Lovestruck8992 Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 She pushed me away, and I stuck by for a while. Told her I wasnât going anywhere because I cared so much for her.. she made me a last option, last priority. Hung out with her friends that Iâve been introduced too, stopped messaging or calling, showed no interest and simply said âI donât know what I want, Iâm confused. I like you but I donât know what Iâm doingâ you pushed me away again and this time I walked away.. in so much pain because I hate giving up... I didnât want to give up but you made me feel like I had no other choice. I tried one last time to voice my thoughts on what I wanted and even though you have commitment issues I would never hurt you. But you made it clear that you were scared youâd change your mind down the road. its been 3-4 weeks now and havenât heard a single word from you, stopped seeing you creep my stories on Snapchat, and now I feel like Iâm the one who made a mistake by walking away  I miss you.... and it hurts knowing that Iâm just a memory to you... it hurts knowing Iâm stuck in limbo when I have it my all and got nothing in return 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 You did not make a mistake by walking away from somebody who wanted you gone.  Hang in there. The pain eventually subsides. You need to disconnect & possibly block on social media. You don't need her popping up in your feed. Since she wanted out of your life, there is no need to give her a window into what you are doing. When you are ready to date again the new person will not like the fact that you are still connected to an EX. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted June 26, 2020 Share Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) Hey OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. Things are quite fresh for you but I promise you, they will get better. It'll just take time so you'll need to forgive yourself for that and give yourself patience.  First thing on the list.. Quote its been 3-4 weeks now and havenât heard a single word from you, stopped seeing you creep my stories on Snapchat, and now I feel like Iâm the one who made a mistake by walking away  This is anxiety. Anxiety plays on your fears about yourself and your life and in your vulnerable state, it can take your current situation and twist it into a narrative that feeds into those fears.  You feel this way because you're scared you'll be alone and you won't find someone who's more suitable and healthier for you. In other words, you don't believe in yourself enough and what you bring to the table, at the moment.  You will be okay. Although your post is quite general, I don't really need the details to tell you, the way people treat you and what they ultimately choose comes from many factors that are beyond your control. Their childhood. Their upbringing. Their past experiences with people including family, friends and other romantic relationships. The trauma and baggage they've faced and the way they cope with all of it.  All of this basically impacts the choices they make and as perfect as you could have been, you can't do much about that. So no, the relationship's success does not fall just on you..it falls on them.  Things happen the way they're meant to. If who you are and everything you gave in that relationship (The time, the energy, the resources) wasn't enough to convince them that they wanted to be with you, there's nothing left for you to do. You did everything you could and there is no other version of you you could have been. It is unfair to yourself to put the blame on you, as a result. Ultimately you knew what was best for you and you did what needed to be done, because from the sounds of it, this girl was not ready or committed to have a healthy relationship with you. No matter how great you could have been, it wouldn't have changed the outcome that your relationship was not going to last, because it wasn't about you or what you were doing..it was about her. And I think you know this. What you need to do is reinforce why you broke up with this girl in the first place in writing and read it everyday, when you get weak. Reinforce all that you've accomplished in your life no matter how small those accomplishments might be. This will help you remember your journey and what you're made of, where you've come from, where you're going.  This is how you get your mind to snap out of the fear and focus on what's important for you, going forward. It'll be have to be a frequent thing because when we've just broken up with a person, our mind is going to try and drive us back to that person. Give your healing time. Several months. I know that might seem long, but the road to recovery (Should you do it correctly) will yield wisdom which you will apply to your future and it'll be worth it when you look back.  - Beach   Edited June 26, 2020 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HighHopes87 Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 Hey OP. Sorry that you're having such a bad time. She took the cowards way out of your relationship by emotionally neglecting you and putting you in a position where you had no other choice other than to walk away. She wanted out but didn't want to be the one that called it. The fact that she's not been in touch just shows that you did the right thing. I know it sucks right now but it will all get better in time. Be kind to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 @Lovestruck8992Â sorry you are in pain. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 (edited) Hey @Lovestruck8992 - I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm over 10 months out from a devastating heartbreak where I should have walked away a year or more sooner as she was too immature, inexperienced, and had such low self-esteem that it was bound not to work out. And having walked away from a psycho the relationship before that, I can attest that when you REALLY love someone, it's hard. But you knew what had to be done and had the courage to do it - for yourself. That's remarkable. You will feel down and question yourself for weeks, if not months. But you're feelings are the only true guide post you have in life. People give their love, time, attention, money, energy to the things/people that matter to them. If she was not able to commit then, depending on how you want to look at it, she was either not in love with you enough or her anxiety/fear/hurt/etc. was too strong. Either way, it doesn't matter. Love (and long term relationships/marriages) are about commitment. And once the lust fades away at 6, 12, 18, 24 months, love only lasts when both parties chose to make an effort every single day. My last ex was a lot younger than me and still lived with her strict parents (not religious, just Asian strict) and wouldn't let her date till she was done her nurse practitioner program. So we dated in "secret" - my family knew her - for almost 2 years. And yeah, I know, HUGE mistake on my part. But my point is that in the end, I should have walked long before she left me because not only were there problems (which I can explain i detail later) but also because she didn't have the courage to tell her parents about me and therefore whatever she felt for me wasn't as important to he as keeping up the "good girl" persona she uses with family and people in authority. So if your ex was playing similar games with commitment, using words/talking about stuff like "I don't know what the future will bring" or "what happens if you or I change our minds"....then you did the right thing for yourself. Edited June 30, 2020 by scooby-philly Hit save too quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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