Stevnx3 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I know. I guess I just thought about his response to her asking if she still had feelings for him..him saying all I k ow is that you’re special to me and I want you in my life..maybe he’s holding back on telling her how he really feels because he hasn’t told her I’m pregnant yet? Even though telling someonelse they are special does say a lot It does say a lot. I do see where you are focusing on the fact that he did not say he loved her, in his message. I think he is working up to that. I likewise still believe that he will not tell her right away, over the phone in call or in person, that you are pregnant. First he will have to bring on some charm, and use beautiful words to get her guard down. Then when he is done reassuring her that he does love her; he will tell her. Maybe. It is hard to predict these things. I just think he will woo her first, it is easy to break the ice of your pregnancy that way, and minimizes the risks of her kicking him to the curb... If she is the jealous type, maybe she will request a baby from him to show his love for her? That is speculating...so do not take it to heart. Just a thought that came to me. Edited June 27, 2020 by Stevnx3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 8 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: It does say a lot. I do see where you are focusing on the fact that he did not say he loved her, in his message. I think he is working up to that. I likewise still believe that he will not tell her right away, over the phone in call or in person, that you are pregnant. First he will have to bring on some charm, and use beautiful words to get her guard down. Then when he is done reassuring her that he does love her; he will tell her. Maybe. It is hard to predict these things. I just think he will woo her first, it is easy to break the ice of your pregnancy that way, and minimizes the risks of her kicking him to the curb... If she is the jealous type, maybe she will request a baby from him to show his love for her? That is speculating...so do not take it to heart. Just a thought that came to me. There’s no way he’s wanting to tell her he just wants to be friends and nothing can ever happen Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Just now, LaurenEliz said: There’s no way he’s wanting to tell her he just wants to be friends and nothing can ever happen No way. At least from what we know about him. We cannot...I cannot say one way or another his inner thoughts. Just from what I gather, I'd give it great odds that he will tell her he loves her. Lauren...Question: Would you be only friends with someone you supposedly love enough to betray your wife ( and children ) for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 27, 2020 Author Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Stevnx3 said: No way. At least from what we know about him. We cannot...I cannot say one way or another his inner thoughts. Just from what I gather, I'd give it great odds that he will tell her he loves her. Lauren...Question: Would you be only friends with someone you supposedly love enough to betray your wife ( and children ) for? It’s ok I do know the answer to my stupid question..I think because my heads just a mess I need to hear it from others that’s all. And no, I think if he never wanted anything to happen he wouldn’t bother having her number Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 9 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: It’s ok I do know the answer to my stupid question..I think because my heads just a mess I need to hear it from others that’s all. And no, I think if he never wanted anything to happen he wouldn’t bother having her number You're fine! And yes, if he wanted this to be over, it would be over. Simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 You know instead of discussing this with complete strangers online you should be discussing it with your husband. Despite what everyone is saying this does not necessarily mean the end of your marriage but you have to talk with your husband and you have to be honest with each other. Most marriages survive an affair, whether they're a good marriage is another matter. Remember you have a choice too. At the moment you're getting anxious over something that's not happened yet but you know your husband is planning. Don't let it get that far, confront him and don't let him gas light you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: There’s no way he’s wanting to tell her he just wants to be friends and nothing can ever happen No. That's not generally how cheating married men operate. You may find it enlightening to post this to The Other Woman/Other Man forum as well. You may gain more insight from women who are in similar affairs with married men. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 The problem with telling him now is that he is merely going to shut up shop and Lauren will be then completely in the dark. It probably won't stop him, he will remove the sync or just buy a new phone... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 12 hours ago, elaine567 said: The problem with telling him now is that he is merely going to shut up shop and Lauren will be then completely in the dark. It probably won't stop him, he will remove the sync or just buy a new phone... Exactly. Time to be "dumb like a fox!" 😉 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 30, 2020 Author Share Posted June 30, 2020 Hi guys I know this is probably just wishful thinking on my part but there is no way that he is going to the trouble of ‘wanting to hear him sound genuine’ just to tell her that he’s done with her/he’s sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 On 6/27/2020 at 8:23 PM, elaine567 said: The problem with telling him now is that he is merely going to shut up shop and Lauren will be then completely in the dark. It probably won't stop him, he will remove the sync or just buy a new phone... At what point does she do it then? I said in an earlier post this thread is giving me flashbacks to Enid's threads and I wasn't kidding. Enid's been asking the same question for YEARS is LE going to be doing the same thing? The thing people seem to be forgetting is LE is currently pregnant. The amount of anxiety that comes through in her posts cannot be good for her or the baby. I doubt there is any way she can forget it till the baby is born going by the posts here. So what's the answer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi guys I know this is probably just wishful thinking on my part but there is no way that he is going to the trouble of ‘wanting to hear him sound genuine’ just to tell her that he’s done with her/he’s sorry No, there is NO way he's going to tell her he's done with her. LE, what are you going to do? Are you going to sweep this all under the rug and just carry on? Or are you going to actually deal with the issue? Guess which way I'm leaning, lol? If you stay with him, you'll spend the rest of your life watching him like a prison guard (to no avail, because it's clear he'll reach out to her as soon as he can) and checking up on his chats. Do you want to live like that? There is no option 3 where he loves only you & is faithful. That horse left the barn already. Edited June 30, 2020 by Crazelnut 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 30, 2020 Author Share Posted June 30, 2020 42 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: No, there is NO way he's going to tell her he's done with her. LE, what are you going to do? Are you going to sweep this all under the rug and just carry on? Or are you going to actually deal with the issue? Guess which way I'm leaning, lol? If you stay with him, you'll spend the rest of your life watching him like a prison guard (to no avail, because it's clear he'll reach out to her as soon as he can) and checking up on his chats. Do you want to live like that? There is no option 3 where he loves only you & is faithful. That horse left the barn already. You’re right, I’m sorry I guess I’m focusing on certain things but it’s just how my brain is working. My brain just can’t figure out why he wants to go to the trouble of leaving a voice message (in his words he wants her to know it’s genuine) rather than just text her and tell her I’m pregnant. Does he think there’s more chance she will stay if he says it rather than text it? i know my previous q was silly, I guess I just wanted to rule out that he’s not doing this just to say ‘sorry I’m happy with my wife we are having another baby’ - my rational prt of my brain says if that were true, he wouldn’t have her number at all Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Does he think there’s more chance she will stay if he says it rather than text it? In a word, yes. Assuming he tells her, it is only part of what he will probably tell her... Edited June 30, 2020 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 30, 2020 Author Share Posted June 30, 2020 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: In a word, yes. Assuming he tells her, it is only part of what he will probably tell her... Well I’m assuming that’s what it is, he says there were so many things he wanted to say to her but whenever he put it in a message it came out wrong so he’s going to leave her a voice message. I guess part of me just hoped that in that voice message it would be him saying he had no feelings for her anymore, which is why I came on here so I have my truth tellers to knock some sense into me and bring me back to reality Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 31 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Well I’m assuming that’s what it is, he says there were so many things he wanted to say to her but whenever he put it in a message it came out wrong so he’s going to leave her a voice message. I guess part of me just hoped that in that voice message it would be him saying he had no feelings for her anymore, which is why I came on here so I have my truth tellers to knock some sense into me and bring me back to reality Not likely if he is going through this trouble and telling her he needs to do it in VM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted June 30, 2020 Author Share Posted June 30, 2020 3 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: Not likely if he is going through this trouble and telling her he needs to do it in VM. Hi nice to see you, yes you’re right. I think I’m trying to explore every possibility but deep down I know it’s not that. He wants to put whatever he wants to say in words rather than on a text so there’s a higher chance she won’t leave 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 1, 2020 Author Share Posted July 1, 2020 13 hours ago, Stevnx3 said: Not likely if he is going through this trouble and telling her he needs to do it in VM. You’re right. I thought maybe it’s to genuinely tell her he’s sorry but even then, a text would be enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 5 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: You’re right. I thought maybe it’s to genuinely tell her he’s sorry but even then, a text would be enough? A text would be enough in the sense that if he wanted to end up. As currently this is far from the case. His interests seem to lie with wanting to actually speak with her. He might mention the pregnancy. He might not. He might tell her sweet-nothings, who knows? I doubt she will call it off for him, even if he does confess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 LE, you've been posting here for 2 full weeks, asking us to tell you the meaning behind every little thing he does. Seeking confirmation that he's up to no good. Is this how you're going to deal with the situation long term? You have what is called "analysis paralysis." Are you going to suffer in silence while your husband reaches out to a woman he's in love with? Sweeping this under the rug isn't healthy for you, and the stress isn't healthy for your baby either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 1, 2020 Author Share Posted July 1, 2020 Hi, nice to see you. Behind the scenes I’ve been looking up what my potential options are. You’re right I’m just exploring every single avenue as to why he feels he has to say whatever he has to say over a voice message. If it was just a case that ‘he’s sorry’ to her, why go to the bother of putting it on a voice message - I’m just trying to rule that out Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi, nice to see you. Behind the scenes I’ve been looking up what my potential options are. You’re right I’m just exploring every single avenue as to why he feels he has to say whatever he has to say over a voice message. If it was just a case that ‘he’s sorry’ to her, why go to the bother of putting it on a voice message - I’m just trying to rule that out I am happy to see that you are looking up your options. Keep it up and set yourself free and on the right path. Very good to hear! Craze is right, this makes me happy to know you are taking steps! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted July 1, 2020 Author Share Posted July 1, 2020 33 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said: I am happy to see that you are looking up your options. Keep it up and set yourself free and on the right path. Very good to hear! Craze is right, this makes me happy to know you are taking steps! Hi, nice to hear from you. I am yes I’m just trying to quietly figure things out, I’m looking at my options. In the meantime though I just thought maybe he is only leaving her a voice message just to say he is genuinely sorry? But then, what’s the point in that, I don’t think it’s that Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 8 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi, nice to hear from you. I am yes I’m just trying to quietly figure things out, I’m looking at my options. In the meantime though I just thought maybe he is only leaving her a voice message just to say he is genuinely sorry? But then, what’s the point in that, I don’t think it’s that Well, Lauren. Do not look at your options for too long. You will eventually need to make moves. Probably be more words between him to her than sorry ( I speculate ). I wouldn't be so pinned up on that. Could be anything, and nothing good. I am happy you are talking here. Just know that you will have to confront him soon enough. You have all you need on your side. I'd not wait too much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 18 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: At what point does she do it then? I said in an earlier post this thread is giving me flashbacks to Enid's threads and I wasn't kidding. Enid's been asking the same question for YEARS is LE going to be doing the same thing? The thing people seem to be forgetting is LE is currently pregnant. The amount of anxiety that comes through in her posts cannot be good for her or the baby. I doubt there is any way she can forget it till the baby is born going by the posts here. So what's the answer? The answer is for her to decide what SHE wants and act from that rather than looking to her cheating husband to direct their future. Looking to cheating husband will only perpetuate her cycle of anxiety because there will always be more questions and uncertainty. Her only hope for certainty is to peg that certainty on herself (but it doesn't seem OP has a strong sense of self and lacks confidence so not sure if she'll make the leap unless she recognizes the importance of self-reliance). Edith's thread is a great illustration of my point. Soooo many people repeatedly asked Edith what SHE will do. Every time Edith replies with posts about her husband's behavior with no answers to posters challenging Edith's own actions to break the cycle. Hence, it continues for years. Unless OP switches her focus of control from husband to self, she may stay on the same path as Edith. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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