Hopeful30 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 We often talk about attractiveness in different categories (chemical, sexual, financial, intellectual, etc.) I've begun pondering if it's really possible for one person to vary so greatly across these categories. For e.g., if you're kind, then you're kind across *all* categories (financial, intellectual, etc.). If a person is attractive (pulls you, magnetic for you) then this chemistry is expressed across all 'categories'. Is it possible that sexual attraction is an extension of soul attraction? If you're sexually attractive, perhaps this is the indicator that a stronger connection exists? And you're detecting the extension of that first? (After all, we can't really know a person at early stages, but the sexual tension would be obvious.) I ask this because I've read in a number of posts (and honestly to my genuine surprise) that many longterm couples recognized each other soonest by sexual attraction. What do you think?
FMW Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I think instant sexual attraction is a poor gauge of a connection that will last long term. It's probably there in most relationships that last, but it's also there in at least as many that don't last. There are plenty of stories on this forum about relationships starting out hot and heavy and then someone suddenly just disappears. 1
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I think for some there is a mutual recognition that this person ticks a whole lot of boxes and so there is almost instant comfort and ease, which can translate sexually. That is not the same as "OMG this guy/girl is smokin' hot, let's go to bed..."
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Sexual attraction is only the starting point. You find them attractive, you go talk to them to get a feel for their personality etc. If they are not a complete moron, you go out on dates, meet their friends, have sex etc. Along the way you access. If those expectation boxes are not being ticked off, you go on dates with someone else you found attractive and so on. Not that complicated.
chillii Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) lt will be close , not perfect but that won't matter , for that one in a million special person but for 99% of the others it'lll fizzle and add up to jack in the end,. Of course if your in tune with yourself enough though you'll recognize the real deal and the difference without the need to date and screw 1/2 the nation along the way. Edited July 9, 2020 by chillii
introverted1 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I disagree with the thesis that a person has the same character across all categories. For example, someone can be sexually giving but not emotionally. I also think that sexual attraction can be a starting point to overall attraction but can also be a red herring that leads us to believe there is more compatibility that actually exists. This is why we date, imo - to determine overall compatibility over a longer period of time and in a variety of circumstances. 2
Emilie Jolie Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 2 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: If you're sexually attractive, perhaps this is the indicator that a stronger connection exists? A firm no from me. Not saying it doesn't exist for others, but a few times I've been sexually attracted for no clear reason other than a strong pull, to men I had absolutely nothing in common with in terms of shared values or interests or personality. So there was no follow-up. That's where flings or one night stands come in, I guess, when these impulses are being acted upon on the basis of sexual chemistry only.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Emilie Jolie said: That's where flings or one night stands come in, I guess, when these impulses are being acted upon on the basis of sexual chemistry only. Yes, I agree. Sexual attraction is not necessarily an indication of a deeper connection or compatibility in other areas.
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