Interstellar Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 Did you cheat on him? in the past? lol...I wish I could hear both sides of the story. I don’t feel I’m getting the entire story here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseSky3 Posted July 18, 2020 Author Share Posted July 18, 2020 No, I was very faithful to him. He had just come out of a long term relationship and met me about 3 weeks after that so he wasnt really ready. The first month he was blowing up my phone with sweet texts saying how I was a blessing in his life, how amazing he thought I was, even talking about potentially moving to washington and getting a cabin together in our future - so for him to say that I was the one rushing us isn't true. He claims I rushed him into a relationship with me, but what actually happened was he started pulling away one week after all that and said we could be friends and go slow first but I knew that meant friends with benefits so I said no - he came back 3 days later apologizing and we got back together. He claims I was too desperate and insecure but in actuality, he was hot and cold and I was simply asking him if things were ok between us. He would add other women on instagram out of no where and start liking all their pictures so I started getting suspicious - I brought this up to him and he would freak out on me saying "Find a solution to your problems before I walk away from them." I said "Dont threaten to break up with me whenever we fight." He said "Its not a threat, its a promise." One minute he'd be sending me long loving texts saying I'm his queen and how hes falling in love with me, the next day he would barely talk to me - he'd read a text immediately and then take 6 hours to respond. He once did this even when I had a medical emergency. So yes, the full story is that he felt like I was too accusatory, desperate for a relationship, rushing him, and smothering him apparently. However, I always gave him his space when I started noticing him acting distant again because I understood his recent situation. I couldnt even bring up a simple question about his behavior without him threatening another break up. So we would break up but then he'd come right back to me a couple days later - it was so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 11 minutes ago, RoseSky3 said: No, I was very faithful to him. He had just come out of a long term relationship and met me about 3 weeks after that so he wasnt really ready. The first month he was blowing up my phone with sweet texts saying how I was a blessing in his life, how amazing he thought I was, even talking about potentially moving to washington and getting a cabin together in our future - Huge red flags here. You cannot take future talk seriously from a guy you've barely dated - and especially one who has just barely ended his previous relationship. It's love-bombing and it's nearly always a bad sign. There has never been a solid foundation to this relationship, and the more you write, the more apparent it becomes just how dysfunctional this all was. In the future, don't get caught up in the whirlwind so fast. Don't fall for the fantasy-talk from someone you hardly know. These are exactly the type of people who will crash into your life, cause chaos, and then drop you as they twirl off to someone else while you stand there wondering what the heck has just happened. I speak from experience there, having dated someone similar in the past. Use this as your opportunity to learn to run away from guys like in the future, not towards them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 7 hours ago, RoseSky3 said: He had just come out of a long term relationship and met me about 3 weeks after that so he wasnt really ready. When did you realize that he wasn't really ready? This week? Any sooner and I'd have to ask "why did you get involved with someone who wasn't emotionally ready for a new emotional entanglement? At best, you're the rebound relationship and those rarely work out. Quote he was even talking about potentially moving to washington and getting a cabin together in our future That's called "thinking out loud".. loud enough for you to hear him and interact with him. He didn't mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 19, 2020 Share Posted July 19, 2020 (edited) @RoseSky3 20 hours ago, RoseSky3 said: No, I was very faithful to him. He had just come out of a long term relationship and met me about 3 weeks after that so he wasnt really ready. The first month he was blowing up my phone with sweet texts saying how I was a blessing in his life, how amazing he thought I was, even talking about potentially moving to washington and getting a cabin together in our future - so for him to say that I was the one rushing us isn't true. He claims I rushed him into a relationship with me, but what actually happened was he started pulling away one week after all that and said we could be friends and go slow first but I knew that meant friends with benefits so I said no - he came back 3 days later apologizing and we got back together. It's riskier to date a person fresh out of a breakup but I don't fault you for it. It all depends on who you're dealing with and what their circumstances are. I dated a girl who had been 2 years out of a break up, and I only found out how unresolved she was over the whole situation, about 5 months into it. This was a person who had had 2 years to heal and grieve her breakup, but she still carried a lot of baggage from it. It wasn't that she wasn't over him. It was that she hadn't dealt with the pain he caused her, and that pain carried on over to our relationship, where she'd projected those old feelings onto me. By comparison, I know many people who had successful relationship after a 2 year break from dating. I've known people whom got to a point where they were sick and tired of being in their current relationship because of years of problems. They became open to being taken by someone new and eventually found someone and broke-up with their ex once they felt ready to. They then went on to end up having a healthy, happy relationship...simply because they knew they were done. At the same time, I know many where it didn't happen like that, because they hadn't had enough time to heal, and they ended up using the person has a rebound. You can't connect with people, if your guard is up. To connect with someone intimately is to leave yourself vulnerable to an extent. If you can't do that, you protect yourself out of something that could potentially be great and so there will always be a risk involved. We all want to be loved and it does feel good to be charmed. In the case with him, he used you as a distraction, to avoid dealing with his unresolved feelings over his past relationship. Things in your relationship were moving way too fast. It was intense. There already fights. Being love-bombed in a matter of a few weeks. All red flags. Good, healthy relationship have to build over time and people don't show their true-self until they get comfortable and become complacent. Only when you've gotten to know a person in their entirety; their quirks, their flaws, how they are under stress and pressure, and the kind of habits they have on a daily basis..can you really get a good idea of who you're dealing with, and whether you're willing to continue. - Beach Edited July 19, 2020 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts