My opening message on Bumble after she sent me an emoji opener

[salparadise]

19 hours ago, max3732 said:

Finally after about a year I finally got a match on Bumble...

I don't really know what to do with this. Does that mean she's just saying she's happy with both swiped right?

She's doing the absolute minimum and expecting you to go into desperate pursuit mode. Of course if you do that she'll get the little ego boost and you'll get no respect and no response. The best thing is to be something of a smart ass and say something sarcastic without being blatantly offensive... "did you not get the memo- Bumble no longer charges by the word. habla usted Inglés ?" This gives it a caviler, don't-give-a-phukk attitude, which is a thousand times better than Mr. Sincerity in this context. 

[max3732]

7 hours ago, Erik30 said:

I think her just sending an emoji is very lazy and shows she didn't put any effort in at all. She might be one of those women who believe that the guy should always make the first move (Even though she's on Bumble)

Just for that, I would just send her anything without thinking too much about my message... there's a chance she might not even reply anyway. And if she wasn't that cute I would ignore her 

To my eyes she's very cute and like I mentioned she has a lot in common with me (at least on paper).

6 hours ago, amanda141 said:

Keep it simple and laid-back. If I were you I’d just send her a “Hey how are you?☺️“ or the joey’s gif

I ended up sending the Joey gif by accident! Apparently you just tap on it and it sends. You don't have to confirm or hit "send".

So I sent her the emojis, the gif, and a little something about the paddleboarding she did and that I went kayaking which hopefully wasn't too much. No way to take it back now. All I can do is wait.

[Mystery4u]

5 minutes ago, max3732 said:

To my eyes she's very cute and like I mentioned she has a lot in common with me (at least on paper).

I ended up sending the Joey gif by accident! Apparently you just tap on it and it sends. You don't have to confirm or hit "send".

So I sent her the emojis, the gif, and a little something about the paddleboarding she did and that I went kayaking which hopefully wasn't too much. No way to take it back now. All I can do is wait.

Oh dear. You ignore everyone's advice and stick to doing the same thing that has got you nowhere in the past. *Facepalm*

You come across so desperate and women can smell the desperation from far away.

Have fun waiting...

Edited June 28, 2020 by Mystery4u

[max3732]

16 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

Oh dear. You ignore everyone's advice and stick to doing the same thing that has got you nowhere in the past. *Facepalm*

You come across so desperate and women can smell the desperation from far away.

Have fun waiting...

I was following everyone's advice! I did the emoji that I wouldn't have before and completely changed what I was going to write and made it extremely short.

[Azincourt]

Good. Keep us updated.

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

I was following everyone's advice! I did the emoji that I wouldn't have before and completely changed what I was going to write and made it extremely short.

I know it was just a mistake this time with the gif part but also just keep in mind that in a way, it seems like you might feel like throwing in everything/all general approaches recommended is THE best option.  I don't think IMO that is best strategy at all.  Idk, i think it's a bit transparent and again trying too hard.  Next time pick one strategy, whichever one and do that.  At least you will stand for something.

From older threads, i think you kind of tend to get stuck in perfectionist mode which kind of tongue-ties you.  IMO, throwing in all approaches at once is a version of that same mode.  And it won't work.  You are failing to seize on the most important thing: being you and throwing "you" out there for a genuine connection with the person across from you and what she is about.  You might never have the perfect answer but even our varied suggested approaches show that girls are different.  Lol, you could practice by responding to me in one way that's more likely to connect with me & some of the other posters on this same thread in a way that is most likely to connect with them.  It's important to pick up on clues.  In theory, you've had a similar amount of time interacting with each of us on your threads as it would be to read a bumble profile and garner the best approach.  Not suggesting that you actively try to date anyone here, just that you tailor your approaches a little more while at the same time expressing who you are.  If you are a nice, driven, ambitious guy--then IMO with a quick chance to impress you show the driven, ambitious side always with confidence.  Like you can't be something you are not.  If you are a goofball and can back it up with more humor which also would have had to already have been conveyed a bit in how you present yourself on the profile, then maybe a funny gif is fine but if you are using it as a cover for lack of anything real to say or the confidence to approach this girl, then it's likely to fail.  It has to be authentic  

Edited June 28, 2020 by Versacehottie

[poppyfields]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

To my eyes she's very cute and like I mentioned she has a lot in common with me (at least on paper).

I ended up sending the Joey gif by accident! Apparently you just tap on it and it sends. You don't have to confirm or hit "send".

So I sent her the emojis, the gif, and a little something about the paddleboarding she did and that I went kayaking which hopefully wasn't too much. No way to take it back now. All I can do is wait.

So you sent three messages, in response to her one lame emoji?  Did I read that correctly?    

Or did you send one message, with the emojis, the Joey gif and about kayaking?

In any event, oh dear is right, and if you cannot see how desperate that was, I don't think anyone can help you.  I'm sorry. 

That said, I hope she responds, let us know. Good luck. 

Edited June 28, 2020 by poppyfields

[max3732]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

So you sent three messages, in response to her one lame emoji?  Did I read that correctly?    

Or did you send one message, with the emojis, the Joey gif and about kayaking?

In any event, oh dear is right, and if you cannot see how desperate that was, I don't think anyone can help you.  I'm sorry. 

That said, I hope she responds, let us know. Good luck. 

Like I said I sent the gif by mistake. I was just trying to figure out how the search thing worked and didn't realize it would send without me hitting "send" or any kind of confirm. I don't think the emoji and couple words came across as desperate, but I agree that with the gif it's too much. I will let you know what happens either way.

[SumGuy]

16 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Like I said I sent the gif by mistake. I was just trying to figure out how the search thing worked and didn't realize it would send without me hitting "send" or any kind of confirm. I don't think the emoji and couple words came across as desperate, but I agree that with the gif it's too much. I will let you know what happens either way.

Hey if you hear back you can feel more assured she really likes what she saw and/or you share the same sense of humor and communication style.  Good luck max.

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 hours ago, salparadise said:

She's doing the absolute minimum and expecting you to go into desperate pursuit mode. Of course if you do that she'll get the little ego boost and you'll get no respect and no response. The best thing is to be something of a smart ass and say something sarcastic without being blatantly offensive... "did you not get the memo- Bumble no longer charges by the word. habla usted Inglés ?" This gives it a caviler, don't-give-a-phukk attitude, which is a thousand times better than Mr. Sincerity in this context. 

I would definitely tell the person who snarked this at me to blank-off. 😂 

Edited June 29, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

Hey if you hear back you can feel more assured she really likes what she saw and/or you share the same sense of humor and communication style.  Good luck max.

Yup! Don't worry, just wait and see.

[Fresh_Start]

On 6/27/2020 at 2:36 PM, max3732 said:

Everyone always says that you should have a clever opening message, but on Bumble after both swiping right the women send the 1st message and all she sent me was an emoji with a hand clapping.

Here's what I was going to say...

"Wow, Sally, looks like we've got a lot of the same hobbies/interests and are looking for something similar. How'd you get into "hobby name"? Do you get a chance to play often?"

What do you think? Considering how few matches I've gotten on Bumble later I was to make this count.

Nah.  If a woman sent me a hand clapping emoji on an app like that I'd say something like:

"Thanks, I'll be here all week!" or "Please hold your applause until the end.  I haven't even got started yet. "

[Azincourt]

So... has she replied with anything at all yet?

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Azincourt said:

So... has she replied with anything at all yet?

Not yet...

[salparadise]

13 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I would definitely tell the person who snarked this at me to blank-off. 😂 

Yea, well, the way I see it is that if she's not willing to invest a sentence or two as an opener... why should I humble myself by bestowing compliments or acting so thirsty that I'd be giddy over an emoji. A snarky response keeps the playing field level and shows that I'm as invested as she is. I'd assume that it was probably a worthless contact anyway, but it gives her a chance to up her game if she chooses. If I didn't hear from her within a day or two I'd unmatch and not think twice. What would you do if a guy sent you an emoji as a first message?

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, salparadise said:

... why should I humble myself by bestowing compliments or acting so thirsty that I'd be giddy over an emoji. A snarky response keeps the playing field level and shows that I'm as invested as she is   

There is a lot of response territory between humble/flattery and snark.  Level the playing field? What the heck is that about, to view OLD  as some sort of power struggle?

I guess if that works for you though. 

Edited June 29, 2020 by SumGuy

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, salparadise said:

Yea, well, the way I see it is that if she's not willing to invest a sentence or two as an opener... why should I humble myself by bestowing compliments or acting so thirsty that I'd be giddy over an emoji. A snarky response keeps the playing field level and shows that I'm as invested as she is. I'd assume that it was probably a worthless contact anyway, but it gives her a chance to up her game if she chooses. If I didn't hear from her within a day or two I'd unmatch and not think twice. What would you do if a guy sent you an emoji as a first message?

Well if it's not enough to have any emotion about why answer?

Snark always comes off as butt-hurt (sorry to put it that way). It definitely doesn't hurt the woman on OLD, it sounds sour grape-ish. Why are you answering at all if you're "not as invested" as she is? It's really transparent. I'm saying this to help.

[CaliforniaGirl]

33 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

There is a lot of response territory between humble/flattery and snark.  Level the playing field? What the heck is that about, to view OLD  as some sort of power struggle?

I guess if that works for you though. 

Yes, and the thing is, what woman is going to turn around and go "Wait, he's angry and he says borderline racist stuff like 'habla ingles'? In a sarcastic, hurt, overreactive and not at all cool manner...I've changed my mind, I'd better come up with a humbled and interested response so I can lock that down"?

[Erik30]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

Not yet...

This is why I said your reply probably won't matter that much and you shouldn't overthink it. Usually when a girl sends me an emoji as a first message it doesn't go anywhere... they either don't send anything after that initial message, or they stop replying after a couple of texts.

I guess sometimes people are just bored and looking for someone/anyone to talk to. She might have sent all of her matches emojis and started talking with the ones who replied first. But I hope that it will work out for you with this girl.

[poppyfields]

I think I said this before but my guess is she sent the emoji to a bunch of guys, for the sole purpose of seeing how many will jump. 

Why?   Ego boost.

I doubt she had any intention of even talking to any of them let alone meeting. 

I could be wrong, it's just a hunch, but I know women who do this.  

It's all a game.   She may already have a bf.

Edited June 29, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I think I said this before but my guess is she sent the emoji to a bunch of guys, for the sole purpose of seeing how many will jump. 

Why?   Ego boost.

I doubt she had any intention of even talking to any of them let alone meeting. 

I could be wrong, it's just a hunch, but I know women who do this.  

It's all a game.   She may already have a bf.

I don't know...guys do the spaghetti at the wall method...maybe some women do too?

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I don't know...guys do the spaghetti at the wall method...maybe some women do too?

True, like I said, it was just a hunch.  

I would think if a woman's goal was to actually talk to guys and then meet if they click, she would have put forth a bit more effort than an emoji, and a rather lame one at that.

But who knows.  

Edited June 29, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ollie180]

On 6/27/2020 at 7:36 PM, max3732 said:

Here's what I was going to say...

“So.. does this mean we’re married now? 🤔”

(if she’s got a sense of humour, she’ll bite 😆)

[max3732]

23 minutes ago, Ollie180 said:

“So.. does this mean we’re married now? 🤔”

(if she’s got a sense of humour, she’ll bite 😆)

Maybe I should have done something funny like that or made a funny comment about the hand clapping emoji like someone else said. I think Bumble is taunting me. I got a message from them just telling me I had a "like" and when I checked it says there are no more matches near me.

From her profile she looks like what I'm hoping to find so I'm willing to invest more effort that if it was just a random profile where she looked attractive but didn't have anything. She did write quite a bit on the profile.

One thing with Bumble is it shows you her location and it says she's far away (100 miles), but she does have on there that she lives near me. Maybe she's traveling for summer vacation and will message me when she gets back?

[Fresh_Start]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Maybe I should have done something funny like that or made a funny comment about the hand clapping emoji like someone else said. I think Bumble is taunting me. I got a message from them just telling me I had a "like" and when I checked it says there are no more matches near me.

From her profile she looks like what I'm hoping to find so I'm willing to invest more effort that if it was just a random profile where she looked attractive but didn't have anything. She did write quite a bit on the profile.

One thing with Bumble is it shows you her location and it says she's far away (100 miles), but she does have on there that she lives near me. Maybe she's traveling for summer vacation and will message me when she gets back?

You need to stop overthinking it so much or you'll always be unsure of yourself.  It was all this overthinking that had you send her three messages in the first place. 

Once you understand that the goal here is not to impress these women by any means necessary, but to be yourself and get to know them just as they need to get to know you, you'll relax and be in a much better position to confidently interact with them.  When you're confident you don't even have to think about what to say, you'll just say it.