LDR fiance stopped caring

[Kasia111]

I met a guy online 2 years ago. Soon we became a couple, he was so sweet and romantic, he promised me a lot. After 6 months he visited me in my country, it was the best week of my life, he proposed to me... Soon after I visited him as well, I met his all family and friends, we had a wonderful time. Unfortunately because of his job (he owns a pub), he didn't manage to come to me but begged me to come to him.. And so I did, 4 times all together.. After our last meeting we argued, I insisted on him to finally make some effort and come to me. He promised he would but for months he didn't manage and then the pandemic started.. And few days ago he told me it's not working anymore, it doesn't make sense, he doesn't want to mislead me, he's not as emotionally involved anymore etc All because of that long break.. Throughout our rl I wanted to dump him few times too, I said I hate him, I don't want him, although I didn't mean it, and he always calmed me and repeated that he loves me... Now that he's unsure about his feelings, he's so cold to me, he doesn't even want to video chat, Idk if he's not ready to tell me all this straight to my face or what.. They're opening the borders now, I asked if maybe he could come for few days at least.. I kept asking and asking, without any reply, and finally I said "tell me you'll think about it and I'll shut up" and he said OK. I said I will ask him again in few days... Should I fight for him or just let go? I love him very much

[d0nnivain]

Oh dear.  

The idea that you chatted on line for 6 months then got engaged the week you met makes me Q both of your judgment.  Marrying a stranger seems crazy to me. 

This guy always wanted somebody who would move to be there.  He has a business.  He was never going to relocate to you.  

Anyway with the pandemic his business probably suffered.  People couldn't go out to the pub but he had bills to pay. Now that things are reopening & he has to figure out a way to turn a profit when he can only fill his place to 25% capacity, you want him to take time off to come to you.  How selfish.  

If you really love him & want things to work, go there.  You have to figure out 2 things:  how you can make his business work again in this new normal & whether you can see yourself living there forever.  If you can't do that, there is no hope.  He's not coming to you.  

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, Kasia111 said:

Should I fight for him or just let go? I love him very much

No, don't do this. 

When you have to essentially beg someone to be with you, they're already gone. I realize it hurts a lot, but you need to believe him when he says he's not emotionally invested in this anymore. Don't try to pester him into it. It sounds like it was a premature decision to get engaged without having spent any time together in person, and now you're seeing why it wasn't a good idea. You both put the cart before the horse, and he's changed his mind. 

It also seems pretty clear that he had no intention of coming to you, and that your relationship wasn't all that healthy. You telling him you hate him and didn't want him is a sign that things were volatile. It doesn't matter if you didn't mean those things; you need to learn how to control your emotions. Those words are damaging and immature and don't belong in a relationship. 

I'm sorry, OP. Take this as a lesson learned (on a few different levels) and let him go. 

 

[chillii]

Once you start the pressure of he should do this and has to do that which l understand , of course you can't do everything . Thing is though he'd have the hours and pressure with work and with the break you've had , he's just had time to think and realized he can't do it it's too much demand on what time and maybe money he does have . He might have also lost a bit of interest in you guys too if it became all about pressure, really kills a relationship.

Edited June 27, 2020 by chillii