Together for a little over a year, but still no 'I Love You

[JJ198410]

Let me first start off by saying that I am 34 and my boyfriend is 31. I love him with all of my heart. I get excited and I have butterflies whenever I get to see him. My heart skips a beat when he texts me that he misses me. That being said, I’m his first girlfriend and he hasn’t said I love you yet. 
 

I think he feels it. He tells me how important I am to him and how much he cares about me. He tells me that he sees me as his wife and the mother of his kids one day. His parents love me and my parents adore him too. 
 

the other night when he was saying good night he said “love you.” I thought - yay finally but then got shy and didn’t say it back in case I heard him wrong. I tried to bring it up the other night and he kind of freaked out and said “oh, uh, yeah...” and then changed the subject. 
 

it’s been bugging me but I’m too shy to bring it up again. I feel like he’s going to say it when he’s ready but I also feel insecure about our emotional intimacy now. 
 

has anyone experienced this or does anyone have any advice? Please no rude comments. 

[preraph]

He's not comfortable saying the words.  Not everyone is.  Some men will only say them when they're about to propose and back it up with commitment, and that is not a bad thing.  

 

Whether a man loves you, you can tell a lot more by their actions than by their words.  They all seem in love during sex.  But what about when your car breaks down or you're ill or your pet is sick or you're having trouble at work or with something; are they sympathetic and trying to be helpful then?  Are they concerned for your wellbeing and trying to help rather than avoid?  That is what to look for.  

[JJ198410]

He is my best friend and has my back through everything. He will take my car to get washed if I’m busy. He helped my dad install something when my dad couldn’t get on a ladder. He picked up extra supplies for a bbq I was cohosting at a friends house. 
 

thank you for the perspective. That really does set my mind at ease and I feel tons better. Kind of stupid now for making it an issue. 
 

thanks!

[FMW]

You shouldn't feel "stupid" about worrying about it, that's natural.  Actions really are more meaningful than words, so if you're feeling and seeing it through his actions, things are good.  Hopefully he will feel comfortable at some point soon saying it again though, because it's also natural to want the words.  Have you said the words to him?  If not, maybe he's waiting to hear them from YOU before he says it again.  

If you feel like saying it to him, then do, and do it without any kind of expectation or pressure.  Tell him, and then kiss him immediately so that he sees you're not just waiting for him to respond in kind.  He should then feel inspired and confident enough to say the words. 

[preraph]

It just seems awkward to a lot of people.  He sounds like he loves you, so don't worry about it.  I imagine he'll work himself up to say it when he proposes.  I guess don't put him on the spot saying those three words, but most men appreciates you saying sweet things to them as long as they don't have to say it back.  It might seem girly to them or something.  But by all means tell him what a good guy he is from time to time and do things for him as well. Sounds like a good match to me!

[JJ198410]

7 minutes ago, FMW said:

You shouldn't feel "stupid" about worrying about it, that's natural.  Actions really are more meaningful than words, so if you're feeling and seeing it through his actions, things are good.  Hopefully he will feel comfortable at some point soon saying it again though, because it's also natural to want the words.  Have you said the words to him?  If not, maybe he's waiting to hear them from YOU before he says it again.  

If you feel like saying it to him, then do, and do it without any kind of expectation or pressure.  Tell him, and then kiss him immediately so that he sees you're not just waiting for him to respond in kind.  He should then feel inspired and confident enough to say the words. 

Thank you! I have been thinking of saying it first for a long time but I am also working myself up to it. I thought I had been in love before but definitely not like this. 

[JJ198410]

7 minutes ago, preraph said:

It just seems awkward to a lot of people.  He sounds like he loves you, so don't worry about it.  I imagine he'll work himself up to say it when he proposes.  I guess don't put him on the spot saying those three words, but most men appreciates you saying sweet things to them as long as they don't have to say it back.  It might seem girly to them or something.  But by all means tell him what a good guy he is from time to time and do things for him as well. Sounds like a good match to me!

He is an amazing catch and one of the best humans on this planet. Oddly enough, my best friend and mom both said the same about working himself up to say it when he proposes. 
 

thank you guys for your help! 

[ShyViolet]

Based on everything you said, I think he does love you but he is just too shy to say it.  It's probably because you are his first girlfriend, and he's 31.... slightly old to be in a relationship for the first time.  He doesn't know how to go about these things.

Your relationship sounds pretty solid.  Just bite the bullet and say it!  You can also ease into it, by throwing the word "love" around without saying "I love you."  Start off by saying things like "I love spending time with you."  "I love being with you."  "I have so much love for you."  Once those phrases become commonplace, it will be easier to say it.

And don't say it for the first time during sex.  I've had a couple of guys do that to me, and I knew they didn't mean it.  It cheapens it.