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Does asking me to contact her on instagram or snapchat mean it's a scam? What is the danger?

max3732

By max3732
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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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On a dating app I commented on someone's picture and we had 1 other back and forth after that. She didn't respond for a few days and said she'd prefer it if I contacted her on instagram or Snapchat and said if I don't we could continue on the app, but it would take her longer to respond since she doesn't check it as often.

Her profile doesn't scream "Scammer" like most of the ones I've seen and she actually had 1 real response to my opening message. 

I have an instrgram account, but don't really use it other than occasionally when I get a notice that a friend has posted for the 1st time in a while. I don't think I want a potential scammer on there.

Snapchat I've never used in my life and know nothing about other than messages are supposed to disappear or something. 

Would there be any harm in downloading Snapchat and talking to her that way? Let's say she is a scammer. Would I just get messages on there asking for money or something or could they send me a virus and try to steal my identity or documents on my phone?

If you were me would you continue to message her on the app or try one of the other methods?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I'd look at her profile on one of the apps.  If I liked what I saw, I'd continue talking. If I didn't like it, I'd move along.  However you won't know if you don't look

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lurker74 Established Member

lurker74

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Downloading and communicating via SC and Insta is not in itself harmful. But yes, it's a scam. It could be as innocuous as wanting more followers for monetization to social engineering to simply pulling you into a second scam where "she" inevitably asks you for money or bank account info. I used to have an IG account I used exclusively to talk to these "women" just because I found it perversely entertaining. But yes, it's a scam, sorry.

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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I'm guessing she wants you to contact her on either of those social media apps so she can check YOU out.  Probably not a scam but you will be able to tell from her profile on there pretty much.  Hopefully it's public so you can check it out first.  But I'm guessing she probably won't give you her name on there without it being an exchange of each of your profile names so you may not get a chance to do that first.  I don't think it would be a scam.  The bad part, in a way, is of girls I know is that they may connect with you on a dating app and sound interested and then try to vet you through your instagram or snapchat conversations and lose interest, which a lot of guys especially don't post to reflect how they are so the bias is toward throwing someone away without even meeting them.  But yeah, this is somewhat normal & doubt you have to worry about her being a scammer.  You can just block her if she is or gives you that impression.  

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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3 minutes ago, lurker74 said:

Downloading and communicating via SC and Insta is not in itself harmful. But yes, it's a scam. It could be as innocuous as wanting more followers for monetization to social engineering to simply pulling you into a second scam where "she" inevitably asks you for money or bank account info. I used to have an IG account I used exclusively to talk to these "women" just because I found it perversely entertaining. But yes, it's a scam, sorry.

lol, consider me enlightened.  The girls  i know who are not scammers AT ALL do it because they want to see who the guy is and what he's like.  Like social media stalk before a date/outside of the dating app.

But yes it does make sense that scam girls will try to do this.  I know random girls follow me all the time like that (and I'm a girl) and it is beyond obviously that they are in it to hopefully latch some person who will pay for various things.  I mean those ones don't even try to hide it.  I just block

lurker74 Established Member

lurker74

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^^^ Well, @Versacehottie your experience could be entirely different. But then you and I would never meet because, while I am happy to give out my social media after we chat for a bit and generally send it before a meet so that you can tell I am a real person, there's no way I'm giving out my SM information to someone whom I don't even know if she's real yet. Besides, I believe that I need to leave a little mystery out there so that she can stalk me in private! :)

 

But also, in my experience, I caught on to who was fake pretty quickly and got to the point that I could predict the IG request. 

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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

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3 hours ago, max3732 said:

On a dating app I commented on someone's picture and we had 1 other back and forth after that. She didn't respond for a few days and said she'd prefer it if I contacted her on instagram or Snapchat and said if I don't we could continue on the app, but it would take her longer to respond since she doesn't check it as often.

Why not just use the app or text then?

Sounds like some research is in hand if you can get malware through snapchat or instagram.   As to scam requests (like for money,)  just field or ignore themselves they arise.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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I think we are basically saying the same things (I think :) or at least our POV is not that far off from each other)..  I would recommend to the OP giving out the social media mainly bc it sounds like he's is interested and would go out with her.  If one doesn't it's a red flag to whoever is asking and it's not that hard to find a person anyway.  While I haven't done it for myself, I assist all the time :)  Also I would say that my friends who would ask or not ask but be looking are pretty into social media--so the fact that OP's girl asked is probably a clue that his potential date cares.  

I guess the real question is what else makes him think that she is a scammer?  The quick push for that?  Idk, on some level is it much different than a quick push to meet? (i know part of the thing is that the scammers never intend to meet).  In which, case maybe he should counter with a bold "let's meet up" and call her bluff.  

*to be fair, most of girlfriends wouldn't really bother asking for social media--we would just do the stalk in private.

I do think that we are on the same page regarding providing the mystery.  It's a downfall that people do this or the goggle search etc and find out a whole life history usually through some false lens before even meeting.  Some positives and a lot of negatives.  trust me, I've had to talk said friends back into "give the guy a chance" because of overanalyzing his social media too much in advance.  Usually fails because the impression is set.  One bad angle and the person is ☠️  That said she has already backed him into a corner.  BTW, there have been enough threads on here from non-scammer girls where a direct ask for FB or other social media info is common enough (though again I don't recommend it).  but OP is backed into a corner so I guess he needs to address it or avoid the question :)

I have to say, your experience as a guy probably matches OP's experience more which is why I say I'm enlightened.

Edited by Versacehottie
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
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2 hours ago, lurker74 said:

Downloading and communicating via SC and Insta is not in itself harmful. But yes, it's a scam. It could be as innocuous as wanting more followers for monetization to social engineering to simply pulling you into a second scam where "she" inevitably asks you for money or bank account info. I used to have an IG account I used exclusively to talk to these "women" just because I found it perversely entertaining. But yes, it's a scam, sorry.

I agree, and I regard both men and women who ask potential dates to get on some other app as equally suspect. If she's interested in something real, she'll get to know you on the app where you met and via phone, then in person. 

Anyone on a dating site who asks you to get on another app is a waste of time, in my opinion. I always ignored any of these requests and moved on.

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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34 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I agree, and I regard both men and women who ask potential dates to get on some other app as equally suspect. If she's interested in something real, she'll get to know you on the app where you met and via phone, then in person. 

Anyone on a dating site who asks you to get on another app is a waste of time, in my opinion. I always ignored any of these requests and moved on.

I looked at her Instagram and looks like a normal page. Pictures of her and some friends traveling and going to sporting events or her with what I assume is one of her best friends. No really provocative pictures or anything scantily clad.

The reason I'm suspicious that she's a scammer if I've seen a similar line to the one she used ("I'm not on here that often, but you can contact me through Snap") on multiple pages that are very obviously scammers. I think I'm going to continue chatting with her but use the app and put up with a delay. She did say she will respond but it will just take longer.

I don't see how looking at a social media page proves someone is real. Can't anyone take pictures off the internet and make an account and claim to be someone else? 

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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If you genuinely don't think she's real why waste time talking to her on any platform?  I'd just talk to her on a convenient platform but if she asks for money delete, block & move along.  

Edited by d0nnivain
Roswell91 Established Member

Roswell91

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6 hours ago, max3732 said:

On a dating app I commented on someone's picture and we had 1 other back and forth after that. She didn't respond for a few days and said she'd prefer it if I contacted her on instagram or Snapchat and said if I don't we could continue on the app, but it would take her longer to respond since she doesn't check it as often.

Her profile doesn't scream "Scammer" like most of the ones I've seen and she actually had 1 real response to my opening message. 

I have an instrgram account, but don't really use it other than occasionally when I get a notice that a friend has posted for the 1st time in a while. I don't think I want a potential scammer on there.

Snapchat I've never used in my life and know nothing about other than messages are supposed to disappear or something. 

Would there be any harm in downloading Snapchat and talking to her that way? Let's say she is a scammer. Would I just get messages on there asking for money or something or could they send me a virus and try to steal my identity or documents on my phone?

If you were me would you continue to message her on the app or try one of the other methods?

😂. It sounds pretty legit to me. Its the way most young people communicate. How old is she?

But if you're  scared, stick to messaging her on the app

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Roswell91 Established Member

Roswell91

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3 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I agree, and I regard both men and women who ask potential dates to get on some other app as equally suspect. If she's interested in something real, she'll get to know you on the app where you met and via phone, then in person. 

Anyone on a dating site who asks you to get on another app is a waste of time, in my opinion. I always ignored any of these requests and moved on.

Not necessarily, some people just have a habit of using certain apps more than others.

Ive got Instagram and i go on there way more than the dating app i also have. In fact sometimes i even forget to check it, even after i know people have sent messages and its my turn to reply.

But its not on purpose 

Edited by Roswell91
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nibelheim89 Member

nibelheim89

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I think it can also depend when someone asks you.

If someone asks straight off the bat to talk on another platform it would be a small red flag for me, if however it was after a few conversations I think it's normal, especially as some people want to use social media as a way to make sure they are not being catfished etc.

I never used Instagram before online dating and the "what's your Instagram?" question usually ended the discussion, now that I have it I'm discovering the joys of having people I don't really know add me and then never saying anything apart from liking the odd photo.

 

Edited by nibelheim89
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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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13 minutes ago, Roswell91 said:

Not necessarily, some people just have a habit of using certain apps more than others.

Ive got Instagram and i go on there way more than the dating app i also have. In fact sometimes i even forget to check it, even after i know people have sent messages and its my turn to reply.

But its not on purpose 

When you meet a guy you really like, I have a feeling you don't "forget" about him.

Edited by Ruby Slippers
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Roswell91 Established Member

Roswell91

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Just now, Ruby Slippers said:

If you meet a guy you really like, I'm pretty sure you won't "forget" about him.

I mean at the very beginning stages when there has literally only been  a couple of messages exchanged. So when its too early to tell. 

Fox Sake Established Member

Fox Sake

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2 hours ago, max3732 said:

I looked at her Instagram and looks like a normal page. Pictures of her and some friends traveling and going to sporting events or her with what I assume is one of her best friends. No really provocative pictures or anything scantily clad.

The reason I'm suspicious that she's a scammer if I've seen a similar line to the one she used ("I'm not on here that often, but you can contact me through Snap") on multiple pages that are very obviously scammers. I think I'm going to continue chatting with her but use the app and put up with a delay. She did say she will respond but it will just take longer.

I don't see how looking at a social media page proves someone is real. Can't anyone take pictures off the internet and make an account and claim to be someone else? 

Okay I’ll give you my take. 
I’m guessing you think you’re punching a bit. Otherwise you wouldn’t have asked if it was possibly a scam in the first place.
if that’s the case- Don’t let those feelings take precedence over who you are, you’ll end up being a wet blanket to her. 

And secondly , if a girl can just leave “contact me on -insert social media platform here- “

how many guys will be messaging her on there?! I dunno , it’s just how I feel about it but it sounds a bit cheap, kind of like “you make the effort cos I know I’m beautiful, so here’s my social media for SC/Insta” ... like a scorecard 

Edited by Fox Sake
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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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Well I told her I'd message her on the app and not social media and we exchanged 1 more message then she was gone from the dating app.

She was in her 20's at the youngest I'd consider dating. Maybe just too young for me.

Since this kind of thing comes up so much I'm glad I asked about it. Even though most profiles are legit I see some that are prostitutes saying to contact them on Instagram or Snapchat to discuss rates. That's also why I'm suspicious of being asked to contact someone on social media after only 1 message. I guess it's just speculation what this woman's motives were. 

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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18 hours ago, max3732 said:

I looked at her Instagram and looks like a normal page. Pictures of her and some friends traveling and going to sporting events or her with what I assume is one of her best friends. No really provocative pictures or anything scantily clad.

The reason I'm suspicious that she's a scammer if I've seen a similar line to the one she used ("I'm not on here that often, but you can contact me through Snap") on multiple pages that are very obviously scammers. I think I'm going to continue chatting with her but use the app and put up with a delay. She did say she will respond but it will just take longer.

I don't see how looking at a social media page proves someone is real. Can't anyone take pictures off the internet and make an account and claim to be someone else? 

Sounds like she may not be a scammer per se but trying to gain followers.  And  also check you out, like i said initially. Here's the thing i would look for on her IG, does she use the IG stories function.   It would be a lot harder to be a scammer if you were using that to post stories (which disappear within 24 hours similar to snapchat and are more in the moment type things) and most scammers would have little purpose to doing so.  Unless you watch the stories and they are provocative, ie trying to drum up more followers and sex trade type stuff.  Just a note since you don't look so familiar with the app, is if you watch her stories she will be able to see that you have.   How many followers does she have?

I would say "announcing" that on her dating app signals to me that she has other priorities than dating (not exactly bad ones but more important to her than dating).  And it's slightly immature if you ask me and a little rude/self-absorbed to say that outright.  I mean effectively she could put some effort into a guy she is interested in and then exchange phone numbers with him so they could text if "she's not on the app often".  It's a little presumptuous and annoying that she would say that--although I don't think it means necessarily that she is a scammer. I think most likely she is low level scammer--trying to collect followers.  What is her "job"?

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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13 hours ago, max3732 said:

Well I told her I'd message her on the app and not social media and we exchanged 1 more message then she was gone from the dating app.

She was in her 20's at the youngest I'd consider dating. Maybe just too young for me.

Since this kind of thing comes up so much I'm glad I asked about it. Even though most profiles are legit I see some that are prostitutes saying to contact them on Instagram or Snapchat to discuss rates. That's also why I'm suspicious of being asked to contact someone on social media after only 1 message. I guess it's just speculation what this woman's motives were. 

yeah, that's why I think you were backed into a corner with nothing really that you could do (properly).  She'd be put off if you didn't agree and you'd have been best off avoiding or ignoring the question but to keep communicating in the way you like.  You were basically at an impasse and it's a power play of sorts, again see above where I said self-absorbed and dating is secondary motive, not first.

I actually think you should monitor her IG (anonymously of course) just for research purposes.  And report back.  To be honest, I think if you do you will find she is just entitled and a bit fickle from your observations.  She probably has either an actual list or at least a mental list and writes people off somewhat carelessly over silly things.   Wish I could say I don't know the type but I do😬

Once you are backed into a corner like that, let's assume she's not a scammer or even collecting followers, the willingness to be transparent (-ish) and move forward with a person is key to getting a lot/most relationships off the ground.  So reaching an impasse on something important to her (even if it's for silly reasons) will be a problem.  As she will likely see your unwillingness to be transparent or use social media similarly as a roadblock or signal that you are not the right guy for her.  Like I said, my girlfriends who look onto guys they are going to potentially date IG accounts it's to see more than the photos provided on the dating app and get a sense of his life, his friends, his interests.   My friends don't (or rarely) ask directly like she did but I know of people who do.  I would estimate most people (probably most girls)  are at least "checking" who it is they are about to date if the information is out there and they can figure it out.  

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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I didn't realize that people could tell that you watched their IG stories. That's really good to know! All this time I thought it was anonymous

Yesterday when I typed in her name it brought up a video that I don't see now that I assume was her story. She was saying how bored she is and wants her friends to come visit her. Nothing provocative or anything, but I wonder if she just went on the app because she was bored.

I just checked her account and she has 14k followers and she is following 500 people. That sounds like a lot of followers to me so maybe she is just trying to drum up followers. As far as I know all my settings are private so she can't see anything about me, right? What if I message her. Does that let her see me?

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rjc149 Established Member

rjc149

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She wants more followers in order to monetize her account. You can safely assume any dating profile that either gives an Instagram address or asks you to contact her on Instagram is for that reason. 14k followers is a dead giveaway there. I recently stalked my 32-year old ex's public IG account, she has 120 followers and mainly photos of her cat and her dinner. That's what a non-monetized IG account looks like. 

If she was interested in potentially dating you, she'd happily continue communicating with you on the dating app or texting. 

I think you're a little too old to be pursuing 20-something girls on IG. IMO. A girl asking to be contacted on IG is an immediate 'next.'

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

I would say "announcing" that on her dating app signals to me that she has other priorities than dating (not exactly bad ones but more important to her than dating).  And it's slightly immature if you ask me and a little rude/self-absorbed to say that outright.  I mean effectively she could put some effort into a guy she is interested in and then exchange phone numbers with him so they could text if "she's not on the app often".  It's a little presumptuous and annoying that she would say that--although I don't think it means necessarily that she is a scammer. I think most likely she is low level scammer--trying to collect followers.  What is her "job"?

I agree completely. Even if it's not a scam, it's plain rude.

A man asking a woman to get onto some other site isn't a gentleman. Asking her to do a special song and dance to get to talk to him? Yeah, NO.

And a woman asking a man to get onto some other site is at the least self-absorbed if not much worse. Expecting him to chase her over to some other app just to message with her? Yeah, NO.

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I didn't realize that people could tell that you watched their IG stories. That's really good to know! All this time I thought it was anonymous

Yesterday when I typed in her name it brought up a video that I don't see now that I assume was her story. She was saying how bored she is and wants her friends to come visit her. Nothing provocative or anything, but I wonder if she just went on the app because she was bored.

I just checked her account and she has 14k followers and she is following 500 people. That sounds like a lot of followers to me so maybe she is just trying to drum up followers. As far as I know all my settings are private so she can't see anything about me, right? What if I message her. Does that let her see me?

So yeah.  If you look at her IG stories, it's not anonymous.  The person who posted the story can see who viewed the story.  If your account is private, she can't see anything more than your name and your profile--she cannot see the photos you post on your account or your stories.  So I'm assuming if you watched that "video", if it was the video you see when you click on her profile with the red circle around it, she will know that you looked.  Lol, just leave it.  For someone so self-absorbed that she wanted you to do that, she might think you were not interested in her after viewing her story.  It is pretty funny actually--leave her wondering if she is the problem (though considering her what her intentions seem to be I don't think she will care too much). You can message her if she has that part enabled.  A lot of people with that many followers don't enable it--some do and some don't. If she has it enabled and you did message her, she would only be able to see the messages you exchange with each other since you are private--unless she followed you and you accepted.   I hate to say it but a girl who is doing what I believe her to be doing might entertain your direct messages (doubt it with this one because of how she has handled) but won't follow you back--because her primary goal is to collect followers.

Secondly, of course, as I suspected she's not a scammer per se but low level trying to gain followers probably to monetize her account.  I'd bet that many of her followers are fake that is why she is trolling dating sites and asks for that right away.  That's specifically why I asked what her job is--there are the usual suspects haha.  

I don't think you should message her.  Too many negatives.  After a couple of messages presumably she insisted basically that you message her through instagram and then unmatched you when you didn't do so.  On there you can see what she is about and it's not looking good for her intentions for dating or toward you.  Even if she had genuine intentions and was just knee jerk reaction and silly criteria, she still unmatched you so she is not that interested at all. Don't waste your time.

*one last little note, she might not go through her IG stories views to see who watched it if she has that many followers because she, in theory, will have a lot of views if that is her true follower count.  However, I believe she probably has fake followers (which you can buy) and then her story views would be considerably less and she will be looking to see who viewed them.

Edited by Versacehottie
rjc149 Established Member

rjc149

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Max-- generally speaking, very attractive women are not on dating sites looking for dates. You can safely assume they are already dating one or more guys. 

Thing is, counter-intuitively, very attractive women are often the most insecure about their looks. Their entire self-worth belief system is founded on male sexual interest in them. They need constant male validation of their beauty to feel worthy. They are frequently on dating sites for this reason only. 

Don't indulge them. 

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