Ellener Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 3 hours ago, snowcones said: Do you ever think about the millions of people in non-western cultures who have arranged marriages? Do you ever think about how they do it? One absolutely can marry for security and predictability and that is what brings them happiness. They're not concerned about anything else. There are lots of people like this, and I don't see anything wrong it, personally. Everyone is different, you know? I think two people who get together who are like this are a match made in heaven really. They are exactly the folks who should end up together. I am certainly not that way and that's why I'm still single. I want more than security. If I were that way I would have long since been coupled up, because there is no shortage of guys who just want a cute lady who smiles and goes places with him. if I were that way... but you ( and most people- even within cultures where arranged marriage has been a norm ) are not. People resist being told what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 hours ago, snowcones said: Do you ever think about the millions of people in non-western cultures who have arranged marriages? Do you ever think about how they do it? One absolutely can marry for security and predictability and that is what brings them happiness. They're not concerned about anything else. There are lots of people like this, and I don't see anything wrong it, personally. Everyone is different, you know? I think two people who get together who are like this are a match made in heaven really. They are exactly the folks who should end up together. I am certainly not that way and that's why I'm still single. I want more than security. If I were that way I would have long since been coupled up, because there is no shortage of guys who just want a cute lady who smiles and goes places with him. That's not really how arranged marriages work - and I'm saying this as a person from a culture where some traditional people are still having arranged marriages. Firstly, I'll assure you that there are PLENTY of unhappy marriages in these cultures, the only difference is that they don't "air their dirty laundry", they don't divorce, they put on a happy face to literally everyone else (including relatives and friends) and hide the problems within. Also, the term is a bit of a spectrum, rather than a specific definition - on the more "liberal" side it refers to what you're describing (both people say "mum, find me a partner" and mum finds them someone to date), and on the much stricter side of the spectrum the people involved literally do not meet until their wedding day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: This idea of men just being assigned a bride is usually based on a lot of daydreams about, if ever, many generations ago and the thought process is that this wife handed sight unseen to her groom is going to be young and hot. And just so much more obedient than a "Western" or "feminist" American wife. I mean...possibly a big nope. On all counts. Ditto the guy. LOL. Yeah, I see this being thrown around a lot, too, about the culture that I grew up in. Wait til the guys find out that they're traditionally expected to pay the girl's father in order to marry her, AND then pay the girl's parents a significant amount of money every month to their dying day... 🤣 If paying for dates bugged them, they've got something else coming their way. Dude is basically treated like a wallet. (It sucks for the women too, just in a different way. The only people who benefit from these traditions are the parents.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 4 hours ago, QuietRiot said: Someone said I should give a Filipina bride a try. Sign up for one of those programs even. I think that's a culture that is good about not ever caring about looks or status. I could pick a relatively cute Filipina, and she'd likely have no problem with my height, lack of sculptured body, or job/career choice. If you do act with the highest honour and kindness then something special will happen even if the marriage doesn't work out romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesky00 Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 I’m surprised this Filipina women only dated younger men. From what I’ve seen they only date old, white guys..but hey if she wants someone to pay her bills she can snatch an old guy.😉 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 I was born on March 11, 1971. I am 49. The youngest I was pegged at was 24. The oldest 36. Recently age 35. I think I look younger as a Black man and I have lots a lot of weight. I used to be 170 then went at my heaviest 225. I am currently around 183 or so. My goal weight is 160 to 170. I want to be in-between there. Most realistically stabilize around 170 lbs. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 I'll be 40 this year but I've been told by many people that I look like I'm in my early 30's. I used this to date women younger than me and had very little luck but it's a generational issue for me. I'm much more of a Gen-Xer than a millenial and it certainly shows when I dated younger women. I dated a few women in their late twenties and early thirties and things just didn't click, in a variety of ways. Simple communication became problematic as I don't like holding long conversations via text message; I prefer to chat over the phone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, OatsAndHall said: I'll be 40 this year but I've been told by many people that I look like I'm in my early 30's. I used this to date women younger than me and had very little luck but it's a generational issue for me. I'm much more of a Gen-Xer than a millenial and it certainly shows when I dated younger women. I dated a few women in their late twenties and early thirties and things just didn't click, in a variety of ways. Simple communication became problematic as I don't like holding long conversations via text message; I prefer to chat over the phone. This has always been my feeling on it...usually (I know, I know, here come the "but not me"s and now this is my own admission, wasn't going to say it but the above really struck me) even if one has, say, no or few wrinkles or gray hair, younger people KNOW an older person is older. It comes out...older people (cringing when I say this) do tend to act their ages...unless they're going over the top to prove how young at heart they are and that's cringe-worthy... Younger people know. The way we just knew when some 26-year-old guy was creeping an 18-year-old's party. As soon as he opened his mouth...we knew. Even probably from subtle things we weren't consciously picking up on...his stance...a look in his eyes...he'd just...lived longer. With bigger age gaps than that...generations have their own way of saying things...doing things...and it's subtle. It's not just about jumping all around showing how energetic you are, or keeping up on the latest music or dressing a certain way. I have no wrinkles. Literally none. Not one. It's absolutely bizarre. I am in my 50s. It was supposed to have happened by now. I mean I'm past menopause. I'm not complaining, mind you...but it's odd. Really odd. And I have maybe 10 gray hairs. I asked my hairdresser over the phone during lock-down what percentage gray I am (because I can't really tell, myself, my hair is ashy/sandy anyway, dark blonde) so I could buy a bottle from Salon. com...for roots...she said I am less than 5% gray...she said she wouldn't even qualify me as having any gray for the purpose of touch-ups. Gray is harder to color but I have so little that it literally hides in my hair. Anyway, humblebrags off to the dust bin now because I KNOW younger people realize I'm not their age. 30-year-olds know I'm not 30. I can tell. I'm wrinkle-free. I'm gray-free. I'm very energetic. I'm very open-minded and I get silly at times. But...my generation talked a certain way, subtle way...certain tones of voice, even...just...everything, little tiny things will always be different. New generations instinctively do this as a way to separate from the adults as it is almost time for them to leave the nest (or it's supposed to be). 70s kids knew when a really young-looking woman in 70s hipie jeans was raised in the 50s...2000s young people (20s or whatever) definitely knew us 80s...and so on. It can be big things - younger generations often separate themselves from the adults by going completely the other way, conservative parents = crazy kids, sexually open-minded kids can yield conservative kids for them...and so on. But also just in tiny little ways. We instinctively do this. There's a purpose for it. But even when it's not a whole generation...say it's 10 years...there's just something about when a person gets older...bit by bit...there are these little changes...even if the basis - our energy and so on - is just exactly the same. They know, dudes... They're deciding to go out with you anyway. And the "but you look so young thing" may definitely be true (I know some REALLY young-looking people!) but know that it's often to put YOU at ease...think about when you were in your 20s and you knew a 30something wanted to go out with you...same deal now. So...would a young-looking person need to go out with a young-looking person...well, they can, maybe (if the "he's not actually as young as I am" thing doesn't matter)...but sometimes it does matter...for those of us who "could" date younger...we often don't want to. I NEVER did, ugh. Or much older. I've always been comfortable around people who I could have gone to high school with. Edited July 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 Women looking young === good Men looking young === bad Men don’t need to look young for their age to date extremely young women. I used to go partying with a guy who was the same age as me (late 30’s) but looked 10 years older (rugged, sun blasted skin- he was a builder, heavy salt and pepper stubble, bald) whereas I look 10 years+ younger. Our popularity with women was like chalk and cheese, he’d get hot 21 year olds hitting on him! It feels to me like there is an expectation that women have that if you are a late 30’s guy you should look like Sean Connery, or like you have had a hard life. I have been teased a bit on dating apps too by women who think I’ve added 10 years to my age so I can snare myself a cougar 🙄 So I’m now in the weird position of trying to date younger women by trying to actively escape my youthful looks by growing out my facial hair and trying to give myself more of a ‘distinguished’ look. Trying to appear as a mature guy with his **** together is the best strategy for appealing to as many women as possible, at least in my experience... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 When young women are looking for "Daddy" he has to at least look like Daddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: When young women are looking for "Daddy" he has to at least look like Daddy. Haha! Actually now you mention it a couple of the Younger girls who hit on him did later admit to having daddy issues so maybe you are not too far away with that insight 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted July 10, 2020 Author Share Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) On 7/3/2020 at 4:48 PM, Bluesky00 said: I’m surprised this Filipina women only dated younger men. From what I’ve seen they only date old, white guys..but hey if she wants someone to pay her bills she can snatch an old guy.😉 Yeah..you would think, right? Chances are the reason she's shooting for younger is that she became Americanized. lol Of course, this could be a part of some pendulum swing. She probably was married to an old guy, divorced him, and now the pendulum is swinging the other direction. Chances are it'll swing back in the lowered position later Edited July 10, 2020 by QuietRiot Link to post Share on other sites
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