ms.stressed Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) They said, "you are aren't supposed to be with your first." What makes a man come back? What makes him want to come back? Edited July 7, 2020 by ms.stressed Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 Sex, mainly. And relationship security. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 That's a very broad, open-ended question without much context. Come back to what? So many factors - the length and intensity of the relationship, the way things ended and who/how they were ended, the post-breakup dynamic, the dynamic of the old relationship, did meet somewhere or somehow where you'll likely, or already do, bump into each other regularly or occasionally at least, how much were you what he was looking for, his own past relationship and life story. I mean, I've had 3 ltrs - the first one, got engaged, I wouldn't have gone back after about 2 to 3 months - and now looking back I'm VERY HAPPY it didn't work out. The second was with a psychopath and I ended it and I wouldn't go back for all the gold in the world. Last one, which broke my heart and 10+ months on I can still feel where the heart's been sewed back together.....I wouldn't go back and it's only the sheer strength of my mind that keeps me moving at times and working to remember I deserve WAY better. So....yeah - lots of factors. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 2 hours ago, rjc149 said: Sex, mainly. This is what I was going to say. Most of us women would like to think it's so much more than that, but in most cases, it seems to come down to this. The better the sex, the likelier he is to come back and the more persistent he'll be. In my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2020 Share Posted July 7, 2020 4 hours ago, ms.stressed said: They said, "you are aren't supposed to be with your first." What makes a man come back? What makes him want to come back? To his first girlfriend, do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 If he's in love with you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 What makes a man fall in love? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 3 hours ago, ms.stressed said: What makes a man fall in love? That depends on the man. It's too individual to really give a concrete answer to this question. Is there a particular man you hope will fall in love with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted July 21, 2020 Author Share Posted July 21, 2020 On 7/9/2020 at 6:13 AM, ExpatInItaly said: That depends on the man. It's too individual to really give a concrete answer to this question. Is there a particular man you hope will fall in love with you? Yes, but I know that it's best to fall back and let what happen, happen. I just feel bad because he was there for me but I wasn't fully healed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted July 21, 2020 Author Share Posted July 21, 2020 On 7/8/2020 at 1:17 AM, Goodguy05 said: If he's in love with you I don't know. He was there for me through everything, but I was raped, and got pregnant...because I waited too late, because I was dealing with the emotions of what occurred and not reporting it in time. It was 3 weeks later when I decided to go to the doctor for an evaluation about my symptoms that she asked me to take a pregnancy test...and it was confirmed that I was. And I started crying. She couldn't prescribe me any medication until I got an abortion...and I chose the abortion over the medication. I had to pay for it out of pocket and I went crazy and he was there through it all. And I told him he didn't want me, he was just being nice, because of what happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 So we're talking about this guy? He's gone because you told him to leave. If you want him back, you need to reach out. Explain how you were feeling at the time and explain how you feel now. If he hasn't moved on, you've got a fair chance of reconciling, but it's 100% on you to do the legwork. Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 What makes a dude come back is usually an attachment to whatever social circle you guys inhabited at that time, like if you have a mutual friend, ask him to hang out. But, with that being said, most guys do come back repeatedly, as it has already been mentioned numerous times, for sex, so if he has not come back yet, that should tell you something. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) @ms.stressed A lot of the advice here is missing the mark due to lack of context. They are referring to a situation where a guy who was in a relationship with you comes back. But you're talking about a guy who wasn't in a relationship with you and who you pushed away because you weren't ready. Your actions are understandable, so no criticism here, but it's not like he'd be returning to an established thing. Perhaps a redirect regarding the situation might be helpful Edited July 22, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 I tried reading your other thread but it's not really clear to me what happened. I think when a man really loves you, it takes a lot for him to give up on you. But if you told him to stay away, and you now want him back around, you'll have to reach out and express that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted July 31, 2020 Author Share Posted July 31, 2020 On 7/21/2020 at 7:39 PM, Ruby Slippers said: I tried reading your other thread but it's not really clear to me what happened. I think when a man really loves you, it takes a lot for him to give up on you. But if you told him to stay away, and you now want him back around, you'll have to reach out and express that. True, thank you. I hope he's just giving me time. A lot happened to me that he was there for and I need time. I need time. Or maybe he's just gone. Either way, I find myself missing him from time to time and I hate that my family and friends were involved. It annoys me. I want them out of my life. They don't contribute to it but they have so much to say about and it annoys me. When they say I'm disrespectful or rude, I nod my head and tell them, 'you damned right' because after I was raped, your assess weren't there for me, you didn't take my side, you didn't side with me...so kiss my ass and I mean it, lol! With every fiber in me. I don't owe them or anyone a damned thing, but this guy was there with me, sitting with me in the car, and holding me...and I couldn't tell him how I felt or what was going on. I didn't want to put that on him. I still don't. I feel bad. I feel terrible, but I needed time. I just need time. I don't want my family in my life. My ex, put himself in my life. I don't know if he was trying to help or not, but I hate them. Part of me hates him because he shouldn't have even listened to them, no one can speak on me but me. My only crime is that I don't share my struggles with him. I don't want his pity or guilt. I want respect and love. So I keep my struggles to myself. It's stupid, people say, "be vulnerable" but I can't. I don't want anyone's pity, I want love and respect and so I keep things to myself, because I don't want anyone in my life because they feel sorry for me, I want them in my life because they love me and respect me and they're proud of me. Don't pity me. Love me, respect me, and be proud of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted July 31, 2020 Author Share Posted July 31, 2020 On 7/21/2020 at 6:36 PM, basil67 said: So we're talking about this guy? He's gone because you told him to leave. If you want him back, you need to reach out. Explain how you were feeling at the time and explain how you feel now. If he hasn't moved on, you've got a fair chance of reconciling, but it's 100% on you to do the legwork. Yep, lol! It's terrible, but I know I wasn't my best...Idk. Idk. I want time. I want to be settled, grounded, and stable. It'll be okay. I have a bright future in store, so I focus on that and push through. Link to post Share on other sites
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