How do men and women romantically bond with each other?

[SuperHeroMan]

1 hour ago, sothereiwas said:

"Not not sure I agree with you 100% on your police work, there, Lou." - Fargo

How come? 

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, SuperHeroMan said:

How come? 

Survey says the system works. With almost 8 billion units in service something must be going right for someone. 

Edited September 28, 2020 by sothereiwas

[SuperHeroMan]

1 minute ago, sothereiwas said:

Survey says the system works. With almost 8 billion units in service something must be going right for someone. 

What about all of the articles that I put in this thread about the difference between male and female friendships, and how females are much closer to each other than males are to each other and how females are much closer to each other than they are to males? 

[sothereiwas]

5 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

What about all of the articles that I put in this thread about the difference between male and female friendships, and how females are much closer to each other than males are to each other and how females are much closer to each other than they are to males? 

Doesn't seem to keep things from working out for most people. 

[SuperHeroMan]

21 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Doesn't seem to keep things from working out for most people. 

But because of women being more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and being able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men, wouldn't that mean that men and women are not very compatible with each other? 

[sothereiwas]

15 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

But because of women being more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and being able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men, wouldn't that mean that men and women are not very compatible with each other? 

Nope.

[SuperHeroMan]

2 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

Nope.

How are they compatible with each other then? Women are more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and women are able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men. And women produce a lot more oxytocin than men do. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

5 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

How are they compatible with each other then? Women are more emotional and more affectionate than men are, and women are able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men. And women produce a lot more oxytocin than men do. 

Men and women can be very complementary to one another.  It's how God created us to be.

[SuperHeroMan]

7 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Men and women can be very complementary to one another.  It's how God created us to be.

But what about the difference like women being more emotional and more affectionate than men are,  and women being able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men, and women producing a lot more oxytocin than men do?

What about this quite I found from this article https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/men-bad-friendship-harms-health#4-scientific-reasons-men-have-a-hard-time-maintaining-friendships about men's brains may not being wired for much connection?

 

"A 2014 study found that males had stronger neural connections in the parts of the brain responsible for perception and action, while females had better connectivity along the neural pathways linking analytics to intuition — two areas used heavily in interpersonal connection.

Before this study, differences in these kinds of neural pathways had never been highlighted among such a large sample size (949 individuals)."

Here's another article that talks about the study: https://www.pnas.org/content/111/2/823

Here's a quote from this article  https://www.deseret.com/2015/4/21/20563175/the-difference-between-male-and-female-friendships#when-it-comes-to-building-friendships-men-are-more-likely-to-return-to-their-clique-y-roots-than-women-according-to-a-recent-study-published-in-the-journal-plos-one:

"So why are men and women different in the way they make friends? One hypothesis is the difference between the male and female brain.

Typically, women tend to have a larger deep limbic system than their male counterparts. The limbic system is a network of nerves in the brain connected to instinct and mood. The limbic system controls basic emotions such as happiness and fear. Because this system tends to be larger in women, females are more in touch with their feelings and have an increased ability to connect individually with others."

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

2 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

But what about the difference like women being more emotional and more affectionate than men are,  and women being able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men, and women producing a lot more oxytocin than men do?

 

People don't have to be exactly alike to be compatible.  That's what complementary means.....one person's strengths makes up for (or encourages/strengthens) another's weaknesses and vice versa.

[SuperHeroMan]

16 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

People don't have to be exactly alike to be compatible.  That's what complementary means.....one person's strengths makes up for (or encourages/strengthens) another's weaknesses and vice versa.

But women are able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

9 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

But women are able to connect better with other women than they do with men or men with men. 

Not all women.  I know plenty of women who aren't "girls' girls."  Often it is ones who never had a sister, but don't quote me on that.  Even for those who do bond/connect great with other women, like me, it's only one facet of a relationship.....one way of connecting.....relationships are complicated and I may really emotionally connect with one of my girlfriends about some things, but not have other things in common with them such as traveling.  I may love to travel with another girlfriend and bond with her that way, but not have deep intellectual/emotional bonding like with my other friend.

I feel like you're overcomplicating this.

[Azincourt]

Because if men and women didn't bond with each other,  no one would be having babies, and Humanity would soon vanish from planet earth. That's about it. Men and women become emotionally dependent on each other because a child with 2 parents, with 2 parents that invest their financial resources and their physical and emotional protection on him has a far better chance of growing up, and of growing up to become a productive members of society.

Besides, sex is great, and you're more likely to have regular sex  if you have a girlfriend/wife, instead of relying on one-night stands and on escorts.

[Fletch Lives]

On 7/6/2020 at 11:57 PM, SuperHeroMan said:

I heard that generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a male can isolate himself and grief alone.

- this one is true. However, this difference between men and women is slight - some pop psychology makes too much of it. So I would say be aware of this tendency but don't exaggerate it like some pop psychologists do. Men and women are mostly alike. We are all human.

 

 

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So if those things are true (which I am not sure at all), then how can a man and woman have a special strong type of bond with each other if women have a special strong type of bond with each other while men don’t have one with each other?

 - strangely enough, the pop-psychologists talk about all the things, tools, and circumstances revolving around romantic love, but know or say little about love itself.

Couples bond because they fall in love with each other.

[Azincourt]

Dunno. Back in college I remember a college teacher saying that something he noticed in his 40+ years career as a college teacher, is that when a new classroom is formed, the women always sit with the women and the men always sit with the men. It never fails, apparently, and even after these folks got to know each other, I noticed that the men would always sit with the men that they didn't like instead of sitting with the women, and the women would do the same.

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Couples bond because they fall in love with each other.

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And they just as fast fall out of love.

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Drug addiction is a complex neurological dysfunction induced by recurring drug intoxication. Strategies to prevent and treat drug addiction constitute a topic of research interest. Early-stage romantic love is characterized by some characteristics of addiction, which gradually disappear as the love relationship progresses. Therefore, comparison of the concordance and discordance between romantic love and drug addiction may elucidate potential treatments for addiction. This focused review uses the evidences from our recent studies to compare the neural alterations between romantic love and drug addiction, moreover we also compare the behavioral and neurochemical alterations between romantic love and drug addiction. From the behavioral comparisons we find that there are many similarities between the early stage of romantic love and drug addiction, and this stage romantic love is considered as a behavioral addiction, while significant differences exist between the later stage of romantic love and drug addiction, and this stage of romantic love eventually developed into a prosocial behavior

 

People fall in love with each other because it serves an evolutionary purpose, aka, who's gonna stick around and pay the mortgagge if you don't feel anything for the woman or the man you're with, and who's gonna pay for the kid if you don't develop an emotional bond with the kid?

There are species out there that reproduce asexually. With whom do they fall in love?

[Fletch Lives]

5 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

And they just as fast fall out of love.

Some do, some don't. There are couples who have been married for decades. A few of them are happy, lol. It can be done.

[Azincourt]

Yeah, and there are planets on this Universe capable of hosting life of any kind.  Planet Earth. Do you know of any other?

 Just because our planet is teeming with life and fauna, does that mean the Universe is populated with thousands, millions, billions of Earths?

I've also known of couples that have been married for decades, but those women were born into a time and raised in a time which saw women have little to no rights. No fault divorce? Only became a reality in the 70's, and that's in the west. The rest of the world is far worse off.

Check out the divorce rates in Spain, Portugal, Italy, and several other nations in the world, then look back at the divorce rates in the States and learn how women are worse off after a divorce, much worse, than men are, which means a lot of women who aren't getting a divorce aren't getting a divorce because they simply don't want to end up homeless.

''Real love'' is possible, certainly, but it's as rare to find as it's nearly impossible to buy and pay off a house before a guy is 21 years old.

Edited September 29, 2020 by Azincourt

[SuperHeroMan]

I still don't understand how men and women can have a strong bond with each other. Women are more comfortable touching and complimenting each (unlike men). It may or may not be based on sexual attraction but rather love, comfort and affection. They seem to enjoy the company of women more than men.

 

Women tend to get along better with other women. Why? They share the same issues, situations, life experiences, etc. So they tend to get one another and relate.

 

Also, Women, in general are sensitive, vocal, and are not ashamed to admit their fears, apprehensions and insecurities. They face problems head on even if they don't have a solution. They talk it over, seek counsel, empathy and compassion, and, yes, they cry. And, they are not ashamed of it. It is cathartic for them. It releases stress. Now we know why they live longer.

 

They just share a camaraderie with other women. They are sisters, friends, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, next-door neighbors, colleagues and peers, and, in some cases, lovers. They are different and unique. They are comfortable with their womanhood, sexually and their individuality.

[basil67]

I think you need to take women down off that pedestal @SuperHeroMan .   There are plenty of selfish/dysfunctional/non-communicative/hard arse women.    And while you're at it, also take some time to consider all that men have to offer.  

 

 

[SuperHeroMan]

15 hours ago, basil67 said:

I think you need to take women down off that pedestal @SuperHeroMan .   There are plenty of selfish/dysfunctional/non-communicative/hard arse women.    And while you're at it, also take some time to consider all that men have to offer.  

 

 

But female friendships seem a lot more comfortable than male friendships do. 

Edited October 21, 2020 by SuperHeroMan

[basil67]

Some female friendships can be supportive and caring.  Other female friendships can be catty, mean and competitive.    They can also be unbalanced with one giving more than the other.  And some women struggle to make any friendships.

One can't generalise for all of one gender.

[SuperHeroMan]

18 hours ago, basil67 said:

Some female friendships can be supportive and caring.  Other female friendships can be catty, mean and competitive.    They can also be unbalanced with one giving more than the other.  And some women struggle to make any friendships.

One can't generalise for all of one gender.

Evolutionarily speaking, women form social groups much, much quicker than men. Women have survived and prospered for many reasons. One of them is that they have formed social groups amongst each other to fend off violent men and other women. This is where the term “Fren-emy”, comes from. You never know if that woman you hate could be socially valuable to you at some point down the road.

To add more to my point, have you ever seen a girl crying alone and another girl walks by? What happens? The girl runs to the other girl and asks what’s wrong. Men do not do that. In fact, unless they are a very good friend, men will not console another man.

[basil67]

No, I have never seen a woman run to console another woman who she does not know.     I know of no social groups formed to fend off violent men.

The word frenemy is a hybrid of the word friend and enemy, but it’s got nothing to do with men.  It refers to a women who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy.  

[SuperHeroMan]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

No, I have never seen a woman run to console another woman who she does not know.     I know of no social groups formed to fend off violent men.

The word frenemy is a hybrid of the word friend and enemy, but it’s got nothing to do with men.  It refers to a women who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy.  

But it's very difficult to actually understand the same sex companionship of the opposite sex. Both the sexes are wired very differently, and we are not capable of fully understanding each other's perspective.

[basil67]

It doesn't matter if they don't fully understand each other's perspective.   There are things my husband and I will never understand about the other, but we just accept it.   But there are so many things we do match on, so it's fine.   We've got each other for some things and he's got his mates and I've got female friends.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean being able to supply everything to your partner.  I can't give him sport discussions and he can't talk about feelings.  That's what friends are for.