An Update on My Last Post: I [India,31F] and my SO [UK,29M] just completed one month together but complications rearing their head

[BeeEsDee]

Hi Everyone,

So, here's the update to my original post: 

 

I'm happy to report that we're still together and things have gotten significantly better between us. In fact, it's just getting better and better (touchwood). Turns out he was still trying to process the whole idea of being with someone after staying single for nearly 2 years post-breakup from a 7-year long relationship. He clarified this during a night-long chat we had a day after I posted my original post. 

I was at fault here too 'cause I should have communicated my fears and doubts to him in a direct way ("men can be dense sometimes", in his own words). My overthinking was at play and an anxiety-riddled mind can often lead you to interpret words and actions way differently than a calm and composed mind. I spoke to my therapist and they helped me understand the pattern and encouraged me to speak frankly and directly with him. And after I did, it lifted a great deal of weight off my chest, which was pretty self-imposed tbh. He convinced me that I should be direct with him henceforth and communicate my needs. 

Since then, we have worked together to figure out the sweet spot of communication, which meets both our needs. He has always been a good listener for me; now, he checks in with me regularly to make sure I'm okay and we're on the same page.   

He has started opening up his life to me. Over the past months, I've become the first one he comes to when he wants to talk about almost anything -- from new game releases, TV shows, culture talks to office problems, family issues, etc. He's just happy that I can lend a non-judgmental ear. We're about to celebrate our six months' anniversary next week and though, we haven't talked about closing the distance, I feel that's the next chapter we're going to start soon. 

It hasn't been an overnight job and we're still learning about each other every day. I still get my fears from time to time, but it's getting better. The frequency of his dark moods has lessened too and it's mainly the distance that saddens him -- something I take care of with oodles of reassuring talks and loving gestures. Overall, we're thankful to be able to call each our place of calm and comfort.  

I thank every one of you for taking the time to comment and light up my path, at least to some extent, when I needed it.  
 
Cheers!

[Foxhall]

I am pleased you are feeling happier and less anxious. Anxiety can be a difficult thing for a person.

hope it works out for you.

[BeeEsDee]

Thank you for your kind words. I agree, anxiety can be soul-sucking!