Online friends since 2016, I want to finally meet her, how do I go from here?

[ShyViolet]

21 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

 

She has in a way done me wrong because she isn't communicating her feelings to me. She's keeping this friendship going for her own self-interests apparently without really seeming concerned about how I feel. 

You have a strange sense of entitlement surrounding this woman.  You seem to think that she owes you something and that you have a right to be angry if she doesn't do what you want.  She doesn't owe you anything.  

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

 Part of being friends with someone is being considerate of the other person's feeling, it's just sheer decency. After 4 years of friendship, I would expect more

She owes you nothing. It was cyber-chatting and she did not specifically invite you to her area.

[DarrenB]

On 7/9/2020 at 3:46 PM, TheEternalPessimist said:

When we first started chatting in 2016 she was 15 and I was 22, now she’s 18 going on 19 and I recently turned 26.

 

Wow, literally TL;DR.

You are continuing to pursue this poor girl who has clearly stated she does not wish to see you in person on countless occasions? you've even stated in a previous response that 'you won't take no for an answer'.

You are extremely lucky you haven't caught a case yet, but I feel that the way you're portraying yourself online and from what you've commented on I wouldn't be surprised if you were locked up for something malicious, honest opinion.

This girl owes you absolutely nothing. 

Get off your high horse and go for someone your own age. 

[TheEternalPessimist]

52 minutes ago, DarrenB said:

Wow, literally TL;DR.

You are continuing to pursue this poor girl who has clearly stated she does not wish to see you in person on countless occasions? you've even stated in a previous response that 'you won't take no for an answer'.

You are extremely lucky you haven't caught a case yet, but I feel that the way you're portraying yourself online and from what you've commented on I wouldn't be surprised if you were locked up for something malicious, honest opinion.

This girl owes you absolutely nothing. 

Get off your high horse and go for someone your own age. 

I never said I wouldn't take no for an answer, please quote to me exactly where I said that. 

I'm also not pursuing her, we talk less than before and we both have our own lives. 

She also never clearly said she does not wish to see me in person, you clearly didn't bother reading this thread properly and are jumping at conclusions.

Lol something malicious, thank you Darren for your expert assessment. I have no criminal record and I have no intention of doing anything to her because I care about her and I have nothing against her. I'm also not a violent person, in fact I hate violence of any kind and I condemn it. I find it extremely insulting that you would suggest that and it says a lot more about you as a person than it does about me. Way to judge people online based on YOUR flawed interpretation of their writings, one of the most immatures and childish moves ever. 

Edited July 28, 2020 by TheEternalPessimist

[TheEternalPessimist]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

You have a strange sense of entitlement surrounding this woman.  You seem to think that she owes you something and that you have a right to be angry if she doesn't do what you want.  She doesn't owe you anything.  

No she doesn't owe me anything per se. I do expect her to tell me though if she has definitely moved on so at least I can know for sure. We will need to have that conversation one day because things are stalling now.

[DarrenB]

On 7/9/2020 at 10:36 PM, TheEternalPessimist said:

I won't take no for an answer because it's lazy and she never clearly said no herself to begin with. 

 

38 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

I never said I wouldn't take no for an answer, please quote to me exactly where I said that. 

 

CASE closed.

I don't need to read this sh**storm in-depth to understand that you're manipulating a girl significantly younger than you.

I have nothing more to comment on, but please get some help for your own sake.

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

After 4 years of friendship, I would expect more from her in certain cases.

It was an online friendship. Not exactly traditional.

Again, she doesn't owe you anything.

She clearly doesn't value this 'friendship' the way you do and there is no reason she has to.

[TheEternalPessimist]

28 minutes ago, DarrenB said:

 

CASE closed.

I don't need to read this sh**storm in-depth to understand that you're manipulating a girl significantly younger than you.

I have nothing more to comment on, but please get some help for your own sake.

Manipulating her how exactly? We talk once a month and I haven't brought up the idea of meeting up in over a year. I never blackmailed her or forced her to do anything she wouldn't want to do.

If you're going to quote me, quote me entirely. "I think deciding or not to stay in touch with someone is always a decision you take together out of respect for the other person primarily and also because it's the responsible thing to do" is what I added after the "not taking no for answer".  The "not taking no for an answer" wasn't in reference to seeing each other, it was in reference to understanding her point of view about the friendship,  getting some explanations as to how she sees things if we were to each go our seperate ways. As I said, you interpretated my post to fit your narrative.

[TheEternalPessimist]

13 minutes ago, JTSW said:

It was an online friendship. Not exactly traditional.

Again, she doesn't owe you anything.

She clearly doesn't value this 'friendship' the way you do and there is no reason she has to.

If that's the case then why did she keep me around for so long?? She could have ended it all way earlier, I wouldn't have stopped her and she had plenty of opportunities to tell me she was moving on and no longer wanted to stay in touch.

[JTSW]

5 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

If that's the case then why did she keep me around for so long?? She could have ended it all way earlier, I wouldn't have stopped her and she had plenty of opportunities to tell me she was moving on and no longer wanted to stay in touch.

Whats the point in analysing it all?

She isnt fretting.

Whats the point in all of this when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

[JTSW]

10 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

I think deciding or not to stay in touch with someone is always a decision you take together

Nope!

[TheEternalPessimist]

2 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Nope!

The fact that people like you don't understand that is part of the problem, you must be a terrible friend.

4 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Whats the point in analysing it all?

She isnt fretting.

Whats the point in all of this when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

The point is to understand what's on her mind, see if something can be changed or improved and learn from it eventually. Ideally I would want this friendship to continue but I have some questions. 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

3 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

I wouldn't take no for an answer

 

...  and   there you have it

[SincereOnlineGuy]

2 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

why did she keep me around for so long?? She could have ended it all way earlier,

 

ROFL  -   the idea that you and only you perceive there ever was an "it"   is mentally disturbing on multiple levels.

 

 

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

"I think deciding or not to stay in touch with someone is always a decision you take together out of respect for the other person primarily and also because it's the responsible thing to do" 

Absolutely not.  She doesn't need your consent or your permission to NOT want to meet up with you, to scale back this friendship, to stop talking to you completely, or anything in between.  When two people have a friendship, either party has the right to end it at any time for any reason.  You don't have the right to demand that she do anything.  

"The responsible thing to do?"  That just sounds ridiculous considering that this is a person you have never actually met.  She doesn't have a responsibility to you.  It's been said many times before in this thread but I can't help but saying it again because it's so true... you are oddly obsessed with this woman and you need to stop.

Edited July 29, 2020 by ShyViolet

[TheEternalPessimist]

6 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Absolutely not.  She doesn't need your consent or your permission to NOT want to meet up with you, to scale back this friendship, to stop talking to you completely, or anything in between.  When two people have a friendship, either party has the right to end it at any time for any reason.  You don't have the right to demand that she do anything.  

"The responsible thing to do?"  That just sounds ridiculous considering that this is a person you have never actually met.  She doesn't have a responsibility to you.  It's been said many times before in this thread but I can't help but saying it again because it's so true... you are oddly obsessed with this woman and you need to stop.

Of course she doesn't need my permission. It's not about permission, it's about being honest and responsible. Having some form of consideration for someone who has been around for several years even if online. I don't think behaving in a careless way is fair. Otherwise what's the point? You can't just pick and choose friends like you pick and choose clothes. 

Edited July 29, 2020 by TheEternalPessimist

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

You can't just pick and choose friends like you pick and choose clothes. 

Unfortunately it seems like you overestimate your importance in her life.

.Yes people can pick and choose what cyberpal they want to meet or not.

And she's avoiding you because her family doesn't want her meeting up with some chatroom entity.

[TheEternalPessimist]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it seems like you overestimate your importance in her life.

.Yes people can pick and choose what cyberpal they want to meet or not.

And she's avoiding you because her family doesn't want her meeting up with some chatroom entity.

It's not about me and at this point it's not even only about meeting up, it's about being a responsible person.

If her family didn't want her to meet with someone she met online, they wouldn't have allowed her to meet her other pal in real life. Also, she is an adult, her family normally isn't involved in such decisions. I'm not asking for anything spectacular here...

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

It's not about me and at this point it's not even only about meeting up, it's about being a responsible person.

If her family didn't want her to meet with someone she met online, they wouldn't have allowed her to meet her other pal in real life. Also, she is an adult, her family normally isn't involved in such decisions. I'm not asking for anything spectacular here...

She is being responsible by not  meeting some old guy who jumped into an LGBT chatroom.

[TheEternalPessimist]

You make it sound like I'm 45 years old or something. We are more or less in the same age category and I don't see what's so irresponsible about just going to a cafe and hanging out, again I'm not wanting anything spectacular here, I think it's the least we could do after 4 years. 

[Wiseman2]

But she doesn't want to. It's that simple whether you accept it or not.

[TheEternalPessimist]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

But she doesn't want to. It's that simple whether you accept it or not.

She didn't want to at a certain time for good reasons but it's been ages since we spoke about it and the circumstances have since changed. I explained all of that many times already.

[Wiseman2]

Maybe she thinks you're just trolling?

[TheEternalPessimist]

What is there to troll about? Wanting to meet up is not something to troll about. I take this friendship and all my friendships seriously, I don't troll and I'm also not a potential criminal as some have tried to imply here. I just want things to improve between us and at least try and save the friendship if it's possible. 

[JTSW]

On 7/28/2020 at 11:08 PM, TheEternalPessimist said:

The fact that people like you don't understand that is part of the problem, you must be a terrible friend.

The point is to understand what's on her mind, see if something can be changed or improved and learn from it eventually. Ideally I would want this friendship to continue but I have some questions. 

Top point- im a great friend and you are the one that doesn't seem to understand that you have no control over this girls decisions. 

Bottom point- you are not in charge of her. She doesnt want to meet you. She doesnt have to meet you and she doesnt owe you anything. Accept that and let t go.