Wife Debate: Balance of control, with holding others accountable

[curlygirl40]

5 minutes ago, BMI03 said:

 

She likely sees herself as truly 'right' in that holding people accountable for their actions is a morally honorable thing. To me, I feel truly 'right' in that I believe my approach gives us the best chance of achieving our goals. So perhaps it's a prioritization question, or as someone else put it, our perception of what 'the transaction going well' is different....'going well' for me is reaching our goal, but 'going well' for her may be getting through the process with her integrity and moral position.

I think this is it here.    Different styles.  Not likely to change.   All you can ask is that you're respectful of each other and your differences.   We are not all the same, that's what makes the world go round.

[Lotsgoingon]

BM103,

You are one super-fair brother.  My only disagreement with you is that I don't like ascribing her temper to her backward. There are about 20 groups in the world that allegedly have tempers. Which at a certain point, just cancels any specific thing ... but I get your sense that some of her anger is familial and cultural. Just keep and eye on her. She ideally needs to hug you/apologize when she comes out of her outburst.

A quick hug would calm you quickly. Sorta like bumping into someone on the street. If they say "sorry," it's like our heartbeat and anger immediately disappear. We humans need that. I would say just make sure she compromises 50 percent. There is this dynamic where one person acts out ... then backs and gets more reasonable ... but their initial outburst was so strong that their compromise is only like 25 percent toward you. They don't really meet you 50 percent. Not saying your wife is like that.

Man, I LOVE your fairness towards your wife. She is fortunate to have a partner like you.  You are quite mature. Now ... keep protecting yourself ... so don't assume maturity is all that is needed. 

 

 

 

[BMI03]

On 7/9/2020 at 7:59 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

BM103,

You are one super-fair brother.  My only disagreement with you is that I don't like ascribing her temper to her backward. There are about 20 groups in the world that allegedly have tempers. Which at a certain point, just cancels any specific thing ... but I get your sense that some of her anger is familial and cultural. Just keep and eye on her. She ideally needs to hug you/apologize when she comes out of her outburst.

A quick hug would calm you quickly. Sorta like bumping into someone on the street. If they say "sorry," it's like our heartbeat and anger immediately disappear. We humans need that. I would say just make sure she compromises 50 percent. There is this dynamic where one person acts out ... then backs and gets more reasonable ... but their initial outburst was so strong that their compromise is only like 25 percent toward you. They don't really meet you 50 percent. Not saying your wife is like that.

Man, I LOVE your fairness towards your wife. She is fortunate to have a partner like you.  You are quite mature. Now ... keep protecting yourself ... so don't assume maturity is all that is needed. 

 

 

 

I appreciate the kind words, and thank so much for taking the time to stick with the thread. Very much appreciated.

Take care all.