How do men and women romantically bond with each other?

[SuperHeroMan]

These are just things that I read online: 

I heard that women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and I heard that science shows that women can bond very well with each other.

I heard that generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a male can isolate himself and grief alone.

I also heard that women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way.

I also heard that women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men.

I also heard that most women like to do affectionate things with their female friends like cuddling with them, while most men would never do affectionate things with their male friends (especially not cuddling with them). Men are usually much lonelier than women are. Men don't often talk about their personal problems with their male friends like how women do with their female friends.

I also heard that females produce a lot more oxytocin than males do. And that's a reason why girls tend to hug a lot more than guys do.

I also heard that women are very unique creatures, and women feel a lot safer in general with other women than they do with men if either is alone with each other, and it is easier for women to trust other women more than it is to trust a man.

I also heard that women are very sociable with each other, so if something goes wrong, they like to speak about it to each other. This is a way to develop trust among women. Women often relate their problems with other women, which makes them feel more connected in a way.

I also heard that most daughters have a very strong bond with their mother, while they don’t have one with their father, and most sons don’t have that strong of a bond with neither their mother nor their father.

I also heard that most females have a very strong bond with their sisters, while they don’t have one with their brothers, and most males don’t have that strong of a bond with neither their sisters nor their brothers.

I also heard that the bond that two females have with each other is the strongest bond of them all, and that's one of the reasons why sayings like “girls always have to stick together” exist.

And I also heard that the friendship of males and females can hardly be as good as a female to a female relationship from a woman’s point of view.

So if those things are true (which I am not sure at all), then how can a man and woman have a special strong type of bond with each other if women have a special strong type of bond with each other while men don’t have one with each other?

Also, men and women are both mentally and physically different from each other (which is true), but would that at all effect the bonding between a male and female?

Edited October 29, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clarified title

[sothereiwas]

It's an adaptation that gives the offspring a better shot at reaching adulthood with good habits that will allow their offspring to also reach adulthood, and so on. 

[SuperHeroMan]

51 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

These are just things that I read online: 

I heard that women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and I heard that science shows that women can bond very well with each other.

I heard that generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a male can isolate himself and grief alone.

I also heard that women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way.

I also heard that women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men.

I also heard that most women like to do affectionate things with their female friends like cuddling with them, while most men would never do affectionate things with their male friends (especially not cuddling with them). Men are usually much lonelier than women are. Men don't often talk about their personal problems with their male friends like how women do with their female friends.

I also heard that females produce a lot more oxytocin than males do. And that's a reason why girls tend to hug a lot more than guys do.

I also heard that women are very unique creatures, and women feel a lot safer in general with other women than they do with men if either is alone with each other, and it is easier for women to trust other women more than it is to trust a man.

I also heard that women are very sociable with each other, so if something goes wrong, they like to speak about it to each other. This is a way to develop trust among women. Women often relate their problems with other women, which makes them feel more connected in a way.

I also heard that most daughters have a very strong bond with their mother, while they don’t have one with their father, and most sons don’t have that strong of a bond with neither their mother nor their father.

I also heard that most females have a very strong bond with their sisters, while they don’t have one with their brothers, and most males don’t have that strong of a bond with neither their sisters nor their brothers.

I also heard that the bond that two females have with each other is the strongest bond of them all, and that's one of the reasons why sayings like “girls always have to stick together” exist.

And I also heard that the friendship of males and females can hardly be as good as a female to a female relationship from a woman’s point of view.

So if those things are true (which I am not sure at all), then how can a man and woman have a special strong type of bond with each other if women have a special strong type of bond with each other while men don’t have one with each other?

Also, men and women are both mentally and physically different from each other (which is true), but would that at all effect the bonding between a male and female?

Also, females producing more oxytocin than males do is the reason why girls tend to be a lot more physically affectionate than guys are. 

Edited July 7, 2020 by SuperHeroMan

[SuperHeroMan]

1 hour ago, SuperHeroMan said:

These are just things that I read online: 

I heard that women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and I heard that science shows that women can bond very well with each other.

I heard that generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a male can isolate himself and grief alone.

I also heard that women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way.

I also heard that women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men.

I also heard that most women like to do affectionate things with their female friends like cuddling with them, while most men would never do affectionate things with their male friends (especially not cuddling with them). Men are usually much lonelier than women are. Men don't often talk about their personal problems with their male friends like how women do with their female friends.

I also heard that females produce a lot more oxytocin than males do. And that's a reason why girls tend to hug a lot more than guys do.

I also heard that women are very unique creatures, and women feel a lot safer in general with other women than they do with men if either is alone with each other, and it is easier for women to trust other women more than it is to trust a man.

I also heard that women are very sociable with each other, so if something goes wrong, they like to speak about it to each other. This is a way to develop trust among women. Women often relate their problems with other women, which makes them feel more connected in a way.

I also heard that most daughters have a very strong bond with their mother, while they don’t have one with their father, and most sons don’t have that strong of a bond with neither their mother nor their father.

I also heard that most females have a very strong bond with their sisters, while they don’t have one with their brothers, and most males don’t have that strong of a bond with neither their sisters nor their brothers.

I also heard that the bond that two females have with each other is the strongest bond of them all, and that's one of the reasons why sayings like “girls always have to stick together” exist.

And I also heard that the friendship of males and females can hardly be as good as a female to a female relationship from a woman’s point of view.

So if those things are true (which I am not sure at all), then how can a man and woman have a special strong type of bond with each other if women have a special strong type of bond with each other while men don’t have one with each other?

Also, men and women are both mentally and physically different from each other (which is true), but would that at all effect the bonding between a male and female?

I meant "How do men and women romantically bond with each other?", not "Why do men and woman romantically bond with each other?"

The question is "how do they do it?", not "why do they do it?" That was a mistake I made when writing the title for this topic. 

[SuperHeroMan]

16 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

I meant "How do men and women romantically bond with each other?", not "Why do men and woman romantically bond with each other?"

The question is "how do they do it?", not "why do they do it?" That was a mistake I made when writing the title for this topic. 

Also, I am not sure if the stuff that I read online are completely true or not. So take what you read with a grain of salt.

[basil67]

Aargh, I struggle with such broad generalisations on sex and gender.  

I would say that a lot of the traits you list as female have no bearing on a romantic relationship.  And I think you underestimate how thoughtful and caring a good man can be.  

The romantic bond generally starts with hormones.   You then find that they are great company.  That you understand each other and really enjoy spending time together....so much so that you become a couple.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

A lot of this isn't correct. For example, my sons and I are very bonded with one another. That's just one thing on the list but I don't want to go down each, one at a time. 😅

Women can certainly bind with men as strongly as they do with other women.

Some of what you wrote about socialization of women tends to be true. We're socialized to connect more.

We don't hug because we produce oxytocin, though. It's the other way around, some forms of touch produce oxytocin. I don't know about production overall in women v. men.

The list you have has its ups and downs, and each item has several explanations. It would take a month to explain each one so let's just say:

Certainly women can bond at least as strongly with men as they can with women.

[SuperHeroMan]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Aargh, I struggle with such broad generalisations on sex and gender.  

I would say that a lot of the traits you list as female have no bearing on a romantic relationship.  And I think you underestimate how thoughtful and caring a good man can be.  

The romantic bond generally starts with hormones.   You then find that they are great company.  That you understand each other and really enjoy spending time together....so much so that you become a couple.

 

How wouldn't the traits that I listed as female have no bearing on a romantic relationship? A romantic relationship involves trust and a emotional connection. 

[SuperHeroMan]

5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

A lot of this isn't correct. For example, my sons and I are very bonded with one another. That's just one thing on the list but I don't want to go down each, one at a time. 😅

Women can certainly bind with men as strongly as they do with other women.

Some of what you wrote about socialization of women tends to be true. We're socialized to connect more.

We don't hug because we produce oxytocin, though. It's the other way around, some forms of touch produce oxytocin. I don't know about production overall in women v. men.

The list you have has its ups and downs, and each item has several explanations. It would take a month to explain each one so let's just say:

Certainly women can bond at least as strongly with men as they can with women.

You think it's more that women are socialized to connect with each other rather than it being an actual biology trait? 

Edited July 7, 2020 by SuperHeroMan

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, SuperHeroMan said:

You think it's more that women are socialized to connect more rather than it being an actual biology trait? 

Again, this is a huge point of scientific interest that could literally take months to.dissect. For every theory there's a counter-theory and a dozen caveats.

 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

You think it's more that women are socialized to connect more rather than it being an actual biology trait? 

Interesting question.   I know a young trans-female who instinctively connects with other young women in the same way as if she'd been born female.   She's always up for a therapy chat with her friends.

Edited to add: Of course, this is a sample of one.   And for each of my samples of one, another poster may counter with a red blooded male who's always up for therapy chats with his mates.

Edited July 7, 2020 by basil67

[manfrombelow]

Because this is how we were designed to be.

To be more specific, men and women MUST be romantically drawn to each other so we can mate, and breed and stop the human race from extinction. 

[basil67]

33 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

How wouldn't the traits that I listed as female have no bearing on a romantic relationship? A romantic relationship involves trust and a emotional connection. 

Heaps of the traits would have no bearing.  For example, if a woman connects more with her mother, this has no bearing on a romantic relationship.  If she shares connection with her friends, it has no bearing on a romantic relationship.   And so on.

I also think you missed the part where I suggested that you underestimate how thoughtful and caring a man can be.  

[SuperHeroMan]

30 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If she shares connection with her friends, it has no bearing on a romantic relationship.   And so on.

I also think you missed the part where I suggested that you underestimate how thoughtful and caring a man can be.  

But the thing is that I heard that women connect a lot more with other women than they do with men. And a romantic relationship is a huge connection that two people have together. And most romantic relationships usually involve a man and woman together. The question is how do men and women romantically connect with each other? Or does that mean that the romantic bond that a man and woman have together isn't actually that strong? 

Also, I know how thoughtful and caring a man can be.

[basil67]

If you know how thoughtful and caring a man can be, how do you not understand that he can form a romantic connection?

I ask this kindly: have you ever had a relationship?

[SuperHeroMan]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If you know how thoughtful and caring a man can be, how do you not understand that he can form a romantic connection?

I ask this kindly: have you ever had a relationship?

Yes, a man can be caring, but I heard that women tend to be much more caring and more sensitive and more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and that's why they connect much better with other women than they do with men. 

And no, I never had a relationship. I never been interested in romance. 

Edited July 7, 2020 by SuperHeroMan

[SuperHeroMan]

57 minutes ago, manfrombelow said:

Because this is how we were designed to be.

To be more specific, men and women MUST be romantically drawn to each other so we can mate, and breed and stop the human race from extinction. 

But how are they romantically drawn to each other? 

[basil67]

21 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

I heard that women tend to be much more caring and more sensitive and more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and that's why they connect much better with other women than they do with men. 

And no, I never had a relationship. I never been interested in romance. 

Ok, that explains why you don't understand.  All good.

Women don't connect much better with other women, they connect differently with other women.   Our partners and girlfriends serve different roles in our lives.  I wouldn't want to be without either.

Edited July 7, 2020 by basil67

[SuperHeroMan]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ok, that explains why you don't understand.  All good.

Women don't connect much better with other women, they connect differently with other women.   Our partners and girlfriends serve different roles in our lives.  I wouldn't want to be without either.

They may connect differently with other women than they do with men, but it still seems that the connection they have with other women is a lot better than the connection they have with men. 

[Foxhall]

I read an interesting article yesterday, a particular dynamic that is appearing more in young people late teens especially are asexuals,

the theme of the article was that these people tend to bond quite closely in an emotional way, guys and girls, while surprisingly having no sexual desires for each other.

[Zona]

10 hours ago, SuperHeroMan said:

 

I also heard that women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way.

I too have an issue with such broad generalizations. Overall I think men and women are a lot more similar than people think, with testosterone being the real difference maker in some common characteristics we associate with men, and estrogen having a huge effect on women.

If you want to know the physical mechanism that allows men to bond romantically with a woman, then it's oxytocin and more importantly vasopressin. Vasopressin is associated with bonding, loyalty and the instinct to protect, as well as mate guarding. Oxytocin is less of a factor in men than women, but is still important in bonding. Vasopressin + testosterone = masculinity.

Men can love as deeply as a woman, but most men can also easily have emotionless sex and enjoy it with no regrets (some women can too of course, but less common). But once we fall... it can be intense.

Edited July 7, 2020 by Zona

[snowcones]

It's a great question.  I struggle to even relate to men anymore (at least the single ones).  We have a Grand Canyon between us.  It's a pity that I'm not gay.

[FMW]

I don't think it's broadly true that women connect better with other women.  It's just different. 

I think you have to differentiate between purely friendship bonding and romantic bonding. I've had no problems bonding with men, and bonding deeply in both purely platonic ways and in romantic ways.  My relationships with men are different than those with women, but equally as satisfying and meaningful.  In general men and women think differently and I really enjoy that difference.  There are some things I'd prefer to talk to a guy friend about, and then others that I would want to share with just a girl friend.  

So there is no barrier to bonding in general that would make romantic bonding with a guy harder (at least for me).

11 hours ago, SuperHeroMan said:

women like to do affectionate things with their female friends like cuddling with them

I have to add - I have never cuddled with someone who was just a friend, male or female.  Brief hugs, maybe a quick kiss on the cheek.  But no cuddles.  I would find that really awkward and just weird with someone who was just a friend.  So all of us women aren't having pajama parties and cuddling - sorry guys.   

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Infatuation, that obsessive in-love feeling, is only designed to last about 2 years, just long enough to produce a child and raise it to toddler-hood. You can use certain hacks to extend it. For example, engaging in new and novel activities together stimulates the same brain chemistry and can make you feel in love all over again.

[CaliforniaGirl]

12 hours ago, SuperHeroMan said:

Yes, a man can be caring, but I heard that women tend to be much more caring and more sensitive and more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and that's why they connect much better with other women than they do with men. 

And no, I never had a relationship. I never been interested in romance. 

Well, you heard this and you heard that, but assuming you don't live in captivity, what have you actually seen? With your family, friends, coworkers and so on?