Not having much luck with dating. Words of Wisdom needed.

[HighHopes87]

So as I’ve previously mentioned in my threads I’ve gone through a phase of being really hung up on my ex girlfriend from A few years ago. I’m on Tinder and all the other dating sites but haven’t had much luck. I’ve not had anything that’s lasted more than 6 months in the last few years. 
 

Yesterday I went on a date with a girl from work who I’ve been talking to for a while. I say date but obviously with it being lock down it wasn’t exactly a date but we got a takeaway coffee and went for a walk.

On paper this girl is amazing - pretty , great personality etc but I just wasn’t feeling it. I found myself just going home and thinking about my Ex. The thing is I can’t exactly say to people ‘sorry I can’t go out with you because I’m still hung up on my Ex from years ago’ I’m fully aware that I’ll sound insane. 
 

The weird thing is that we have been split up for years now and for most of it I’ve dated and got on with my life but it’s only recently I’ve slipped into this weird grieving stage for her. I really hate feeling like this and I just don’t know how to get out of it. 

[d0nnivain]

Grab a pen & paper -- you can type if you must -- but make a list of all the ways your EX was bad for you.  

Make another list of future plans for yourself.  Then start on the action steps to make them a reality.  

If you haven't already done so get rid of old mementos.  Change something up about your life to show that you are on to something new & better.  

[HighHopes87]

Thank you! I’ve done a lot of soul searching lately and I have come to the conclusion that I in fact was bad for her , not the other way around. I think that’s been the hardest thing to accept but regardless we weren’t right. 
 

I don’t have anything of hers anymore or physical ‘keepsakes’ of our relationship. As advised I just need to work on improving myself and figuring out what makes me happy moving forward. 
 

[d0nnivain]

That introspection will serve you well.  You can't solve a problem until you identify it.  So whatever it was that made you bad for your EX, can you eliminate any of those things from your life? 

Seriously now is a good time to take stock & figure out what does make you happy so you can move forward toward that.  

If you don't know how to set S.M.A.R.T. goals, learn.  Then get started  

[kendahke]

you might benefit from talking to a therapist to help you get unstuck from the final emotional bog you're stuck in so you can go out on dates and not think of your ex anymore.

[smackie9]

To me I think you haven't been able let go because you have been carrying a lot of guilt..guilt is your unfinished business. The only way to let this go is to take a new perspective of what really happened, forgive yourself, then move on.

[HighHopes87]

You’re absolutely right. I think that it’s more the feeling of guilt that’s keeping me in this rut. I honestly don’t think I’m a bad person. Ive just made mistakes. I’ve worked really hard on self improvement and I look back at what I did and can’t even believe that I’m the same person. I guess to her , I’ll always be that assh*ole ex and that’s just something I’ll have to accept. I’ll never get the forgiveness from her so I’ll just have to forgive myself.