Safety and red flags

[mortensorchid]

I connected with someone on a dating website / app in the last few days and he asked if I would like to meet.  I said yes that would be nice.  He offered to take me on a boat ride on the lake.  I declined this for the sake of safety.  Is this a red flag when a person offers to do something like this?  As in to isolate you in some way like a boat ride would be.  I mean, when you think about it, our world is rather crazy.  We used to think that those who would meet someone on the internet for business or personal reasons were crazy, now it's the norm.  The same with hitchhiking and Uber/Lyft rides, AirBnb, etc.  

[d0nnivain]

No.  Boating is a socially distant activity.  He offered it due to Covid not because he's trying to kill you.

Normally you would meet a new person in a well lit public place, like a coffee shop.  That is not really an option due to the pandemic.  

He came up with boat ride, probably because he has a boat & it seemed open / safe to him.  

I suppose it would depend on the size of the body of water. I would not agree to an ocean trip but I live near some moderately sized lakes; my ILs live on another lake in a different state.  While you can maintain space in a boat on all of them, you would not be isolated enough from others during the day that you would be in danger or unable to swim (even doggie paddle) back to shore.   I think a lake in Ohio would be public enough  

Edited June 24, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Stevnx3]

Over-zealous and the guy is jumping too fast. Perhaps he is clueless about first dates and wants something 'fun' .

Nonetheless, you do not know him. Si exercise precautions as you are. 

[lurker74]

No, I do not think it's a red flag. I think you are wise to NOT do it for the reason you stated, and I would suggest that perhaps he's being mildly inconsiderate. But consider two examples. Dude A is a truly nice guy. He wants to find someone and settle down. Sometimes, when he's on his boat, he is at peace, viewing the sunset, feeling the waves. When he's at peace, he feels good and when he feels good he's confident. He'd love to share that with someone he likes. He also would literally die before he'd let someone he cared about get hurt. So Dude A invites a pretty lady on a boat ride before he realizes that, yeah, that's probably 3rd or 4th date material.

Dude B is a serial killer. He's practiced at finding, grooming, abducted, and killing women. He knows that they tend to be on guard so he plays the long game. He's polite and he suggests coffee at a public cafe. But he'd also practices at spiking coffee. She'll feel safer that way so he asks her for coffee.

Obviously the likelihood of encountering Dude B is minuscule. But safety isn't always obvious. Don't go on a boat ride on your first date. Don't invite him over on a first date. Let your friends know where you'll be and when. But ultimately, most people that suggest silly things are just nice people that weren't thinking about it because, you know, they aren't serial killers.

[rjc149]

I don't think it's a red flag in terms of your safety, more of a red flag in terms of this guy's dating experience. I think your reservations are exactly why men should not suggest "activity" dates until there is already comfort and rapport (after the 3rd date). 

Usually guys who feel the need to impress a girl on the 1st-3rd dates with contrived activities that are supposed to be "romantic" or "exciting" are insecure and needy. That's what you need to be looking out for. I don't think he plans to kill you and dump your body in the lake. 

[smackie9]

Are cafe's not open yet? They are here.

[d0nnivain]

27 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Are cafe's not open yet? They are here.

I can't speak to where mortonschild is but here they are only open for outside dining.  You couldn't pay me to go out to eat right now -- 1.5 hour rushed time limits, disposably cups & plates, being near unmasked people. . . just no.   I like going out for the relaxed ambiance.  

Now a boat ride where I could be more then 6 feet from my date in the open air & many many feet away from other people -- sign me up.  That type of date seems safe to me.  A café not so much.  

[preraph]

It just depends what the spread is like in your area.  Until the protests, for example, the smaller town in Oklahoma were very light for the virus.  After the protests, I was supposed to go up there to a pretty small town for a sonogram and checked the numbers and that county, which had 150 protesters, had gone from flatline to all the way up spike on the graph in just 3 days about 10 days after the protest.  

 

Going to games is going to make it spike if those start up.  School is going to make it spike when that starts.  Going to church or any other gathering will make it spike.  

[Weezy1973]

Not a red flag necessarily, but best to not do that on a first date. Meet up and get a feel for him first and if it goes well, then feel free to go on a boat with him.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'd also feel funny about getting into any isolated environment with a guy on the first date, so I wouldn't do this.

If I were meeting someone new right now, I'd probably want to meet outdoors. Maybe he could bring takeout food to a nice park with picnic tables and then we could walk the trails.

[d0nnivain]

3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I'd also feel funny about getting into any isolated environment with a guy on the first date, so I wouldn't do this.

If I were meeting someone new right now, I'd probably want to meet outdoors. Maybe he could bring takeout food to a nice park with picnic tables and then we could walk the trails.

See this is what I don't get.  In the lake community where I live & on the surrounding lakes  it is not possible to be in a boat & not be within line of sight & definitely hearing of lots of people.  Whereas I can find many, many trails. etc. for pure solitude.  So to me the boat is the safer more public option.  

I think mortenschild needs a better sense of which option provides more visibility & safety.  

[Ruby Slippers]

Where I live, there are huge lakes where a guy could definitely get you far enough from other people to be creepy, if he wanted to.

The trails I go to are pretty well-populated. You generally don't go more than 15 seconds without other people coming along. Also, even if he did get me alone, I'd feel more confident in my ability to get away from a bad scene on land than in water.

[d0nnivain]

On a big lake where isolation was possible, I would not get in the boat then.  On the lakes I have access to, it is the safer option.  

[FMW]

I don't think that by itself is a red flag.  If he made a series of suggestions for activities that seemed to be focused on isolation, then you might worry.  Men aren't always tuned into a woman's safety concerns unless it's something obvious like walking alone in the dark.  

I like the picnic idea, if you have a public park that has enough people around to make you not feel isolated but not too many to worry about COVID, I would suggest that as an alternative.

How did he react to you turning down the suggestion?  Are you still going to meet with him?  

[ShyViolet]

You're very smart to be wary about having a first meetup with someone in an isolated place away from all other people.  I would not do that either.  But it doesn't necessarily mean that he has bad intentions... maybe he's clueless and it didn't even occur to him that it may seem sketchy.  But you never know, he MAY have bad intentions because you don't know this person!  First meetups should always be in a public place.

[smackie9]

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I can't speak to where mortonschild is but here they are only open for outside dining.  You couldn't pay me to go out to eat right now -- 1.5 hour rushed time limits, disposably cups & plates, being near unmasked people. . . just no.   I like going out for the relaxed ambiance.  

Now a boat ride where I could be more then 6 feet from my date in the open air & many many feet away from other people -- sign me up.  That type of date seems safe to me.  A café not so much.  

Aw yes but you are sitting down wind which would be a hazard unless everyone masked up.

the place where we eat, it's not busy, you can see all staff even kitchen staff at all times, they have plexiglass around the bar, they got rid of the carpeting and put in hardwood, and they have ample segregated seating. I even got my hair done at the salon, everything is set up the same, you can see all the staff at all times, everyone masked, people have to wait outside. It seems to be working. Things have been opened up since the end of May. No new cases in my area. We are lucky, they didn't have to lock people down, only the senors residence/homes.

I would say a park setting would be ideal for a date.

Edited June 24, 2020 by smackie9

[CaliforniaGirl]

Not as much as a "car ride up the coast" or something. People can see and hear you from a boat, unless he's taking you to some abandoned bayou or something. You could scream if it came to that. So this probably wouldn't be the plan.

[spiderowl]

I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag. To be honest, I’ve found guys are a bit gormless when it comes to considering a new date’s safety. I’ve had guys suggest walks in isolated places or going out for a drive somewhere in his car. They just don’t think!

Always look out for yourself. It seems you are being wise and cautious. Just don’t go anywhere isolated until you feel you know and trust a guy. 

[Roswell91]

On 6/24/2020 at 2:59 PM, mortensorchid said:

I connected with someone on a dating website / app in the last few days and he asked if I would like to meet.  I said yes that would be nice.  He offered to take me on a boat ride on the lake.  I declined this for the sake of safety.  Is this a red flag when a person offers to do something like this?  As in to isolate you in some way like a boat ride would be.  I mean, when you think about it, our world is rather crazy.  We used to think that those who would meet someone on the internet for business or personal reasons were crazy, now it's the norm.  The same with hitchhiking and Uber/Lyft rides, AirBnb, etc.  

Its a nice idea and he may be a nice guy but hes probably getting too ahead of himself.

Some thing low key and quick is a better idea for a first date.

I dont think he is being sinister  though😂. But its always good to exercise caution with  a stranger.

Why don't  you just offer up another suggestion for the date 

Edited June 28, 2020 by Roswell91

[planb1973]

A lot of people stating this guy is inexperienced or clueless. 

I for one have a sailboat, and have had countless first dates on it. Never have I had a woman decline the offer for a boat ride. 

And I am surprised how many women will meet me, a stranger, at my rundown marina for a first date. Maybe it is because I do give off a very trustworthy vibe. 

During this pandemic, my boat has become a great source of "social distancing" socializing with everything else shut down. 

I'd say if you trust the guys intentions, listen to your gut here, then why not.