Am I just overthinking and self sabotaging my relationship

[SuReina]

Hi! I am a newbie here.  I think I do need this forum to keep me sane.  I met my long distance boyfriend in an online dating app.  It was my first time to join a dating site last year and yes I met a few men from there and made some friendship with others.  Then I met my bf there too.  At first I really did not want to enter a relationship, I just wanted to make friends but this guy (bf) he was persistent and wanted me to give it a shot.  So I did gave it a shot after 9 days of chatting and video calling with him.  I felt like since we are more than 8k miles apart, nothing will really physically happen but just invest time by getting to know each other well.  From the day we met, until today we are in constant communication.  We chat everyday.  We used to call each other also everyday and planned our video calls.  But six months ago we stopped video calling and our voice calls were very seldom.  However chatting over whatsapp and sending videos and pictures are still constant and everyday.  We talk about everything and anything.  Our highs and lows, work, family, friends.  We also sexting and do online sex when we both are up for it.  We have been together for 14 months now.  I have fallen for him but I am not sure if he feels same as much as I do.  He had plans of flying to me supposedly this July but this pandemic happened.  I am not sure  if  he was just saying that before to keep me around.  I'm too shy to ask him if he really means to see me.  We have both invested our time, effort and feelings to this but how sure I am if he really is into me, is the question.  My sister and some friends would tell me, if he really loves you, he should have flew to see you.  I guess those people around me are adding stress to me.  Are they helpful or they just don't want me to expect anything?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Your friends and family are trying to help you gain some perspective here. 

You have never met this man in person, and he's been progressively disappearing from any live conversation. There is a reason for that, and it's likely not a reason that would sit well with you. He is either losing interest in the cyber romance, or he's dating someone locally and can't have her finding out about you. Either way, this isn't what a healthy, sustainable relationship looks like. 

Since there is no telling when or if you will ever meet in person, it's time to cut ties with him. It's likely not going to have the happy ending you hope for. 

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You have never met this man in person, and he's been progressively disappearing from any live conversation. There is a reason for that, and it's likely not a reason that would sit well with you. He is either losing interest in the cyber romance, or he's dating someone locally and can't have her finding out about you. Either way, this isn't what a healthy, sustainable relationship looks like. 

I agree with Expat. Something has changed for him, causing him to lose interest in your online relationship. He is obviously choosing to keep it going, because there must be something in it for him - friendship, some cyber sex. But, he’s losing interest - the fact that he won’t video chat or speak with you directly says a lot...

What you have here is an online friendship, not a romantic relationship. Romantic relationships develop in person, which is why this isn’t what a healthy, sustainable romantic relationship looks like. 

And one word of caution, I would strongly advise that you stop having cyber sex with this guy. I would suggest this because he is clearly giving you signs that he is losing interest in the relationship. But also - what if he is recording it and sharing it with others? That would be the worst case scenario, and because you have never met this man in person you really have no idea what he is doing...
 

Edited July 2, 2020 by BaileyB

[Mystery4u]

14 months and you have never met? This is not a real relationship. He would have come to see you a lot sooner if he actually wanted anything serious with you.

You are wasting your time.