do I have a reason to be upset

[emx29]

So me and my girl are at a bar. She points out a guy that she started to date but things didn’t work out. He later comes over and they talk for a minute then he goes back to his table. A little later a server comes over and tells her that the dude wants her to come over there. She goes no hesitation. She comes back and says he just wanted her best friend’s number. I am PISSED. I feel like not only did he disrespect me by calling her over but she did also by going. I feel like she showed him, me, and everybody else there that I’m not really s*** to her. Am I overreacting??

[CaliforniaGirl]

It's disrespectful.

[basil67]

Yes, you're over reacting.  

[Fresh_Start]

2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It's disrespectful.

 

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yes, you're over reacting.  

1 vote for disrespectful, 1 vote for overreacting.  I'll be the tie-breaker.

Had he just stopped by the table to say hi and chit chat for a minute before going on his merry way I'd say you would be overreacting, but getting a server involved to have your girlfriend come to him after that smells fishier than a Kardashian's underpants to me.  It was very disrespectful on his part and I'm not convinced that it was her best friend's number he was after.  If it was that important to him he would have thought of it when he came over to your table the first time or he would have walked back over to your table and asked her for it while politely excusing himself for interrupting your date for the second time.  It's the use of the server to pry you two apart so that he could have a moment alone with her that has me suspecting he was up to no good. 

Her actions are a little harder to read because it may have been your interpretation that she got up without hesitation, but she could have been a little bit more considerate about it by saying something along the lines of, "Sorry about this.  Let me go see what he wants."  

If I was in your shoes I would give my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and just let it go; however, if it's going to be something that keeps you up at night and you feel the need to discuss it with her then don't come at her with guns blazing.  Be a cool customer, let her know that it bothered you, and open up the dialogue about it.     

Edited June 27, 2020 by Fresh_Start

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Just walk away permanently from people with so little class.

 

 

[schlumpy]

That he called her over and she went when she was on a date with you?

You need to look elsewhere.

[FMW]

I would not be happy.  But if this was just a one-time blip, I'd try and let it slide.  If she does something similar in the future, then it becomes a bigger issue.

[Fresh_Start]

10 hours ago, Fresh_Start said:

Her actions are a little harder to read because it may have been your interpretation that she got up without hesitation, but she could have been a little bit more considerate about it by saying something along the lines of, "Sorry about this.  Let me go see what he wants."  

If I was in your shoes I would give my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and just let it go; however, if it's going to be something that keeps you up at night and you feel the need to discuss it with her then don't come at her with guns blazing.  Be a cool customer, let her know that it bothered you, and open up the dialogue about it.     

I wanted to come back to this to clarify and revise ^this part^ because it was past my bedtime and I had prescription sedatives in my system so my thoughts were a little scatterbrained.  Insomnia is a b*tch. 

If she did indeed get up immediately and head over to him without hesitation as though she was excited or curious without even bothering to apologetically excuse herself then what she did was disrespectful and inconsiderate.  Your blood was justifiably boiling that he would even have the audacity to call her over like that while the two of you were on a date and this can lead to an interpretation that is not fully accurate.  He put your girl in an awkward and uncomfortable situation so it's possible that she didn't even really know how to act or respond to such a bizarre request.  You didn't give me/us enough context to fully judge what your girlfriend's actions or intentions were and sometimes you have to be secure enough in yourself and the relationship to give a person the benefit of the doubt and let stuff like that go, especially if she's never done it before.

You know the full details of the situation (how long she spent conversing with him when he came to your table, what her tone was like when talking to him, how long she was with him when he called her over, whether she kept talking about him and looking over at him for the rest of the date, etc.) and you know your girlfriend better than any of us.  Think it through when your head is a little clearer and then have a conversation with her about it without immediately resorting to accusations.     

[d0nnivain]

She should not have gone over there at his summons without you.  That wasn't gracious on her part but you are over-reacting 

Do tell her that he behavior upset you & made you feel "less than" but if she's more respectful of your feelings going forward, never mention this again.  If she gaslights you or gets defensive, just take a pass on her.  

[smackie9]

She should have told him no. If he needed her friends number he would have asked for it when they were first talking. I call bs....she lied. He wanted to say something to her that wasn't for your ears....big red flag.

[kendahke]

On 6/26/2020 at 8:40 PM, emx29 said:

So me and my girl are at a bar. She points out a guy that she started to date but things didn’t work out. He later comes over and they talk for a minute then he goes back to his table. A little later a server comes over and tells her that the dude wants her to come over there. She goes no hesitation

Neither of them think you're about anything--that's why they both behaved the way they did with one another. I wouldn't let it slide (unless I was hard up for a relationship)--they both tested you to see how much they could get away with around you and it looks like there's something they feel comfortable doing in front of your face.

And she's still your girlfriend?  That would have been the last time she saw my face.

I don't think you're overreacting. I don't know too many people who would have been cool with that level of insult to their intelligence.  They would have been incandescent if their partner's ex summoned them over to their table to tell them something they didn't have to stones to say in front of them when they were at the table...and then their date went happily bounding over there instead of telling the server "no".

Edited July 1, 2020 by kendahke

[Juha]

 

I do not know how old your gf is or how long you have been going out for

 

What he did telling the worker to tell her to come over was definitely disrespectful and underhanded

Your really think he wanted her friends number, let's be honest with ourselves here

That seems as shady as could be

 

Your gf was totally disrespectful of you and I would 100% call her out on it.

Her going right over to him is 100% shady

That type of behavior should not be tolerated at all.

You should definitely talk with her and explain why what happened is not acceptable

if she does not understand or brushes it off, then you need to make a decision of keeping or dumping her

If i were you I would be watching her behavior very closely moving forward.

 

You think she would not go behind your back but she seemed all to eager to go over and talk to that guy

so you should be paying very close attention to her and her stories of what she is doing.

Where there is smoke there is fire.  This may have been nothing but it may not be

 

You never know if someone is unhappy or looking to upgrade (in their mind)

so pay close attention would be my suggestion

 

No you are not over reacting at all

 

I wish you luck

Edited July 2, 2020 by Juha

[Juha]

Your gf was being very shady and she 100% lied to you when she came back to the table after talking with this guy

 

I have a feeling things not working out were him dumping her and she is still interested in him.

 

I would not be trusting her much right now, she may be looking to move on

and likes this guy more than you

Can tell that just by her actions with that guy

 

Be prepared to dump your gf