Is there still hope? How do things go from so good to lost?

[Mmblove]

On the weekend of mother’s day, we went shopping for his mom’s gift for when we would see her on Mother’s Day. We had a great time at her place.

As we were leaving, she hugged each of us and told us she loved us. She told him he looked like he was doing better than ever. I had the same thought about our relationship that at this point in time, we were doing better than we ever had. I didn’t know it’d all change in a few short days.

We spent Monday telling each other happy we were. Tuesday was spent talking about our goals and plans for the future, all involving bettering ourselves. We were seemingly on the same page with everything. And then Wednesday morning. I was working when he walked into the room, looking worried like he had something to say but couldn’t. I joked with him and told him to spit it out. He could tell me anything. He almost looked like he wanted to cry and then he told me he’d been talking to his ex-girlfriend from 7 years ago.

They dated a little over a year. When they broke up, we spent three years casually seeing each other (while he healed himself from the fallout of that relationship), and then we made things official. It would have been four years living together this October.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes and asked if he told her about us. No. So I said I have to focus on work, let’s talk about it later.

Later comes, and he shows me his phone history logs. I notice only one number he was texting at odd hours of the night and ask if that was her. He said yes. Later found out, it was not, it’s his mom’s number. Then he says he maybe didn’t even msg her and was just tripping and read her name. So with his blessing, I messaged her directly. She’s in a happy relationship and hasn’t spoken to him in years, according to her. I try to brush it off, and we enjoy the rest of our afternoon and evening, alright.

We talk about starting a garden and go look at supplies. He’s extra lovey and passionate. I think to myself. We can maybe work past this. But as the night comes on, things get weird. We spend most the night laying in bed together. He’s holding me, kissing me, saying everything about how much he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. We talk about our plans to marry in the next couple of years. And then I have a moment of hesitation (thinking about earlier) and pull away. He notices. And things shift.

He says, how can I act like I love him and then act so cold. I explain I’m just in my head and hurt. He walks away, and I follow. He tells me I need to leave and asks how I can do that? I asked what? What did I do? And he insists that I know. I explain that I do not. And he says that I put a hit out on him.

WHAT?

I grab my phone and walk down the street. Call my mom. Concerned, not sure where this is coming from or what to do about it. Also unsure of his state of mind at this point. I finally come back, still talking to her and my stepdad. My ex comes in the room I’m in, and I end the convo.

They call back, and he answers. My stepdad tells him to give me my phone. Things calm back down, we go back into the bedroom, and he’s back to being loving for a while. Then he switches again and tells me he loves his ex 50 and me 50. He says her body is perfect, but my mind is amazing. I apologize for not being good enough.

He tells me I am pretty and says he maybe he needs to just learn that he doesn’t need to f*** everything that looks good. I ask if he thinks we are meant to be together, and he says he knows we are. Then he tells me how we are experiencing two different realities. Not sure what he thinks, but this is the point I start to think he’s under the influence of something. He starts talking about he’s trying to save my dad and boss. The next minute, he’s offering me an edible, and when I decline, he begins accusing me of trying to poison him.

Next, he’s in the hallway, lying on the floor with his unloaded gun. Physically building up snot and snorting it everywhere. Comes back to the room, and does this in my direction. Tells me he s*** his pants.

I leave the room, and he follows, Then says he is an AI that I (Elon Musk) has created. That’s it before he grabs his car keys and our ferret and leaves the house. He comes back a few minutes later, and as I hear him pull up, I go outside to hopefully stop him from leaving again or at least grab the ferret. He sees me and flies into reverse, leaving again. I’m scared for them both at this point.

I start walking down the road, hoping to see them. I see his car parked and walk over. They’re both gone. I search around the area and nowhere to be seen. I go back to the car, and to my surprise, it’s unlocked, keys inside. I get in and drive around town searching. Nothing. I pull over and call his sister and explain what’s happened before driving home, hoping to see them there—instead, a cop car.

I pull into my driveway, and two cops come up to me. Ask me if I live there and my relation to him. They explain that he’s claiming to be on shrooms, that he also claimed to give the ferret shrooms. Claimed he was saying the government was out for him, and he threw the ferret-like a rag doll at them. They asked me whether I knew if he was under the influence of any drugs. I said I suspected it but had not seen him take anything. They then tell me the ferret was with animal control, and my ex was sent to the hospital for evaluation. He also told them the car was stolen and he was supposed to meet someone there, not sure who that person would have been

One of his sisters stops by, and we get the ferret first and then go to the hospital. Due to COVID, we were not allowed in to see him but answered their questions. He was there for a day or two before being transferred to have his heart evaluated. During his time at the hospital, I tried many times to speak with him, but any time I tried, he would either hang up or tell them he didn’t want to talk to me. I couldn’t get any updates from the hospital, so I was pretty much at his family’s mercy.

His mom was awesome, let me know what was going on, and even let me come over once. We were all a wreck. When he was finally released, I expected to see him or at least hear from him. It didn’t happen, and his mom told me he wanted to be with her for a week and wanted to be left alone. I said I respected that and gave him his space. A couple of days later, he called. The conversation went terrible, he spent 30 minutes accusing me of everything under the sun, asking why I didn’t sound like myself, asking why I was breathing heavy, what had I been doing, had I been cleaning? How much had I been driving his car? Had I been doing drugs? Where was his phone, and how could I leave him stranded at the hospital without it? I explained I didn’t know where it was but offered to look if he wanted. I found it, and he asked me to leave it with his wallet, which he had also left behind.

A couple of days later, he messaged me from a texting app and asked if we could chat. I said, sure. The conversation went much better, mostly positive, but not relationship talk at all. He said hearing from me was the highlight of his week and reminded me I am amazing, and he’s lucky I’m in his life. I again thought maybe we could get past all this. Two days later, Friday, I’m hoping he’ll be back for the weekend, and I get a call asking.me to leave the door unlocked so he can come to get some stuff. Devastated me, when he walked through the door, sick of waiting around, I demanded some sort of answer.

He doesn’t want to talk. I say just answer me three questions, did you ever love me? Yes. Do you love me? No. Are we done? Yes. I tell him that I need to leave then, he has his family supporting him, but I have no one there. He doesn’t like that and tells me I should stay, to use his car, and move my sister out there (she lives in Arkansas, with a daughter and a job). I explain that’s just not logical and not going to work, and I’d be calling my mom. His only response is he has a doctor’s appt Tuesday, and maybe we can talk then, and he’d maybe text me before then.

He does not text me over the weekend, and Sunday morning, I leave with my mom. I let him know where the spare key is to the house and lock everything up. Never hear from him till I’m over halfway into the drive. His question then is if I left. I said, yes. And he states that I need to help him with half of everything. I am open to it, but we get into it a bit. Things calm down, and he tells me he will call me Tuesday when things are calmer, and we can talk about it then.

Tuesday comes and goes, and I never hear from him. Wednesday morning, I shoot him a text, and he responds that he doesn’t want my help, and he’d handle it himself. I reach out a few times after that, offering to help. Never hear anything back. And to date, now over a month later, that’s the last I’ve heard from him.

Well, last Monday, after work, I hear from his sister on FB. She’s asking me for our landlord’s number. I give her what info I have. A little bit later, she’s asking me if I have any idea who he’s continued to talk to or where he might be. He’s missing again. Long story shortened, he’s found a couple of days later about 4 hours from home. Mental break down and possible drugs. He’s sent to the hospital and held there again. Been out over a week now, and I’ve not heard anything from him despite my numerous (pathetic) attempts.

I’ve never experienced anything like this. I don’t know what happened. How do things go from so good to lost? How does he love me and then totally ignore me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don’t know how even to begin to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense.

Edited July 6, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added paragraphs.

[Paul]

Hi @Mmblove,

Welcome to LoveShack.org! I've added paragraphs to your thread as it was rather difficult to read in one consolidated block. I'm sending a note here to ensure that others have a chance to read your post and offer a reply, as it may have been missed previously.

Best,
Paul

[Ellener]

@Mmblove sorry you are going through such a tough time.