Not sure whats going on

[MissMagic]

Hi, first off, sorry for my lack of title. I really had no idea what to put. Also wasnt sure where to put this so figured this was probably the best place but its not a relationship so i apologise if its in the wrong place. Not even really sure how to write this so here goes nothing....

Met a guy on an online forum and we've been talking for about 2 weeks. He made it clear at the start he only usually goes on there for one thing. I told him that wouldn't be happening. He continued to talk making jokes about liking the challenge. In between all this though we would talk properly and added each other on social media. We've spoken everyday. We live around 150 miles apart and each have children from a previous relationship. We video call each night. Even though i originally wasnt interested in talking sexually and sending photos after talking for about a week we did exchange some photos and talk about sex. Since then we have continued to talk everyday. There has been no drop off in the amount we talk at all. He has however started talking slightly different in that he doesnt talk about sex so often and we have alot more conversations about everyday life. He has said quite a few times about wanting to come and meet me in person. Amd since we have been talking he hasn't been back on the forum. Ive asked him why and he says he doesnt feel like he wants or needs to anymore.

I knew he had his children on his days off from work but last night he told me that he still lives with the mother. He refers to her as his housemate saying they live and sleep seperately in the house but that she refuses to accept its over and he doesnt want to lose the time with his children. That he would rather be unhappy with her than not have them.

While i do believe him, for the most part atleast, given that he seems to have his own room from what i have seen in our video chats. Theres still apart of me that wants to question it. 

I asked him why he told me and he said he felt he needed to be honest and didnt want me to think bad of him. 

I told him he shouldnt care what i think seeing as we dont know eachother. He said he does though. 

Any ideas on his change of behaviour?

And whether i should believe him about his living situation? And/or why you think he has decided to tell me all of this now?

Also if you think i should stop contact with him after his revealation.

Thanks

[NuevoYorko]

Video sex or whatever isn't impacted by that, as long as he can get privacy.  He told you he doesn't want a relationship.  Seems like this can go on as it is indefinitely.  He's certainly still in a relationship with the kids' mother, though.   If this doesn't bother you, carry on.

[MissMagic]

Sorry, impacted by what?

Also, and im not disagreeing with you but... if he was in a relationship with her why would he be sleeping in a seperate room and be able to video call me every night? I know obviously he could use headphones but you would still be able to hear he was talking to someone though

Edited June 22, 2020 by MissMagic

[MissMagic]

It wont let me edit again... 

I meant to add that the sex talk and pics only happened one time and its since then that he seems to be acting differently, not jokingly bringing up sex again and not being especially flirty, just having more indepth conversations about everyday life and that kind of thing

[clia]

1 hour ago, MissMagic said:

Any ideas on his change of behaviour?

It's only been two weeks, you already caved and talked about sex and exchanged photos (nudes?), and you say he doesn't bring up the sex quite as often.  I wouldn't read much into this -- he told you from the start that he was only looking for one thing.

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And whether i should believe him about his living situation?

I wouldn't.  You have no idea where he is sleeping each night, where she is during his video calls (maybe she's at work, painting out in the garage, on a video call of her own with her girlfriends, giving the kids a bath, etc.), or what the status of the relationship really is. 

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And/or why you think he has decided to tell me all of this now?

Who knows.  Who cares.

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Also if you think i should stop contact with him after his revealation.

Yes.  Why would you want to get involved in a messy situation like this anyway?  Even assuming they are split up, it sounds like it could result in a lot of drama.  

[Redhead14]

1 hour ago, MissMagic said:

1) He made it clear at the start he only usually goes on there for one thing.

2) Theres still apart of me that wants to question it. 

1) Why do women decide to ignore what men tell them straight up so often?

2) Why do they also decide to ignore their own questions and gut?

The guy is divorced, has children and has a house mate.  What's attractive about the prospect of dating him?  You're not going to get much "quality time" with him because of the kids, not much quality time or privacy because of the kids and the "house mate", on top of him dealing with an ex and co-parenting issues, etc.  Take a pass on this one and find one who has less baggage and doesn't tell you upfront that he only wants sex.

[ShyViolet]

So let's look at the facts....  he told you from the start that he was only looking for sex.  He still lives with the mom of his kids.  He lives 150 miles away from you.

What exactly are you looking to get out of this?  Why does this person seem like someone you'd want to date?

[MissMagic]

20 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

1) Why do women decide to ignore what men tell them straight up so often?

2) Why do they also decide to ignore their own questions and gut?

The guy is divorced, has children and has a house mate.  What's attractive about the prospect of dating him?  You're not going to get much "quality time" with him because of the kids, not much quality time or privacy because of the kids and the "house mate", on top of him dealing with an ex and co-parenting issues, etc.  Take a pass on this one and find one who has less baggage and doesn't tell you upfront that he only wants sex.

He did say he usually only goes on there for one thing but then also said he still wanted to talk and that it wasnt all about sexting and sending photos.

[MissMagic]

4 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

So let's look at the facts....  he told you from the start that he was only looking for sex.  He still lives with the mom of his kids.  He lives 150 miles away from you.

What exactly are you looking to get out of this?  Why does this person seem like someone you'd want to date?

He's not necessarily someone i would want to date, that is something i couldnt possibly know right now given that we have never met and have only been talking just over 2 weeks

[Redhead14]

18 minutes ago, MissMagic said:

1) He did say he usually only goes on there for one thing

2) but then also said he still wanted to talk and that it wasnt all about sexting and sending photos.

1) He said what he mean't,

2) He's a good salesman.  He can read his "audience" so he changed his pitch and told you what you'd want to hear.  Usually a savvy, strong woman would say "no thanks" and move on.  But you kept talking with him. He got "mixed" signal.  He's been down this road often enough to know that lots of women say they want to stick to their guns and later change their minds and "cave" . . . some guys are patient when they think they might have a live one.  Then, what you get is a one-night stand . . .

Edited June 22, 2020 by Redhead14

[MissMagic]

4 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

1) He said what he mean't,

2) He's a good salesman.  He can read his "audience" so he changed his pitch and told you what you'd want to hear.  Usually a savvy, strong woman would say "no thanks" and move on.  But you kept talking with him. He got "mixed" signal.  He's been down this road often enough to know that lots of women say they want to stick to their guns and later change their minds and "cave" . . . some guys are patient when they think they might have a live one.  Then, what you get is a one-night stand . . .

While that makes sense i dont see that it can be classed the same as a one night stand, or whatever the equivalent would be when he is still talking

[Redhead14]

5 minutes ago, MissMagic said:

While that makes sense i dont see that it can be classed the same as a one night stand, or whatever the equivalent would be when he is still talking

What I mean is, he's got one on the hook now online at least and he is willing to wait until he does finally meet you and get the sex.  At which time, he will disappear. He'll keep it going until . . . 

And, I also warn against these long-distance online men.  A man who is willing to travel 150 miles to see a woman usually is happy to do that if a) they are desperate and horny and/or b) want to have their side pieces in towns outside of their own so as not to be "caught" by friends, family, wife, girlfriend.  And, if they travel on business, 150 is no big deal and they often have a girl in every port.

Edited June 22, 2020 by Redhead14

[MissMagic]

10 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

What I mean is, he's got one on the hook now online at least and he is willing to wait until he does finally meet you and get the sex.  At which time, he will disappear. He'll keep it going until . . . 

And, I also warn against these long-distance online men.  A man who is willing to travel 150 miles to see a woman usually is happy to do that if a) they are desperate and horny and/or b) want to have their side pieces in towns outside of their own so as not to be "caught" by friends, family, wife, girlfriend.  And, if they travel on business, 150 is no big deal and they often have a girl in every port.

Provided hes told me the truth, he doesnt travel for business. But i do see what youre saying

[Redhead14]

Just now, MissMagic said:

he doesnt travel for business. But i do see what youre saying

But he does travel for monkey business   Tread lightly at least.  He doesn't sound like he's in any kind of position to even have a relationship, let alone a quality one no matter what he tells you.  Just by what we know right now.   And, don't allow him to come to your town and spend time at your place.  Choose a public place for the first couple of times at the very least.  It will be a little harder to do with the virus situation but don't be alone with a strange man no matter what he says.  And, keep the virus situation in the forefront of your mind and plans as well. 

[preraph]

He already told you he only wants one thing.  If she WILL sleep with him, he's sleeping with her.  He's just looking for no-strings sex.  He knows with women you have to pretend to care to get that.  Don't be a chump, please!  He's TOLD you.  Block him.  

[d0nnivain]

50 minutes ago, MissMagic said:

He's not necessarily someone i would want to date, that is something i couldnt possibly know right now given that we have never met and have only been talking just over 2 weeks

What do you want out of this interaction?  He wants sex.  He does not want to date you.  He's most likely lying to about his marriage.  I bet his wife does not know what he's doing or what he's talking to other women about.  She just knows he's alone in the other room on the computer 

So if you enjoy the chats keep on talking to him. 

The idea that don't know yet after two weeks of him basically telling you he's looking to cheat on his wife with a F'Buddy whether you want to date him makes me question your judgment.  

If you do meet him I do not have faith in your ability to say no.  He will have you named & on your back within 2 hours.  He's done this before & is probably charmingly persuasive.  

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, MissMagic said:

He's not necessarily someone i would want to date, that is something i couldnt possibly know right now given that we have never met and have only been talking just over 2 weeks

If he's not necessarily someone who you'd want to date, then I'm not sure what you're looking to get out of this..... or what your question is?

[Redhead14]

Women often say they don't understand how they end up with certain types of guys or lament that their "picker" is broken.  Usually, It's not that it's broken, they just decide to ignore what their "picker" is telling them because they are losing hope of finding someone.