Never married/had children

[some_username1]

5 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Some definitely do, but realistically, a blank profile is always going to be suspicious. So of course the profile with information got more attention.

But the point is if people are suspicious of never married/no kids hardly anyone would match and chat no matter what the other factors are- but that is patently not the case, quite the opposite in fact.

[some_username1]

On 7/2/2020 at 1:42 PM, elaine567 said:

Ok loads of positives, but there could be loads of negatives too.
Workaholic.
Commitment phobe
Irascible, difficult temperament, impossible to live with....
Hurt. Love of his life left him/died and he has never found another
Addiction history, drug abuser, alcoholic.
Long mental health history. actual mental illness or a personality disorder.
Socially inadequate. emotionally unavailable, FOO issues.
Criminal history, either a serial offender or he just got out from serving a long sentence...
Etc...etc...
His actual life story is very important. 

 

You forgot “Lack of quality single women” - If I ever get asked why I’m still single with no kids I explain about the women I have been unfortunate enough to have gone on dates with over the past few years including but not limited to the women who milked me for numerous free dinners before ghosting, the woman who nearly killed me on our first date because of her lifestyle choices, the surprise alcoholic, the sociopathic attention seeker, the woman who left death threats because I left after seeing her try to chat up other men on our date, the woman who spent the first date telling me about all the disgusting “practical jokes” she played on people etc etc! I’ve been told I could write a book 😂 By contrast the quality women have been depressingly few and far between and in nowhere near the numbers that the chancers and dangerous women seem to crop up . To think that I should have wifed up one of these nut jobs and had a kid with them just so some people on the Internet think my dating history is “normal” makes me...err...well, there are no words basically!! 😂

[QuietRiot]

2 minutes ago, some_username1 said:

You forgot “Lack of quality single women” - If I ever get asked why I’m still single with no kids I explain about the women I have been unfortunate enough to have gone on dates with over the past few years including but not limited to the women who milked me for numerous free dinners before ghosting, the woman who nearly killed me on our first date because of her lifestyle choices, the surprise alcoholic, the sociopathic attention seeker, the woman who left death threats because I left after seeing her try to chat up other men on our date, the woman who spent the first date telling me about all the disgusting “practical jokes” she played on people etc etc! I’ve been told I could write a book 😂 By contrast the quality women have been depressingly few and far between and in nowhere near the numbers that the chancers and dangerous women seem to crop up . To think that I should have wifed up one of these nut jobs and had a kid with them just so some people on the Internet think my dating history is “normal” makes me...err...well, there are no words basically!! 😂

THIS DING DING DING....

I say "I am single because the woman I come across behave in such a manner...the ghosting, the flaking, etc.  And the woman that DO this are keeping themselves singles.

"I am single because women I come across are doing just this!"

[elaine567]

The problem with OLD is that "everyone" is on it, and that people are coming up against people that IRL they would never have even spoken to, far less gone on a date with.
 

[QuietRiot]

3 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The problem with OLD is that "everyone" is on it, and that people are coming up against people that IRL they would never have even spoken to, far less gone on a date with.
 

Right, and I'm banking on that some of the no replies I've gotten, that had I met some of these women IRL, then they probably would have gone out with me.

[some_username1]

22 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The problem with OLD is that "everyone" is on it, and that people are coming up against people that IRL they would never have even spoken to, far less gone on a date with.
 

Absolutely, it’s the worst. But due to my work commitments it’s the main avenue that I have. These women don’t out themselves as nutjobs via text, you have to actually go on a date with them and that’s when the problems start. It’s annoying and a waste of my time.

I should add that I tend to think that OLD has only made it harder for men who are not in the top 5% looks wise and I think we will see more and more unmarried/no kids (well the responsible ones with a healthy self-esteem anyway) men as online dating goes into it’s second and third decades because OLD doesn’t favour them and it is far better to be single with no kids than to settle and bring a child into a relationship that is based on (amongst other things) a fear of being alone.

Edited July 4, 2020 by some_username1

[salparadise]

I don't think the fact that he has never married or had kids is definitive in any way. I especially would not start conjuring up the most absurd assumptions like our resident pessimists. The thing I'd be most apprehensive about is whether he has the ability and inclination to genuinely attach through affection and feeling. 

In my opinion, online dating sites are populated by people who are unable to genuinely attach for whatever reason. Inability to tolerate vulnerability is probably the most prevalent. These people typically desire connection, but their relationships may end up being dry, like it's a decision to fill a vacancy as opposed to deep, enduring affection. I believe this is what happened to my last long-term relationship, and this is something I try to discern now. I believe this is the key to sustainability... and failure to sustain is the one thing most online daters have in common, by definition. Exceptions do exist, of course.

Edited July 4, 2020 by salparadise

[some_username1]

23 minutes ago, salparadise said:

I don't think the fact that he has never married or had kids is definitive in any way. I especially would not start conjuring up the most absurd assumptions like our resident pessimists. The thing I'd be most apprehensive about is whether he has the ability and inclination to genuinely attach through affection and feeling. 

In my opinion, online dating sites are populated by people who are unable to genuinely attach for whatever reason. Inability to tolerate vulnerability is probably the most prevalent. These people typically desire connection, but their relationships may end up being dry, like it's a decision to fill a vacancy as opposed to deep, enduring affection. I believe this is what happened to my last long-term relationship, and this is something I try to discern now. I believe this is the key to sustainability... and failure to sustain is the one thing most online daters have in common, by definition. Exceptions do exist, of course.

This very thread’s existence is perhaps also testament to the fact that a lot of people who online date are online dating precisely because they make the most absurd assumptions and therefore miss out on good people as a result.

 

[elaine567]

I think every one makes assumptions whether IRL or on OLD. It is what people do, they use their own experience and decide what box a person belongs in.
 
On OLD it is very easy to assume and skip on by, as there is little come back.
It is very easy to get stuck in patterns of behaviour and blame every one else too, as there is little comeback.
Easy to wallow in ones own problems and fail to empathise or see people as humans, as there is little comeback..
Easy come, easy go. 
Supermarket shopping.

[vjk]

2 hours ago, some_username1 said:

Absolutely, it’s the worst. But due to my work commitments it’s the main avenue that I have. These women don’t out themselves as nutjobs via text, you have to actually go on a date with them and that’s when the problems start. It’s annoying and a waste of my time.

I should add that I tend to think that OLD has only made it harder for men who are not in the top 5% looks wise and I think we will see more and more unmarried/no kids (well the responsible ones with a healthy self-esteem anyway) men as online dating goes into it’s second and third decades because OLD doesn’t favour them and it is far better to be single with no kids than to settle and bring a child into a relationship that is based on (amongst other things) a fear of being alone.

How else other than online dating would a guy find a date once you reach a certain age,  work in an almost unisex profession,  and with today's covid situation? I made it to 40 without ever finding someone to ask out IRL.  Obviously not typical, but somehow it happened.   I almost never see strangers interact in public where I live, much less try to pickup a women. With covid and social distancing, it seems impossible.

The last time I considered OLD was when you could still browse profiles without an account on okcupid and POF.  It didn't look good in my area. Guys grossly outnumber women, and to put it politely very few women had anything at all to bring to the table. It was obvious average women and above don't need OLD. Between that, assumptions there is something wrong with never married men, and horror stories a friend of mine said about his OLD experiences, I resigned myself to  always being single.

Working at home for months and only having my dog to talk to is making me reconsider. She's a lot of fun but doesn't carry on a great conversation.  If this is bugging someone like me that doesn't need a lot of social interactions, it must really be hard on extroverts.  

 

 

 

[QuietRiot]

3 minutes ago, vjk said:

How else other than online dating would a guy find a date once you reach a certain age,  work in an almost unisex profession,  and with today's covid situation? I made it to 40 without ever finding someone to ask out IRL.  Obviously not typical, but somehow it happened.   I almost never see strangers interact in public where I live, much less try to pickup a women. With covid and social distancing, it seems impossible.

The last time I considered OLD was when you could still browse profiles without an account on okcupid and POF.  It didn't look good in my area. Guys grossly outnumber women, and to put it politely very few women had anything at all to bring to the table. It was obvious average women and above don't need OLD. Between that, assumptions there is something wrong with never married men, and horror stories a friend of mine said about his OLD experiences, I resigned myself to  always being single.

Working at home for months and only having my dog to talk to is making me reconsider. She's a lot of fun but doesn't carry on a great conversation.  If this is bugging someone like me that doesn't need a lot of social interactions, it must really be hard on extroverts.  

 

 

 

I concur. Where I live, it's mostly a freak show of people you see late night at a Wal-Mart or Jerry Springer candidates. lol. There IS ,however, a speckle of attractive, professional woman that moved to this area...usually to be closer to their aging parents, that realized themselves the lack of single men under 70 or have all their teeth in the area that have camouflage as their main wardrobe selection. Anyone that has lived here most of their lives, that is attractive, are typically still married to their high school sweet hearts...and are still with them, surprisingly. lol

Don't get me wrong, there are "cute" welfare mothers, but...in the long run, I don't want to wake up to a jealous redneck, drunken ex-boyfriend bangin' on my door when me and her are spooning. lol

I typically email only these women as they are my caliber...usually, theyv'e been on these sites for ages. There's one I somehow come across on FB as we went to the same high school together. Married 20+ years and was a stay at home mom for that long. But she's content with her dogs and cats.  She's not n any dating site. So there's some women here that are attractive, but are content in living rurally and spending time with family, PLATONIC friends, and neices and nephews.

[some_username1]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

I think every one makes assumptions whether IRL or on OLD. It is what people do, they use their own experience and decide what box a person belongs in.
 
On OLD it is very easy to assume and skip on by, as there is little come back.
It is very easy to get stuck in patterns of behaviour and blame every one else too, as there is little comeback.
Easy to wallow in ones own problems and fail to empathise or see people as humans, as there is little comeback..
Easy come, easy go. 
Supermarket shopping.

Well yes- do as you have always done and get what you have always got. I include myself in that. Perhaps if I spent a day swiping right on the people I wasn’t interested in I may have better outcomes. But I’d like to think I don’t fall into the OP’s trap of assigning negative qualities to situations that women find themselves in, ie: “single mother, so she’s obviously not very good at making life choices!!1” etc. 
 

Everyone’s story is different.

[some_username1]

17 minutes ago, vjk said:

How else other than online dating would a guy find a date once you reach a certain age,  work in an almost unisex profession,  and with today's covid situation? I made it to 40 without ever finding someone to ask out IRL.  Obviously not typical, but somehow it happened.   I almost never see strangers interact in public where I live, much less try to pickup a women. With covid and social distancing, it seems impossible.

The last time I considered OLD was when you could still browse profiles without an account on okcupid and POF.  It didn't look good in my area. Guys grossly outnumber women, and to put it politely very few women had anything at all to bring to the table. It was obvious average women and above don't need OLD. Between that, assumptions there is something wrong with never married men, and horror stories a friend of mine said about his OLD experiences, I resigned myself to  always being single.

Working at home for months and only having my dog to talk to is making me reconsider. She's a lot of fun but doesn't carry on a great conversation.  If this is bugging someone like me that doesn't need a lot of social interactions, it must really be hard on extroverts.  

 

 

 

It’s not as bad as this forum would make you believe- some people will over think but as I pointed out previously I did an experiment where I stated quite clearly my status to see if it was attractive (look- no baggage!) or if it was a turn off (unmarried == commitmentphobe!) and it was attractive, very much so, to all types of women. It turns out there are women with kids themselves who love the idea of not having to deal with anyone else’s. There are women with no kids who don’t want to deal with anyone else’s. Seemingly having no child baggage or crazy ex-wives in the background is desirable to a lot of women. Whether those women are a) sane and b) Tick all the boxes is obviously the problem but being unmarried with no kids is certainly not an impediment to meeting women, quite the opposite in fact.

But if you have ways of meeting women offline then that is obviously far preferable than boiling yourself down to a few hundred pixels.

[Ellener]

10 hours ago, some_username1 said:

I’ve been told I could write a book

I'd read it!

[SummerDreams]

I wouldn't care about the no kids but never married? Nah. The person who just has fun with women until he finds the next. If he is honest about never been married that is. I mean, in his mind never married and no kids may sound positives for a lady. But if the only things he wants are to have fun for a couple of months, the lady may never find out he indeed was married once - or twice.

Edited July 4, 2020 by SummerDreams

[salparadise]

3 hours ago, SummerDreams said:

I mean, in his mind never married and no kids may sound positives for a lady. But if the only things he wants are to have fun for a couple of months, the lady may never find out he indeed was married once - or twice.

What if he was a virgin and willing to submit to a medical exam to prove it? And had money?

Do you think he'd be ruined if it turned out he had been, once or twice?

(I think the original question was presuming the unmarried status to be a liability, not a selling point.)

 

Edited July 5, 2020 by salparadise

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I concur. Where I live, it's mostly a freak show of people you see late night at a Wal-Mart or Jerry Springer candidates. lol. There IS ,however, a speckle of attractive, professional woman that moved to this area...usually to be closer to their aging parents, that realized themselves the lack of single men under 70 or have all their teeth in the area that have camouflage as their main wardrobe selection. Anyone that has lived here most of their lives, that is attractive, are typically still married to their high school sweet hearts...and are still with them, surprisingly. lol

Don't get me wrong, there are "cute" welfare mothers, but...in the long run, I don't want to wake up to a jealous redneck, drunken ex-boyfriend bangin' on my door when me and her are spooning. lol

I typically email only these women as they are my caliber...usually, theyv'e been on these sites for ages. There's one I somehow come across on FB as we went to the same high school together. Married 20+ years and was a stay at home mom for that long. But she's content with her dogs and cats.  She's not n any dating site. So there's some women here that are attractive, but are content in living rurally and spending time with family, PLATONIC friends, and neices and nephews.

If the place you live is this bad, is there any way you can move? 

[QuietRiot]

6 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

If the place you live is this bad, is there any way you can move? 

No, I'm locked in at a job and a house as I hadn't had medical benefits in a while. 

[Els]

If I was single, I would strongly prefer that. Ex drama can be a headache especially if there was a difficult divorce, and I wouldn't want to be a step-parent.

[Mrin]

As a father of two teenage daughters, I prefer women who have kids and have been married in the past. Any time I've tried to date never married/no kids it doesn't work out well. We just aren't on the same page adult-wise. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

16 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

No, I'm locked in at a job and a house as I hadn't had medical benefits in a while. 

Okay, but all those women you talk about are locked in for their own reasons. It can't be Welfare, you can get that anywhere (AFAIK). Maybe just as you judge them, you're being judged, and coming up lacking? If you're living in a place where there are literally no women to date who aren't on Welfare the you're not trying to improve your situation, then perhaps they feel you don't have drive, motivation, etc.? I don't actually know, I am brain storming. Why did you buy a house in a locale where the people disgust you and you're superior to them? I'm not sure I understand that part.

[chillii]

 

So what happened after all this op , have you met , how was ?

[mortensorchid]

I think it's too quick to write someone off if they have never been married or had children at any age.  I am 45 and never been married or had children.  Why?  The men I was with would not commit to me.  Then they rebounded, married the next one barely a year later, and got divorced.  That doesn't make them better than me or anyone else. 

[jspice]

I think it’s funny that a person who has been through a divorce is a more attractive option than someone who was never married. A failed relationship with possible permanent ties to each other because of child is more attractive than someone who maybe chose NOT to marry for whatever reason. 
 

The financial and emotional strain of a divorce Makes people bitter, gun shy, and often unwilling to commit again. 
 

But a single person who hasn’t jumped into a legally binding relationship only for it to crumble into a legal mess is a cautionary tale. 😐

In my twenties all I wanted was to be married. Now in my early forties being married is not a priority. 
if a man is divorced I’m going to wonder what’s wrong with him. 

[elaine567]

12 hours ago, chillii said:

So what happened after all this op , have you met , how was ?

On 7/1/2020 at 3:58 PM, Ellener said:

We set up a date but the Covid numbers went up again and the re-opening got reversed. 

Then Ellener got  very ill with Covid-19.