darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 2 year 6 months 3 weeks 4 days and 17 hours devided by the coefficient of IDUNNO Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 2 year 6 months 3 weeks 4 days and 17 hours devided by the coefficient of IDUNNO Or multiplied by the coefficient of Idunno Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Ahh say it's not so, that is where I have been going wrong lately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 ...Some people need another relationship to get past the last and others can't date until they don't desire their last.... that's true. everyone is different the way they cope. one thing is for sure, it's not a straight line, as someone aptly pointed out. and intermittent contact with the ex is a sure fire way to go back to square one and start the long road again. which means even more years, more months, weeks, days, hours divided by the coefficient of IDUNNO Link to post Share on other sites
semi Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 It is totally up to you. You have to say f*** it and move on. Have a positive attitude because all the emotional stuff is all in your head. You can be in control. My friend told me this story about this POW during vietnam who made the best out of his situation and mind you, this is no POW situation. So this fellow who was stuck in a POW camp during vietnam realized that he was going crazy and losing it after being stuck there for a couple of months decided he had to do something to change his situation. He knew that he could not physically escape so he would with his mind. Everday the man would visualize himself waking up in the morning at his house with his family. He would then imagine himself taking a shower, picking out his clothes and eating breakfast. He imagined every detail of his imaginary day. He loved golf, so everyday he would play 18 holes of golf in his mind. He would imagine himself approaching the first tee, warming up and then proceeding to play the rest of the game. He transcended his horrible situation with his mind. When he finally came home from vietnam he took 10 strokes off his golf game right away. Your mind is a very powerful thing. It can either lift you up or keep you down, but it is totally up to you. No one out there is working against you to see that you are miserable, sadly you are doing that to yourself, just as I and many others have done. I am learning to always stay positive although it can be very tough at times, it is what you have to do. After rereading this I don't know how relevant this is but it may help. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 one thing is for sure, it's not a straight line, which means even more years, more months, weeks, days, hours divided by the coefficient of IDUNNO Well, given the non-linearity, I feel we would get further if we took logarithms... Or did you mean it wasn't monotonic? Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I think between half the total time you were together for all wounds to heal. But agree with the general concensus that it depends on how much you investigated into the relationship. Sometime you can begin to grieve and move on while still in a relationship meaning that after the 'actual' break-up it takes less time to move on and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Well, given the non-linearity, I feel we would get further if we took logarithms... I'd propose the normal distribution. With Z=0 for the average length of the relationship, as it is a standardized variable now. Standard deviation requires a very big sample from the general population to "determine" (make an educated guess that is). So the eventual formula becomes: time in relationship * P (Z is smaller or equal to Z-value). The limit is of course, the time in the relationship. And for a relationship of average length, the time needed is exactly half of the time spent in the relationship. Of course we have to consider the intensity and impact of the relationship too, if it is above or below average. The more intense, the longer it takes. If we were to measure intensity on a scale from 0-1, it would lead to for examply: (time in relationship * P (Z is smaller or equal to Z-value))^(intensity + 0.5) Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 (time in relationship * P (Z is smaller or equal to Z-value))^(intensity + 0.5) Now I feel we're getting somewhere! We need to add in some kind of random factor, eg for number of times they play "your song" on the radio. And something to take account of how much true NC you have - if for example, you need to contact them in your daily life. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Of course we have to consider the intensity and impact of the relationship too, if it is above or below average. The more intense, the longer it takes. If we were to measure intensity on a scale from 0-1, it would lead to for examply: (time in relationship * P (Z is smaller or equal to Z-value))^(intensity + 0.5) Oh FFS!!! I might have known.... My take: Total healing time - 25% of relationship span. Average recovery pattern: First day, crying 70% of waking time, lessening to 45% by day 2. Reduction to 20% for a few days. One week of bizarre happy-party-person behaviour (zero tears). One month of dating then apologetically dismissing opportunistic rebound guy for triggering nostalgic memories of X (2 weeks @ 25% tears per day, waking time). Tears diminish over following 10 months. Continuing fantasies of reunions. Me - sensational in a heartbreakingly chic powersuit. Him - scruffy, horrifying beer belly, bloodshot and tear-filled eyes...pleading on bended knees that God will give him one last chance with the best thing that ever happened to him bla bla bla). Total time spent in imaginary conversation with X - uncertain. Embarrassing, crawly feelings also begin to set in. Bounce between wistfully nostalgic thoughts of X, and toe-curling memories of "I told him this, I showed him that, he saw me &*$....we did :eek: :eek:" The knowledge of never seeing X again begins to trigger a certain amount of relief rather than tears. After a couple more months, the knowledge fails to trigger any identifiable emotion. Recovery is presumably complete at that stage. So, I say roughly 25%, but possibly the shorter the relationship is and the younger the parties involved, the higher the proportion of recovery time that's perhaps required. Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 lindya - hilarious! yeah, recovery is non-linear. also to be taken into account...litres of tears shed, amount of money wasted on cigarettes, cell phone calls, how much emotion-numbing alcohol consumed, hours of sleep lost, cost of petrol used on taking the long route so you can avoid ``your'' fav restaurant which is on the short route, number of friends who now avoid your endless whining and the other friends who took his side, unrequited love which must mean a minus zero something... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 lindya - hilarious! yeah, recovery is non-linear. also to be taken into account...litres of tears shed, amount of money wasted on cigarettes, cell phone calls, how much emotion-numbing alcohol consumed, hours of sleep lost, cost of petrol used on taking the long route so you can avoid ``your'' fav restaurant which is on the short route, number of friends who now avoid your endless whining and the other friends who took his side, unrequited love which must mean a minus zero something... ....the two month long cold war with that "friend" who was so eager to show you some photos she'd just had newly developed...and was oh-so-casual as she passed over a pic of the X and your replacement. And chose to do it just as you were taking a sip of some very hot coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 what a total bitch! ok, add cost of hospital visit for treatment to mouth scald caused by v hot coffee. mind you, cost of friendship lost with the bitch isn't much. that ought to count for something. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 what a total bitch! ok, add cost of hospital visit for treatment to mouth scald caused by v hot coffee. mind you, cost of friendship lost with the bitch isn't much. that ought to count for something. I reduced contact after that, but kept her around...as a sort of emotional gauge. We all need one bitchy friend to keep us on our toes, after all. Some afternoons at around 3pm (any minute now in fact, by Greenwich Mean Time) I will ask myself "could I face meeting Fluckface for a drink tonight?" If the answer is yes, then it means I've had an excellent day...so why spoil it by meeting up with someone who will ruin it? If the answer is "no I couldn't possibly" then it means that I'm slipping into self-pity mode and need to toughen up. Meeting her for a verbal sparring match over a few drinks is one way of doing that. Weird, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I reduced contact after that, but kept her around...as a sort of emotional gauge. We all need one bitchy friend to keep us on our toes, after all. Some afternoons at around 3pm (any minute now in fact, by Greenwich Mean Time) I will ask myself "could I face meeting Fluckface for a drink tonight?" If the answer is yes, then it means I've had an excellent day...so why spoil it by meeting up with someone who will ruin it? If the answer is "no I couldn't possibly" then it means that I'm slipping into self-pity mode and need to toughen up. Meeting her for a verbal sparring match over a few drinks is one way of doing that. Weird, isn't it? Na not weird. We all need that sometimes... my best friends are the one's that will tell me when I'm being a whiney arse bitch...!! Sometimes I need that!! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Na not weird. We all need that sometimes... my best friends are the one's that will tell me when I'm being a whiney arse bitch...!! Sometimes I need that!! Oh littlekitty, stop bleating on for Christ's sake! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Oh littlekitty, stop bleating on for Christ's sake! Cheeky fecker....!!! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Now I feel we're getting somewhere! We need to add in some kind of random factor, eg for number of times they play "your song" on the radio. And something to take account of how much true NC you have - if for example, you need to contact them in your daily life. ReluctantRomeo, who said that statistics are perfect? Chances are that if you like Classical music, you won't hear it on popular music stations, and thus reducing the chance to hear "your song." As always the model allows for errors, both positive and negative. So we need to sum the number of reminders on a scale from 0 to 100. Daily contact with ex: 20 pts, max Ex has a new bf/gf : 10 pts, max etc. So the formula will be ammended, by another variable ((time in relationship * P (Z is smaller or equal to Z-value))^(intensity + 0.5))^ ((Reminders / 200)+1) Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 very weird. altho women do need to brush up on their verbal sparring skills from time to time, and sharpen the claws. a total woman-woman thing. can't do that with men. nothing like a good cat session. then again, life is short. perhaps i'd rather have a drink with someone who makes me feel good, if not sharper. trying not think of the ex now. oh damn, stuffed up the linear process for the 4th time today. but talking to you has made me feel better so i'm not on a minus slide. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 trying not think of the ex now. oh damn, stuffed up the linear process for the 4th time today. but talking to you has made me feel better so i'm not on a minus slide. Yay! You'll get there What on earth is d'Arthez wittering on about now? Don't you just love it when several separate conversations are going on in one thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 Yay! You'll get there What on earth is d'Arthez wittering on about now? Don't you just love it when several separate conversations are going on in one thread? getting there about as slowly as a wet week. re - d'Arthez... i have no freakin' clue. i'm sure there's a logical theory in progress. i'm breathless for more. yes, i love the conversation crossover. it's getting more entertaining by the minute. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 What on earth is d'Arthez wittering on about now? He is applying proper mathmetics and formulas to the issue of how long it takes to get over someone.. Nailing down all the variables and unknowns Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 He is applying proper mathmetics and formulas to the issue of how long it takes to get over someone.. Nailing down all the variables and unknowns that's why i'm hanging out for more. he could really be onto something. applying cold mathematical logic to measure emotional equations could be a world first. could there be money in it? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 What on earth is d'Arthez wittering on about now? Everything is about statistics nowadays. Including company hiring policies. People's preferences for red skirts over black skirts can be investigated with similar methods. And even the age when 95% of the women don't care anymore if they actually have grey hairs, can be determined through a procedure like that. So I can't see a reason not to attempt the "expected down time", after a relationship has suddenly come to a halt. he could really be onto something. applying cold mathematical logic to measure emotional equations could be a world first. could there be money in it? Yes, there is a lot of potential for money it. As there must be ways to speed up the recovery process. And of course professional guidance could be beneficial then. A self-help book is only US$30 or thereabout. Professional counseling is more than that per hour. A lot of possibilities in that field. Without doubt things like this have been done before. Perhaps Outcast knows a thing or two more about mathematically modelling the whole "recovery time after a relationship has ended." Link to post Share on other sites
Author helena abadi Posted October 12, 2005 Author Share Posted October 12, 2005 Everything is about statistics nowadays..So I can't see a reason not to attempt the "expected down time", after a relationship has suddenly come to a halt.'' ok then, imagine if we were all equipped with the best self-help books and counselling knowledge and we knew the psychology behind break-ups and recovery time. excluding the mathematical attempt going on right now, could these factors reduce recovery time? imagine ditto for having greater insight into relationships in the first place. would therapists be out of jobs? would self-help books be redundant? would the loveshack traffic grind to a screeching halt? Link to post Share on other sites
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