CaliforniaGirl Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 minutes ago, nospam99 said: ^^^ Working on the (disputed) assumption that women want to avoid being phone-bombed, IMO offering my number is less threatening/aggressive than asking for hers. Why don't you just ask her outright (pleasantly and casually) whether she is looking to date you? If not then you can move on. What are you scared of? This whole drawn-out uncertainty is surely worse than the potential for it to be a no. Stop tiptoeing! Just ask. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) ^^^ She and I have only been 'in contact' for two days and only exchanged 3 messages each way. My OLD 'style' is to use OLD messages to 'move to the phone' and 'ask her outright' during the phone convo, and then only if she sounds BOTH interested and interesting. If that counts as 'drawn-out' or 'tiptoeing', I plead guilty. CG, I doubt you have much experience 'fishing' for women on OLD. I've been at it more than 2 years. I perceive the early part of the 'process' as winnowing out the women who are interested in dating ME rather than trolling for attention, trying to monkey branch, or simply timid. Having read several LS posts from other men, it's fair to generalize that most share my perception. The fishing metaphor is a good one. Patience is necessary. And the 'fish' likely has baited hooks from several boats from which to choose. Of course, with several 'hooks' in the water, us guys have the option of ignoring the 'slow' ones when we get a 'firm strike'. Edited July 3, 2020 by nospam99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 1 hour ago, nospam99 said: ^^^ Working on the (disputed) assumption that women want to avoid being phone-bombed, IMO offering my number is less threatening/aggressive than asking for hers. I think you’re too concerned with whether or not the woman is interested in you. That’s not something you can know, or control. If you’re interested in her, then you should ask for her number, in my opinion. That’s giving her a clear signal that you’re interested. Offering your number, on the other hand, is rather ambiguous. If you’re interested, take the lead, get her phone number, try to set up Covid friendly plans. If she’s also interested she’ll let you know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 hours ago, nospam99 said: So I'm slow to 'release' even a marginal 'nibble' (like this one). Set the hook, and reel her in!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 hours ago, nospam99 said: ^^^ She and I have only been 'in contact' for two days and only exchanged 3 messages each way. My OLD 'style' is to use OLD messages to 'move to the phone' and 'ask her outright' during the phone convo, and then only if she sounds BOTH interested and interesting. If that counts as 'drawn-out' or 'tiptoeing', I plead guilty. CG, I doubt you have much experience 'fishing' for women on OLD. I've been at it more than 2 years. I perceive the early part of the 'process' as winnowing out the women who are interested in dating ME rather than trolling for attention, trying to monkey branch, or simply timid. Having read several LS posts from other men, it's fair to generalize that most share my perception. The fishing metaphor is a good one. Patience is necessary. And the 'fish' likely has baited hooks from several boats from which to choose. Of course, with several 'hooks' in the water, us guys have the option of ignoring the 'slow' ones when we get a 'firm strike'. Okay, but...and I say this with every good intention...your style hasn't worked and it's been two years...you know? And in this case she isn't brand-new to you. She pops in, she pops back out...if she isn't really interested don't you just want to know? So you don't waste time is it's no? Asking if she wants a date isn't out of bounds or anything, I mean she is on a dating site. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 11 hours ago, nospam99 said: trying to monkey branch what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 4, 2020 Author Share Posted July 4, 2020 @ellener. In general, monkey branching is dumping a partner and moving 'up' to a 'better' partner. The context I was using the term for OLD behavior is to 'string along' multiple contacts in anticipation of 'better' contacts materializing. It's easier for people with high DMV (Dating Market Value) to do. @CG. The progressive 'steps' I perceive in OLD are contact, exchange messages, talk on phone, meet in person, date, relationship. The first three steps rarely occur IRL. The 'style' I'm talking about, trying to move along from messages to phone rather than the more aggressive from messages to date, has worked well enough for two years. I've had many more hour long phone calls than dates. That I haven't gotten to an LTR is what hasn't 'worked'. (However with the wise advice from HL and elaine in this thread, how can I possibly lose this time?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 6 minutes ago, nospam99 said: @ellener. In general, monkey branching is dumping a partner and moving 'up' to a 'better' partner. The context I was using the term for OLD behavior is to 'string along' multiple contacts in anticipation of 'better' contacts materializing. It's easier for people with high DMV (Dating Market Value) to do. @CG. The progressive 'steps' I perceive in OLD are contact, exchange messages, talk on phone, meet in person, date, relationship. The first three steps rarely occur IRL. The 'style' I'm talking about, trying to move along from messages to phone rather than the more aggressive from messages to date, has worked well enough for two years. I've had many more hour long phone calls than dates. That I haven't gotten to an LTR is what hasn't 'worked'. (However with the wise advice from HL and elaine in this thread, how can I possibly lose this time?) I don't meet men online. I meet men in person. I typically have no issues meeting men in person. I work in the trades. I get approached in the industry and out walking. I was waiting in the star bucks line up and the guy with me was flirting with me. I meet minimum 1 person a day. I feel a connection with this guy but due to our work situation, I M not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 11 hours ago, nospam99 said: ^^^ Working on the (disputed) assumption that women want to avoid being phone-bombed, IMO offering my number is less threatening/aggressive than asking for hers. The thing about giving a woman your number is not so much about fear of being phone-bombed, rather it's about not making a woman (particularly a woman who's serving you) feel put on the spot with a cold approach. The woman you're talking with is on a dating site, so it's safe to assume she's OK to be approached and to have her number asked for. If I were you, I'd ask for her number. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 4, 2020 Author Share Posted July 4, 2020 up to date .... She phoned. We talked and arranged to meet face-to-face for a hike on Wednesday. One or the other of us is busy before then. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 4, 2020 Share Posted July 4, 2020 1 minute ago, nospam99 said: We talked and arranged to meet face-to-face for a hike on Wednesday. GREAT!! Go to your local news web-sites and look for the "feel good" fluff storied they run. You know the ones... ducklings rescued from a storm drain, cat rescued from telephone pole, that kind of stuff. Keep those stories in the back of your mind, so if the conversation goes into a lull, you can throw one of those out and avoid any "land mine" subjects like politics. Pulling for you, buddy!! Fingers crossed!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 That's fantastic news! All the best, I hope it goes really well! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 12 hours ago, nospam99 said: up to date .... She phoned. We talked and arranged to meet face-to-face for a hike on Wednesday. One or the other of us is busy before then. Ooh, this is exciting! Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 (edited) CG said ''Ooh, this is exciting! Keep us posted. ''LOL. Thank you. I very much appreciate the interest from my fellow LSers/LS buddies. But, as slim as my pickings have been for ..... the last year and a half (and marooned on a covid desert island since Februrary), this is just a semi-first meeting. I'm not getting married, most likely not even laid (for now ;) ). Nevertheless, of course I'll keep 'you' (all) posted. Edited July 5, 2020 by nospam99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 Great news, NS. Yes, please keep us posted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 6, 2020 Share Posted July 6, 2020 There was a story in my local news this morning... Work Crews rescued a kitten stuck in a pipe. (for real)!! This would definitely be one of my "feel good" stories I'd keep in the back of my mind (for a first date), if the conversation started to got too quiet or lulled. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 Good luck, man....Hope it works out... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 Keeping you posted ... Met, chatted, walked several miles, shared a (small) pizza. She's a 'good woman', yet I can't tell if 'this' (relationship) is 'going' anywhere. We talked about trying to do some dancing in spite of covid restrictions. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 She must be a good woman to spend the day outside walking in this heat/humidity for several miles! Are you going to ask her on a non-dancing date again if you can't figure out the dancing thing right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 @CO. We talked about a couple other things we can do together: more hiking and dining at a nice restaurant (quite the range :) ). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 1 hour ago, nospam99 said: Keeping you posted ... Met, chatted, walked several miles, shared a (small) pizza. She's a 'good woman', yet I can't tell if 'this' (relationship) is 'going' anywhere. We talked about trying to do some dancing in spite of covid restrictions. Any sparks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) @CG More like sputters. She's definitely friend and, very much, dance partner material. Edited July 9, 2020 by nospam99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 8 hours ago, nospam99 said: @CG More like sputters. She's definitely friend and, very much, dance partner material. Sputters, LOL! Well...maybe those sputters will put off sparks...and something will catch.... And we'll finally have a success story on LS! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 @CG..... success story? hmmmm. Don't count on me. Are Leigh 87's and TheRainbow's babies good enough success stories for you? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 24 minutes ago, nospam99 said: @CG..... success story? hmmmm. Don't count on me. Are Leigh 87's and TheRainbow's babies good enough success stories for you? I haven't read them. But if somebody wound up happy and nobody was emotionally damaged or abusive or leaping blindly into almost guaranteed tragic results then yeah. I can get behind those. Link to post Share on other sites
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