HighHopes87 Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 So I’ve read that this is a thing. Have you ever met your soul mate but not actually ended up being with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 2 hours ago, HighHopes87 said: So I’ve read that this is a thing. Have you ever met your soul mate but not actually ended up being with them? It happens all the time. People assume people are their soul mates but their not. Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 On 6/28/2020 at 5:55 PM, HighHopes87 said: So I’ve read that this is a thing. Have you ever met your soul mate but not actually ended up being with them? Yes, worst mistake of my life. On 6/28/2020 at 8:00 PM, Realitysux said: It happens all the time. People assume people are their soul mates but their not. That can be true. My cousin believes a woman who worked at a sports bar was he soulmate. The problem is only talked to her once. He has no real idea the person she really is, it was all superficial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 (edited) It's not a thing. If you don't end up with them, they are not your soulmate. The whole concept of soulmate is that there is equal enthusiasm from both sides. Edited July 4, 2020 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 Does ending up with them mean as in marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighHopes87 Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 Yeah I guess what I mean is - I’ve never felt a connection with anyone as much as I did with my ex girlfriend. It’s not for want of trying. We just connected on a deeper level. I can’t find that same intensity with anyone else and I wonder if I ever will. We didn’t end up together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 14 minutes ago, HighHopes87 said: Yeah I guess what I mean is - I’ve never felt a connection with anyone as much as I did with my ex girlfriend. It’s not for want of trying. We just connected on a deeper level. I can’t find that same intensity with anyone else and I wonder if I ever will. We didn’t end up together. How old are you? I ask because you tend to feel this kind of thing more strongly when younger and less experienced in life and love. There are many philosophies around soulmates. My general interpretation is that we can have a number of soulmates throughout life - romantic, friendly, mentoring. They say like attracts like, so we tend to attract people on the same wavelength as us, to enjoy it together and work through any snags in common. Many of these connections will come and go. Perhaps you need to learn an important lesson and this is just the person to teach you. Every connection with another person is unique. There are certain things about each of my friends, former lovers, anyone dear to me, that are totally unique and irreplaceable. That's the beauty of really getting to know and love people. The price of real love... if one of these connections should fade out... is grief. But time heals and you move forward through life. 4 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighHopes87 Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 Thank you so much for your detailed response and insight. I really appreciate it. What you said makes so much sense. in answer to your question I’m 34. I joined this forum because I’ve been slipping into a weird ‘grieving’ stage for my ex girlfriend. We split up just over 4 years ago. I was young and stupid and because of my wrong doing it didn’t work out. i know that people will say ‘well if you loved her you wouldn’t have did what you did’ etc but I was just too immature to appreciate what we had. I genuinely believe that she was my soul mate. What we had was really Special and I’ve never felt that way with anyone else. I just can’t seem to get that same level of connection and emotional depth with anyone else and it really haunts me. I’ve had a few short term relationships and lots of dates but nothing compares to the chemistry that I had with my ex girlfriend. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 I can relate. I've definitely experienced that feeling of lingering over a relationship for years and having a hard time completely letting go of hope, because of our strong connection at a deep level. Have you had any communication with her? Is there any room to discuss the idea of another chance? If not, I'd say just try to enjoy the memories of the great times you had. Then focus on the present and future so you open up room in your life for something even better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 On 6/28/2020 at 4:55 PM, HighHopes87 said: So I’ve read that this is a thing. Have you ever met your soul mate but not actually ended up being with them? Yup, at least three men in my life ( I married one. Twice ) It's just the sense of deep connection when several 'perfect storm' things line up, and since they are often rather negative connections the relationships don't necessarily work out as happy overall, though they go on for a long time. You could also have something recognised in recent years as 'complicated grief', when we settle into a state of mourning which does not pass over time. It's there on @RubySlippers signature 'what you focus on grows'. Grieving meets a lot of our 'higher order' needs for emotional intensity- for a while. Sounds like you are done now? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 On 7/4/2020 at 10:26 AM, basil67 said: t's not a thing. If you don't end up with them, they are not your soulmate. The whole concept of soulmate is that there is equal enthusiasm from both sides. Not sure, sometimes circumstances can conspire to prevent a person from being with someone who is really compatible for them, also sometimes a person can be in the wrong headspace and not realise how suitable a particular person might be for them, they might then realise it all of a sudden five years later but by then the people have probably moved on to different paths in life "if I knew then what I know now" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cornholio12 Posted July 6, 2020 Share Posted July 6, 2020 I can believe in it, but it depends on who you ask. Strong bonds can be formed online, an actual connection won’t be formed until you’ve met multiple times to see if they’re a ‘soul mate’ or not. But it doesn’t happen overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 On 7/5/2020 at 5:36 PM, Foxhall said: Not sure, sometimes circumstances can conspire to prevent a person from being with someone who is really compatible for them, also sometimes a person can be in the wrong headspace and not realise how suitable a particular person might be for them, they might then realise it all of a sudden five years later but by then the people have probably moved on to different paths in life "if I knew then what I know now" I totally adore a friend, he and I would be great together, but...he's not been so far in over a decade able to get over his wife's death. He's not ready. Nothing I can do except move on. He won't be happy to see me with someone else either! Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 On 7/5/2020 at 6:36 PM, Foxhall said: Not sure, sometimes circumstances can conspire to prevent a person from being with someone who is really compatible for them, also sometimes a person can be in the wrong headspace and not realise how suitable a particular person might be for them, they might then realise it all of a sudden five years later but by then the people have probably moved on to different paths in life "if I knew then what I know now" I agree completely with what you said. Life is not a Hollywood movie, it's complicated. I don't care how compatible a couple might be, circumstances can end it all. In my case, Erin was supposed to move to another state. I thought that I could deal with it. I was wrong. I was afraid she'd leave and I'd be devastated, I distanced myself so was a poor boyfriend to her. Erin broke up with me. I called her a month later and she thought she'd never hear from me again and that I somehow hated her. A few weeks later, I ran into her best friend who gave me a speech how I needed to get back with Erin, how I was the right one for her etc. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 (edited) On 7/7/2020 at 8:03 AM, Cornholio12 said: I can believe in it, but it depends on who you ask. Strong bonds can be formed online, an actual connection won’t be formed until you’ve met multiple times to see if they’re a ‘soul mate’ or not. But it doesn’t happen overnight. Actually if it's the real thing it happens much much sooner than over night , true depth and soul may even be felt before you even meet. There may even be signs and strings of strange coincidences that won't make sense until you do meet but then you realize that's what they were about and fore warning . They say twin flames , souls , may never actually end up together. But if your both deeply in touch or l hate to use the word because most no matter what they think really wouldn;t truly know what it even is , most don't even seem to really know what even love is let alone actually truly feel this thing. But you can literally be connected spiritually before you've even met. l've had all this happen with somebody and l'm 50s , and then we met , but we'd already met so to speak. But yet no , we didn;t end up together through very difficult circumstances . So why did it even happen and much much more that'd blow your mind well , that we never did figure out , l mean why, what was the point of such a once in a lifetime or maybe 3 lifetimes thing , if we couldn't be together. Edited July 29, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 On 7/5/2020 at 2:55 PM, HighHopes87 said: I can’t find that same intensity. Intensity is not intimacy. It's an adrenaline rush. It sounds like you are having nostalgia and in the doldrums. This is paralyzing you and unrealistically glorifying past good times. There's no such thing as one specific soulmate. When you are in a less inert place, whoever you meet and click with will be your soulmate. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 (edited) No one can say there's no such thing as one, least of all one person on a forum . As l said very few people would even relate to the real thing. Even what l said above has not even registered which l knew it wouldn't. The rest and the other people you could love and be happy with , aren't the thing that refers too. But l agree with you about op and nope she wasn't your soul mate op that much l could easily tell in seconds reading your post and why l wasn't even gonna bother butt , for the few that have lived it it's just a fascinating subject. Edited July 29, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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