Impatient or lack of interest?

[Keykey1]

Hey guys 

I’m back again again with another question;

Started talking to this guy on a dating app last week Saturday and we seemed to have things in common. We moved the conversation to WhatsApp Monday with him asking if I wanted to talk on the phone that evening. We spoke for a bout an hour but I made a promise to call him back the next day to where we spoke for over two hours and we ended it on a speak to you later. So didn’t hear from him Wednesday and most of Thursday until I messaged him. He responded pretty quickly and we spoke about general things back and forth till Friday afternoon but then nothing after that. I did ask him how he usually communicates with girls he’s talking to and he said pre lockdown it was usually a text and then meet up for drinks and I told him I prefer consistent communication. 

I’m slightly confused as to whether I’m being impatient or he’s not that interested? I’m tempted to just ask?
What do you guys think? 

 

[salparadise]

So you've talked or messaged every day for a week except Wednesday... including Friday, which was yesterday. And by 8am EDT on Saturday you're wondering why he hasn't been in touch yet today? Is that accurate? And you told him that you prefer consistent communication when, yesterday? 

Are the two of you postponing meeting because of the COVID lockdown? If so, and if the above assumptions are true, I'd probably think you're too high maintenance. I also think if you need constant communication (consistent could mean every few days) you'd better be willing to half (or more) of the initiating.

I've encountered a few women online who are laying low indefinitely because of COVID, and I don't get my expectations up. Anything can happen in weeks or months. It's better to just check in occasionally and then try to meet when they're ready. No way would I get invested to the degree of daily calls or messaging unless she was an extremely high value target, and even then I'd have my doubts.

If you're not ready to meet up, I'd say you need to chill.

[Keykey1]

Lol when you put it like that, it sound like I’m being high maintenance! To answer your question, we haven’t made any plans to meet up or anything. Just general chit chat.

I think because of the fickle world of online dating, and also due to a few disappointments lately, I don’t want to waste time with anyone, especially if they might be playing games. 

But thanks for the advice 😊

[poppyfields]

I have to agree with salparadise but also if I may ask, why do you need  consistent communication?   By that, do you mean constant communication?  

Not judging, just asking.  

Is it because you feel anxious when you don't hear from him?  To alleviate your anxiety?  

If so, would that not be your issue to work through?

Yes, OLD is extremely fickle, it's the nature of the beast as they say; you really need a thick skin and a flexible and chill attitude to soldier through it. 

Yes there is a chance you will get disappointed, there is no way to avoid that.  It's a risk you have to be willing to take if you're gonna date, on line or off. 

But understand not everyone is tethered to their phones nor do they feel the need to consistently and constantly communicate, especially before meeting.

Tbh, I nearly cringed when reading you told him that. Especially given the fact you have not even met in person yet. 

To answer your question, yes imo you are being impatient.  Try to chill, lower expectations, and detach from the outcome.

When you start overthinking, feeling insecure or anxious, go for a run!  Lol. Works for me! 

Let him touch base when he feels the desire to do so.  You do the same, but don't overdo it.  There should be a balance. 

If it's not enough for you, then consider that he may not be the right fit for you. 

Best of luck! 

Edited July 4, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

Hey Keykey, I just wanted to add something cause I see this happening a lot.

You say you prefer more or consistent communication because you've been disappointed and don't want to waste time.

First off, consistent communication won't guarantee you won't waste time or become disappointed; people text when lonely, bored, need attention and still have no intention of ever meeting you.

Second, by pushing (or asking) for more consistent communication, you risk actually causing the very thing you are trying to avoid -  getting disappointed.  

Most people, especially before meeting, don't appreciate feeling pressured to do something like text more often or consistently esp to alleviate someone else's anxiety about wasting time or getting disappointed.  My experience.

It comes off needy and a turn off (sorry).  Which may be how he felt. I know I would if roles were reversed. 

Just something to consider moving forward. 

God knows I've been guilty of same and it never ended well. 

Edited July 4, 2020 by poppyfields

[Keykey1]

Thanks @poppyfields for your advice! 
I do think I’m being impatient and yes I agree he doesn’t owe me anything so will chill out :).

 

[Mystery4u]

I'm surprised that all these hours of talking and exchanging messages there has been no planning on setting up a meeting? Better to meet sooner rather than later so you both don't waste time investing in each other without knowing if it will be the same in real life.

[Sharron Hallet]

A friend of mine was in a similar situation recently. She met a man online during lockdown. They exchanged numbers and spoke frequently, both said they wanted to meet when the situation permitted. As lockdown went on for a few more weeks, they couldn't meet but their online relationship got 'deeper'. They spoke all day every day, had multiple phone calls, video calls, and played online games together. They even agreed to delete their dating apps as they were both exactly what the other was looking for, or so they thought. 

After about a month of this, they were finally able to meet. My friend told me that the minute they started talking in person, she knew she had this all wrong and he wasn't the man for her. She couldn't say exactly what was wrong, there was just something missing - their chemistry was off. She continued with the date hoping things would fall into place but even after a few hours together, she knew she wasn't interested in pursuing anything romantic with him. She was hoping he might feel the same way but no, after the date he messaged her and expressed how excited he was to see her again and make their relationship 'official' in time to come. She now had the tough job of letting him know she wouldn't be taking things further. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she called him and told him how she felt. He didn't really understand but took it quite well nonetheless. He asked that they cut all contact so he could move on. She felt awful as she had clearly hurt him deeply. She also felt she had wasted both their time and emotions.

Point is, rather let things lay low until you're able to meet. That way you won't have so much invested in one another and it won't be so heart-breaking if you don't really feel for him, or he doesn't really feel for you 😊 all the best for the future! ❤️

[ShyViolet]

You just met the guy last week.  I think it's a bit of an overreaction to think he might not be interested just because you haven't heard from him every single day since meeting him.  If you're in a serious relationship with someone, it's normal to expect to talk every day, but not if you just met someone last week on a dating app.

[Keykey1]

Thanks everyone for the advice! 

Update:

He still hasn’t been in touch so I’m going to assume he’s not interested 🤷🏽‍♀️.