helena abadi Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 how long does it take to get over a long-term relationship break-up? or a short-term? i know it depends on how individuals cope with it, with huge variations. some people on these threads have been struggling with break-ups for months or years, others seem to move on within weeks. i assume a long-term relationship (12 months or more) would take longer. do people get into serious relationships again straight away? Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 my relationship has been over now for 8 months and i haven't started another relationship with anyone and up to the point when my x stole my dog i still missed her now i just wonder what the hell i saw in her am i over her??........i don't know i still think about her Link to post Share on other sites
flsgirl Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Of course it depends on the person, but from what I have heard is that it usually takes about half the time you were with someone to get over it. For instance I dated someone for 3 years and then we broke up. It took me about a year and a half to get over it. There's no set time limit on it. You get over it when you get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I think it depends on how much you had invested yourself emotionally in the relationship to begin with The more the investment the longer it will take to move on Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I think it depends on how much you had invested yourself emotionally in the relationship to begin with The more the investment the longer it will take to move on guess i'm f@cked, like a fool i put my guard down and invested my entire heart.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 guess i'm f@cked, like a fool i put my guard down and invested my entire heart.... At least you still have a heart.. The only thing left in my chest is a mass of scar tissue Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 i think i am right there with you on the scar tissue Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 The more the investment the longer it will take to move on Definitely agree. You can't put a time frame around it. NTB - You'll be fine. Your dog stealing psycho of an ex is a lamewad and you see that now. It won't be long before you come around to love again. If not, I'll put in a good word for you at doggie court system. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 lamewad Is this a new LS term ?? Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I dont believe in any of them mathamatical equations in regards to how long it will take to get over your ex.... at the end of the day its up to you! If you want to constantly mope around the house feeling sorry for yourself, attempt to keep in contact with your ex, sleep with them and never get out and do fun things, im sorry to say that your gonna be in a world of pain and hurt for months and months... maybe a year. But if you do the opposite you WILL heal x 5 faster! I guarantee you that. The more stronger willed and self confidant people seem to heal faster too it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 The more stronger willed and self confidant people seem to heal faster too it seems. I couldn't disagree with this more. Healing has far more to do with emotional involvement in the relationship...or lack there of. Link to post Share on other sites
jc Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I agree with JS17, I think the more involved you were in the relationship, the longer time it takes to heal. I think that getting out of the house and keeping busy helps, but it's not the whole story. Since breaking up with C, I've kept myself busy every day, but I'm still living in a world of pain and hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Im just saying that more self confident people are quicker to let go, and they can envision themselves dating again and meeting someone new. People with low self asteem can get caught into the trap thinking they have lost everything in their entire world. They cant picture themselves with someone else, feel as tho they lost their attractivness and feel like they may never meet anyone again. This would definatley slow down the healing process in my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Im just saying that more self confident people are quicker to let go, and they can envision themselves dating again and meeting someone new. It still comes down to how invested they were.. Even the most confident person who had a lot invested in a relationship can get the wind taken out of their sails. If they didn't have a lot invested then moving on would just be a heartbeat away..But.. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubemeister Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Ive dated a guy twice that I just fell in love with... I invessted all that I knew in it because I loved him so much and the fact I guess that it was twice and he ended it twice has left something bad behind...so it's been awhile since the break up but It still affects me and I don't want it too..I still think about him, am I over it? I guess not lol Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 how long does it take to get over a long-term relationship break-up? or a short-term? i know it depends on how individuals cope with it, with huge variations. some people on these threads have been struggling with break-ups for months or years, others seem to move on within weeks. i assume a long-term relationship (12 months or more) would take longer. do people get into serious relationships again straight away? You are right, it does depend on the person and the situation. I have had a few short-termers and I was able to move on within days. As for long-termers, i have had two. The first one lasted a year and a half and I was a complete mess afterwards. It took many many months to get over it, but I was able to. My most recent lasted a year and a half as well. I was fortunate enough to be able to use my experiences from my first long term and apply it to the second and I handled the second break up so much better. It only took me a month to get over it. Because I know that I am capable of doing so much better then that. Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I think it depends on how much you had invested yourself emotionally in the relationship to begin with The more the investment the longer it will take to move on For once, I heartily agree with Art. Plus I'll say that getting over it is not a straight line, you will relapse into sadness now + then. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeMeBeautiful Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 they say there is a mathematical equation. You should allow yourself half the length of the relationship to grieve. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 For once, I heartily agree with Art. ....... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I agree 100% with AC. Definately what was put into the relationship counts. I know it took me quite a while to get over one breakup in my past. I had put my heart and soul into it and when we did split up, my heart hurt so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 It took me about a couple years to get over my ex-husband who left me. NC was impossible because of our kids. The day I met a decent guy (not my current BF) for a relationship was when I was completely over him. I believe I would've been over him earlier had I met the right guy. I just wasn't that lucky. Casual dating/sex made me feel even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 A relationship breakup that was not consensual in the termination definitely depends on how involved/commited one was to the other as far as the recovery time. For three years I was completely committed to my ex woman. Then she left for the good old "i love you but I'm not in love with you anymore," along with only being 24 and wanting to "experience" other guys. I don't even want to think about what that means; but I know. It's been just over 4 months and I'm only marginally better. In less than a month I'm leaving for the middle east to go put in my time in the sand box. When we were together I didn't want to go because being away from her for months with little or no communication would be VERY hard. However now that we're done, I can't wait to go. She wants me to email or call her before I go so she can say bye. She must be crazy cause I'm not giving her the satisfaction. Talk about no contact, I'll be 8,000 miles away on a base surrounded by sand in every direction as far as the eye can see. She'll eat her heart out one day, but on the off chance that she doesn't, I'll be long since over her so it won't matter anyway. When we broke up, I took it very hard. My dad gave me a good piece of advise that at the time was no help, but true nonetheless. I'm sure applies to everyone here too. "Remember son, this too shall pass in time." Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 My theory is that the more you blame yourself for the breakup, the longer it will take you to recover. Speaking mostly about my own experiences of course. All breakups hurt, but when I come out thinking I did my best and still having plenty of self-respect, then I don't obsess as much and I'm more able to think positive about my life. No matter how short the relationship, if I come out of it thinking that I was an idiot, then I can get really down and it will take me a long time to forgive myself and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 i agree with Art_Critic. the more you put into it, the longer it hurts. and the more it hurts. ouch. those who don't give much, move on more quickly. Drivetildriven, good luck in the sandbox. here's a prayer you come home safely and find someone worthy of you. in the sandbox you will be so heavily task focused, i guess it will take your mind off it anyway. time heals all wounds...it's also what you do with the time that counts. i did too much weeping into my wine glass over a 3-year relationship which was the most emotionally invested relationship of my life. it took a really long time before i could open up again. dating sucked. i just clammed up so quickly. The Riddler - yup, learn from experience. it gives you skills to deal with it better the next time. few things hurt so much in life than losing someone you really love. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayhawks Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I think it depends on how much you had invested yourself emotionally in the relationship to begin with The more the investment the longer it will take to move on Totally agree Art. If you truly loved them, heart and soul, it can take years to get past it. It is so much an individual condition. Some people need another relationship to get past the last and others can't date until they don't desire their last. Link to post Share on other sites
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