Never married/had children

[chillii]

Owww, sorry Ellener.

[poppyfields]

7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Then Ellener got  very ill with Covid-19.

I'm so sorry to hear that!  How is she doing? 

Please send her my best and get well soon.  

[elaine567]

I think she is better, not 100% but better.

[Noproblem]

On 7/1/2020 at 10:53 AM, Ellener said:

I don't think I want to get married again, I do sort of wonder if having no children means he would want that at some point and a younger woman to do that with. 

I've deliberately not spent hours on the 'phone etc as I can't tell if we'd even want to pursue until we meet...

I don't even want to Zoom right now as I have a horrible swollen eye, I look weird ( I've switched to washable face masks for everyone's health and safety info- I think it's come from re-using a paper mask )

This man does seem to be looking for a serious relationship but he seems balanced about it. He's quite fun to talk to.

valid point

He might want kids and then choose whoever willing or younger to grant hims that.. I feel this you will discover on first or second date!

 

[mrs rubble]

My workmate is 53, I went to her wedding 2 years ago. She married a guy who'd never been married or had kids. She met him online after a horrible divorce and she say's she is finally happy. He's a perfectly normal, lovely, kind hearted man, good looking too. Don't write anyone off until you get to know them.

[chillii]

 

Yeah sorry op l know it's not even happening but just toward the convo in general. After my marriage l had my daughter to think about too obviously , well there was someone l met very early on , she'd never been married or had kids. Well one wkend she wanted to do something explained l couldn't bc l needed to spend time with my daughter well , she was just gobsmacked that l couldn't just dump that and spend time with her instead, l couldn't believe it actually. There were a few other times that things came up too , her reactions really surprised.

Butttt, l'd also agree with others that it's about the individual. She was just one person , another might've been very understanding and forgiving, work with it . l'd think the same goes for any relationship too , it'd be more about the individual.

 

 

 

 

 

[K.K.]

Are you kidding? A man that’s never been married with no kids and no ‘baby momma’ to deal with? It’d be like hitting the jackpot in the bingo game down at the VFW. 

[vjk]

12 hours ago, K.K. said:

Are you kidding? A man that’s never been married with no kids and no ‘baby momma’ to deal with? It’d be like hitting the jackpot in the bingo game down at the VFW. 

Are you sure?

I'm moderately successful low six figure earner, no debt, home,  etc.  Physical draw backs are being on the short side at 5'10 and probably average looks. (Can't self rate).  But, it feels like my attraction level falls somewhere between creepy child pedo and a much less fit version of redneck Ginger Billy missing his front teeth. Because, it's very suspect that a 45 year old never be married or have kids. 

My story is that I was comfortable with single life until recently. (Trapped in doors for months was the event changer).

In fairness, I imagine going from single for years to a full house of people (if she had kids and additional pets) to be quite the adjustment. 

 

Edited August 3, 2020 by vjk

[QuietRiot]

On 7/1/2020 at 2:20 AM, Ellener said:

The new man I am tentatively talking to on and off waiting to be able to meet ( goodness, sounds like the 1800s ) has never been married or had children.

Is that important?

To me, finding a woman 40+ that's like this is a unicorn, as I'm in the same boat. If anything, I think it's a plus because you don't have to deal with the drama of an ex-spouse and kids. A lot of freedoms.

[QuietRiot]

On 8/1/2020 at 6:01 AM, jspice said:

I think it’s funny that a person who has been through a divorce is a more attractive option than someone who was never married. A failed relationship with possible permanent ties to each other because of child is more attractive than someone who maybe chose NOT to marry for whatever reason. 
 

The financial and emotional strain of a divorce Makes people bitter, gun shy, and often unwilling to commit again. 
 

But a single person who hasn’t jumped into a legally binding relationship only for it to crumble into a legal mess is a cautionary tale. 😐

In my twenties all I wanted was to be married. Now in my early forties being married is not a priority. 
if a man is divorced I’m going to wonder what’s wrong with him. 

I remember a twice divorced woman looking at me strange, asking why I haven't ever been married...I retorted back, "You've had 2 failed marriages,so what's your problem?" lol

[Wiseman2]

A lot of people are lonely and stuck at home feeling isolated. You are just talking. So is he, probably for the same reason. Loneliness and isolation.

There's no need to scrutinize things and think this far ahead. If and when you are ready willing and able to date, you can find a divorced parent who you'll be able to relate to better without judgement and prejudice.

[some_username1]

I thought of this thread the other day when I browsing a forum with a thread where a lot of female posters were complaining about their dating options and the subject of childless/marriageless men came up.

It was over-whelming the number of women who had kids themselves yet, somewhat selfishly imo, expressed that they would never want to date a man with kids because blending families is a nightmare and kids invariably tie a man to his ex wife who can bring a whole new dimension of drama to go with the kids so their vast preference was to meet a man who hadn’t been through the wringer of marriage and child rearing. But they also acknowledged that finding such men, especially ones who are mature enough to have a proper relationship, was like winning the lottery.

So there ya go, being an older unmarried, childless guy gives a man a lot of dating capital across the spectrum. The problem is (in my case at least) it makes a man very wary of wasting it on the wrong woman, so if anything I feel even pickier now than I was a few months ago (and I was picky even then!) because rather than being non-commital or avoidant I have simply not wanted to take on the responsibility of marriage and kids with a woman who I wasn’t 100% about.

[Bluesky00]

Would you prefer for him to have 5 ex wives and 8 kids?????

I don’t understand why some ppl think it’s a red flag when when a man has never married nor have kids. Now, if you happen to find out some virgin..that might be a concern 

[QuietRiot]

I think the ONLY thing I'd be wary of, when it comes to someone over 40, never married, no children...is the possibility of them having many short-term/failed relationships under their belt by this time. Not saying all of this ilk have been through this, but it does seem to be the common denomoinator among the single/never married. I have spoken to many childless, never married women over 40 that would kind of shamefully say their last relationship lasted 3-months, and on average, some last 6 months to at most a year if they are lucky. This goes for men and women.

Luckily, that Depo shot or Nuva Ring has been working wonders for their b-control. lol

[Bluesky00]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I think the ONLY thing I'd be wary of, when it comes to someone over 40, never married, no children...is the possibility of them having many short-term/failed relationships under their belt by this time. Not saying all of this ilk have been through this, but it does seem to be the common denomoinator among the single/never married. I have spoken to many childless, never married women over 40 that would kind of shamefully say their last relationship lasted 3-months, and on average, some last 6 months to at most a year if they are lucky. This goes for men and women.

Luckily, that Depo shot or Nuva Ring has been working wonders for their b-control. lol

It’s no different than a someone who has been divorced 5 times. They also have had failed relationships . What difference does it make when it’s a legal document stating  marriage certificate? It’s more of a red flag if a man has been divorced 5 times 

[QuietRiot]

41 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

It’s no different than a someone who has been divorced 5 times. They also have had failed relationships . What difference does it make when it’s a legal document stating  marriage certificate? It’s more of a red flag if a man has been divorced 5 times 

I don't know of anyone that's been divorced 5 times, but I do find women with even 3 divorces to be a dealbreaker for me. If I become their next boyfriend, I would not want to be their next ex-so-and-so in a short period of time.

[SummerDreams]

It's really simple for me, actually black and white; a person who has not been married until 40 years old is someone who can't - won't commit, so I don't see I can have anything in common with him.

[QuietRiot]

11 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

It's really simple for me, actually black and white; a person who has not been married until 40 years old is someone who can't - won't commit, so I don't see I can have anything in common with him.

Quite the generalization.

[SummerDreams]

10 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Quite the generalization.

Well I don't have time to take each case separately, sometimes generalizations help us find what we want without wasting time.

[Mysterio]

Here are my Random thoughts.  I am 49/single/childless.  I don't feel ashamed of it.  I feel like I am lucky.  I would not want to go back and get married/kids super young.  I don't know if I really feel lonely, but I do wish I had romantic companionship.  I have lots of friends that I can see and do socialize with.  

Its not like everyone has their life working picture perfect.  Perfection can't exist on Earth for the most part.  No one will make me feel ashamed of making it to 49 now/50 next March 2021.  I made a list of all the women in my life from 19 to 49 in terms of romantic relationships that I feel were major in my life for the most part.  Or at least attempts. I feel like I could not make most of them work out, because they all seem Emotional unstable.  These days.  When I interact with women.  It always feels like the women need to be in some high octane adventure all the time.  Being low key= boredom.  Being chill more or less the same.  The couple that I see that have made it to at least 20 something plus years.  They are sort of low key with each other.  The couples that don't make it.  They want high octane adventure all the time.  

[ThereSheGoes]

Kinda off topic, but on the opposite end of the spectrum, I find single moms are easier to find partners than women who have no kids/never been married. I'm 30, been single for a little over a year, and I have yet to find someone to be in a serious relationship with. The men I have come across though, all seem to have been previously involved in long lasting monogamous relationships with single moms/women who are divorced or out of a LT relationship, and these women get partnered so fast by men who have no children/never been married. They're almost like the first pick.

But a single woman who is 30, and childless without ex husbands or even ex boyfriends lingering around, is almost seen as not viable?

Kinda reminds me of how a car company or a loan company would rather take their chances with someone who has bad credit, than someone who has no credit at all, because with the bad credit, you at least know what you're working with, in a way.

 

OP, count your blessings. You hit the lotto.

[QuietRiot]

On 8/2/2020 at 9:27 PM, vjk said:

Are you sure?

I'm moderately successful low six figure earner, no debt, home,  etc.  Physical draw backs are being on the short side at 5'10 and probably average looks. (Can't self rate).  But, it feels like my attraction level falls somewhere between creepy child pedo and a much less fit version of redneck Ginger Billy missing his front teeth. Because, it's very suspect that a 45 year old never be married or have kids. 

My story is that I was comfortable with single life until recently. (Trapped in doors for months was the event changer).

In fairness, I imagine going from single for years to a full house of people (if she had kids and additional pets) to be quite the adjustment. 

 

Wait a min., 5'10 is considered "short'? lol. That's funny. 

[QuietRiot]

11 hours ago, Mysterio said:

Here are my Random thoughts.  I am 49/single/childless.  I don't feel ashamed of it.  I feel like I am lucky.  I would not want to go back and get married/kids super young.  I don't know if I really feel lonely, but I do wish I had romantic companionship.  I have lots of friends that I can see and do socialize with.  

Its not like everyone has their life working picture perfect.  Perfection can't exist on Earth for the most part.  No one will make me feel ashamed of making it to 49 now/50 next March 2021.  I made a list of all the women in my life from 19 to 49 in terms of romantic relationships that I feel were major in my life for the most part.  Or at least attempts. I feel like I could not make most of them work out, because they all seem Emotional unstable.  These days.  When I interact with women.  It always feels like the women need to be in some high octane adventure all the time.  Being low key= boredom.  Being chill more or less the same.  The couple that I see that have made it to at least 20 something plus years.  They are sort of low key with each other.  The couples that don't make it.  They want high octane adventure all the time.  

Yeah, that's why I avoid women who claim they are "always on the go" in their profiles. They ALWAYS have to be doing something, like traveling 3 or 4 times a year (travel junkies). 

[Acacia98]

On 7/1/2020 at 9:20 AM, Ellener said:

The new man I am tentatively talking to on and off waiting to be able to meet ( goodness, sounds like the 1800s ) has never been married or had children.

Is that important?

To echo what many have said, it depends on:

1. His life story (i.e. why he's married and childless)

2. What you're looking for in a partner

3. What he's looking for in a partner

I notice a lot of people are really offended that there seems to be a lot of bias towards those who have never been married and have never had kids. But I see things differently. When it comes to finding a partner, two people are either compatible or incompatible. If someone automatically rules out dating a person from a category you belong to, they're doing you a huge favor. Now you know not to focus on them.

If you're childless, I'm pretty sure you don't want to date someone who despises you for it. And if you've never been married, I know you don't want to date someone who automatically thinks something's wrong with you. So, in that sense, sometimes people save you a lot of time by sharing their biases with you 

[Acacia98]

16 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

I notice a lot of people are really offended that there seems to be a lot of bias towards those who have never been married and have never had kids.  

That should be "bias against."