Bonifidelifelover Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 On 6/17/2020 at 8:18 AM, LaurenEliz said: Would you say even if they gave stopped speaking (for now) he’s kept the number to re initiate? I know there’s no way you could know, I’m really just trying to explore every avenue as to why he’d have that number My feeling is he keeps the # due to attachment to her. She’s filled some type of void. Or satisfies a need in some form (not necessarily sex), and he doesn’t want to lose it. May I ask is the number in his phone under her actual name?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 10, 2020 Author Share Posted October 10, 2020 15 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said: My feeling is he keeps the # due to attachment to her. She’s filled some type of void. Or satisfies a need in some form (not necessarily sex), and he doesn’t want to lose it. May I ask is the number in his phone under her actual name?? Hi, no it’s hidden under a different name which to me makes things worse! Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 So Lauren, have you actually DONE anything about this ongoing disrespect? Or are you still emotionally flailing around while allowing him to continue to disrespect you and the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 5 hours ago, Crazelnut said: So Lauren, have you actually DONE anything about this ongoing disrespect? Or are you still emotionally flailing around while allowing him to continue to disrespect you and the marriage? Emotionally flailing? I actually have given birth and have been concentrating on my two children. I was thinking about updating but can’t because if comments like yours. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 On 10/10/2020 at 10:46 AM, LaurenEliz said: Hi, no it’s hidden under a different name which to me makes things worse! I agree. I know a man right now who is hiding his new gf's number under a different name in his phone so his current gf who he has 4 kids with won't find out. He says he's in love with this OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 27 minutes ago, stillafool said: I agree. I know a man right now who is hiding his new gf's number under a different name in his phone so his current gf who he has 4 kids with won't find out. He says he's in love with this OW. Exactly. To me, the number shouldn’t even be there if he was committed to our marriage and the fact he has hidden under a different name shows there is some sort of strong emotional attachment. I’m not sure how much of my story you have read but my h has gotten in contact again and still has not told her. I can’t work out whether he is working his way up to it or not. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t just get it over with and tell her Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 No I'm sorry I have not read your entire thread but just caught a glimpse at your post mentioning hiding her number under a different name. What is your husband supposed to tell this woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 On 10/10/2020 at 7:46 AM, LaurenEliz said: Hi, no it’s hidden under a different name which to me makes things worse! Oh no ok, that’s not good! Then that means he put it that way for “safe keeping” I’m sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 9 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: Exactly. To me, the number shouldn’t even be there if he was committed to our marriage and the fact he has hidden under a different name shows there is some sort of strong emotional attachment. I’m not sure how much of my story you have read but my h has gotten in contact again and still has not told her. I can’t work out whether he is working his way up to it or not. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t just get it over with and tell her Well he’s maybe not in current contact with her but he has the number stored that way to be deceitful & use it if he needs to at some point. Clearly he hasn’t let her go Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said: Well he’s maybe not in current contact with her but he has the number stored that way to be deceitful & use it if he needs to at some point. Clearly he hasn’t let her go Hi, He was in contact with her less than a week ago, a little nervous to do an update because I can’t be bothered hearing you need to tell her or you need to tell him etc. It’s not that easy. But basically from the messages I saw she still has no idea and he hasn’t told her. I’m trying to work our now whether he just can’t be bothered telling her or he’s worked out that it’s too much of a risk to lose her by not telling her! 3 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said: Well he’s maybe not in current contact with her but he has the number stored that way to be deceitful & use it if he needs to at some point. Clearly he hasn’t let her go Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 11 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: I’m trying to work our now whether he just can’t be bothered telling her or he’s worked out that it’s too much of a risk to lose her by not telling her! Not sure, but it's perhaps worth pointing out that either way he's deceiving both of you. So in that sense, it doesn't matter THAT much which is the case - a nuance to the situation IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 33 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Not sure, but it's perhaps worth pointing out that either way he's deceiving both of you. So in that sense, it doesn't matter THAT much which is the case - a nuance to the situation IMO. Hi Mark, nice to see you. Yes I get what you’re saying but obviously there’s some sort of reason he hasn’t told her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bonifidelifelover Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Girl u are too nice! If I were u I’d be going to that chicks house! But that’s me! But then I’d be like mf’r u can leave rn! im sorry tho. I have no room to talk tho. I’m not an OW but yeah... im sorry I hope it all turns out well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Not sure, but it's perhaps worth pointing out that either way he's deceiving both of you. So in that sense, it doesn't matter THAT much which is the case - a nuance to the situation IMO. Lauren, this and your response are what I mean by flailing around. You are intentionally focusing on the wrong thing, to avoid having to deal with the real problem -- your husband and father of your children is in love with another woman. I totally get that you have a newborn, but sooner or later you're going to have to deal with it. The longer you drag it out, the worse it will be. Or are you content to live your life this way? That isn't a facetious question. Are you ok living your life knowing he's into her, lying to you? Edited October 12, 2020 by Crazelnut Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 11 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Lauren, this and your response are what I mean by flailing around. You are intentionally focusing on the wrong thing, to avoid having to deal with the real problem -- your husband and father of your children is in love with another woman. I totally get that you have a newborn, but sooner or later you're going to have to deal with it. The longer you drag it out, the worse it will be. Or are you content to live your life this way? That isn't a facetious question. Are you ok living your life knowing he's into her, lying to you? No. I’m obviously not ok with it. I’m only asking why he still hasn’t told her yet has kept her there. I’m asking for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Crazel am not meaning to be short but I’m just wondering why he hasn’t told her but has still chosen to keep her there Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Because he knows if he tells her, she'll bolt. It's pretty obvious, given her earlier comment to that effect. She is THAT important to him. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Crazelnut said: Because he knows if he tells her, she'll bolt. It's pretty obvious, given her earlier comment to that effect. She is THAT important to him. Do you think that’s why he’s not being as talkative as normal with her? Obviously he’s been at home with me etc. There has been contact I need to get my head out of the sand about that it’s been a little every few days/week or so so but it doesn’t matter how little contact it is does it, the fact is it’s there? And thanks. I do appreciate your honesty Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 13, 2020 Share Posted October 13, 2020 The reason he has kept her number is because he still cares about her or loves her. He wants to be with her. You stated your M, was not good. If I am understanding correctly, they ended it and after that is when you got pregnant with the 2nd. So they ended it. He "tried to make it work". Agreed to another. Some people do this so their child can have a sibling. The reason he hasn't told her about the pregnancy and second child is because he still wants to be with her. But since they aren't really "together" he hasn't brought it up. Because if the opportunity ever comes up, he would rather tell her in person so he can talk to her about it. He may stay with you, have a family with you etc. But his heart is not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted October 13, 2020 Share Posted October 13, 2020 8 hours ago, LaurenEliz said: it’s been a little every few days/week or so That sounds a lot more frequent than when you first posted about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 28 minutes ago, Prudence V said: That sounds a lot more frequent than when you first posted about this. Yep it has been more frequent recently. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 13, 2020 Share Posted October 13, 2020 We don't know and nether do you what she actually knows about the baby. He may have already told her "in person". or via a third party or via some app you can't spy on. You are hinging the future of your marriage on the hope that she will dump him when she finds out about the second baby. However it seems to me OWs make all sorts of statements and demands and ultimatums concerning the affair, to find when the chips are down, they will cave rather than lose their MM. Do not rely on her disappearing the minute she finds out, she may already know, or if not, when she does find out, she may still be going nowhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 20 minutes ago, elaine567 said: We don't know and nether do you what she actually knows about the baby. He may have already told her "in person". or via a third party or via some app you can't spy on. You are hinging the future of your marriage on the hope that she will dump him when she finds out about the second baby. However it seems to me OWs make all sorts of statements and demands and ultimatums concerning the affair, to find when the chips are down, they will cave rather than lose their MM. Do not rely on her disappearing the minute she finds out, she may already know, or if not, when she does find out, she may still be going nowhere. She definitely does not know. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) On 10/13/2020 at 5:18 AM, LaurenEliz said: She definitely does not know. The point was not whether she knows; rather the point is it will not matter regardless. She's pretty much a permanent fixture in your marriage for the foreseeable future...baby or no baby. Edited October 16, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel Typo Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 On 10/13/2020 at 9:32 AM, LaurenEliz said: Yep it has been more frequent recently. Does that bother you, or have you accepted that this is just how your marriage is going to be, for the rest of however long it lasts? Link to post Share on other sites
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