Never married/had children

[Ellener]

The new man I am tentatively talking to on and off waiting to be able to meet ( goodness, sounds like the 1800s ) has never been married or had children.

Is that important?

[basil67]

When you ask if it's important, do you mean "is it a red flag?"     If so, how old is he?   How did you find out about it and have any conversations regarding it been had between you?    In short, more information is required.

 

Edited July 1, 2020 by basil67

[CaliforniaGirl]

44 minutes ago, Ellener said:

The new man I am tentatively talking to on and off waiting to be able to meet ( goodness, sounds like the 1800s ) has never been married or had children.

Is that important?

Is he 30? No.

Is he 40? Sort of no.

Is he over 40...yeah, I dunno. He just doesn't want to get married, or he can't find a taker. The first one wouldn't really be a red flag per se, but if you want marriage, you probably don't want to pursue. You won't change his mind.

[chillii]

The age old question as we get older and happen to end up out there again isn't it , But l must admit from a guys perspective , 50s, speaking for myself here but back when l did meet one or two women never married , no children . And l was annoyed at myself for thinking like this too but tbh, l just felt like l wouldn't get involved l dunno. As if she wouldn't know how to have a lasting relationship and all the things involved. And then there was my daughter and she probably wouldn't understand all the intricacies of kids or being a parent so myself , l would rather someone with real experience.  PD, and l couldn't help but wonder why she'd never had a lasting relationship too.

Edited July 1, 2020 by chillii

[elaine567]

It depends on the story.
You are older, you do not have young children, his parenting skills are not required and he will not carry the baggage that many divorced men do.
Of course he may carry other baggage and that is why his story matters.

[Foxhall]

Good for a man to get a chance at love later in life if he has been unsuccessful in his younger years.

[Emilie Jolie]

4 hours ago, Ellener said:

Is that important?

Do you like him enough to meet him and find out more about him? That's the only thing that matters at this stage, in my opinion.

Edited July 1, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[FMW]

I don't think you should write him off just because he's never been married or had children.  Give him a chance, see if there are any issues with him that affect you personally, don't pre-judge based on the standards of the general public.  

[stillafool]

I would consider it a good thing.  Not much baggage.

[Stevnx3]

Sounds like a good thing to me. Maybe his preference was not to have kids? Maybe he wasn't interested in marriage or something fell through? It does mean less to contend with, if anything.

I think you would know more as you two start to actually date, whenever that is. Maybe some red flag will come up or come up before then?

[d0nnivain]

I suppose it would depend on why he never married.  If it's because he can't sustain a relationship that would be bad  If he just never felt the urge to marry, it's no big deal. 

Go on some dates.  See if you get a good or bad vibe. 

Since he never married the fast that he doesn't have a bunch of out of wedlock children running around is definitely a good thing.  It means he is sexually responsible.  

There is no reason to write him off just yet but caution may be in order.  

[SumGuy]

7 hours ago, Ellener said:

The new man I am tentatively talking to on and off waiting to be able to meet ( goodness, sounds like the 1800s ) has never been married or had children.

Is that important?

I'm glad the never married goes along with no children.  It's the never married but have children I'd be more concerned about.

I think yes if he is 40+ and especially 50+ a legitimate question is why?  Most likely it is because he hasn't found the right person...it's the go to answer. 

If you are not interested in marriage...it can be a question down the road, after a date or two or three.  A better way may be to get his views on relationships, you might learn more that way than a direct question about his lifestyle choice. 

I wouldn't really call it a red flag, as there are many good reasons a person could be never married or had children...or it could be he desperately wants both and no one would have him :)...of course the latter will likely make itself known as you get to know him.

[chillii]

oops

Edited July 1, 2020 by chillii

[Happy Lemming]

54 year old male (here), never married... no kids. Never really wanted to get married or have kids, truth be told.

My present long term girlfriend is the only one I was truthful with when the question of getting married came up.  (neither she nor I wish to be married) In the past, I would always tell women, I didn't find the right person or I almost got married twice or some other crap like that.  Each woman thought she was going to change me, that I would fall madly in love with her, marry her and we'd live happily ever after, Yeah Right. 

If your "gentleman caller" is 40+ chances are he has NO desire to get married, ever!!

[LuckyM]

As an older man who never married or had kids give ita chance. There are so many reasons why we never married all valid.  I could write a book on it. Sure some men are weird or weak social skills or no desire. And some have bad luck or don't try to meet women or had bad parents and rejection. The single lonesome guy is grateful for a GF and less baggage!

[Ellener]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

how old is he?   How did you find out about it

49. He put it on his match profile. He told me he's been engaged and he's still friends with the lady.

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Go on some dates. 

If only!

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

I'm glad the never married goes along with no children. 

I don't think I want to get married again, I do sort of wonder if having no children means he would want that at some point and a younger woman to do that with. 

I've deliberately not spent hours on the 'phone etc as I can't tell if we'd even want to pursue until we meet...

I don't even want to Zoom right now as I have a horrible swollen eye, I look weird ( I've switched to washable face masks for everyone's health and safety info- I think it's come from re-using a paper mask )

This man does seem to be looking for a serious relationship but he seems balanced about it. He's quite fun to talk to.

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Do you like him enough to meet him and find out more about him? That's the only thing that matters at this stage, in my opinion.

We set up a date but the Covid numbers went up again and the re-opening got reversed. 

 

[Ellener]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

When you ask if it's important, do you mean "is it a red flag?"   

In one way I kind of wonder if he'd understand my life, which has been a lot about parenting. I've not got any red flag moments but I haven't met him. He was laid back cancelling the date and the extending lockdown. 

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I would consider it a good thing.  Not much baggage.

I know what you mean but I have no family except my son here, I would probably enjoy meeting someone else's.

[Emilie Jolie]

31 minutes ago, Ellener said:

We set up a date but the Covid numbers went up again and the re-opening got reversed. 

 

Then maybe wait until you can meet him before putting too much thought into this?

[Weezy1973]

Kind of putting the cart before the horse. I’m assuming you met through online dating, and this is the “trap” many fall into. Stop putting any emotional energy into this guy. In fact I’d keep browsing to see if there are other guys you might be interested in. When it comes time to meet, then you can see if you gel. Honestly it takes a long time to get to know somebody, and it should be done in person as much as possible. 

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

it should be done in person as much as possible. 

I know. It's a dual-edged sword, we are back in lockdown here and the only way to have any relationship right now is get to know someone to a point of general safety then focus on them. I'm minimising my contacts for a while until the Covid risk lessens or we understand it fully.

The only other alternative is give up until the pandemic is gone, but the last 2 flu pandemics lasted 1-2 years, the AIDS pandemic we just had to learn to live with.

I don't usually talk to more than one person at a time @Weezy1973 it's just not me. I inadvertently ended up talking to two men a few weeks ago and kept confusing them!

I don't usually get this lonely...I was already feeling lonely and ready for a new relationship last September after an attachment with a friend didn't go anywhere, so I started OLD. 

 

 

[Allupinnit]

At 49 never married no kids he's bachin' it for life.  How old is your son?