Author LaurenEliz Posted July 8, 2020 Author Share Posted July 8, 2020 So I’ve been trying to get things organised for our new arrival, it’s my choice to wait until they are born to confront husband. I’ve thought about it and I can’t go through the extra stress right now so I’m posting on here because I do appreciate everyone’s honesty but please do t comment saying I’m making excuses. I’m 35 weeks, I’m heavily pregnant. I haven’t been watching them chat, I don’t want to end up like the other lady that has been mentioned in my thread, like I said I’ve been keeping myself busy. I did look last night though and what he said basically confirmed what I’ve known for a long time. He said he kids himself on that he’s happy but he’s not and that he thinks about her everyday. He is still to leave this voice message even I could tell by the words he’s terrified of losing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 37 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: So I’ve been trying to get things organised for our new arrival, it’s my choice to wait until they are born to confront husband. I’ve thought about it and I can’t go through the extra stress right now so I’m posting on here because I do appreciate everyone’s honesty but please do t comment saying I’m making excuses. I’m 35 weeks, I’m heavily pregnant. I haven’t been watching them chat, I don’t want to end up like the other lady that has been mentioned in my thread, like I said I’ve been keeping myself busy. I did look last night though and what he said basically confirmed what I’ve known for a long time. He said he kids himself on that he’s happy but he’s not and that he thinks about her everyday. He is still to leave this voice message even I could tell by the words he’s terrified of losing her. Hi Lauren! I am very happy that you have kept yourself busy and are readying your options after your baby has arrived. That is a suitable strategy, as you are correct: You do not need the extra stress. I think you are stronger person than Edith, even if you vent on here, two stories are never the same. With what he has said, about kidding himself about being happy away from her...I would say that you have all that you need. Set him free; set yourself free. You will eventually find ( I hope with much vetting ) someone who will love you and by extension your kids. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 Lauren, if you think the stress is bad now, how do you think it's going to be when you have a newborn in addition to Child #1? How are you going to feel, knowing that every diaper run to the shop is a possible call or text to her? Or worse, a meetup? That is stressful, right? I understand that you can't deal with it now, but please don't let it go on for too long. It only gets harder as time goes by. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 I'm just going to point out a couple of things. First - of course he's saying these things to her , he's trying to reel her in and once he's got her he's got to keep her sweet and keep her interested. Second - if this OW was posting in the OW forum here a lot of the people telling you he's leaving would be telling her the exact opposite. The OW would be hearing he'd never leave, that he's 'future faking'. Your husband may leave, he may stay but but when you do finally talk to him you need to make your boundaries clear. You are the prize here and you need to remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Crazelnut said: Lauren, if you think the stress is bad now, how do you think it's going to be when you have a newborn in addition to Child #1? How are you going to feel, knowing that every diaper run to the shop is a possible call or text to her? Just to note - IIRC the OW is in another city, so the risk of that is probably low. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Just to note - IIRC the OW is in another city, so the risk of that is probably low. Meetups are unlikely, but little trips to the store are exactly the kind of things cheaters do so they can have privacy to call or text the AP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 51 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Meetups are unlikely, but little trips to the store are exactly the kind of things cheaters do so they can have privacy to call or text the AP. Be aware of made up arguments that come out of nowhere, but he is then so "upset" that he needs to storm out... That will give him space to contact the OW, or meet her if she is in town... Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 2 hours ago, Crazelnut said: Meetups are unlikely, but little trips to the store are exactly the kind of things cheaters do so they can have privacy to call or text the AP. Ah, gotcha... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 8, 2020 Author Share Posted July 8, 2020 33 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Ah, gotcha... She’s literally the opposite end of the country for the next six months (yes I’m an idiot and did some digging) - it’s a pretty big thing to say that he misses having her in his life isn’t it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 8, 2020 Author Share Posted July 8, 2020 And in regards to the ow being on here too, I hope she does post and I hope people do tell her the usual ‘he will never leave’ etc. Maybe that will be enough for her to leave, hearing that from others. She doesn’t have to know that may not be true. I hope she gets a fright by someone telling her he won’t ever leave and she leaves on her own accord. But I doubt it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Annonymous1234 Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 Hello Lauren - I've been following your thread (I'm also from the UK) . . . The sun will shine for you again - you sound like such a strong , bright and lovely woman. I think your primary priority at the moment is to keep as stress-free as possible - for yourself, your son and your little baba-to-be. X 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 Well Lauren, at least you're no longer in denial so that is very good for you. Have you thought about how you're going to drop the bomb on him after baby is born? And do you have contingency plans lined up for various outcomes? Or are you tabling all planning until after birth? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 Lauren Even if she on here & anonymous people on the internet tell her that your husband won't leave you for her, she won't be deterred. More importantly why do you keep trying to hang on to a man who would prefer to e elsewhere? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 Slightly off topic I k ow. Do you think it’s possible to make it a happy house even though we aren’t happy, for the sake of our kids? Or do you think that can only last so long Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 28 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Slightly off topic I k ow. Do you think it’s possible to make it a happy house even though we aren’t happy, for the sake of our kids? Or do you think that can only last so long Will only last so long. That ache and misery will not go away. Time only heals if the person wishing to be healed helps themselves out of what hurts them. In your case, time will make you bitter. I only infer, just a guess, mind you. But he may not stop, and he may not be with you at some point, even with your kids. You'd do yourself a big disservice. Years will go by and this will only compound. Lauren: What would you rate your value? Would you not say that you are valuable, and should be in a happy situation? Eventually your kids will be old enough to recognize that something is off with mommy and daddy - your masks will be exposed for what is underneath. Confront him, when you can. Try to reason with him. I'm not so sure it will do you any good. This route I feel will only lead to misery.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 24 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Will only last so long. That ache and misery will not go away. Time only heals if the person wishing to be healed helps themselves out of what hurts them. In your case, time will make you bitter. I only infer, just a guess, mind you. But he may not stop, and he may not be with you at some point, even with your kids. You'd do yourself a big disservice. Years will go by and this will only compound. Lauren: What would you rate your value? Would you not say that you are valuable, and should be in a happy situation? Eventually your kids will be old enough to recognize that something is off with mommy and daddy - your masks will be exposed for what is underneath. Confront him, when you can. Try to reason with him. I'm not so sure it will do you any good. This route I feel will only lead to misery.. Hi, lovely to see you. Thank you, I figured this was the answer but had to ask anyway. Also how can he make it a happy house with me whilst he holds onto her number? To me that’s impossible Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 Also and I need you guys to tell me if I’m being really naive here, I know I might have come across like I don’t appreciate your comments I truely do and the fact that you are being honest with me is helping me. after our first son was born and we were arguing, he would say to me how he is only here because we have a son. I know I pushed hard for this second baby and yes he finally agreed, but do you think he couldn’t have just been here for our sons sake if he agreed to another baby? my friend who is the only person who knows what you guys know, said he probably felt that he couldn’t see a way out so agreed. Which hurt, but she’s honest like you guys, I was just wondering what you thought. It all all makes sense that he’s still stalling on telling her about my pregnancy because it becomes clearer everyday that he doesn’t want to lose her. It would take a text ‘my wife is pregnant’ and he’s not doing it. Yes ive thought about doing it myself but I think I might breakdown so im tabling things until after birth Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 32 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi, lovely to see you. Thank you, I figured this was the answer but had to ask anyway. Also how can he make it a happy house with me whilst he holds onto her number? To me that’s impossible You're right: It is impossible. Lauren, you control your own destiny here. Make yourself happy it is entirely possible to be good parents to your kids, even if you are not together under the same roof. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 On 6/17/2020 at 6:14 AM, LaurenEliz said: Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. My boyfriend cheated on me. We have been together a long time, so we decided to give it another chance. When I say cheated, I have no proof it was physical, I just found hundreds of messages (deep emotional messages and as much as it hurts to say this, he used words with her he’s never used with me) it almost broke us up. Three months later, I’ve just discovered he still has her number. Why would he have it if it were over? Did you ask him? How did you realize he still had her number? I ask because the first clue a relationship is rocky, regardless of if cheating is occurring or not, is when people can't ask their partner simple questions or have open and transparent conversations and everything is a guessing game or asking everyone else the answers except their partner. As well, if there is a desire and practice of snooping through stuff. This is a sign that the relationship isn't going well in general if you're suspicious, snooping through phones or can't communicate directly. The other aspect is: unless you are communicating and seeing how he responds, none of us know this answer. Personally, I don't really delete people's numbers unless something extremely volatile happened and I truly hate that person then I might do that. But for the most part, if I decide not to speak to someone again, I just don't and don't typically go out of my way to delete their number. 1/2 of my phone contacts are probably people I haven't spoken to in years or will never speak to again to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 46 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Also and I need you guys to tell me if I’m being really naive here, I know I might have come across like I don’t appreciate your comments I truely do and the fact that you are being honest with me is helping me. after our first son was born and we were arguing, he would say to me how he is only here because we have a son. I know I pushed hard for this second baby and yes he finally agreed, but do you think he couldn’t have just been here for our sons sake if he agreed to another baby? my friend who is the only person who knows what you guys know, said he probably felt that he couldn’t see a way out so agreed. Which hurt, but she’s honest like you guys, I was just wondering what you thought. It all all makes sense that he’s still stalling on telling her about my pregnancy because it becomes clearer everyday that he doesn’t want to lose her. It would take a text ‘my wife is pregnant’ and he’s not doing it. Yes ive thought about doing it myself but I think I might breakdown so im tabling things until after birth His motivation is beyond us. I personally believe that he is scared if whatever repercussions having kids and divorce will be... He may want to stay around for the kids, but for how long? I believe he will give in to his desires for this OW and eventually leave for her. You definitely must confront him after your birth, once you have recovered some. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 7 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: His motivation is beyond us. I personally believe that he is scared if whatever repercussions having kids and divorce will be... He may want to stay around for the kids, but for how long? I believe he will give in to his desires for this OW and eventually leave for her. You definitely must confront him after your birth, once you have recovered some. Be strong. Yes I agree. I’ve been writing down what to say etc. What I meant was is he only ‘here for the kids’ if he finally agreed to another baby? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Yes I agree. I’ve been writing down what to say etc. What I meant was is he only ‘here for the kids’ if he finally agreed to another baby? He may have agreed simply to calm you down and give him some leeway, if anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: He may have agreed simply to calm you down and give him some leeway, if anything. Thanks, I think I needed to hear this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: He may have agreed simply to calm you down and give him some leeway, if anything. Sorry Lauren. I am bouncing around today. What I mean by this, is that if he let's you believe he wants another kid, there for the kids, if may put you into a relaxed, vulnerable position he can exploit this for reaching out to OW. Again, I am inferring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: Thanks, I think I needed to hear this Yvw! I truly do like helping you! I want the best outcome for you and your children, really. If I could wave a magic wand and make this all better for you, I would ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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