jess060191 Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 My ex and I broke up 5 years ago, he is now married. I have zero romantic feelings towards him or feel any sort of way towards his marriage. I’m actually friends with his wife. But some people believe he still feels some sort of way towards me, who really knows? I always found my ex’s best friend attractive (Let’s call him Zack) and the feeling is mutual on his end. Every time we see each other out at a party or an outing we usually end up flirting or exchange glares. He asked me out once a couple of months ago but then got cold feet. I recently saw Zack at a party and we ended up hooking up. But I figured it was just that, a hook up. But then he starting texting me saying he misses me, wanted to see me again ASAP. And asked me out on a date. So naturally I got my hopes up and started to develop these feelings for him. Today, he unexpectedly told me he just wanted to be friends. I was caught off guard cause I was just with him last night. I feel like he completely led me on. He said he likes me and that it’s not me but it’s him. So I’m assuming he got cold feet again. I’m really bummed out and hurt. I know I’ll get over it but idk just really bummed... any insight will be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Haerts Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 He might be acting like that because of your ex, but regardless it's the second time he got cold feet so I would stay away. Or else you'll keep hurting yourself. Also, I never think it's a good idea to date an ex's best/close friend. Especially if you can sense your ex still feels something for you. Remember: Zack probably knows some about you - and from your ex's point of view. Does your ex even know you two were dating? Anyway, I can't see any good outcome. I'd just accept it for what it is and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jess060191 Posted July 7, 2020 Author Share Posted July 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Haerts said: He might be acting like that because of your ex, but regardless it's the second time he got cold feet so I would stay away. Or else you'll keep hurting yourself. Also, I never think it's a good idea to date an ex's best/close friend. Especially if you can sense your ex still feels something for you. Remember: Zack probably knows some about you - and from your ex's point of view. Does your ex even know you two were dating? Anyway, I can't see any good outcome. I'd just accept it for what it is and move on. You’re right. I figured cause my ex is married he would back off but I get there’s guy code... I’m just bummed out atm. Link to post Share on other sites
Haerts Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 8 minutes ago, jess060191 said: You’re right. I figured cause my ex is married he would back off but I get there’s guy code... I’m just bummed out atm. And you have all reasons to be bummed out. Take your time to get through it and try to stay away from him. Inconsistent people like that tend to come back every now and then just to get cold feet again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 Simple really. Stop talking to him and move on with your life and meet someone who is looking for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 The simplest most face saving thing to do is put a lot of distance in here. If you are not ready to give up just yet, trade on your friendship. Ask him to meet "as friends" & see if you can get him to elaborate. If he's really just got cold feet you may be able to reassure him. Otherwise you will have to let this go. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) Hey OP, My solution is to put distance. His backtracking has put your relationship in a state of limbo and coincidently made him bad for you. For one, you two are not friends. Your friendship is also tainted by feelings. Attached to your feelings are hope. And with hope, comes waiting and holding on. Everything he says or does as a result, may be interpreted in the direction that is what you hope for. And because he doesn't seem to want to commit to anything, there's no forward momentum in that direction either. Everyday you wait or hold on to him, you rob yourself of the time and energy and emotion you could committed to things in your life you care for. You could also give all that to someone who knows what they want. The longer it goes on, the more frustrating it'll feel. The more you'll resent him and yourself, and the worse you'll feel. And this will ultimately have a negative impact on other areas of your life. It could be your ex who's interfering or it could really just be him getting cold feet. No matter what it is, its not good for you, so it doesn't really matter what the reason is. He's already made a decision by being indecisive, twice. Love yourself and be with someone who knows what they want. Not someone who's emotionally unreliable. - Beach Edited July 7, 2020 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 Someone who knows your ex must have pulled his coat tail and told him it wasn't a good idea for him to get involved with you. I agree... in this whole wide world, there has to be someone else who has no connection to your ex that you can get involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 It sounds like his hormones were leading the way and now that you hooked up and satisfied him, he's seeing the situation more clearly and doesn't want the hassle. Also, few men are going to completely trust a woman who was previously with his best friend. No matter how much time has passed or how one tries to romanticize it, it still makes the woman look trashy to some men. Link to post Share on other sites
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