Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Sorry Lauren. I am bouncing around today. What I mean by this, is that if he let's you believe he wants another kid, there for the kids, if may put you into a relaxed, vulnerable position he can exploit this for reaching out to OW. Again, I am inferring. No it’s ok I get what you mean. Our first was a shock, and that’s when things went from bad to worse. He is a good father I can’t fault him there and he’s even said to me himself that he has promised himself he can’t put our son through what he went through. But when I suggested another baby may help and I pushed and pushed I thought because he agreed that the whole ‘I’m only here for my son’ was null and void because we are having another but the more I think about it you’re right. He can’t really be making a go of it with me whilst she is in the picture whether they are talking atm or not Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: No it’s ok I get what you mean. Our first was a shock, and that’s when things went from bad to worse. He is a good father I can’t fault him there and he’s even said to me himself that he has promised himself he can’t put our son through what he went through. But when I suggested another baby may help and I pushed and pushed I thought because he agreed that the whole ‘I’m only here for my son’ was null and void because we are having another but the more I think about it you’re right. He can’t really be making a go of it with me whilst she is in the picture whether they are talking atm or not Definitely won't fix things. I am happy you are realizing all of this. I get that you thought the 2nd kid would fix things and even clung to that hope. I do not fault you there. But it rarely does fix anything. If anything, like with your first child, it may double the misery. Although he is good with the kid(s), the first did not truly fix anything ( bad to worse ) So ..What would the 2nd kid do? This is about his OW, really. Lauren, you are a sweet person. I truly believe you can find someone who would love you more than you have now. If he is as good a dad as you say, even if you two separated, he would still be around to care for his children. This frees you up to find happiness elsewhere. Frees him to whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Definitely won't fix things. I am happy you are realizing all of this. I get that you thought the 2nd kid would fix things and even clung to that hope. I do not fault you there. But it rarely does fix anything. If anything, like with your first child, it may double the misery. Although he is good with the kid(s), the first did not truly fix anything ( bad to worse ) So ..What would the 2nd kid do? This is about his OW, really. Lauren, you are a sweet person. I truly believe you can find someone who would love you more than you have now. If he is as good a dad as you say, even if you two separated, he would still be around to care for his children. This frees you up to find happiness elsewhere. Frees him to whatever. He also said to her ‘I do miss having you in my life’ was that him saying you’re not in my life now but I do miss you to her? Edited July 10, 2020 by LaurenEliz Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: He also said to her ‘I do miss having you in my life’ Yes, he does. I can believe it. That's why he has been texting her behind your back. Lauren, I want you to have a man who will be texting his buddy, saying, "Man, I sure do miss Lauren; I haven't seen ( or heard ) from her in hours!" That's the kind of thing you need..for you! Remember this: You do not long for something(one), unless you either love or desire that thing(person). His heart is just not in the game anymore for you, I feel. Tell me this: Do you want someone to text you these things he texts her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 48 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Yes, he does. I can believe it. That's why he has been texting her behind your back. Lauren, I want you to have a man who will be texting his buddy, saying, "Man, I sure do miss Lauren; I haven't seen ( or heard ) from her in hours!" That's the kind of thing you need..for you! Remember this: You do not long for something(one), unless you either love or desire that thing(person). His heart is just not in the game anymore for you, I feel. Tell me this: Do you want someone to text you these things he texts her? That wasn’t him saying I do miss you because you’re out of my life? Or am I being totally irrational now (feel free to say yes)! Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: That wasn’t him saying I do miss you because you’re out of my life? Or am I being totally irrational now (feel free to say yes)! Lauren, he does miss her. That is why he is reaching out to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Lauren, he does miss her. That is why he is reaching out to her. No I know he misses her and I’m probably reading way too much into the wording. It was just that he said I do miss having you in my life, I took that as you’re out of my life but I do miss you (feel free to tell me I’m wrong, I feel slightly irrational) Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: No I know he misses her and I’m probably reading way too much into the wording. It was just that he said I do miss having you in my life, I took that as you’re out of my life but I do miss you (feel free to tell me I’m wrong, I feel slightly irrational) You are wrong. I believe it is because she is at the other side of the country and he misses her. This could have other implications, mind you. Who is to say they weren't meeting up before this, no? He could miss her presence rather than anything else.. Edited July 10, 2020 by Stevnx3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: You are wrong. I believe it is because she is at the other side of the country and he misses her. This could have other implications, mind you. Who is to say they weren't meeting up before this, no? He could miss her presence rather than anything else.. She’s back now from what I can tell from the messages, I thought it was longer. No I took his wording of it as you aren’t in my life anymore but I do miss you (I’m aware I’m sounding abit nutty) Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: She’s back now from what I can tell from the messages, I thought it was longer. No I took his wording of it as you aren’t in my life anymore but I do miss you (I’m aware I’m sounding abit nutty) She's back? Increases the chances that they meet... Can you honestly take someone who has lied to you already at their word? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 7 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: She's back? Increases the chances that they meet... Can you honestly take someone who has lied to you already at their word? He didn’t lie about where she was, it was confirmed in messages that she came back early. As far as he knew she was still in a different part of the uk but she said she’s back. So that wasn’t him saying you’re no longer in my life but I miss you anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: He didn’t lie about where she was, it was confirmed in messages that she came back early. As far as he knew she was still in a different part of the uk but she said she’s back. So that wasn’t him saying you’re no longer in my life but I miss you anyway? No it wasn't Lauren. I was saying that he has lied to you before, so how can you trust anything he tells you now? Has he done something to gain back your trust? Without trust, what is truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 Lauren, he misses her. But she is still in his life. He is messaging her Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 10 hours ago, Stevnx3 said: Lauren, he misses her. But she is still in his life. He is messaging her I know this. What I don’t understand is how he went from saying ‘I want you in my life’ to ‘I do miss having you in my life’ the second one says to me that he doesn’t want her in it? Or is that just wishful thinking on my part Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 Wishful thinking on your part. "I do miss having you in my life" means to me exactly what it says. No-one says that to someone they do not want in their life. If he didn't want her in his life he would go dark on her, or fade away, or say something nasty to get rid of her or just say "This can't work" but instead he is encouraging her to stick around. Sometimes due to the nature of affairs, there is a lot of toing and froing, sometimes it is all off sometimes it is all on, so even if he did say "I want to make things work with my wife, we need to stop this", it may not mean a lot, with the affair being all on again soon after... affairs can be addictive for both... You are analysing every word for meaning, but you are missing the fact that your husband is still involved with this woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Wishful thinking on your part. "I do miss having you in my life" means to me exactly what it says. No-one says that to someone they do not want in their life. If he didn't want her in his life he would go dark on her, or fade away, or say something nasty to get rid of her or just say "This can't work" but instead he is encouraging her to stick around. Sometimes due to the nature of affairs, there is a lot of toing and froing, sometimes it is all off sometimes it is all on, so even if he did say "I want to make things work with my wife, we need to stop this", it may not mean a lot, with the affair being all on again soon after... affairs can be addictive for both... You are analysing every word for meaning, but you are missing the fact that your husband is still involved with this woman. Hi @elaine567 I did try to tag you in previous post because you’ve been great and so straight forward but for some reason wouldn’t let me do I’m really pleased you’ve commented. I know I’m looking and analysing every word..I just thought that he seemed to have gone from saying ‘I want you in my life’ to ‘I do miss having you in my life’ and I took the I miss having you as it’s over between us but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss having you but yes I think that is wishful thinking on my part. His contact with her is few and far between and he still hasn’t told her (but I realise this is because he’s scared of losing her) and if he wanted to lose her he’d text her that I’m pregnant and be done with it. He probably knows I’m watching what he’s doing (he doesn’t know I’ve seen the messages) do you think he is toing and froing with her? Do you think he’s changing his mind? Edited July 11, 2020 by LaurenEliz Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 17 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: Slightly off topic I k ow. Do you think it’s possible to make it a happy house even though we aren’t happy, for the sake of our kids? Or do you think that can only last so long Immediately what came to my mind after reading this was: I think you deserve better! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 I know I do. Have you seen my latest post? Feel free to tell me I’m being irrational, could do with the honesty Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 2 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: Or is that just wishful thinking on my part It's wishful thinking...Hoping that you will finally wake up to realize this has all been a bad nightmare and you can go about your life as it was before you discovered they are still communicating. Except... It's not just a nightmare, it's reality. 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 2 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: It's wishful thinking...Hoping that you will finally wake up to realize this has all been a bad nightmare and you can go about your life as it was before you discovered they are still communicating. Except... It's not just a nightmare, it's reality. 😞 So him saying ‘I do miss having you in my life’ isn’t him saying it’s done. It I do miss you to her? And thanks for the honesty I need a reality check today Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 14 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I know I do. Have you seen my latest post? Feel free to tell me I’m being irrational, could do with the honesty Just now. I think you are doing yourself a disservice by clinging on to hope that they are over, etc. What you should focus on more is that he's been a dishonest partner who has at least emotionally cheated. At one point he said he was only there for the child. He's never apologized for that our taken that back, right? At what point will you decide that he's committed enough betrayal against you for you to stand up for yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 2 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: Just now. I think you are doing yourself a disservice by clinging on to hope that they are over, etc. What you should focus on more is that he's been a dishonest partner who has at least emotionally cheated. At one point he said he was only there for the child. He's never apologized for that our taken that back, right? At what point will you decide that he's committed enough betrayal against you for you to stand up for yourself? You’re right. I am clinging I just thought maybe when he said the ‘I do miss having you in my life’ that he meant it’s over but I miss you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: So him saying ‘I do miss having you in my life’ isn’t him saying it’s done. It I do miss you to her? And thanks for the honesty I need a reality check today He wants her. He wants her in his life. Even if he told her tomorrow, "I can't continue communicating," he may be back the very next day carrying on communicating with her. Like @elaine567 said an hour ago, words like that may not mean a lot. I've been on the other side of this Lauren. My xMM would carry on with me until the day he dies if I let him. And he would never leave his marriage either. It's just that I made the decision for myself that I want and deserve so much better and I won't settle for less. That's what I'm hoping you will realize for yourself in your current situation. You have to decide that you are better than this and worth more than this. When you do, better will show up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 Thanks I know I was clinging which is why I came on here to get a reality check. I know either way we cut it he wants her. If he didn’t she wouldn’t be in his phone. I guess I just took him saying that he does miss her being in his life as look you aren’t in my life but I do miss you Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Thanks I know I was clinging which is why I came on here to get a reality check. I know either way we cut it he wants her. If he didn’t she wouldn’t be in his phone. I guess I just took him saying that he does miss her being in his life as look you aren’t in my life but I do miss you Referring to the bolded part, I think that's another 'either way we cut it.' Even if she weren't in his life (and I think she is), you have seen his attempts at connecting with her. There's nothing he's written to her along the lines of an ending. On the contrary, he's telling her he is pining for her. He's not even mentioning you in his comms to her...like he's not saying I miss you but I'm committed to my marriage (for example). You said before you are not ok with him carrying on with her, and clearly that is what he's doing. I think he's going to carry on with her until SHE decides to end it...but that is no time soon because she just announced to him she is again geographically near. She is echoing back her longing for him by doing so. Saying your back near is an invitation for closeness. Him telling her he misses her and wants her in his life is his invitation for closeness. Ask yourself this: if someone from your past said they miss you, would you interpret that as 1) come hither, or 2) go away!? Edited July 11, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel Parenthesis 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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