pepperbird Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 I don't know if he is a pedophile or not, but do you really want to take that risk? It most have bothered you at some level, otherwise, you wouldn't be bringing it up online. Op, what does your get tell you? PTSD or not, trust yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 (edited) On 6/29/2020 at 3:07 PM, mark clemson said: My thought would be that if you think there's even a very small chance he would actually molest a child, then DON'T bring a child into the relationship, period, end of story. This. Listen to your gut instincts ALWAYS!! Edited July 1, 2020 by Hopeful30 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 (edited) He's not going to change....and the more you discover about his behavior the worse it is getting. He avidly watches porn, has nothing to do with you, isn't paying any attention to you, he says whatever you want to hear..yes that's right he tells you what you want to hear "Yes you are pretty, no you look good to me, etc"...you are making so many excuses for this man because you are in denial. OP please get your head out of your heart so you can have a real good view of how negative your husband is to your marriage. Your friends have your back, you have help/support if you need it....you are good to go and get a lawyer. Edited July 1, 2020 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 op, maybe you don't realize it, but you are worth it. You are worth being treated with respect. You are worth being in a relationship that works for both parties, you deserve to have an smile on your face instead of sadness in your heart. If being with this guy isn't giving you that , you have some choices to make. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, pepperbird said: op, maybe you don't realize it, but you are worth it. You are worth being treated with respect. You are worth being in a relationship that works for both parties, you deserve to have an smile on your face instead of sadness in your heart. If being with this guy isn't giving you that , you have some choices to make. This. Loyalty to your husband isn't going to fix his problems with porn and god knows what else he's involved with that you haven't found out about (yet). Loyalty to your husband is only going to ruin *your* life, not his. Stop being complicit with his porn use. That creepy app on his phone should alarm you, and force you to set some limits and give him an ultimatum: you or his porn. Have you asked him to delete that creepy incest app yet? Can you really justify bring a newborn baby into your home when your husband has such a severe porn addiction that you've allowed to continue for the duration of your marriage? Why haven't you done anything to stop it? Do you really think the adoption agency would even let you adopt a baby, knowing your husband has this 10+year addiction to porn and now is into incest apps on his cellphone? Why would you do that to an innocent baby? You definitely have some choices to make. Prioritize yourself and your well-being, or continue to stay silent and complicit and loyal to a man who clearly has some serious issues that either you refuse to acknowledge, or don't even know the extent of. Edited July 1, 2020 by Watercolors Link to post Share on other sites
Rome11 Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 I wouldn't adopt a child with this man. In fact, I wouldn't be with a guy like this... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 (edited) Oh dear me. OP, this is not only about porn. This man - who is about to adopt a daughter and whose wife is a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of her father - has an incest game on his phone. What does that tell you about his boundaries with children? About the fact that he apparently is turned on by the idea of sex with daughter? About his sensitivity to your history? Mature, healthy, well-adjusted men are not going to have an incest game on their phone, full stop. And certainly not when their own wives were victims of it. You shouldn't even need to explain to him how inappropriate and offensive to you sensibilities this is. I guarantee you that your adoption would be off the cards in a hot minute if anyone at your agency got wind of this. That is how disturbing it is. Does he actually abuse children? He might not. Does that mean there aren't red flags on top of red flags here? Nope. There are more red flags here than the People's Republic of China. Add in the fact that he is indifferent to you? Hon. You can do worlds better than this. This man is not husband material for you anymore, and I would not permit him around my own children. It would be irresponsible to take that risk, given what you've recently learned. Listen to your friends who are telling you to run. They can see the situation much more clearly than you can, and aren't operating under the sunk-cost fallacy (that another poster wisely pointed out up-thread) Get out before you bring a child into this mess. Edited July 4, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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