We dance partners, then. married, but felt betrayed. at first.

[QuietRiot]

Was talking to this woman who is now widowed from her husband.  We were talking about the means by which men got their women.  There was this woman that she was dance partnered up with and did some kind of Latin ballroom dancing together. And they'd grown to become close friends, too.  He started to develop feelings for her but...he never made  a move, why? Because she kept going on repeatedly on how she "doesn't need a man".

This prevented him from taking it further. It kept him from asking her out on a date all this time. 

This kind of goes back to that other thread about how women are just content without men in their lives and how they are single by choice and such. There had been a running joke regarding her and her co-horts is she gets all the satisfaction she needs via being touched in her erogenous areas (fondled) while dancing. lol

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and told her how he truly felt about her. She felt betrayed and felt violated...for being touched by him in those areas. That he was using it as a reason to feel her up. Over time, she got over it, and realized he was a gentleman, a man of character and that perhaps his feelings were genuine and not exploitative. It was her mom and daughter that told her to give him a shot as he was a kind man, because they knew him, too.  

Then, she got mad at him for not telling her SOONER. (Which I agree, he should have).  But then they married...and it was happily ever after.

This is kind of an outlier example I suppose, but it's an example how men aren't really aggressive when asking women out or showing interest or afraid to cross boundaries I suppose. Her touting, "I don't need a man!" didn't help her cause either as that's a hint to ever man is talking to her to leave her alone...yes? no?

[QuietRiot]

...in sense, she was shooting herself in the foot by constantly parroting, "I don't need a man!" in front of her dance partners. Self-sabotage really, so she had only herself to blame for own outraged and demonizing her dance partner.

[nospam99]

I'm confused about exactly who the woman you talked to, her female friend, and the male-female dance partners are or were.

Nevertheless, as a ballroom dancer, I understand the avoidance-attraction 'problem'. If I had a frequent dance partner who decided to share with me that she didn't 'need a man', I'd take that as a 2x4 between the eyes and keep my distance romantically.

Also, even in closed Latin positions, I don't touch erogenous zones or fondle my partners. Skilled 'leads' (the male is usually the lead, the female the 'follow') never do.

Finally, covid isolation has killed ballroom dancing, at least in my community. Given the distance between partners, changing partners from dance to dance (unless you have a regular partner), being indoors, and the density of the crowd, I am not optimistic about ballroom dancing returning.

[QuietRiot]

32 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

I'm confused about exactly who the woman you talked to, her female friend, and the male-female dance partners are or were.

Nevertheless, as a ballroom dancer, I understand the avoidance-attraction 'problem'. If I had a frequent dance partner who decided to share with me that she didn't 'need a man', I'd take that as a 2x4 between the eyes and keep my distance romantically.

Also, even in closed Latin positions, I don't touch erogenous zones or fondle my partners. Skilled 'leads' (the male is usually the lead, the female the 'follow') never do.

Finally, covid isolation has killed ballroom dancing, at least in my community. Given the distance between partners, changing partners from dance to dance (unless you have a regular partner), being indoors, and the density of the crowd, I am not optimistic about ballroom dancing returning.

I guess she experienced otherwise. Of course, that's you, but apparently, it's IS part of the dance moves.

When ballroom dancing there are lifts, drops and dips that require your partner to touch and hold you in private areas. Unless her male dance partner broke any rules regarding that, then did she really violate her, and subconsciously...she let him do so?  Thusly, she did an entire 180 and may have been attracted to him this whole time?

Unless she's blowing smoke up my butt? I figured when it came to Latin dancing, it is part of the culture to touch certain parts...or at least get close to them with your hands...like stomach or lower back...am I right on that?

Edited June 27, 2020 by QuietRiot

[elaine567]

42 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

...in sense, she was shooting herself in the foot by constantly parroting, "I don't need a man!" in front of her dance partners. Self-sabotage really, so she had only herself to blame for own outraged and demonizing her dance partner.

I guess she was trying to cover up her lack of a man, by saying she didn't want one, when that was obviously untrue when her cover was exposed.
I do think some women in the same situation may still have rejected him as "I don't need a man" was true or the man was not the man she needed...

[nospam99]

quietriot said ''I figured when it came to Latin dancing, it is part of the culture to touch certain parts...or at least get close to them with your hands...like stomach or lower back...am I right on that? ''

Not in the studios where I've taken dance lessons. Back lead contact point is lead's right hand to follow's left shoulder blade, nothing lower. Lifts are lead's hands to follow's pelvic bones, nothing closer to center (q.v. Patrick's lift of Jennifer in Dirty Dancing). Drops are two-handed hand to hand. On a dip, the lead's hands might go lower on the follow's ribs than the aforementioned shoulder blade placement. In tango, there is intermittent contact of both partners' right pelvic bones to each other. Beyond that, maybe on TV on Dancing with the Stars to add 'pizzazz'.

If I'm dancing with a romantic partner, of course my hands will go lower and she'll only complain if it makes it more difficult for her to follow. For the dancing part, the point of the hand positioning is to communicate what to do next. For the romantic part, the point of the hand positioning is to communicate what to do after we're done dancing :p

Example: with a properly positioned right hand, the heel of that hand is at shoulder blade level on her left side at the back edge of and below her armpit. I can then give a good lead of an inside underarm turn by pushing the heel of my right hand forward and to my left while I move my left hand, which is holding her right hand, up and to my right across the front of her body. My right hand will break contact as she executes the turn. I 'could' 'fondle' her by letting the fingers of my right hand brush across her breasts as she turns. If she's not my gf, 'could' also expect to be slapped and asked to leave the dance.

Edited June 27, 2020 by nospam99

[chillii]

lt's not an example of men , but eh you can speak for yourself if you like rather than yet more generalizations , or start some threads of whatever problems you have getting hold of women. It's just one silly story of yet another woman that's just messed up and has no idea of who she is, so what's new. Personally ,l'd say he was just a lot smarter than you and waited to see where's she's really at first rather than jumping in and possibly dealing with her head forever in a day, blaming him for her bs , is just bs. Any guy with any brains would do the same with a woman like that. And btw , l'm sure she was well aware and lapping it up being touched up during dancing, she'd be finding another partner if she wasn't.or is the fact she didn't suppose to be his fault too.

Edited June 27, 2020 by chillii

[chillii]

Or simply put another way , he took his time and let her need take over and unravel "her own " silly head for him , first.