laelithia Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 (edited) Hi Everyone, I hope you are all staying safe during quarantine! For myself, I noticed I have been spending more and more time on social media to pass the time. I'm going to reduce this though, because of a couple incidents that have shown it's not the most positive use of my time. Last night, I was mindlessly scrolling on facebook, and saw that an old flame of mine (we dated for a little while in 2015, then I decided to put him in the friend zone for no good reason at all...) just got married. He was a really great guy, came from a good family, had good values and wanted a committed relationship, was educated and had a great career. Everything I said I wanted in a man. I was happy for him, he looked very happy, but I was not expecting how hard it hit me. This person was so sweet and supportive of me throughout the years, even while I dated other people despite him always showing interest in being with me. He politely asked me many times to work on my codependency issues so that we could have a real chance of dating exclusively, but rather than do this, I proceeded to date a couple of "bad boys" instead (you may read about them ad nauseam in my other threads). Worst of all, I often vented and emotionally dumped on him when these relationships inevitably failed. I feel so horrible about this, I simply cannot fathom what I was thinking back then to do that to someone who had been so caring towards me, even when we weren't together. Although we had drifted with our contact and hadn’t seen each other for around 2 years, I thought about him here and there and how I had made a mistake to push him away and date the losers that never really cared about me instead. I suppose I tried to shove these thoughts out of my head rather than truly deal with my mistake. And, if I'm honest, I supposed he would always be there one day when I was truly ready. In fact, after dong a lot of soul searching and refusing to date low quality men, I thought I was getting close to contacting him again. And of course, I saw the picture yesterday. I am truly happy for him, he seems like he is very content in his life now. But at the same time, I feel (maybe for the first time) the gravity of the loss that I can only blame on myself. We will never hang out again, never have late night talks about life and psychology, never do art together again. I know 2 years seems like a long time not to see someone, but in that time I was completing my registration, starting a new position and my own practice. It went by in a blur, and the times we used to hang out together seem not so long ago at all. Fast forward to today, I am 100% not ever going to try to contact him outside of congratulating him on his wedding (which I did, and in true gentlemanly fashion, he replied thanking me and commending me on opening my practice). I want him to be happy, and I will not interfere in his life. I suppose I’m just looking for some kind of comfort or reinsurance that there will be other men like him (kind, caring, educated and successful, etc.) out there for me. Or, preferably, just the one. I am becoming less and less hopeful due to the very low frequency of meeting these men lately in my city, but I’m contemplating moving to the next province over. Maybe I’ll have a better chance there. Anyway, has anyone else had a similar experience? Did you manage to find another great person out there? Edited June 21, 2020 by laelithia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 (edited) I'm in the exact same boat but the guy was a real piece of work and I don't care if he is married or not. He called me fairly attractive and his girlfriend sexy. I am having a hard time meeting men of quality but I have not given up and believe they will come when the time is right. I will not move to meet a man but you can explore other areas. Edited June 21, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted June 21, 2020 Author Share Posted June 21, 2020 Thanks for your reply! I should clarify that the move to the other city would not solely be to find a partner. Mostly I never truly liked the city I am from, I stayed to be close to friends and family. The other city is much more compatible with me and my personality. Mind you, I was much more positive and hopeful about this move before I saw the picture yesterday. As for your ex, I am happy for you that he is out of your life! He sounds awful and you are much better off. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 26 minutes ago, laelithia said: Thanks for your reply! I should clarify that the move to the other city would not solely be to find a partner. Mostly I never truly liked the city I am from, I stayed to be close to friends and family. The other city is much more compatible with me and my personality. Mind you, I was much more positive and hopeful about this move before I saw the picture yesterday. As for your ex, I am happy for you that he is out of your life! He sounds awful and you are much better off. I'm putting a lot on investigators to truly put it behind me since he did indeed violate me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laelithia Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 Does anyone else have any insight here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 (edited) On 6/23/2020 at 4:28 AM, laelithia said: Does anyone else have any insight here? Why do you need random insight from random people online? What are they going to say? yes you let a good guy go and he's married so move on? Or yes there will be other nice men out there? How about looking at yourself and asking yourself what is it that would make you happy without this person. I did torture myself over letting what I thought was a good guy go but he was not a good guy in the end. The fact people agreed to torture me shows that they weren't good people either. I'm sorry but you all have serious problems to sit here and try to push me to move on from a man who rejected me back in February. It didn't matter if I went nc or exposed myself to the pain, I would have gotten over it the same way. I went to work, I connected with real people, they showed me what I was and then I started to see it. I got out of my head and the plan I made makes me happy. I'm okay sitting here by myself well he's out with another women. I wouldn't want to be her at all. I'll build a better life and when the time is right a better man will come into my life and make me feel like I want to go on a date on a boat with him. I probably will just be okay with dinner and my usual ways though. I don't want to waste my time at all and at least this way I can poke my head under the table and try and see what's in his jeans. Edited June 25, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
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