Lust and Bore VS Mediocre and Magic

[HighHopes87]

Would you choose a women who you were wildly attracted to but had absolutely no connection with or would you chose a woman that was not conventionally good looking but you had the ‘once in a lifetime’ type of love with? 

[preraph]

If I was that in love with the woman, I'd also find her attractive.  She would define attraction for me just by virtue of how much I loved her.  

[central]

As long as I'm physically and sexually attracted to the "not conventionally good looking" woman it'd be a no-brainer to choose her.  Otherwise, I'd choose the stunner but expect it wouldn't last very long - perhaps even less than a year - then resume looking for someone whom I find irresistible in both ways.

Edited June 26, 2020 by central

[HighHopes87]

I guess I’m trying to work out why I f**cked things up so badly for myself.

[mark clemson]

We don't always get to unilaterally "choose". Relationships are a mutual decision and probably won't work if there's "no connection". What about what she wants?

That said, I would probably choose the not conventionally good looking woman over the extremely attractive one. In truth I've never really been all that fussy about looks, as long as she does it for me in other ways.

Haven't read your prior posts, but just remember that life's a marathon not a sprint. My life and relationships have felt somewhat fuxxed up at various points and it all seemed to work out ok. Eventually one must stop dwelling on things or pining for what we can't have, stop beating one's self up over poor decisions or missed opportunities, etc, and start to move on.

I lost a woman I gladly would have stayed with at the time. When I finally looked her up decades later, she'd changed, I'd changed, and honestly she didn't seem that great. Meanwhile I can look back at what happened after that point and feel fortunate for the life I've lived, things I've done since then, wife, family, etc.

Sometimes the best thing is to pull yourself together and keep on keeping on.

[schlumpy]

I would take your second choice without a second of thought.

[Angelle]

Second one, definitely.

[basil67]

I'm female.  So in a man, I'd choose b.

[dangerous]

On 6/26/2020 at 9:31 PM, HighHopes87 said:

Would you choose a women who you were wildly attracted to but had absolutely no connection with or would you chose a woman that was not conventionally good looking but you had the ‘once in a lifetime’ type of love with? 

Depends on your risk tolerence, and perhaps your level of passion.

Play safe or seek thrills. Personally I go for thrills, but I recognise the dangers!

I'm 57 and still looking for the one lol :)))

[Blind-Sided]

Honestly... The question is dumb.  The flip side to either position would have kept me from being with that person.   In the first side... I may have been attracted to her because she looked good... but I simply can't do dumb.  So... it would have been short lived, and I wouldn't have EVER looked back.   In the second position... if I wasn't physically attracted... I would have never thought about a romantic side of things.  

But @preraph is right... if there was "Love" in the second situation... I would have been attracted on some level, and there wouldn't be a question about it. 

[Wiseman2]

On 6/26/2020 at 4:31 PM, HighHopes87 said:

Would you choose a women who you were wildly attracted to but had absolutely no connection with or would you chose a woman that was not conventionally good looking but you had the ‘once in a lifetime’ type of love with? 

You weren't ready to commit and the last LTR ended poorly because of incompatibility. A lot of  several mos flings sound par for the course on the rebound.  If when you are ready to date and meet the right person this question will answer itself. In the  meantime you can't live in the past.

In fact that you classified your one and only LTR as " not good looking" and "mediocre". This may be why she dumped you. She deserves better than that evaluation. If you want chase skirts for a while fine, but you trashed her when you had her. Live and learn.