Daxie2513 Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) Hi, I'm new to this and this is my first thread. Just looking for a bit of support that's not family or friends. So I've just been through a miscarriage (was an unplanned pregnancy) a week ago and 5 days after my boyfriend ended things with me. We had been together for almost 9 months. He was not there for me at all while the miscarriage happened I didn't even get any calls off him asking if I was OK or if I needed anything. I had to go through it at home on my own with my 7 year old daughter also at home so I had to be as normal as I could be for her. Even when I told him he was being uncaring and didn't check in on me he didn't have much to say. I feel like our whole relationship has been about him as he has alot of baggage with his ex and daughter but when I needed him he didn't give me anything support back. He's 40 BTW so not a kid (I'm 36) I've also been through 3 miscarriages in the past 10 years ago so it was even more upsetting to think I've had a Forth now. He didn't ended it through a text message, just saying he doesn't know what he wants and needs to be on his own to figure it out. I'm just feeling all over the place atm. Edited July 11, 2020 by Holly David Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 Condolences on the loss of your pregnancy, being the fourth surely makes it more difficult for you to deal with. As for your boyfriend - I think you know you are better off without him. He sounds very uncaring, insensitive and selfish. I'm sure you care about him and are feeling a loss because of that. But hopefully you see that he wasn't a good option for you. Certainly not someone you want your 7 year old daughter to see as a normal and acceptable man in your life. Be kind and patient with yourself while you heal from both losses, but leave him in the past. If/when he tries to pop back into your life, don't let him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daxie2513 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 56 minutes ago, FMW said: Condolences on the loss of your pregnancy, being the fourth surely makes it more difficult for you to deal with. As for your boyfriend - I think you know you are better off without him. He sounds very uncaring, insensitive and selfish. I'm sure you care about him and are feeling a loss because of that. But hopefully you see that he wasn't a good option for you. Certainly not someone you want your 7 year old daughter to see as a normal and acceptable man in your life. Be kind and patient with yourself while you heal from both losses, but leave him in the past. If/when he tries to pop back into your life, don't let him. Thank you for your kind words, yes I do know that he isn't right for me. And couldn't really commit properly, just can't get my head around how uncaring he actually has been and thoughtless. Time is a great healer thankgoodness. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 It sounds like you only got together about 9 months ago, so weren't together very long before becoming pregnant. I am sorry for your loss and distress - my ex had miscarriages and it was difficult for us both (but that's not why we split up). However, your bf may have felt trapped if this all happened in less than a year, and took the first out he found. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 I'm sorry for your loss. He obviously wasn't a good partner for you. It's tempting to focus on the other person's shortcomings after a breakup, as I was certainly doing myself after my own breakup about a month ago. But I've learned that the best thing you can do is consider your own decision-making process, why you got involved with this kind of person. The goal is not to get involved with such a selfish, uncaring person again. So now hopefully you know the signs better so you can avoid it in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 11, 2020 Share Posted July 11, 2020 I"m sorry for your loss but this guy was never your boyfriend. He's just some guy you liked and had unprotected sex with. Be brave and remind yourself that you didn't know this guy well enough or have a deep enough relationship with to be having children with him and he demonstrated to you that he wasn't what you need in your life or your 7 year-old child's life. He showed you who he was. Be happy he's out of your life. Focus on you and your child now and be the strong, independent, secure woman you can and should be. And, please make sure you and your child are always your #1 priority in life from now on and be careful. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daxie2513 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Share Posted July 11, 2020 I've got through worse than this so hopefully it will be fine. I think hearing everyone's opinions definitely helps though. I think I knew a while ago that I wasn't really getting what I wanted from the relationship and it never really felt that commmited. We just filled the gaps in each others lives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 First thing, please get on a reliable birth control method(s). Second, this man would have made a terrible long-term partner and father. Thank your lucky stars you aren't connected to him any longer. Third, seek therapy to find out why you would entangle yourself and your daughter with such a bad man. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 On 7/11/2020 at 11:39 AM, central said: However, your bf may have felt trapped if this all happened in less than a year, and took the first out he found. Yes this is exactly what happened. You are better off without him. He wasn't ready to be a father or your partner. I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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