How safe do you think it would be to go for a walk in a large garden on a date?

[max3732]

I'm trying to figure out what kinds of dates I can do in a high risk area. One thought I had is to walk in a garden where you wouldn't have any people around you for the most part. How dangerous is it to walk next to a person I haven't met yet who might have been exposed to the virus if you're outside? I would wear a mask, but I don't know about what she would do. If you're walking next to someone and talking you're not going to be 6 feet away, but you're outside and in the sun

[rjc149]

I'll just say, this is going to be an awkward date if you're policing the 6 foot distance the whole time. 

"Well, I like puppies, sunsets on the beach, long walks -- whoa whoa! Six feet! You're too close! Long walks on the beach, you know that sort of thing. How about you?"

I guess the whole "self-improvement while waiting until it's safe to go on normal dates" idea is a no go, huh?

[max3732]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

I'll just say, this is going to be an awkward date if you're policing the 6 foot distance the whole time. 

"Well, I like puppies, sunsets on the beach, long walks -- whoa whoa! Six feet! You're too close! Long walks on the beach, you know that sort of thing. How about you?"

I guess the whole "self-improvement while waiting until it's safe to go on normal dates" idea is a no go, huh?

My question is how safe would it be to not do the 6 feet, but wear a mask and be outside in the sunlight.

I've been chatting with the one that invited me to tennis quite a bit and am trying to figure out a safe way to meet with her. 

Of course I'm 100% open to self improvement as well. Just don't know how to work on the things I need with if I'm not interacting with women. Seems like most of my issues are from lack of experience. I get too nervous around women I like, I have trouble trying to figure out what to say to be flirty and fun and am always afraid of offending her, struggle with initiating physical contact, etc. I know there were a lot of suggestions offered before and I can try and go back through those.

I'm just very frustrated with this virus and am really tired of having to deal with it. Seems like the advice has changed quite a bit over time and I'm wondering if being outside in bright sunlight wearing a mask where it's just the 2 of you means you still have to stay 6 feet from someone.

[rjc149]

42 minutes ago, max3732 said:

My question is how safe would it be to not do the 6 feet, but wear a mask and be outside in the sunlight.

I've been chatting with the one that invited me to tennis quite a bit and am trying to figure out a safe way to meet with her. 

Of course I'm 100% open to self improvement as well. Just don't know how to work on the things I need with if I'm not interacting with women. Seems like most of my issues are from lack of experience. I get too nervous around women I like, I have trouble trying to figure out what to say to be flirty and fun and am always afraid of offending her, struggle with initiating physical contact, etc. I know there were a lot of suggestions offered before and I can try and go back through those.

I'm just very frustrated with this virus and am really tired of having to deal with it. Seems like the advice has changed quite a bit over time and I'm wondering if being outside in bright sunlight wearing a mask where it's just the 2 of you means you still have to stay 6 feet from someone.

It’s my understanding that it’s either 6 feet or the mask. Mask is only necessary if you’re getting closer than 6 feet to people.

Good rhyme: if you fear her reaction, she won’t have attraction. 

Don’t be afraid of saying the wrong thing or upsetting her. Be bold and a little edgy. Don’t say purposefully offensive or outrageous sh-t, but stop caring if you’re saying the right things. If she doesn’t like what you have to say, that’s her problem. If you say something and she gives you a look, like she’s not pleased, smile and shrug. Don’t say “sorry” or “just kidding.” That’s approval-seeking. Lose your fear of women.

A lot of your growth will be learning by doing and trial and error. You’re going to put some women off. You’re going to blow some dates. That’s a good thing. It means your learning and getting experience. Don’t be scared of f’ing up. Embrace the suck. It’s fine. 

It’s just going to be hard getting dating experience when you can’t — actually date.

But in terms of interaction with women, just make sure you have zero expectations on these meetups. Just go hang out and chat. That’s it.

Before the feminists descend on this thread to nail my pimpled ass to their soapbox for being sexist and telling you to act like a douchebag, just remember: women don’t like timid men who need approval. Fear her reaction = no attraction.

Edited July 9, 2020 by rjc149

[basil67]

Even if it is safe, what's the point in doing this if you're not going to get close to her if/when the two of you decide that it's worth giving a relationship a try?  Very few women who are actively interested in dating are going to wait around.   I fear that you're about to embark on a time wasting exercise.

[Philosopher]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

I'm trying to figure out what kinds of dates I can do in a high risk area. One thought I had is to walk in a garden where you wouldn't have any people around you for the most part. How dangerous is it to walk next to a person I haven't met yet who might have been exposed to the virus if you're outside? I would wear a mask, but I don't know about what she would do. If you're walking next to someone and talking you're not going to be 6 feet away, but you're outside and in the sun

I think you may be better off waiting a few weeks or months when the risk in your area has reduced somewhat so you can feel safe dating others in a somewhat more normal fashion. Continually fretting whether you are within 6 feet of your date or whether you should be wearing a mask doesn’t exactly sound like a fun date.

[Haydn]

Some kind of  `Apiculturists` date would be ideal. 

[Emilie Jolie]

 

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

I'm just very frustrated with this virus and am really tired of having to deal with it.

In the most gentle way Max, why do you have to date at all at the moment? 

 

Edited July 9, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[QuietRiot]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

My question is how safe would it be to not do the 6 feet, but wear a mask and be outside in the sunlight.

I've been chatting with the one that invited me to tennis quite a bit and am trying to figure out a safe way to meet with her. 

Of course I'm 100% open to self improvement as well. Just don't know how to work on the things I need with if I'm not interacting with women. Seems like most of my issues are from lack of experience. I get too nervous around women I like, I have trouble trying to figure out what to say to be flirty and fun and am always afraid of offending her, struggle with initiating physical contact, etc. I know there were a lot of suggestions offered before and I can try and go back through those.

I'm just very frustrated with this virus and am really tired of having to deal with it. Seems like the advice has changed quite a bit over time and I'm wondering if being outside in bright sunlight wearing a mask where it's just the 2 of you means you still have to stay 6 feet from someone.

Right, and if things go well...you're eventually going to want to get less than 6 feet, yes?

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Emilie Jolie said:

In the most gentle way Max, why do you have to date at all at the moment? 

Exactly.
He is in a medically high risk group in a high risk area...
Max
Have you told this woman this?
There is never going to be a time in the near future, when suddenly this woman will be completely safe for you to get close to.
She needs to be aware of why you are so understandably paranoid.

[Dear Intuition]

Manage your own actions, and environment. If you're unsure of what your date would do, become sure. Ask her, and communicate what you want. Assume you’re at risk for something that you don’t want (in this case COVID-19). So take precaution whenever possible. Don’t leave it up to chance. You can’t control where she has been, and you may not know if she has been exposed. She may not know either.

[d0nnivain]

If you are a high risk person & you live in a high risk area, dating at all is a bad plan.  

Outside is obviously better then inside.  Staying 6 feet away AND wearing a mask is probably your best option. 

[max3732]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Exactly.
He is in a medically high risk group in a high risk area...
Max
Have you told this woman this?
There is never going to be a time in the near future, when suddenly this woman will be completely safe for you to get close to.
She needs to be aware of why you are so understandably paranoid.

She knows we are in a high risk area. I haven't told her I'm in a high risk group. Hopefully things will improve in the near future. In the meantime I'm hoping to do tennis, virtual dates, or find other distance activities like maybe kayaking or walking in the garden where there is hardly anyone there and no one around us. 

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

If you are a high risk person & you live in a high risk area, dating at all is a bad plan.  

Outside is obviously better then inside.  Staying 6 feet away AND wearing a mask is probably your best option. 

With tennis I've gotten closer than 6 feet while I'm playing with the pro and I have had sanatizer and make sure to not touch my eyes or face. Is just talking to someone outside risky? I read something saying you had to be exposed for a while. 

I've been quarantined since early March and aside from tennis and just driving for fun haven't been out of my home and am getting restless. No takeout food, no grocery shopping, no interacting with anyone aside from my immediate family. 

The Texas Medical Association released a chart of riskiness of activities and tennis is towards the bottom. It has a going for a walk very low as well. I wondering if that assumes you're wearing a mask and distancing during the walk as well. I'd like to go for a walk and see friends as well.

https://twitter.com/texmed/status/1279046501054980096/photo/1

Maybe I'll just stick to virtual dates though. How much longer until this is over?

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

How much longer until this is over?

Considering that there is no cure for the common cold, cancer or many other lethal conditions,  don't think it will ever be over & I certainly don't think the experts know.  

You have to decide your own level of risk tolerance & behave accordingly. 

DH & I went out over the past weekend.  We walked around a town where most people were wearing masks.  We ate pizza outside where we were the only ones.  We took a ferry ride & went to a beach but we were always more then 15 feet away from others when stationary & unmasked.  

[rjc149]

I really think the thirst and desperation to go on dates is going to bleed through on the dates themselves. Women are going to pick up on it, and it's going to turn them off. 

I think there is an underlying unhappiness you have, as a person, and you feel that a woman is going to remedy that. She won't. But it's like, you're jonesing for a date. You just gotta have one. 

See, truly confident men are confident because they are happy. Happy with themselves, happy with the direction of their lives, and that means happy being single. Happy not dating. 

Being happy will come off to women as being warm, content, positive, and confident. 

I can't tell you what to do to make you happy. That's on you. But what I can yell you, is that focusing on yourself, not on dates, and building and growing yourself in other areas, will afford you some satisfaction and fulfillment. I think that should be your number 1 priority. Getting in shape, reading a lot to make yourself a better conversationalist, getting your wardrobe and style handled -- these should all be more important than figuring out how to date with an infectious disease going around. 

 

[max3732]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

I really think the thirst and desperation to go on dates is going to bleed through on the dates themselves. Women are going to pick up on it, and it's going to turn them off. 

I think there is an underlying unhappiness you have, as a person, and you feel that a woman is going to remedy that. She won't. But it's like, you're jonesing for a date. You just gotta have one. 

See, truly confident men are confident because they are happy. Happy with themselves, happy with the direction of their lives, and that means happy being single. Happy not dating. 

Being happy will come off to women as being warm, content, positive, and confident. 

I can't tell you what to do to make you happy. That's on you. But what I can yell you, is that focusing on yourself, not on dates, and building and growing yourself in other areas, will afford you some satisfaction and fulfillment. I think that should be your number 1 priority. Getting in shape, reading a lot to make yourself a better conversationalist, getting your wardrobe and style handled -- these should all be more important than figuring out how to date with an infectious disease going around. 

 

Obviously I don't tell my dates about my strong desire for a girlfriend or my struggles.

Outside of my dating situation and not being able to get out I'm pretty happy. While a lot of people are putting on weight during the lockdown I've been taking it off. The last month or so I've worked out 5 to 6 days a week (body weight, dumbells, cardio, tennis and flexibility) and I'm eating healthier without going out to eat or takeout. I'm also able to lift more and do more pushups/pullups than before. I'm down from my post Christmas, post injury high

Funny you mentioned reading. Aside from novels I'm always reading some kind of political book. I also got an online course in a subject just for fun. During the quarantine I've also expanded my cooking ability. Guess with reading I have more insight in different topics, but I get so nervous my head usually goes blank and I feel flustered and have even stammered a bit when 1st trying to talk to a woman on a 1st date. That goes away after I get more comfortable.

I also just finished a huge deal I've been working on for years at work.

It's just very frustrating to have this great life going on and no one special to share it with. 

I feel like I'm in fairly decent shape now. What I need to improve is to be able to speak better when I'm on these dates and also how to be more relaxed and fun. Also with texting to get better at what to say. 

As far as this virus if the numbers come down and the hospitals are overcrowded I'd feel a lot better. I've cancelled my doctors and dentist appointments. Also no haircuts for a few months.

[rjc149]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

It's just very frustrating to have this great life going on and no one special to share it with. 

I get that you really want to, but why do you need to? And why the rush? This pandemic will eventually end. What's a few months of not dating? 

Because it sounds like you need a woman to complete your life, not share it with. But if you feel a void in your life now, trust me, nothing, or no one, will fill it. Only you can. 

It's great that you're well-read, that should give you some perspectives and opinions to share. You just can't be afraid of sharing them, even if they're unpopular, or you think she won't approve. Having your own beliefs, and standing by them, is an attractive character trait. 

Have you considered doing Toastmasters? I know many clubs have virtual meetings. That should get you some practice speaking and having confident body language and presence.