Loveydoveyy Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Okay so everyone knows that undeniable urge you get when you wake up next to your beautiful sleeping partner and you just wanna slide over to them and wrap them up in your arms! Am I right? I feel like that all the time towards my boyfriend but the problem is he never does this no matter how many times I ask or get upset about him not doing it. It’s not that fact that he don’t do it more of the fact that he doesn’t want to. Like he doesn’t have that urge for me. I just feel like everyone should get to feel the feeling of having your man(or woman) just wrapping you up and pulling you closer to them while you’re still sleeping. Am I thinking too much into this? Like I get up and turn over to look at him already awake and staring at the ceiling who knows how long he’s been there awake. What’s he thinking about? I mean I want that feeling too ya know? Idk someone tell me I’m not crazy lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 He's cold and the fish. He's just interested in the sex part. He doesn't have feelings. Get yourself a better boyfriend. One that has feelings. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 You are a assuming everyone loves that. I like it for a few minutes when I'm upset or cold but DH & I generally hate it. It wakes us up. It's uncomfortable. I can't fall asleep wrapped around somebody else. Somebody's arm goes numb or a I get a crick in my neck. It's just so over rated. That said, since you have repeatedly asked for this & it's something you enjoy your BF ought to give you some snuggles. In any loving relationship, one partner ought to give the other partner things like snuggles, support, etc. when asked. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 He won't improve, some people are just not the cuddling type or he just doesn't want to cuddle YOU. Impossible to say why he won't do it, BUT Whatever it is, it makes you feel bad. If you want a guy to hug you like he loves you, then this is not the guy for you. If you stay, you will feel increasingly lonely and unwanted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Deal breaker in my book. Some people are affectionate and some are not. I'm a total cuddle bug. I wouldn't even enjoy sex much without great cuddles afterward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 29 minutes ago, preraph said: He's cold and the fish. He's just interested in the sex part. He doesn't have feelings. Get yourself a better boyfriend. One that has feelings. Good Lord! This is quite the assumption! He doesn't have feelings? Only interested in sex? Maybe he just gets too hot when snuggling and doesn't like that. I'm not a morning snuggler, or a bedtime snuggler (in the bed). I get way too hot and find it suffocating. I have feelings for sure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 (edited) This is basic incompatibility. There are many who wouldn’t have a problem with this. I would be unhappy in this situation. I love going to sleep being cuddled and spooned, and my partner always wakes up and holds me before we get out of bed. I don’t think this will end well for you given your differences. Edited June 20, 2020 by hippychick3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Some people are not cuddlers. Is he attentive and committed to the relationship the rest of the time? Or is this a symptom of a larger problem where he acts distant and not invested in the relationship? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 I can relate to this. Except with my now ex girlfriend she loved to cuddle, literally to the point where it felt like we were chained together. I'm find with cuddling, but just not all the damn time! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 (edited) She says he NEVER does it. That's a bigger problem. He's not too hot and suffocated to have sex, I bet, right? Edited June 20, 2020 by preraph 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 OP, welcome to LS... have you and your boyfriend ever had a talk about love languages? If you haven't read up on that, I suggest it. We each have unique styles of expressing and desiring love and affection and some inevitable incompatibilities can be resolved and some can't. Communication is key. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 You don't try to understand or fix, you find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated...He doesn't fulfill your expectations, and you should never have to sacrifice this just to stay with him. This is why we date..to see how they treat you, and if there are any deal breakers. I would say this one is, and you should be trading this one in on a better model. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 4 hours ago, carhill said: ...have you and your boyfriend ever had a talk about love languages? I agree, some folks are much more about the physical contact stuff than others. There is a book out there about LL's that you could consider reading. IF your BFs love languages (esp. the top two) don't align well to yours, all other things being equal, that probably means you're not going to be as happy with him LT as you might be with someone who's love languages do align. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 7 hours ago, Loveydoveyy said: I feel like that all the time towards my boyfriend but the problem is he never does this no matter how many times I ask or get upset about him not doing it. It’s not that fact that he don’t do it more of the fact that he doesn’t want to. Like he doesn’t have that urge for me. This is the problem. Even someone who's not a cuddler can adapt and cuddle a little now and then. For affectionate people, affection and cuddles are seriously one of the 3 best things about having a bf/gf/spouse. There's just nothing like waking up to your man enveloping you in a huggy, touchy cuddle. It's very sweet and hot. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 Do you ever initiate affectionate touch and cuddling? Sorry if I missed it, but I'm not clear if it's a problem that he's not just naturally reaching out for you or if he's also just not responsive to your touch. After my divorce I discovered that at this stage in my life I am much more physically affectionate than I was when I was younger. My experience in the two real relationships in which I've been in that time (including the one I'm in right now) has been that even if the guy doesn't start out initiating caresses or cuddles, he responds to my actions and soon becomes the initiator at least as much as I am. If your boyfriend doesn't initiate or respond, you'll have to either be willing to move on and find someone more compatible in that way, or learn to live without out. I certainly wouldn't want to live without. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 In cases like these, there's NOTHING you can do, OP. If he WANTS to do it, he'd DO it without you having to ask. If he DOES NOT WANT to do it, he'd NOT DO it no matter how much you ask, or even BEG. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 Pure speculation, maybe he expects you to cuddle him? Some men seem to think it's not really a manly thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 20 hours ago, Loveydoveyy said: Okay so everyone knows that undeniable urge you get when you wake up next to your beautiful sleeping partner and you just wanna slide over to them and wrap them up in your arms! Am I right? I feel like that all the time towards my boyfriend but the problem is he never does this no matter how many times I ask or get upset about him not doing it. It’s not that fact that he don’t do it more of the fact that he doesn’t want to. Like he doesn’t have that urge for me. I just feel like everyone should get to feel the feeling of having your man(or woman) just wrapping you up and pulling you closer to them while you’re still sleeping. Am I thinking too much into this? Oh Loveydoveyy I am hearing ya, loud and clear!!!!!! I dated this woman, single mum in her 30's with a teenage boy for a very SHORT period years ago. I would stay over on the weekends, help her make dinner in the late afternoons, the evenings were very affectionate with lots of close interpersonal bonding.... She was fit, had a very nice body and knew how to use it. Well, come morning there was no way I could snuggle much, this was not a problem with anyone else..... Just her!!!! Her morning breath would "Gag a maggot" It was the fastest way I have ever lost morning wood, ever!!! My game was to, wake up, sneak out of bed, brush my teeth and make coffee for us..... She was a lot of fun at the time but come morning I knew I had to wake up/get out of bed first to escape. I never did tell her, she just thought I was an early riser. Sometimes the bedroom morning air is stale and holds too many odors of the last 12hrs. This may not bother you but may bother your partner. Does he act the same in his bed as in yours, as in if you stay at his place or he stays at yours? Is there a sent in the room that is bothering him? You might like potpourri but in the morning this might be a big turn off for him. Do one or both of you smoke? I say it has to do with his nose... Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 (edited) On 6/20/2020 at 3:53 PM, Loveydoveyy said: Okay so everyone knows that undeniable urge you get when you wake up next to your beautiful sleeping partner and you just wanna slide over to them and wrap them up in your arms! Am I right? I feel like that all the time towards my boyfriend but the problem is he never does this no matter how many times I ask or get upset about him not doing it. It’s not that fact that he don’t do it more of the fact that he doesn’t want to. Like he doesn’t have that urge for me. I just feel like everyone should get to feel the feeling of having your man(or woman) just wrapping you up and pulling you closer to them while you’re still sleeping. Am I thinking too much into this? Like I get up and turn over to look at him already awake and staring at the ceiling who knows how long he’s been there awake. What’s he thinking about? I mean I want that feeling too ya know? Idk someone tell me I’m not crazy lol Not every guy demonstrates his affection for someone by cuddling. I don't feel an urge to hug or kiss the women I happen to be with, and I don't like to be touched by anyone to begin with. Physical contact has to follow a couple of rules with me. 1) I need to be asked first before they can touch me. 2) I don't like public demonstrations of physical or emotional affection. That includes kissing, hugging, holding hands and too much physical proximity. I don't like cuddling. My body's natural body temperature hovers around 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, sometimes a little less. Cuddling makes my body temperature go up, and with the summer being in full blown, I'm sweating all the time, and I don't want someone's sweat on me either, nor do I want to feel a warm/hot touch on my body. I don't enjoy sleeping with someone on the same bed. I'll do it, because I can't exactly have sex with a woman and then tell her to go home, now can I ? That would result in me not seeing her again, so what I did was to buy a huge king's size bed so there's more than enough space for both of us to sleep there without having to be touching each other. The way I am doesn't mean I don't care about these women. I do. It's just the way I am. How comfortable I am with someone else's presence in my bed. It doesn't mean I am not attracted to them, at all. I have no idea what he's thinking about. Me? I'm staring at the ceiling thinking about money, the bills I have to pay, how expensive life is etc etc. Your boyfriend is attracted to you. Most likely than not, he has romantic feelings for you. He's just not the touchy-feely kind of guy, and if that bothers you. Maybe it's time to reconsider this relationship and where you stand. Quote It's very sweet and hot. One of my part-time jos is construction. The last thing I want when I get back home is someone hugging me in my sleep after I spent all day hugging bags of cement and bricks. Edited June 21, 2020 by Azincourt 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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