Tips after begging?

[TylerMc]

Hey guys i begged an pleaded with my ex for a week an a few days after the break up. It was 3 weeks ago an i sent a final text yesterday which got no response just wishing her well when she goes back to work an she knows where i am if she needs me and today is my first day of no contact. Does anyone have any tips or experience with ex’s after u have made a fool of yourself? 

[d0nnivain]

Sure.  They disappear.  They never think about your or your gaff again.  Because you never see them again, you have no reason to be embarrassed by what you did because there are no reminders. 

Focus on your own healing.  It's the best thing you can do.  

[Realitysux]

It's harder to heal. I don't beg for him to come back but I begged for him to leave because it would have made it easier on me. I feel a little down now and I'm starting in the field of masonry tomorrow. What works for me is that I came here on my own with nothing, and I finally found something. Maybe not something I thought I'd end up doing, but something I'm good at. If feels like I'll never fully heal at times but I will. The way to look at it as they are happy now but you will later and keep forcing yourself up and through life. I still have a hard time finding passions cause I am still depressed but I'm getting better. The fact he would do this to a depressed person, reflects him. I understood he didn't like me but I am still gonna struggle to find a connection so the best thing I can do is landscaping since I'm passionate about it and love doing it. You can't compete with their new partners so why bother. 

 

Edited June 28, 2020 by Realitysux

[preraph]

No contact will solve everything.  It will give you a little of your dignity back and you won't ever be tempted to humiliate yourself again and can move on to the next one.  Good luck.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, as the others have said - you need to completely stop contacting her now. 

It's hard, yes. But there's really no other move for you make her, particularly when your last message didn't elicit any response. She is annoyed now but she'll eventually get over it and move on with her life. You will do the same. 

[elaine567]

16 hours ago, TylerMc said:

Does anyone have any tips or experience with ex’s after u have made a fool of yourself? 

You did not make a fool of yourself, you were hurt and upset and you wanted her back, but it was/is unlikely that any reaction would have sent her back to you.
When a person is done they are usually done and they don't ever want you back.
That is how it works.
You could have been cool and aloof, rational and pleasant, angry and raging, sulking and bitter... etc. and it would not have made one whit of a difference.
She is now your ex, she is no longer in your life.
Accept that.
Time to start moving on in a different direction.
 

[basil67]

Tyler, don't be concerned about having begged.  For every male poster who says that begging will drive her away, there is a female poster wondering why he didn't fight for to change her mind.    Anyway, I agree with the others that she will forget the begging part.   

Time now to focus on yourself.

 

 

[regine_phalange]

18 hours ago, TylerMc said:

Hey guys i begged an pleaded with my ex for a week an a few days after the break up. It was 3 weeks ago an i sent a final text yesterday which got no response just wishing her well when she goes back to work an she knows where i am if she needs me and today is my first day of no contact. Does anyone have any tips or experience with ex’s after u have made a fool of yourself? 

Well, I wouldn't say you made a fool of yourself. You just tried to make things right. But it's a two way street and I don't think there's much else for you to do right now. Why did you guys break up?

[TylerMc]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Tyler, don't be concerned about having begged.  For every male poster who says that begging will drive her away, there is a female poster wondering why he didn't fight for to change her mind.    Anyway, I agree with the others that she will forget the begging part.   

Time now to focus on yourself.

 

 

Thanks man i needed this.

[TylerMc]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

You did not make a fool of yourself, you were hurt and upset and you wanted her back, but it was/is unlikely that any reaction would have sent her back to you.
When a person is done they are usually done and they don't ever want you back.
That is how it works.
You could have been cool and aloof, rational and pleasant, angry and raging, sulking and bitter... etc. and it would not have made one whit of a difference.
She is now your ex, she is no longer in your life.
Accept that.
Time to start moving on in a different direction.
 

Very true thank you its going to be a long hard road man  

[TylerMc]

1 hour ago, regine_phalange said:

Well, I wouldn't say you made a fool of yourself. You just tried to make things right. But it's a two way street and I don't think there's much else for you to do right now. Why did you guys break up?

Hey man i did another post called my break up story i don't really know how to show you it I’m new here but it says it all in that

[TylerMc]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, as the others have said - you need to completely stop contacting her now. 

It's hard, yes. But there's really no other move for you make her, particularly when your last message didn't elicit any response. She is annoyed now but she'll eventually get over it and move on with her life. You will do the same. 

I hope so i just dont see anything forming at the minute 😣 Time is a killer

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, TylerMc said:

I hope so i just dont see anything forming at the minute 😣 Time is a killer

It is, but trust that it will sting less as it passes. 

[regine_phalange]

50 minutes ago, TylerMc said:

Hey man i did another post called my break up story i don't really know how to show you it I’m new here but it says it all in that

Ah, just read it. You did more than enough in that case. You're probably better off without her anyway. 

[TylerMc]

1 minute ago, regine_phalange said:

Ah, just read it. You did more than enough in that case. You're probably better off without her anyway. 

Thank you Its hard knowing no matter what you do it isn’t gonna change her mind. Building someone up and Losing yourself in them for them to just leave sucks. Day 2n/c today

[rjc149]

I would advise you to not count the days of NC. There's no magical number of days you will reach that will change the situation.

It's like counting days since you've smoked your last cigarette (if you've ever quit smoking). There's an built-in reward psychology when you do. "Well I've gone 30 days without a cigarette, just one won't hurt, I've been so good" etc. 

It will not be okay to contact her after 30 days, or 60 days, or 90 days. She is no longer a part of your life, so there is no reason to contact her again. Counting days keeps her in your life, it's a means of trying to maintain a connection to her. 

No contact is forever, unless SHE reaches out to YOU. 

So it doesn't matter how many days, months or years pass without contacting her. 

[d0nnivain]

Counting the days in the beginning is sort of human nature.  You need the sense of accomplishment.  I used it positively reminding myself I had gone 2 days so I could go another 2 hours, after a week I said I can go another day etc.  It is a one day at a time thing but rjc149 is right that there is no finish line.  It's forever.  I would go so far as to say even if your EX reaches out NC means you don't answer.  To me the only exception is that if you are out & randomly bump into the person you give a tight smile, nod & walk away.  

[TylerMc]

28 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

I would advise you to not count the days of NC. There's no magical number of days you will reach that will change the situation.

It's like counting days since you've smoked your last cigarette (if you've ever quit smoking). There's an built-in reward psychology when you do. "Well I've gone 30 days without a cigarette, just one won't hurt, I've been so good" etc. 

It will not be okay to contact her after 30 days, or 60 days, or 90 days. She is no longer a part of your life, so there is no reason to contact her again. Counting days keeps her in your life, it's a means of trying to maintain a connection to her. 

No contact is forever, unless SHE reaches out to YOU. 

So it doesn't matter how many days, months or years pass without contacting her. 

Very true i find myself just sitting Thinking just 10 more minutes an its been an hour which isn't healthy. I am struggling but i hope I’ll get there sooner rather than later.

 

thank you

[mark clemson]

People may bash me for saying this, but - if you have a relatively easy time with women, consider a rebound to help get her off your mind. It's a band aid on the "emotional wound" but - band aids help sometimes - that's why we have them.

Just be honest that you're not looking to LTRs yet, so she surprised if/when it doesn't fully pan out.

[Fox Sake]

21 hours ago, TylerMc said:

Hey guys i begged an pleaded with my ex for a week an a few days after the break up. It was 3 weeks ago an i sent a final text yesterday which got no response just wishing her well when she goes back to work an she knows where i am if she needs me and today is my first day of no contact. Does anyone have any tips or experience with ex’s after u have made a fool of yourself? 

You did what you felt you had to do. don’t beat yourself up for it. You tried to save it and it didn’t work , so you can now rest easy with the knowledge that you tried. I think we have all made a fool of outsides at some point. I think I’ve done it In the past , more than most to be honest. You can take a whole lot of lessons from all this for yourself! 

The first few weeks after a breakup is make or break as far as reconciliation goes in the short term. You got your answer , now all you need to do is heal and move on with your life , learn from all the pain, the joy, the heartache and also your own behaviour/begging to try and reconcile. 
 

No more texts or reaching out to her. There is someone better for you out there

I really hope you find some peace soon 

[rjc149]

48 minutes ago, TylerMc said:

Very true i find myself just sitting Thinking just 10 more minutes an its been an hour which isn't healthy. I am struggling but i hope I’ll get there sooner rather than later.

 

thank you

And just to be clear, women ALWAYS want the men they've dumped to "fight for them." It's purely for ego and validation, it makes her feel wanted. 

When a man doesn't fight for her, it makes her question her value and attractiveness and it causes her to feel insecure. That's why she wants you to fight. She wants to feel secure in her attractiveness. That doesn't mean she wants you back -- quite the opposite, in fact. It's why she just dumped you. 

Chasing, begging and pleading is needy, unattractive behavior. It damages your chances of reconciliation with an ex. Don't do it. The most attractive thing you can do after being dumped is to give her what she wants and disappear completely. 

You can undo the begging and pleading, to a certain degree, by never contacting her again and showing her that you are strong enough to move on. 

[TylerMc]

41 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

And just to be clear, women ALWAYS want the men they've dumped to "fight for them." It's purely for ego and validation, it makes her feel wanted. 

When a man doesn't fight for her, it makes her question her value and attractiveness and it causes her to feel insecure. That's why she wants you to fight. She wants to feel secure in her attractiveness. That doesn't mean she wants you back -- quite the opposite, in fact. It's why she just dumped you. 

Chasing, begging and pleading is needy, unattractive behavior. It damages your chances of reconciliation with an ex. Don't do it. The most attractive thing you can do after being dumped is to give her what she wants and disappear completely. 

You can undo the begging and pleading, to a certain degree, by never contacting her again and showing her that you are strong enough to move on. 

Thank you i Can start from today trying to move on

[TylerMc]

43 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

You did what you felt you had to do. don’t beat yourself up for it. You tried to save it and it didn’t work , so you can now rest easy with the knowledge that you tried. I think we have all made a fool of outsides at some point. I think I’ve done it In the past , more than most to be honest. You can take a whole lot of lessons from all this for yourself! 

The first few weeks after a breakup is make or break as far as reconciliation goes in the short term. You got your answer , now all you need to do is heal and move on with your life , learn from all the pain, the joy, the heartache and also your own behaviour/begging to try and reconcile. 
 

No more texts or reaching out to her. There is someone better for you out there

I really hope you find some peace soon 

Thanks so much, if its meant to be it will be if not then someone better is waiting for me

[TylerMc]

58 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

People may bash me for saying this, but - if you have a relatively easy time with women, consider a rebound to help get her off your mind. It's a band aid on the "emotional wound" but - band aids help sometimes - that's why we have them.

Just be honest that you're not looking to LTRs yet, so she surprised if/when it doesn't fully pan out.

I know what you mean mate but i don't even think i could look at another girl for a long time. Thank you tho

[ExpatInItaly]

43 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

And just to be clear, women ALWAYS want the men they've dumped to "fight for them." It's purely for ego and validation, it makes her feel wanted. 

Sorry, but no. This is not always true. 

Source: I'm a woman who's dumped men.