How to be more desireable to search better

[ZA Dater]

9 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I struggle to fathom how you've been single your whole life other than it being your own doing.  I can't imagine you're bad enough looking that no reasonable looking woman in her own right has ever found you attractive in any way, shape or form.

OLD aside, because it doesn't really reflect the real life success rate of dating for males - unless you yourself are only attracted to women that are out of your league, then I refuse to believe that there isn't someone out there for you.

You need to ask yourself objectively; "If I were to date 'xyz woman' that I find attractive, would I be punching well above my weight?" 

If you ask yourself that question, what answer do you get?  If the answer is that, objectively, you don't feel like you're "reaching" as such, then you've got to look inwards as to why women who are objectively your equal in terms of physical attractiveness continue to overlook you.

As I said above, OLD aside, because it not a reflection of reality outside its own sphere - there are plenty of very average looking guys who are not only in committed relationships, but who are actually dating or even married to women who are objectively better looking than they are.

Sure, I understand that these guys may have personalities that women find warm and engaging.  They may be smooth talkers, have good jobs, ooze intelligence and charisma.  It's usually how it works. 

However, the point I'm making here is that despite looks, they've managed to leverage off their strengths and sell those (not in an overt/obvious manner) to a respective partner. 

You've listed all of your strengths in a few posts above, where you outlined all of the things you have going for you that make you attractive on paper.  So, what you need to do is believe in yourself that those traits are things you can sell, that they are things that women find desirable - sell it to yourself first and you can easily sell it to anyone else.

I have no further suggestions to you about OLD.  It can be a horrible experience for many guys, I get that.  And, with this pandemic going on, dating in general has been turned on its head.  However, once this virus passes, you need to get out there and sell yourself.

How you do that is something that I cannot answer, either.  You've got to dig deep and believe in yourself, that you are worthy of love and being loved back.

 

Reasonable looking is subjective and sure it probably is my own doing because I decided in my teens I didn't need to conform to what everyone else was doing, why should I do things I don't like and enjoy simply because everyone else is doing them. I wanted to do things on my own terms. I have to be honest with you, I know a few guys and for the most part they all settled when they married so yeah I never really have seen what you mean, mostly I just see like with like.

Thing I have been trying to sell these attributes for years they don't sell because they aren't what people want, there is no glam with them and the real deal killer I suspect is I'd never really fit in with their friends because again that awkward part of me will see to that.

Leverage doesn't count for much I believed this growing up but it never worked, I always came up short against some rugby jock or some rich kid or some super outgoing. What I had going for me was a higher level of intellect and knowledge but even that didn't count for anything. Its telling that 20 years later I am still being beaten by the same sort of guys.

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I always came up short against some rugby jock or some rich kid or some super outgoing. What I had going for me was a higher level of intellect and knowledge but even that didn't count for anything. Its telling that 20 years later I am still being beaten by the same sort of guys.

The women that are going to be interested in the rugby jock or super outgoing rich kid are not the same women that are interested in a guy like you. You’re not losing out to anybody. Those women aren’t a good match. 

[ZA Dater]

54 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

The women that are going to be interested in the rugby jock or super outgoing rich kid are not the same women that are interested in a guy like you. You’re not losing out to anybody. Those women aren’t a good match. 

They are however attractive. You are right the ones interested in me aren't a good match either. 

Edited August 13, 2020 by ZA Dater

[Weezy1973]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

They are however attractive. You are right the ones interested in me aren't a good match either. 

You have to go on a lot of dates to find a good match. Just be patient. If someone isn’t interested in you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, it just means it’s not a match. That’s most of what dating is. 

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

You have to go on a lot of dates to find a good match. Just be patient. If someone isn’t interested in you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, it just means it’s not a match. That’s most of what dating is. 

Its never a match.  I just think all I can do is realise I don't really have much control in the sense I have never really enjoyed small talk, I don't have a circle of friends so its basically impossible to for me to meet people besides on various apps. Years on them have brought no return at all but it has given me insight and understand as to how dating works, I am hazard a guess what people want, I can work out how attractive I am so it hasn't been a total waste of time.

 

[Weezy1973]

19 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Its never a match. 

 

It just hasn’t been a match yet. For all the years you’ve been dating, you’ve actually had very few dates. To put into context, I was averaging three dates a week, and most, just like with you, were not a match. It’s a numbers game which means:

1. You need to date more.

2. You can’t take rejection personally or even take any one date too seriously.

 

Because you have such limited experience, each date carries much more emotional weight than it should. You need to just go on dates, try to get to know the person and go from there.

[ZA Dater]

39 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It just hasn’t been a match yet. For all the years you’ve been dating, you’ve actually had very few dates. To put into context, I was averaging three dates a week, and most, just like with you, were not a match. It’s a numbers game which means:

1. You need to date more.

2. You can’t take rejection personally or even take any one date too seriously.

 

Because you have such limited experience, each date carries much more emotional weight than it should. You need to just go on dates, try to get to know the person and go from there.

In order to do numbers which I tried I then need to go out with people I have no interest in which is a waste of time. I did the numbers thing before and the only way I could do it was to simply have no standard at all. The lack of ROI I get on dates makes them very unattractive to me unless I am sure I will enjoy spending time with the person, else my time is best spent doing practically anything else.

Actually I couldn't really care about each date, I don't even feel remotely nervous anymore I just approach it much the same way I would a board meeting, go there and see what happens, play the best hand I have and well see if its even worth putting any effort which mostly in the dating context it isn't. I have not had one decent prospect this entire year.

The reality is what people like and what I like are worlds apart, an apathetic person irritates me, a person who puts no effort and is passionate about nothing irritates me. Someone who speak well I notice, someone who is educated I notice, someone who is ambitious I notice but someone who questions nothing I want nothing to do with. Its really that simple.  When I find someone who looks good and has these attributes its a good date but I know it will never work because a person that does have a high value and thus can get any guy really. All I did was simply get lucky to get noticed on Tinder, perhaps she was bored and had no better options. I really believe in respect of two dates which I liked that's exactly what happened because they are not representative of the type of person who likes me. In fact the one even wanted to come over 30 minutes into the conversation, I thought I had won the lottery, it was nothing more than a tease and the actual date was good but as usual nothing came of it.

As I see it, that's really the difference ladies have a higher value so have more choice. I always know that the tall dynamic, good job, good education, looks after herself, no kids, brunette has lots of choice, in the case of one I know...4500 matches on Tinder.

 

[Weezy1973]

20 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

The lack of ROI I get on dates makes them very unattractive to me unless I am sure I will enjoy spending time with the person, else my time is best spent doing practically anything else.

 

How can you be sure whether or not you’ll enjoy spending time with someone unless you’ve met them? From my experience with OLD, I couldn’t know until after a first date / meet whether or not I wanted to see them again.

22 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Actually I couldn't really care about each date, I don't even feel remotely nervous anymore I just approach it much the same way I would a board meeting,

 

I’d believe you, except your posting history shows that you do care about these dates. Maybe not nerves beforehand, but you definitely don’t just move on when they don’t work out. You analyze and either criticize the woman if you weren’t attracted to her, or lament your ugly face if she wasn’t attracted to you. 
 

Next time - just next. Nothing to analyze. Not a match.

26 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 When I find someone who looks good and has these attributes its a good date but I know it will never work because a person that does have a high value and thus can get any guy really.

This is what is referred to as a self fulfilling prophecy. If you’re sure it will never work, it won’t. Guaranteed.

[ZA Dater]

55 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

How can you be sure whether or not you’ll enjoy spending time with someone unless you’ve met them? From my experience with OLD, I couldn’t know until after a first date / meet whether or not I wanted to see them again.

I’d believe you, except your posting history shows that you do care about these dates. Maybe not nerves beforehand, but you definitely don’t just move on when they don’t work out. You analyze and either criticize the woman if you weren’t attracted to her, or lament your ugly face if she wasn’t attracted to you. 
 

Next time - just next. Nothing to analyze. Not a match.

This is what is referred to as a self fulfilling prophecy. If you’re sure it will never work, it won’t. Guaranteed.

Because they are not physically attractive. Its really very simple. I have been on lots of dates with people I didn't find attractive in the hope there might be something attractive about them, I have never been pleasantly surprised.  I don't actually care at all, I know the game and I know the result for guys like me. At least I can live vicariously sometimes. Get the very rare conversation with someone I think it really great but without doubt is never single and I think there is a great deal of truth that most people meet partners via mutual friends or when studying, it would be interesting to know the % who don't how they meet partners. They certainly aren't meeting them in  books shops or shops. Granted a friend did managed to charm a night of fun out of store assistant last week.

I can have a great date with great conversation but the results are much the same as if I had horrid date with no conversation at all.

Well it hasn't worked in 20 years so I'd say that its pretty unusual for someone to have no success at all.

I am glad you could find 12 different ladies to see a month I can barely find 12 decent matches a year, in fact last year I think I had 6.

 

[Weezy1973]

18 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Well it hasn't worked in 20 years so I'd say that its pretty unusual for someone to have no success at all.

Yup. That’s because you keep doing the same things over and over again hoping for a different result. 

[ZA Dater]

54 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup. That’s because you keep doing the same things over and over again hoping for a different result. 

Not really. I like the same sort of person and that will not change.

[Trail Blazer]

15 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Here is the thing though. I do probably over reach when it comes to what I do like. I have used OLD to gauge the sort of person who finds me attractive and the reality is none barring perhaps two in 5 years I found attractive. Mostly the people that find me attractive are very over weight and just not attractive to me at all. OR they are people who are simply not compatible with me at all besides the fact I don't find them attractive.

I do believe looks are my issue among other things. What you need to understand is everything I do almost daily involves punching above my weight and seemingly trying to do the near impossible. It gives me the challenge I like and its always been something I like doing, however the flip side of this is it bring an intensity and seriousness some probably don't like. The more difficult something is the more attractive it is to me. Women tall and slim like me have endless choice and I am not one of the front running choices, that's just the reality, I spent years looking as to why and sure I probably have some idea as to why but those reasons are so fundamental its not like I can be a fundamentally different person to make those issues go away.

Even before COVID I seldom went out really, life revolved around work and everything was geared toward that, clubs and bars didn't hold much interest for me, I tried to grow a circle of friends based on common interests but that never really worked either. People don't gravitated toward me at all ever so in some respects I just found a niche being the guy who gets things done rather than the guys people want to spent time around.

I agree selling is important but I am simply tired of trying to sell what people quite clearly don't want. Sure I believe in ideas but when it comes to dating those ideas are unlikely to become reality but I'd rather believe in a good idea than a reality which doesn't excite me at all.

What it boils down to is you're expecting the same results dating as you do in the corporate world.  You shoot for the stars in your career, because that's the kind of person you are.  However, you apply the same logic to the dating world and wonder why the results are different.

Every employer expects their employees to do the best job they can do.  It benefits both parties; the employer will reap the benefits of a more productive and competent employee, whilst the employee will be in-line for a promotion.

Dating is a very different relationship dynamic to the workplace.  Nobody has to be there.  People don't win by getting the prized customer or exceeding their set KPIs.  People win when there's chemistry and mutual attraction on the date.  That leads to the next stage, and so on.

You are unable to separate a result-oriented mindset from that of one where you need to be relaxed, calm and somewhat willing to let go of your inhibitions.  There are no KPIs, no quantifiable data to help navigate to next venture.  Dating is about emotionally engaging with that other person.

To be very broad, in a work setting your happiness comes after achieving your goals.  In dating and relationships, you need to see happiness, and when you do find that happiness through various means of what that person has to offer, you can then claim success.

What you are doing is equating a value proposition to each and every woman you interact with.  You'll arbitrarily define their worth based on your own set of criteria, and from there you will choose to engage if you think the prize (for want of a better term) is worth pursuing.

You used an interesting term which had me thinking for a while, before it all started to make sense.  ROI, or Return on Investment, could easily be construed as a throwaway line.  However, I feel that in your case, the use of that term is pertinent and indeed quite telling.

My opinion is that I don't really think you value human interaction.  You value results.  Results make you happy.  A woman is an outcome.  The better looking and higher quality woman, the better the outcome.  I don't think you're actually attracted to women.  I think you're attracted to the result of being able to land a woman of value.  That's where your focus on ROI comes into it.

I think your problem is that women can see through this, if not be able to make any sense of it over a brief encounter.  They're most probably getting a message that you don't really have anything to offer them in a relationship. 

I mean, seriously, what do you have to offer a woman?  I don't mean that in a nasty way - I'm asking it as a though-provoking question.  Say, you did go on a date and it went well.  Then another, and another. 

At some point, will you feel like the ROI  was worth it?  How do you quantify what that return is?  Landing a great girl only gives you the opportunity to be a loving partner - something she'll reasonably expect day in, day out.  Can you keep that up?  I can't help but think they should you land your dream gal, you'd quickly put your feet up, re-focus on your self and say, "job well done."

Bottom line is that I think your attraction to women os derived by their perceived value equation.  I don't believe you're naturally attracted to women.  I don't know what your sex drive is like, but I can say that mine has gotten the better of me at times and I've slept with a few less-than-desirables.  But hey, it's all part of the fun and experience.

At the end of the day, women are people, not prizes or objects to be attracted to by merely gaining the prize one.  It's patently clear why you have so many problems with women and your interpersonal skills are so lacking.  You seemingly have an issue with empathy, or relating to others in some way.

You may have been asked this before, but you don't happen to be on the spectrum, do you?

[ZA Dater]

7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

What it boils down to is you're expecting the same results dating as you do in the corporate world.  You shoot for the stars in your career, because that's the kind of person you are.  However, you apply the same logic to the dating world and wonder why the results are different.

Every employer expects their employees to do the best job they can do.  It benefits both parties; the employer will reap the benefits of a more productive and competent employee, whilst the employee will be in-line for a promotion.

Dating is a very different relationship dynamic to the workplace.  Nobody has to be there.  People don't win by getting the prized customer or exceeding their set KPIs.  People win when there's chemistry and mutual attraction on the date.  That leads to the next stage, and so on.

You are unable to separate a result-oriented mindset from that of one where you need to be relaxed, calm and somewhat willing to let go of your inhibitions.  There are no KPIs, no quantifiable data to help navigate to next venture.  Dating is about emotionally engaging with that other person.

To be very broad, in a work setting your happiness comes after achieving your goals.  In dating and relationships, you need to see happiness, and when you do find that happiness through various means of what that person has to offer, you can then claim success.

What you are doing is equating a value proposition to each and every woman you interact with.  You'll arbitrarily define their worth based on your own set of criteria, and from there you will choose to engage if you think the prize (for want of a better term) is worth pursuing.

You used an interesting term which had me thinking for a while, before it all started to make sense.  ROI, or Return on Investment, could easily be construed as a throwaway line.  However, I feel that in your case, the use of that term is pertinent and indeed quite telling.

My opinion is that I don't really think you value human interaction.  You value results.  Results make you happy.  A woman is an outcome.  The better looking and higher quality woman, the better the outcome.  I don't think you're actually attracted to women.  I think you're attracted to the result of being able to land a woman of value.  That's where your focus on ROI comes into it.

I think your problem is that women can see through this, if not be able to make any sense of it over a brief encounter.  They're most probably getting a message that you don't really have anything to offer them in a relationship. 

I mean, seriously, what do you have to offer a woman?  I don't mean that in a nasty way - I'm asking it as a though-provoking question.  Say, you did go on a date and it went well.  Then another, and another. 

At some point, will you feel like the ROI  was worth it?  How do you quantify what that return is?  Landing a great girl only gives you the opportunity to be a loving partner - something she'll reasonably expect day in, day out.  Can you keep that up?  I can't help but think they should you land your dream gal, you'd quickly put your feet up, re-focus on your self and say, "job well done."

Bottom line is that I think your attraction to women os derived by their perceived value equation.  I don't believe you're naturally attracted to women.  I don't know what your sex drive is like, but I can say that mine has gotten the better of me at times and I've slept with a few less-than-desirables.  But hey, it's all part of the fun and experience.

At the end of the day, women are people, not prizes or objects to be attracted to by merely gaining the prize one.  It's patently clear why you have so many problems with women and your interpersonal skills are so lacking.  You seemingly have an issue with empathy, or relating to others in some way.

You may have been asked this before, but you don't happen to be on the spectrum, do you?

You right nobody has to be there and yes I would agree people win when there is mutual attraction, I'll ignore chemistry as to me that's a load of BS designed purely as the most unspecific apparently nice way of rejecting someone.  Everything I do is results orientated in some way or form its how I motivate myself and keep going so its easy to see why I get along much better with some people than with others. I don't really let go at any point no.

The point is if you look at this logically the first step is mutual attraction, if that isn't there, there is no point and you wont get any further. I only apply this value logic because that's exactly what is done to me directly and indirectly. Everyone decides if the other is worth pursuing, that's where rejection comes in when you decide its not worth it.

Emotionally engaging sounds like double speak to me, simply because every conversation we ever have as people carries emotions, they key however is to measure those emotions to the situation at hand. I can tell you this chasing work goals is FAR more rewarding and motivating that trawling an OLD site.

I actually enjoy interaction because one can learn from different points of view and experiences.

Yes, value results and yes they do make me happy. I find intelligent, dynamic, motivated, slim women to be very attractive but then again so do most men. I have met some really nice people I did want to spend time with, go places with, just share experiences with BUT I also closed myself off after endless rejection by these people, I then went back and well all I mostly find are people who don't interest me at all and with whom I am really not interested in sharing anything. Do you know how many women have ever actually taken any interest in me...the answer is none, dating for me really is about grovelling around, pandering to whatever I think they want to try and get a date and on the date usually I need to do more selling than a cheap cars salesman on the last day of the month. Added to which I pretty much find mostly the selling point isn't really worth the selling to begin with. I am just not prepared to do that anymore. If they don't like me then so be it.

My best success with women is when I do a working friendship, just work. That's the only time anything has ever worked for me. They go home to bf's I go home to my laptop.

You asked me if I could keep up seeing someone, well I don't know because I haven't been in that situation, as for sex, well if I cant get anyone to date me is stands to reason I cant get anyone to sleep with me either.

The matter of fact is always the same, people have their requirements, you either meet them or you don't.

 

 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

You right nobody has to be there and yes I would agree people win when there is mutual attraction, I'll ignore chemistry as to me that's a load of BS designed purely as the most unspecific apparently nice way of rejecting someone <snip> The point is if you look at this logically the first step is mutual attraction...

I mostly find are people who don't interest me at all and with whom I am really not interested in sharing anything. Do you know how many women have ever actually taken any interest in me...

Mutual attraction is another phrase for chemistry.    As in, I don't think it's going to work as there was no mutual attraction.   Does that help with your understanding of chemistry?

You know what it is to find a woman who don't interest you at all.....then you complain when a woman isn't interested in you.   Seriously?

 

Edited August 14, 2020 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

 

You know what it is to find a woman who don't interest you at all.....then you complain when a woman isn't interested in you.   Seriously?

 

Same side of the same coin.

[basil67]

I don't know that phrase.   If it means that that they show little interest in you just the same as you show little interest in others, then we agree.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I don't know that phrase.   If it means that that they show little interest in you just the same as you show little interest in others, then we agree.

Pretty much yes. I am not going to be interested in someone who doesn't interest me, I don't interest the people I find attractive and the people who find me attractive don't interest me. So its basically a loss position all around.

Again I think so much of what we experience day to day shapes our viewpoints, from eating out a particular place, one bad meal leaves a bad impression. If you have amazing food chances are you go back there and I think the same is true how desirable one is, one can try and try but ultimately there are fundamentals which cannot be changed.

I actually have a great degree of empathy despite what some here say, which is why I actually don't generally reject people but I rather make myself unsuitable for them so they don't feel that I actually found them unattractive. I know all too well how rejection stings and I also know all too well about how bad continuous bad experiences are for ones own viewpoint.

Ultimately my own self worth does not measure up to my market dating worth. That's really what it comes down to, no number of make overs will change that. Countless times I have gone out with guys and met ladies but the issue is my value is so low compared to the others and my persona so different its basically a waste of time.

Hindsight is a lovely and thing and with that I would have done a lot of things differently but isn't that always the case, I do think my experiences would have been a lot better and I regret a lot of the opportunities I didn't take but for me there was and still is this plan. However it would seem love and any sort of good dating experience should be removed from that plan.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Ultimately my own self worth does not measure up to my market dating worth.

In other words, you’re chasing people out of your league. 

[Trail Blazer]

25 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

In other words, you’re chasing people out of your league. 

Exactly.  And, until this changes, nothing will change for ZA Dater.

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

In other words, you’re chasing people out of your league. 

Well if my "league" is that of the overweight poorly educated, apathetic person than I'd rather not chase at all because such a person interests me about as much as a white wall.

I don't believe in leagues, people on this very forum "there are lots of examples of guys with very pretty women".

Again if the best I can do is what I get on Tinder then frankly I have every reason to just give up completely. Instead I can hope for better.

Edited August 14, 2020 by ZA Dater

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Well if my "league" is that of the overweight poorly educated, apathetic person than I'd rather not chase at all because such a person interests me about as much as a white wall.

I don't believe in leagues, people on this very forum "there are lots of examples of guys with very pretty women".

Again if the best I can do is what I get on Tinder then frankly I have every reason to just give up completely. Instead I can hope for better.

Your black and white thinking won’t help. The world is shades of gray. 
 

Whether you believe in leagues and chemistry or not doesn’t magically make them disappear. You’re fighting reality and reality always wins.

 

And while average looking guys can pair up with very pretty women, it doesn’t mean they’re scored someone out of their league. There’s pretty much always characteristics that make them equal, even if they’re disparate in looks. The classic example is an older wealthy man with a young, pretty wife (I.e trophy wife). 
 

A better way to think about leagues is options. Those with similar amounts of options pair up. 

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Exactly.  And, until this changes, nothing will change for ZA Dater.

Which it wont ever. I cannot fathom why anyone would settle like this but sure I know people who have almost all are miserable. I don't know I think my thinking is just too different, my focus just too intense and frankly at nothing I do would I settle unless I knew nothing better was possible and if my experiences are the best I can get well then its perhaps best I don't bother.

I will go one further, for me settling is like taking a dog and rubbing his nose in his you know what. Its completely at odds with my view on life, my view is people should aspire to the best they can, rather aspire to the best and not get there than wonder aimlessly around with no goal at all. SO yes that attractive blond at the coffee shop, sure I know she wont date me but I find her far more interesting than miss buried her head in newspaper, hair all over the place. You know why that is, because attractive people by virtue of being attractive often live more interesting lives, why is this, well simply because its easier for them to network, like it or not every single person that walks this earth judges based on appearance to some degree, its inherent to all of us. Mostly universally attractive people have more confidence too.  I am not stupid and I have adopted some of Monkey see Monkey do philosophy and I do try mimic the guys who are successful but its just that a lack of success which people smell like garlic.

Yes the downside of attractive people is that the line of competition is from Cape to Cairo but again there is a reason for that, universally liked qualities.

I will just have find some universally liked qualities.

[ZA Dater]

7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Your black and white thinking won’t help. The world is shades of gray. 
 

Whether you believe in leagues and chemistry or not doesn’t magically make them disappear. You’re fighting reality and reality always wins.

 

And while average looking guys can pair up with very pretty women, it doesn’t mean they’re scored someone out of their league. There’s pretty much always characteristics that make them equal, even if they’re disparate in looks. The classic example is an older wealthy man with a young, pretty wife (I.e trophy wife). 
 

A better way to think about leagues is options. Those with similar amounts of options pair up. 

Everyday I fight something so sure why not take on apparent reality too. I'd argue your example just goes to show how shallow the entire concept of dating is. Just think about it for a minute if throwing 5k on the counter changes someone's opinion of you what does it say about the person but what does it say about the game.

Cool my options are huge people who could not ever go trail running with me, could never go to the beach because they lack body confidence, have health issues, confidence issues, we could never do anything really at all and you tell me why I would want to go down this road, would you? I suspect not.

The only way is to have other options I suppose.

[Weezy1973]

2 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Cool my options are huge people who could not ever go trail running with me, could never go to the beach because they lack body confidence, have health issues, confidence issues, we could never do anything really at all and you tell me why I would want to go down this road, would you? I suspect not.

Tinder matches are not reality. Those huge women are shooting out of their league (by trying to date you) just as much as you are. Don’t swipe right on women you’re not attracted to. Problem solved. 
 

I’ve said it before, black and white thinking is flawed. Thinking there’s two categories of women:

1. I’m attracted to them, but they won’t date me.

2. They would date me, but I’m not attracted to them.

...keeps you stuck.

There’s a large swath of “maybes” and “neutrals” that really represents your dating pool.

 

[ZA Dater]

11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Tinder matches are not reality. Those huge women are shooting out of their league (by trying to date you) just as much as you are. Don’t swipe right on women you’re not attracted to. Problem solved. 
 

I’ve said it before, black and white thinking is flawed. Thinking there’s two categories of women:

1. I’m attracted to them, but they won’t date me.

2. They would date me, but I’m not attracted to them.

...keeps you stuck.

There’s a large swath of “maybes” and “neutrals” that really represents your dating pool.

 

Well I only have black and white thinking because dates for me are all different but all end up much the same really.

If I swipe on people I don't find attractive I get no matches at all so I use boost to see who likes me and its the same sort of people I absolutely don't want. So yes I cant say I have found any maybes, perhaps two but not amount of grovelling and self deprecation actually got me anywhere because well they have tons of choice and I found my way into file 13.