any divorce settlement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 48 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Lauren is in the UK. Adultery is not taken into consideration in any divorce settlement. That blows. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 Adultery is not taken into account most places, including Florida Stevnx3. In very rare cases after expensive expert testimony which almost always has a detrimental effect on the kids, sometimes if you the BS can prove that the AP is a dangerous influence on the kids, it can be taken into account for custody but it practically has to be that the AP is a convicted pedophile. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 (edited) Lauren, it’s pretty clear that your marriage has had its challenges. As you said in one of your first posts, marriage just seemed like the next thing to do and then you had an unexpected pregnancy. You got married for all the wrong reasons and that’s really important to acknowledge. You have both tried to make it work, but what’s apparent is that you have been a little more committed to making it work than he has been. Marriage is hard enough when you have two committed partners. When one partner seems to have one foot in and one foot out of the marriage, the chances that it will succeed are pretty poor. At some point, I feel like you are going to have to accept this and begin to plan for your future and that of your children. If he wants to pursue other relationships, there is not much you can do... Edited June 24, 2020 by BaileyB 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 Hi everyone. Thank you for all your comments, despite how I may have come across I have taken them all on board. However being pregnant I need to do some serious thinking. So this is where we are after today: my friend told me how to sync my iPad so I can see his WhatsApp messages. I was right, they haven’t spoken in months. She has no idea about the pregnancy. He started the convo with a team photo (inc) the two of them with the quote ‘happy memories’. The rest of the convo was very mundane, how are you etc. Absolutely zero mention of me being pregnant (please don’t say I should tell her, I’m trying to keep my stress low already). Why isn’t he telling her? Incase he loses her? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 (edited) I think he is bidding his time, feeling her out. The conversation is mundane because he’s trying to get a sense for where she is at - it’s been a while apparently. Is she interested in talking more? He’s trying to find out. The important thing to remember is he has initiated contact with the women with whom he has previously had a pretty serious emotional affair. They are not friends, they crossed that boundary a long time ago... He’s not telling her about the pregnancy for obvious reasons, he’s trying to keep his options open. I’m sorry. Remember, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. He’s not transparent with you. And he’s not being transparent with her. That’s trouble. Edited June 24, 2020 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 How many times do we have to tell you that he isn't telling her about your pregnancy because she said she was done if you two had another kid? Your pregnancy is proof that he had sex with you. While she was homewrecker enough to be with him after your marriage through your 1st pregnancy, the 2nd one is her line in the sand. I don't see how you telling her would add to your stress. Your pregnancy would be out in the open. It may drive her away but it probably won't. It may cause him to act & walk away from you to her because you "interfered" in the relationship with her that he prioritizes. either way you won't be in limbo anymore which should reduce your stress. You are the problem in all of this because you won't act. When you are ready to do what's best for your kids & get out of this unsustainable marriage things will improve. Until then you will stayed glued to your computer reading the love story between your husband & this OW. Sounds painful & masochistic to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 (edited) If he deletes today's messages on his phone and syncs then I guess you will no longer be able to see them, is that correct? Edited June 24, 2020 by elaine567 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: If he deletes today's messages on his phone and syncs then I guess you will no longer be able to see them, is that correct? I’m not sure I’m not great with technology, I’ve screenshot everything though Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m not sure I’m not great with technology, I’ve screenshot everything though Yes but if tomorrow they have disappeared or they disappear over the next while, then you don't know how many other messages to her may have met the same fate, that is the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Yes but if tomorrow they have disappeared or they disappear over the next while, then you don't know how many other messages to her may have met the same fate, that is the problem. No he apologised for not talking to her ‘in months’ this is their first contact. He said to her he had tried to call her a couple of times Link to post Share on other sites
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