sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I am new to this..and hesitant, I was reading past posts and thought all of you had great advice, so here goes. I am in my mid 20's and am dating a man 10 years older than I am. things are great and I beleive he is the one. With one slight issue: his past. I have always prided myself of my personality. I had been an overwieght young woman, and now work out ( lost a lot of puonds) and am feeling good and confortable in my skin.. no matter what i have been confident in my personality. My BF had been married and while recovering from his divorce took him down a path where he dated a woman he nonchalantly had multiple threesomes with, and had a relationship with a woman that had her boobs, nose, eyes and teeth done, ( in addition to having an eating didorder and abandonmant isues.) Do i know too much? yes. Do i have some shady areas of my past? of course! BUT, i have the hardest time getting over that he would date women like that. Women who would have kinky sex to keep a man, women that are SO insecure that they would have plastic surgery to become more attractive. to me these things say a lot about his past. i love him to death but cant help think that these experiences say a lot about his calaber as a man. Is it normal to feel the way I do? it has gotten better and has gone away some with time. he is so good to me, I just hate the way that I sometimes thing of these other woman.... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 It sounds to me like the part of his past that is really bothering you is you're afraid you might not compare sexually to these previous women in some respects. I don't understand how anyone can love someone to death but, at the same time, have serious apprehension about their character. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 If he's low caliber, then why are you still with him? He does treat you good, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 just a figure of speech!1:laugh: You may be right, i just cant get over that he would date woman like that. i guess, and I know I shouldnt be so judgemental, but it does get to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 He does, he treats me incredibly well. He is so cognizant of my feelings, and loves the hell out of me. I have never been happier-- just that the shadows of his past cloud up some of the happiness and I hate the way it feels. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 It sounds to me like the part of his past that is really bothering you is you're afraid you might not compare sexually to these previous women in some respects. Strongly agree but would add that it might not be a comparison of yourself to these women but a difference in the level of experience that you have. Its tough to tell what's really bothering you. Is it the kind of person that you perceive him to be because of his experiences or is it because he's had these experiences and you haven't (ie. your thoughts about these other women)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 now i become a HUGE hypocrite. I dont think I am comparing his vs. my sexual past, as i have had experiences with women, and a threesome, etc. I think I am more aggressive and freaky than he is. my wierd hang up is just that in his ealty 30's how can he have dated such head cases? I am younger and did my fooling around in my late teens, etc. But i have a hard time thinking about a man in his ealy 30's riding the train with a divorced mother of three. I guess it is a time and a place thing. And the plastic sugery queen is gross to me: would YOU date someone who has had that many procedures? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 my wierd hang up is just that in his ealty 30's how can he have dated such head cases? I am younger and did my fooling around in my late teens, etc. But i have a hard time thinking about a man in his ealy 30's riding the train with a divorced mother of three. I guess it is a time and a place thing. Some people play later than others, meaning they learn later (assuming they learn anything at all). And the plastic sugery queen is gross to me: would YOU date someone who has had that many procedures? Sex is sex. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Why does it matter who he's dated? If he's a bad guy then dump him. If he's a good guy then what difference does his past make? Are you worried that since he's dated head cases then that indirectly means you might be a head case? Besides, has every single one of your exes been an awesome guy? Don't we all have people in our past we'd rather not admit to dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 I get it. I know that he needed time do do his thing. We all do. I am not liking the fact that it happned tho'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 I am pretty sure I am a head case, after all of this internal bulls*it. I am wierder than wierd and a good speller to boot. I cant say all my man have been unbeleivable sp[ecies threads... but I think i would feel better if my bf wasnt so shallow in his past. Link to post Share on other sites
civettuolo Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I can understand you being upset,that he would date women like that. But why did he tell you so much? Im of the beleif the past is the past,it made me who i am today. He could have said,he went through a wild stage after his divorce,and left it at that,i dont see why he went into so many details? Its your issue not his,with the plastic surgery. He was in that relationship not you,he chose to stay,for a time ,it worked for him then ,hes moved on hes with you now. You are over analizing his past,let it go! If it too much for you to deal with ,then move on. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Sassy; We've all done stuff in the past that we may not be too proud of anymore. I certainly have. But, of course, there's nothing either of you can do to change his history. So try looking at his past from another direction. He has given all that up - the 3-ways, the kinky stuff, all the rest - for YOU!! It's YOU that he's trusted with the innermost workings of his life and his past. It's YOU that he wants to curl up and watch TV with. It's YOU that he wants to be with. It's YOU that he wants to make love to. It's YOU that turns him on!! You are so lucky ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 Slubber, Cive, Tan, West, Js1: You are great. thanks very mucho. You said things that I needed to hear. Ya ever have those moments? I know I cant change his or my past for that matter. But it would be a great start. . i have taken great srides in getting over things and this has been another stepping stone to help me vent. You are all awesome... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Sassy- I'm feeling ya. I sometimes feel that way too. My husband is in his early thirty's and has had alot of experience. His last gf before me also had a threesome with him and her best friend. It makes me highly uncomfortable to think about it. Once we were at church- and it's a huge church 6,000+ members- and we ran into not one but two women he slept with- and one was a Hawaiian Tropic model. When I feel like that, I just think that the reason he did all of that and went through all of that is because he'd not met someone as great as I am. Since he met me, he was more than willing to give all that up and become the wonderful hubby that he is! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassypants Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 Thanks for that Mz!! Even thoughI know I am a good catch and am so happy it is so easy to think of your loved ones past relations if they come to mind-- or in your case if you happen to meet them! its a normal thing to not want to think of or be reminded of your partners sexcapades. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Absolutely. I never "met" them. We were just in the same place at the same time. It IS hard. The day that happened I was kind of pouty all day. He did his best to try and make me feel better and then finally said, "I cannot help it that I've had other lovers but I can make the decision that you will be the last one I ever have" I try not to dwell on it but it does come to mind sometimes- and when it does I try to remember what I said before and turn my focus to something else. You can drive yourself crazy with thoughts of what happened... Link to post Share on other sites
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