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How to be in a relationship and not lose pieces of myself?


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With my recent breakup, something was brought to my attention. During the breakup conversation she stated that she didn't understand how I could have such  facade of confidence. I didn't understand what she was talking about so she explained that when we met I was confident about so many things and now She felt that most things I just put up a facade of confidence but didn't seem to actually have any. This was said to me by another ex about 10 years ago, and I dismissed it as an incorrect perception on her part. But thinking about it, I am less confident now than I was going into the relationship, and the same is very likely true 10 years ago. I don't understand how I can lose so much confidence while being in a relationship, to the point that it has been impacting me for months, and I have become pessimistic (I normally float on the optimistic side of things, but do consider down sides, etc.). It is impacting me so much right now. Before the relationship I was pretty happy with my life. My job was the only thing I wasn't satisfied with, and it isn't because it isn't a good job, it pays alright and has great hours, I just want something with room to move up in both promotion and pay. Now I not only feel the weight of having a major life change (not having the ex in my life), but I feel despair that I'm not able to do what I would normally consider simple things. 

How can I be so happy and confident when I'm single and lose all that confidence when in a relationship? I'm at loss.  

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Things are happening during the relationship that are for some reason bringing you undone.

Something you'd really have to look at and think about yourself to figure out . Or translate it to your thread hare and maybe people can help you figure it out,. But seems it's happened in both , then it's about you .

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