is somthing wrong with husband

[u_would_b_lonley_too]

My husband and I have only been married around 3 months. We were together for almost 3 years when we were married. This may sound gross but theres no other way to put it, hes only french kissed me once, never figered me or eat me out, he was a virgin when we were married and in about 3 months weve only had sex 23 times. He barley even touches me anywhere other than my waist. And when were going to have sex he does nothing to me to turn me on but I have too to him. Theres somthing wrong with this picture and I dont know what to do about it. Im tired of being humiliated when we go to bed and I have on a sexy outfit and hes too tired and goes to sleep. Im just 19 and hes 22. I feel so unwanted. But when I confronted him about it he says "Its not you its me ill do better" but then 'forgets' about me even bringing it up.

[Skeered]

I don't think anything is wrong with your husband other than inexperience. He sounds shy and not quite sure what to do. Maybe you can tell him or help him do what you want done to you. If he was a virgin before you got married than he prolly just doesn't know what's good.

[u_would_b_lonley_too]

Maybe you can tell him or help him do what you want done to you. QUOTE]

I have asked him why he dont do those things and he says he dont think he could. He thinks this stuff is nasty. He dont like to french kiss bc he dont like the thought of his tongue in someone elses mouth (even though I am his wife.) I dunno maybe I should try talking to him again. But every time i do i just end up being the one hurt (everytime).

[Skeered]

My BF is not big into the french kissing thing either..which is ok by me.

 

As far as him thinking this stuff is nasty..did you ask him why. Does he have phobia's with dirty stuff too. Maybe he does. Maybe you should talk with a sex therapist and see if they have suggestions. It might be something as simple as easing him into things that he's not comfortable with.

[curiousnycgirl]

I totally agree with Skeered - but more so.

 

You husband MUST go to a therapist to deal with his issues about sex. I'm going to assume that it was never discussed in his family growing up and he was brought up to believe it was a dirty/nasty thing.

 

I believe this is very common - however it NEEDS to be addressed and FAST before this irreparable does damage to your marriage.

 

I am certain that if he is willing to deal with his issues - then they can be resolved fairly quickly (although nothing in therapy is quick).

 

Good luck

[u_would_b_lonley_too]

thanks, all of this makes sence but I dont think that he would talk to anyone about it I mean he barley talks to me about it. I 'tried' to talk about it today with him and he just listened to what I had to say and didnt say anything back about it. Before we were married he didnt wanna do anything which is totally understandable but he also told me then that when we got married things would change. Nothing has! Except I get up a fix his lunch for work and clean his house lol. No but seriously, I dunno what else to do or say to him to let him know how I feel. Got anymore suggestions?

[Lil Honey]

He is much too young to be feeling that way. There are a couple of things that could contribute to his feelings:

 

OCD related to dirty things

molestation as a child

depression (inability to be interested)

diabetes (inability to function)

inexperience (fear of failure)

[helena abadi]

sounds as tho he needs to see a therapist. seriously.

[u_would_b_lonley_too]

He is much too young to be feeling that way. There are a couple of things that could contribute to his feelings:

 

OCD related to dirty things

molestation as a child

depression (inability to be interested)

diabetes (inability to function)

inexperience (fear of failure)

Hey, I know its not molestation as a child, it could be depression because before we got together he stayed depressed and lonley, I dont believe its diabetes, and it very well could be inexperience. I just dont understand why doing things to turn me on is so nasty to him but he expects me to do these things to him? Whatever it is its really starting to get me down.

[Lil Honey]

*sigh* Okay then.

[Mz. Pixie]

Lonely-

 

Lil Honey is trying to be helpful. She's a bit older than you are, as am I. She pointed out some good options

 

What jumped out earlier at me was that he could possibly be homosexual.

The lack of interest in sexual activity at his age is just not normal.

 

There is no possible way for you to know whether or not your husband was molested unless he told you. He doesn't sound like the most open person in the world to me so he could be hiding it. I didn't tell my own father I'd been molested until I was married.

 

I'd tell him that I feel that our marriage is doomed unless we get some counseling and see what he says. You can't continue to be married to someone who has issues like this without therapy, seriously.

[Lil Honey]

Yeah, I'm just a BIT older.

 

Um . . . something else . . . some people who HAVE diabetes don't KNOW that they have it. You can't spot them a mile away. Some people have signs of it, but others don't. A blood test is the only way to know for sure.

[u_would_b_lonley_too]

thank you, im gonna have a talk with him tonight and see what he thinks his problems could be. Everything makes since to me. I mentiones theropy last night and he didnt say anything about it so i asked him if he heard me and he just said yeah so i dunno. Im gonna have a long talk with him tonight though. Thanks

[Topper]

Sounds to me as if he were raised in a very strict religious home. He may look at all sex as sinful. He could have also been raised by a Mother who taught that all sex is dirty, He has a lot of issues to over come. You won't help him by nagging him or making him feel bad about his manhood. You have a long road ahead of you. I do think that the two of you need to get into counseling and learn how to talk to each other about this. You are going to have to be very open about your sexuality. There are 100's of Books Tapes DvDs all to help men and woman have a better more satisfying sex life. But some of them. Watch and or read them together. He may get the message and see that in a solid relationship there isn't anything that is dirty as long as both people agree.

[u_would_b_lonley_too]

Sounds to me as if he were raised in a very strict religious home. He may look at all sex as sinful. He could have also been raised by a Mother who taught that all sex is dirty, He has a lot of issues to over come. You won't help him by nagging him or making him feel bad about his manhood. You have a long road ahead of you. I do think that the two of you need to get into counseling and learn how to talk to each other about this. You are going to have to be very open about your sexuality. There are 100's of Books Tapes DvDs all to help men and woman have a better more satisfying sex life. But some of them. Watch and or read them together. He may get the message and see that in a solid relationship there isn't anything that is dirty as long as both people agree.

He was raised in a religious home. But his mother is actually kinda gross. Shes not totally open about her sex life but she kinda hints around about it. Thanks for the advice. Im gonna talk to him tonight about counseling so maybe that can do us some good. When we do have sex he seems to be enjoying it, but before is the thing. He dont wanna do anything to me to turn me on first its kinda like hurry lets get this over with and he just rushes it. It really hard to explain what hes like exactly. He is a really big christan person (which is great). I just hope that, that is not the reason for this, I mean I just hope that he dont think that its a sin to do those things to me. I mean good lord if i kiss him more than 3 times in a role he pulls away from me (most of the time).