How to be more desireable to search better

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

You live in the United States of America

No he doesn't.
He lives in South Africa, hence ZA Dater...

[Azincourt]

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Who exactly should he be looking for? I once got told by a date "you need experience you need to find someone as inexperienced at dating as you", she was 38 for what its worth.

You should be looking for women who find you to be an interesting, physically attractive, appealing man, with the potential to become their boyfriend.  What kind of woman is attracted to you? What kind of woman is excited to be talking to you?

Are you attracted to those women? 

Yes? Good. Date them. Are the women who show a sexual or romantic interest in you the women you don't want because you see them as being very physically unattractive? Then make yourself attractive, physically, get that The Rock body going, get that Chronicles of Riddick Vin Diesel body rocking, and the beautiful women you want might start noticing you.

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SO basically you simply advocate the "well I don't like her or find her attractive but she is best I can do and lets just use her go on a few dates to get dating experience and hopefully move onto someone better". This to me is ridiculous and not something I would do.

Nah, man, what I'm saying is that a man who can only afford a sandwich is not going to be welcomed at a Gordon Ramsey 5 stars restaurant, is he? Do you have what the women you want are looking for in a man? Yes or no?  I'm saying, date your equal, date someone who matches you in looks and in personalities, and in interests and hobbies ,and your dating life will improve greatly.

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You make my point for me in the above NO MATTER what someone like me will never really be able to get anyone they find attractive because well there are better options, that's the point I am making you can do whatever but your options still remain largely the same.

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If someone really likes you, they will date you even if they have better options. I once dated a very attractive 21 year old who liked me because I was funny and charming and I didn't try to jump her bones the very first time I met her, like many other dudes who were much better looking than I am. She was actually the one who showed interest for, as I took a glance at her when I entered the store(forever 21) she was working at, walking-in with my Giorgio Armani catwalk model of a friend right next to me, and I assumed she'd be interested in him rather than in me, but the guy spent the entire 30 minutes we was there telling me she wouldn't stop staring at me, and when he saw that I wouldn't get her number because I wasn't going to ask, he told me to go ahead, stayed behind, and got her number for me, and I got to date her despite being an average-looking man.

How much did I spend on her? 

Nothing.

See, bro, if you make friends, if you have good friends they'll even help you hook-up. Friends are good for a variety of reasons.

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Its how to expand those options realistically while asking oneself why said person would want to date you/hook up with you. I ask myself that question daily. When I ask that question I then look at guys who can do this and then I look at me and yes well to be honest I am nothing like them so the fact I get nowhere isn't surprising. So when I see that attractive blond walking down the street I mostly just walk past and say nothing, why because when I compare myself to what she can get there is no reason to pick me.

But what is this fixation with attractive women? I don't get it. I've dated unattractive women, I've dated average-looking women, I've dated attractive women, I've dated hot women, and it's not like sex with the hot ones was necessarily 10000 times better than with the average women or the unattractive women.

I liked them all for a variety of reasons. There are beautiful women everywhere, man.  Eventually a guy gets used to it, especially if he lives in a coastal city/beach town where super hot women go topless often, and a woman's beauty stops being the main thing in a potential girlfriend, only for it to become something about her, that doesn't define her worth as a woman and as a romantic partner.

Date women you like, man. Don't go pursuing women and hurting yourself emotionally because you are under an obligation to date attractive young blondes. You aren't.

And there's nothing wrong about having feelings and sexual desires for women other men, yes, including hot men, would perceive to be attractive, and I've met many hot men who dated and enjoyed dating women who are considered to be physically unattractive by many men. But these dudes despite how attractive they are didn't care, because they were very happy with their partners.

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The way I see it you need to give them a reason to pick you over the rest and to be honest I don't see there ever being a reason why I should be chosen based on the qualities I have compared to my friends who are successful. I am never going to have enough charm to be the player they are but I always thought there was enough good about me to have a reasonable chance of going out with someone I do find attractive.

Nah. Beautiful women don't have that many realistic dating options. Yes, there are millions of men who'd love to boink them and then never see them again, but most women don't feel flattered about having a bunch of thirsty dudes wanting to have sex with them. Furthermore, the kind of sex these guys would be having with them wouldn't be pleasureable and enjoyable for the woman, because  most of the guys who engage in casual sex tend to be rather selfish in bed.

When I was in college, I was surprised to come across beautiful young women who weren't religious, who didn't suffer from low sex drive, and they were still virgins at the age of 21. Not by choice. Most of the guys didn't approach them because they felt they had no chance, the women didn't want to approach the men they were interested in because they didn't want to be thought of as easy, and the few guys who approached them were douchebags who acted like a donkey about it.

It's average women who get approached the most by men, from all sorts of type of men, because these dudes feel thet have more of a chance with them, and if they get rejected they don't mind as much.

 

Edited September 9, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

10 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

No he doesn't.
He lives in South Africa, hence ZA Dater...

Elon Musk is from South Africa.

Nicky Oppenheimer is from South Africa.

Johann Rupert is from South Africa.

Koos Bekker is from South  Africa.

Patrice Motsepe is from South Africa.

These are men with the exception of Elon Musk who made their fortune in South Africa, and there's even a Nobel Prize winner from South Africa, J. M. Coetzee.

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John Maxwell Coetzee (/kʊtˈsiː/)[a] (born 9 February 1940) is a South African-born Australian novelist, essayist, linguist, translator and recipient of the 2003 Nobel Prize in Literature. He has won the Booker Prize (twice), the CNA Prize (thrice), the Jerusalem Prize, the Prix Femina étranger, and The Irish Times International Fiction Prize, and holds a number of other awards and honorary doctorates.[2][3]

Go out there, put in the work, become a great writer, and then you'll meet tons of beautiful South African women who will give you the time of the day because they'll find you to be a cultured, intelligent, interesting man.

Edited September 9, 2020 by Azincourt

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Azincourt said:

You should be looking for women who find you to be an interesting, physically attractive, appealing man, with the potential to become their boyfriend.  What kind of woman is attracted to you? What kind of woman is excited to be talking to you?

Are you attracted to those women? 

Yes? Good. Date them. Are the women who show a sexual or romantic interest in you the women you don't want because you see them as being very physically unattractive? Then make yourself attractive, physically, get that The Rock body going, get that Chronicles of Riddick Vin Diesel body rocking, and the beautiful women you want might start noticing you.

Nah, man, what I'm saying is that a man who can only afford a sandwich is not going to be welcomed at a Gordon Ramsey 5 stars restaurant, is he? Do you have what the women you want are looking for in a man? Yes or no?  I'm saying, date your equal, date someone who matches you in looks and in personalities, and in interests and hobbies ,and your dating life will improve greatly.

If someone really likes you, they will date you even if they have better options. I once dated a very attractive 21 year old who liked me because I was funny and charming and I didn't try to jump her bones the very first time I met her, like many other dudes who were much better looking than I am. She was actually the one who showed interest for, as I took a glance at her when I entered the store(forever 21) she was working at, walking-in with my Giorgio Armani catwalk model of a friend right next to me, and I assumed she'd be interested in him rather than in me, but the guy spent the entire 30 minutes we was there telling me she wouldn't stop staring at me, and when he saw that I wouldn't get her number because I wasn't going to ask, he told me to go ahead, stayed behind, and got her number for me, and I got to date her despite being an average-looking man.

How much did I spend on her? 

Nothing.

See, bro, if you make friends, if you have good friends they'll even help you hook-up. Friends are good for a variety of reasons.

But what is this fixation with attractive women? I don't get it. I've dated unattractive women, I've dated average-looking women, I've dated attractive women, I've dated hot women, and it's not like sex with the hot ones was necessarily 10000 times better than with the average women or the unattractive women.

I liked them all for a variety of reasons. There are beautiful women everywhere, man.  Eventually a guy gets used to it, especially if he lives in a coastal city/beach town where super hot women go topless often, and a woman's beauty stops being the main thing in a potential girlfriend, only for it to become something about her, that doesn't define her worth as a woman and as a romantic partner.

Date women you like, man. Don't go pursuing women and hurting yourself emotionally because you are under an obligation to date attractive young blondes. You aren't.

And there's nothing wrong about having feelings and sexual desires for women other men, yes, including hot men, would perceive to be attractive, and I've met many hot men who dated and enjoyed dating women who are considered to be physically unattractive by many men. But these dudes despite how attractive they are didn't care, because they were very happy with their partners.

Nah. Beautiful women don't have that many realistic dating options. Yes, there are millions of men who'd love to boink them and then never see them again, but most women don't feel flattered about having a bunch of thirsty dudes wanting to have sex with them. Furthermore, the kind of sex these guys would be having with them wouldn't be pleasureable and enjoyable for the woman, because  most of the guys who engage in casual sex tend to be rather selfish in bed.

When I was in college, I was surprised to come across beautiful young women who weren't religious, who didn't suffer from low sex drive, and they were still virgins at the age of 21. Not by choice. Most of the guys didn't approach them because they felt they had no chance, the women didn't want to approach the men they were interested in because they didn't want to be thought of as easy, and the few guys who approached them were douchebags who acted like a donkey about it.

It's average women who get approached the most by men, from all sorts of type of men, because these dudes feel thet have more of a chance with them, and if they get rejected they don't mind as much.

 

No I am not attracted to the very unfit ladies who find me attractive. I really am not. Sure, I'd happily date an equal to me looks wise which would be slim and athletic. However the only people who find me attractive are the total opposite. I am fit enough.

As for friends, sure, just they try set me up with people they would never be interested in and then go on to tell me how fantastic the person is, ALWAYS these so called fantastic people are never interested and are totally incompatible with me. There are so many examples of this, a fairly recent example was someone who I did find attractive but seeing she enjoyed spending weekends at trance parties I realised that would never work.

When I say attractive I mean overall attractive not just physically attractive. Date the ones I like, well that's exactly the problem I cant ever date ones I like!

 

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

 

@ZA Dater, I can almost guarantee that if you actually do get second date or develop a meaningful relationship with a woman, it won’t be with someone that made you go “wow” right off the bat. It will be someone that you find averagely attractive to start, and as you get to know them over time, your attraction to them will grow. You have to at least open your mind to that possibility for it to happen though. And at this point your mind is closed on the subject, so you will continue to fail.

I totally disagree on this point. Doing that just deluding yourself you like something that you actually don't. The day this is extended to me I will consider doing it, until that happens it will be something I absolutely will not do. Call it what you want but I am simply tire of putting ALL the effort into dates, these women rock up, offer nothing and thankfully I don't need to see most of them again. There is no selling on their part, nothing about them is making me go, "well I'd want to see you again". How many of them compliment me: none. How many do I compliment: all in some way or form.

What you and others don't seem to get here, I am frankly tired of the shoddy attitude of people I end up going on dates with, WHY must I carry the entire conversation, there is really next to no interaction really, mostly there is nothing interesting, I can BS my way through two hours of small talk but why would I want to do that every time? Maybe I just expect too much.

I also like people who actually have some sort of opinion but again this is rare but then again I am not supposed to be looking for that on dates apparently.

For 5 year I had an e mail friend in California, I got better interaction from her than I did with any date in SA, she was stunning but that was beside the point, she actually asked me how I was, took an interest in me. I see absolutely no need to take interest in people who cannot do the same.

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Elon Musk is from South Africa.

Nicky Oppenheimer is from South Africa.

Johann Rupert is from South Africa.

Koos Bekker is from South  Africa.

Patrice Motsepe is from South Africa.

These are men with the exception of Elon Musk who made their fortune in South Africa, and there's even a Nobel Prize winner from South Africa, J. M. Coetzee.

Go out there, put in the work, become a great writer, and then you'll meet tons of beautiful South African women who will give you the time of the day because they'll find you to be a cultured, intelligent, interesting man.

Thanks, you just proved my entire point about dating.  For what it is worth I am actually working on a novel, this is a topic which comes up on dates but few take any interest in this either. I can talk about 40 topics and still find no common ground most of these people, however every so often and rarely I meet someone who is a great conversationalist but my expectations are zero because for the most part I don't fit into what they want.

It all goes back to the simple fact Guy A throws $5k on the counter, he can be the biggest idiot on earth and every women will flock to him, Guy B can the compassionate caring guy who volunteers at an animal shelter but he will get ignored. Your post above just proves that point of view and thanks for being honest. My life mission seems to be to compete with Guy A whilst not selling out the principals of being guy B.

Tell you what I have for fleeting moments been Guy A, rock up in  Ferrari and suddenly there is more interest and everyone wants to your friend but I cannot even enjoy that because all it tells me is how fake most people are. I have lived both sides of the coin and still do to some extent.

Very little evidence exists to suggest the intelligent, thoughtful, kind, compassionate guy has any sort of dating value.

[Trail Blazer]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

No he doesn't.
He lives in South Africa, hence ZA Dater...

As an American, it irritates me when other Americans assume everyone else who speaks English must be from America, too.  

[Trail Blazer]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Thanks, you just proved my entire point about dating.  For what it is worth I am actually working on a novel, this is a topic which comes up on dates but few take any interest in this either. I can talk about 40 topics and still find no common ground most of these people, however every so often and rarely I meet someone who is a great conversationalist but my expectations are zero because for the most part I don't fit into what they want.

It all goes back to the simple fact Guy A throws $5k on the counter, he can be the biggest idiot on earth and every women will flock to him, Guy B can the compassionate caring guy who volunteers at an animal shelter but he will get ignored. Your post above just proves that point of view and thanks for being honest. My life mission seems to be to compete with Guy A whilst not selling out the principals of being guy B.

Tell you what I have for fleeting moments been Guy A, rock up in  Ferrari and suddenly there is more interest and everyone wants to your friend but I cannot even enjoy that because all it tells me is how fake most people are. I have lived both sides of the coin and still do to some extent.

Very little evidence exists to suggest the intelligent, thoughtful, kind, compassionate guy has any sort of dating value.

Dude, that's not true for the most part.  Some women may only care about how much money you put on the table, but for many others, they'll find it noble and respectable for a man to contribute back to society through voluntary means.

At the end of the day, though, no woman will have sex with you if she's not physically attracted to you, despite how good a person you are.  The guy putting money on the table will get sex from some - those women are not who you are targeting, though.

All things being equal; the kind, thoughtful, intelligent, compassionate guy will get more sex than a similarly attractive guy without those qualities.  However, those qualities alone will not see you succeed if the women you're going after don't find you physically attractive.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

As an American, it irritates me when other Americans assume everyone else who speaks English must be from America, too.  

Especially when the poster has their location written on their profile and doesn't write with an American voice 

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, Azincourt said:

You should be looking for women who find you to be an interesting, physically attractive, appealing man, with the potential to become their boyfriend.  What kind of woman is attracted to you? What kind of woman is excited to be talking to you?

Are you attracted to those women? 

Yes? Good. Date them. Are the women who show a sexual or romantic interest in you the women you don't want because you see them as being very physically unattractive? Then make yourself attractive, physically, get that The Rock body going, get that Chronicles of Riddick Vin Diesel body rocking, and the beautiful women you want might start noticing you.

Nah, man, what I'm saying is that a man who can only afford a sandwich is not going to be welcomed at a Gordon Ramsey 5 stars restaurant, is he? Do you have what the women you want are looking for in a man? Yes or no?  I'm saying, date your equal, date someone who matches you in looks and in personalities, and in interests and hobbies ,and your dating life will improve greatly.

If someone really likes you, they will date you even if they have better options. I once dated a very attractive 21 year old who liked me because I was funny and charming and I didn't try to jump her bones the very first time I met her, like many other dudes who were much better looking than I am. She was actually the one who showed interest for, as I took a glance at her when I entered the store(forever 21) she was working at, walking-in with my Giorgio Armani catwalk model of a friend right next to me, and I assumed she'd be interested in him rather than in me, but the guy spent the entire 30 minutes we was there telling me she wouldn't stop staring at me, and when he saw that I wouldn't get her number because I wasn't going to ask, he told me to go ahead, stayed behind, and got her number for me, and I got to date her despite being an average-looking man.

How much did I spend on her? 

Nothing.

See, bro, if you make friends, if you have good friends they'll even help you hook-up. Friends are good for a variety of reasons.

But what is this fixation with attractive women? I don't get it. I've dated unattractive women, I've dated average-looking women, I've dated attractive women, I've dated hot women, and it's not like sex with the hot ones was necessarily 10000 times better than with the average women or the unattractive women.

I liked them all for a variety of reasons. There are beautiful women everywhere, man.  Eventually a guy gets used to it, especially if he lives in a coastal city/beach town where super hot women go topless often, and a woman's beauty stops being the main thing in a potential girlfriend, only for it to become something about her, that doesn't define her worth as a woman and as a romantic partner.

Date women you like, man. Don't go pursuing women and hurting yourself emotionally because you are under an obligation to date attractive young blondes. You aren't.

And there's nothing wrong about having feelings and sexual desires for women other men, yes, including hot men, would perceive to be attractive, and I've met many hot men who dated and enjoyed dating women who are considered to be physically unattractive by many men. But these dudes despite how attractive they are didn't care, because they were very happy with their partners.

Nah. Beautiful women don't have that many realistic dating options. Yes, there are millions of men who'd love to boink them and then never see them again, but most women don't feel flattered about having a bunch of thirsty dudes wanting to have sex with them. Furthermore, the kind of sex these guys would be having with them wouldn't be pleasureable and enjoyable for the woman, because  most of the guys who engage in casual sex tend to be rather selfish in bed.

When I was in college, I was surprised to come across beautiful young women who weren't religious, who didn't suffer from low sex drive, and they were still virgins at the age of 21. Not by choice. Most of the guys didn't approach them because they felt they had no chance, the women didn't want to approach the men they were interested in because they didn't want to be thought of as easy, and the few guys who approached them were douchebags who acted like a donkey about it.

It's average women who get approached the most by men, from all sorts of type of men, because these dudes feel thet have more of a chance with them, and if they get rejected they don't mind as much.

 

All of what you're saying is rather moot when ZA's OLD experience has been such that the only women who seem attracted to him are the ones who are not his equal in terms of looks.

I do see ZA's point in that nobody should be expected to date somebody they don't find sexually attractive.  Women would never entertain suggesting to abother woman to date someone they find physically unappealing.  This instance is no different, it's just a male in this case.

If all @ZA Dater wants is a woman who's slim and somewhat attractive (a moderately appealing face) then that isn't unreasonable.  ZA's predicament is seemingly that, at least on Tinder, no woman who's his subjective equal seems as equally attracted to him as he is to them.

What is he to do?  He is trying.

The part that I wholeheartedly agree with you, is about friends.  Friends help friends out.  I think ZA's best bet is for a female friend/colleague of his to help try and set him up with one of their friends.  OLD is where dating is at in the 21st century; however, friends setting friends up with other friends will never cease to be a thing.

[Trail Blazer]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Especially when the poster has their location written on their profile and doesn't write with an American voice 

It's quite easy to tell the difference between Americans writing and those from Commonwealth countries.  Having an Irish mother and having spent time there and in the U.K. and Australia, I guess I'm a little more culturally aware.

As for the location written on one's profile - I can only see that when viewing on a desktop/laptop, or if I have my cell phone tilted to the side.  Since this site upgrade, details like location isn't visible for me when just generally scrolling.

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I totally disagree on this point. Doing that just deluding yourself you like something that you actually don't.

Have you ever experienced anything that you’re just kind of neutral about? Many of my past relationships started really inconspicuously. It wasn’t instant fireworks or instant “wow”. Including my wife. It was instant “maybe” let’s see how things go and then turned into “wow” after more time. You’ve never even been on a second date. 

[Azincourt]

10 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

As an American, it irritates me when other Americans assume everyone else who speaks English must be from America, too.  

It's an American website and America's the most dominant culture in the world.  Makes sense for me to assume the majority of the forum's posters are from North America.

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Especially when the poster has their location written on their profile and doesn't write with an American voice 

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I don't really pay attention to the username of the people I'm replying to. I see text, I reply to it, not the person. Many times I don't even know the sex of the person I'm talking to. One, because people don't put their age/sex/culture for the most part on their public forum profile(I don't click on profiles) second, I tend to care about what is said in the text,  not about who is typing it.

What is an American voice?

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All of what you're saying is rather moot when ZA's OLD experience has been such that the only women who seem attracted to him are the ones who are not his equal in terms of looks.

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But if all I'm saying is rather moot because the only OLD experience ZA's has had until now has been the women he's attracted to not being attracted to him, and the only women who are attracted to him are the women who match him in looks: wouldn't you say the problem is with him,, within him, and not with women?

If I'm a farmer and I'm one of those farmers who needs govt. aid to make it through the year without ending homeless, and the only woman I want to date or marry or hook-up with is called Madeleine of Sweden, and her main job is that of being a Princess , Princess Madeleine of Sweden, Duchess of Hälsingland and Gästrikland, don't you think the chances of me getting what I'm interested in are so close to zero that I might as well depend on betting on the powerball as a way to pay my bills, no?

It doesn't matter what a guy wants if he can't get what he wants.  How can someone say he wants a girlfriend when there are millions of women out there who'd love to date him but he's only interested in women who are 25 years old, fit, beautiful, smart, kind, generous, loyal, devoted, dedicated, hard-working, intelligent, from a good college, and with a good job, and a long network of good friends, when the guy himself doesn't have any of the same traits he's looking in a woman, in himself, and he doesn't even want to do anything that might attract a woman like that to himself, because he doesn't want to change his routine, he doesn't want to engage in any kind of conversation that deviates from what he's used to, and he wants a woman like this to drop on his lap for no effort on his part whatsoever?

He wouldn't even go hiking with a beautiful woman if she asked him to, I'm guessing, because that would entail work and effort, and what woman is going to get turned on sexually when she sees the guy feels entitled to having what he wants because he exists and that should be enough?

There are no free lunches in life.  We're talking about women who have all of the qualities and the youth that every man wants in the women he dates. Women like that can easily find a 25 year old man who is on the same level they are a  part of. Why would these women lower their standards in a man, why would they date a man they are not emotionally, intellectually, romantically, physically, and sexually attracted to?

Does OP date women he doesn't see as being attractive? Does he want to have sex with women who aren't hot?

Why not? What is it about women who share the same level of looks that is so bad he can't get physically aroused by them?

Why is it that there are men who are so picky about women when being this picky is the number one, the sole reason why they are going to end up alone? These men are setting themselves up to an entire life of complaining about women, 30+ years left of being bitter about women. With women having no fault of their own for this guy eternal bachelor life.

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I do see ZA's point in that nobody should be expected to date somebody they don't find sexually attractive.  Women would never entertain suggesting to abother woman to date someone they find physically unappealing.  This instance is no different, it's just a male in this case.

No one is forcing this guy to date.  He  wasn't given a timetable to find a girlfriend by the Department of Defense. This isn't a case of ''you better find yourself a girlfriend before the end of the month or you're getting shipped out to Iraq for the next 20 years, boyo.'' He has so much time to meet a woman, so why he isn't he working on himself? Why isn't he developing the physical and emotional and intellectual traits he so much wants to have in a girlfriend of his?

Plenty of women date men they aren't attracted to. You've clearly never met the wives of rich soccer players. The majority of soccer players don't look like Cristiano Ronaldo, some of them are pretty gnarly looking, downright so that if it wasn't for their wealth they wouldn't get a date with the women they are married to(and the women they sleep with outside of the marriage) nor would they have children with them.

Ángel Di María. Wayne Rooney. Franck Ribery. João Félix.Sulley Muntari.Hameur Bouazza.Carlos Tévez.  Just to name a few. Now check out their girlfriends and wives and tell me. Are those women average-looking? Unattractive? 

Only unattractive rich soccer player that I can name who is married to a woman who is as unattractive as he is, gotta be  Bruno Fernandes, but that's because he met her and dated her and married her and have a kid with her way before he became rich and famous. He would've ended with a super model like every other rich dude ends up with sooner or later.

So, if ZA can't find a hot young blonde to date him because he either lacks the personality, or the looks, or that masculine essence many women look for?

Get rich.  Never seen a rich man troubled where it concerns dating.

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If all @ZA Dater wants is a woman who's slim and somewhat attractive (a moderately appealing face) then that isn't unreasonable.  ZA's predicament is seemingly that, at least on Tinder, no woman who's his subjective equal seems as equally attracted to him as he is to them.

Does ZA fill the bill? Is he somewhat attractive? Does he have an appealing face?

Does he have a head full of thick hair? Does he look young? He's 40. Men who are 40 look like 40. Unless they've had plastic surgery done. A 25 year old woman is so young next to a 40 year old man that she can still look like she's in her late teens, early 20s.  Don't you think it's kinda too much to want a 25 year old girlfriend when the fella's a middle-aged dude and he's 25 years away from retirement?

He'll be 60 years old, 20 years from now.

A  25 year old will be 45 years from this day up to that moment in time.

She'll still be hot and desired by attractive men her own age and younger. How will DA compete with that?

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The part that I wholeheartedly agree with you, is about friends.  Friends help friends out.  I think ZA's best bet is for a female friend/colleague of his to help try and set him up with one of their friends.  OLD is where dating is at in the 21st century; however, friends setting friends up with other friends will never cease to be a thing.

Sure, but friends don't set up their own friends with people their friends don't want to be set up with. I want to be set-up with Sara Sampaio, and remarkably my friends won't introduce me to her even when she's single. Why is that?

Because she's too expensive for my paygrade. That's how it is, man. We date the women who want to date us. And we either accept things as they are, or we become Celestine Monks for all the good that will do to us.  Heck, I have an uncle of mine who got rejected by a woman when he was 18, now he's 60 years old and he's never dated again.   He says he didn't like the feel of rejection, so he never tried again. He moved to  Spain and spends most of his days in those Spanish brothels. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Azincourt

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

It's an American website and America's the most dominant culture in the world.  Makes sense for me to assume the majority of the forum's posters are from North America.

And we all know that to assume is to make an ass of U and me

8 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

I don't really pay attention to the username of the people I'm replying to. I see text, I reply to it, not the person. Many times I don't even know the sex of the person I'm talking to. One, because people don't put their age/sex/culture for the most part on their public forum profile(I don't click on profiles) second, I tend to care about what is said in the text,  not about who is typing it.

As a man who has allegedly travelled the world and met many different people from different cultures, you'd no doubt be aware there are cultural differences.  To deliberately ignore them in your advice indicates that you care little about giving meaningful advice.   (which isn't surprising because you mostly only write about famous people and your self confessed self obsession)   As far as not looking for the poster's gender goes - the gender of the person we speak to makes a huge difference in their life experience, societal expectations and the way others react to us and good advice reflects this.

8 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

What is an American voice? 

Most obviously, particular words and spellings.   For example, a British woman might 'fancy a lad' but an American woman may 'like a guy'.  They are the main clues thoughtful posters use when giving useful advice because dating varies from place to place.   Likewise harbor/harbour   Neighbor/neighbour.   Mum/mam/mom.    I can't believe you don't know this stuff.

[Trail Blazer]

18 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

It's an American website and America's the most dominant culture in the world.  Makes sense for me to assume the majority of the forum's posters are from North America.

I don't really pay attention to the username of the people I'm replying to. I see text, I reply to it, not the person. Many times I don't even know the sex of the person I'm talking to. One, because people don't put their age/sex/culture for the most part on their public forum profile(I don't click on profiles) second, I tend to care about what is said in the text,  not about who is typing it.

What is an American voice?

But if all I'm saying is rather moot because the only OLD experience ZA's has had until now has been the women he's attracted to not being attracted to him, and the only women who are attracted to him are the women who match him in looks: wouldn't you say the problem is with him,, within him, and not with women?

If I'm a farmer and I'm one of those farmers who needs govt. aid to make it through the year without ending homeless, and the only woman I want to date or marry or hook-up with is called Madeleine of Sweden, and her main job is that of being a Princess , Princess Madeleine of Sweden, Duchess of Hälsingland and Gästrikland, don't you think the chances of me getting what I'm interested in are so close to zero that I might as well depend on betting on the powerball as a way to pay my bills, no?

It doesn't matter what a guy wants if he can't get what he wants.  How can someone say he wants a girlfriend when there are millions of women out there who'd love to date him but he's only interested in women who are 25 years old, fit, beautiful, smart, kind, generous, loyal, devoted, dedicated, hard-working, intelligent, from a good college, and with a good job, and a long network of good friends, when the guy himself doesn't have any of the same traits he's looking in a woman, in himself, and he doesn't even want to do anything that might attract a woman like that to himself, because he doesn't want to change his routine, he doesn't want to engage in any kind of conversation that deviates from what he's used to, and he wants a woman like this to drop on his lap for no effort on his part whatsoever?

He wouldn't even go hiking with a beautiful woman if she asked him to, I'm guessing, because that would entail work and effort, and what woman is going to get turned on sexually when she sees the guy feels entitled to having what he wants because he exists and that should be enough?

There are no free lunches in life.  We're talking about women who have all of the qualities and the youth that every man wants in the women he dates. Women like that can easily find a 25 year old man who is on the same level they are a  part of. Why would these women lower their standards in a man, why would they date a man they are not emotionally, intellectually, romantically, physically, and sexually attracted to?

Does OP date women he doesn't see as being attractive? Does he want to have sex with women who aren't hot?

Why not? What is it about women who share the same level of looks that is so bad he can't get physically aroused by them?

Why is it that there are men who are so picky about women when being this picky is the number one, the sole reason why they are going to end up alone? These men are setting themselves up to an entire life of complaining about women, 30+ years left of being bitter about women. With women having no fault of their own for this guy eternal bachelor life.

No one is forcing this guy to date.  He  wasn't given a timetable to find a girlfriend by the Department of Defense. This isn't a case of ''you better find yourself a girlfriend before the end of the month or you're getting shipped out to Iraq for the next 20 years, boyo.'' He has so much time to meet a woman, so why he isn't he working on himself? Why isn't he developing the physical and emotional and intellectual traits he so much wants to have in a girlfriend of his?

Plenty of women date men they aren't attracted to. You've clearly never met the wives of rich soccer players. The majority of soccer players don't look like Cristiano Ronaldo, some of them are pretty gnarly looking, downright so that if it wasn't for their wealth they wouldn't get a date with the women they are married to(and the women they sleep with outside of the marriage) nor would they have children with them.

Ángel Di María. Wayne Rooney. Franck Ribery. João Félix.Sulley Muntari.Hameur Bouazza.Carlos Tévez.  Just to name a few. Now check out their girlfriends and wives and tell me. Are those women average-looking? Unattractive? 

Only unattractive rich soccer player that I can name who is married to a woman who is as unattractive as he is, gotta be  Bruno Fernandes, but that's because he met her and dated her and married her and have a kid with her way before he became rich and famous. He would've ended with a super model like every other rich dude ends up with sooner or later.

So, if ZA can't find a hot young blonde to date him because he either lacks the personality, or the looks, or that masculine essence many women look for?

Get rich.  Never seen a rich man troubled where it concerns dating.

Does ZA fill the bill? Is he somewhat attractive? Does he have an appealing face?

Does he have a head full of thick hair? Does he look young? He's 40. Men who are 40 look like 40. Unless they've had plastic surgery done. A 25 year old woman is so young next to a 40 year old man that she can still look like she's in her late teens, early 20s.  Don't you think it's kinda too much to want a 25 year old girlfriend when the fella's a middle-aged dude and he's 25 years away from retirement?

He'll be 60 years old, 20 years from now.

A  25 year old will be 45 years from this day up to that moment in time.

She'll still be hot and desired by attractive men her own age and younger. How will DA compete with that?

Sure, but friends don't set up their own friends with people their friends don't want to be set up with. I want to be set-up with Sara Sampaio, and remarkably my friends won't introduce me to her even when she's single. Why is that?

Because she's too expensive for my paygrade. That's how it is, man. We date the women who want to date us. And we either accept things as they are, or we become Celestine Monks for all the good that will do to us.  Heck, I have an uncle of mine who got rejected by a woman when he was 18, now he's 60 years old and he's never dated again.   He says he didn't like the feel of rejection, so he never tried again. He moved to  Spain and spends most of his days in those Spanish brothels. 

There's a reason why the rest of the world thinks that Americans are arrogant, uneducated and self-indulgent.  It's attitudes like yours, where you assume anyone that speaks English on an American domain forum must be from America.  It's a ridiculous assumption to make!

Newsflash, buddy!  America isn't the whole world.  Sure, the majority of posters on here are probably American.  But a hell of a lot aren't, either!  You explicitly stated that OP was from the United States of America.  He's not, you looked silly.

You are other wise very articulate and make some very good points.  It would be a shame to overshadow that with assumptions that could very easily have not been made if you cared to pay a little more attention whilst keeping your American-centric attitude in check.

[jspice]

15 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Elon Musk is from South Africa.

Nicky Oppenheimer is from South Africa.

Johann Rupert is from South Africa.

Koos Bekker is from South  Africa.

Patrice Motsepe is from South Africa.

These are men with the exception of Elon Musk who made their fortune in South Africa, and there's even a Nobel Prize winner from South Africa, J. M. Coetzee.

Go out there, put in the work, become a great writer, and then you'll meet tons of beautiful South African women who will give you the time of the day because they'll find you to be a cultured, intelligent, interesting man.

WTF are you talking about?

What do these men have to do with the price of eggs? Are you saying only these men get women? There are 25-30 million men in SA who are just a bunch of losers sitting around lamenting the fact that they’re not an Oppenheimer? 

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

There's a reason why the rest of the world thinks that Americans are arrogant, uneducated and self-indulgent.  It's attitudes like yours, where you assume anyone that speaks English on an American domain forum must be from America.  It's a ridiculous assumption to make!

There are millions upon millions of people each year asking for political asylum to enter and to live and to work in the states. Millions of people each year come to the states, either legally or illegally to live here and to make a good life for themselves.  Actors want to make it big? They come to Hollywood, they don't go to Berlin. Musicians want to reach great heights of wealth and fame?  They tour the USA, they want to get record deals in America, they want to work together with American artists. 

You want to become a famous novelist?

Stephen King. 70-odd  years. Every bok published under his name, even under his pen name, has become an instant New York Times best-seller #1 for months in a row, years in a row. $400 million dollars this man has earned in his life selling books.

This would have never been possible had the guy been born in say Ukraine. The USA makes dreams possible as long as the person dreaming the dream has the potential within him to do so.

The States for all the nonsense and economical and social problems that are plaguing the US and the US life and the US people, is still the most powerful and richest nation in the world, and one day all of the problems that gravely concern us(extremely expensive college/healthcare not being universal etc) will one day be solved and the States will become even greater.

 

Quote

Newsflash, buddy!  America isn't the whole world.  Sure, the majority of posters on here are probably American.  But a hell of a lot aren't, either!  You explicitly stated that OP was from the United States of America.  He's not, you looked silly.

You are other wise very articulate and make some very good points.  It would be a shame to overshadow that with assumptions that could very easily have not been made if you cared to pay a little more attention whilst keeping your American-centric attitude in check.

Nah, America is not the whole world, but there's no place quite like America.  So many different cultures, so many different cuisines, so many different people coming from all over the world, to build up something that we can all be amazed by.  A Country, a nation, a people that has never been seen the likes of before the Great Fathers Themselves, fought the Brits, kicked them away from our lands, and created the United States Of America.

I've lived in Brazil, Spain, Portugal, Italy, France, Germany, Iran, Saudi Arabia,  Argentina, Canada, Angola, and in other places, so I can say that there's no place like home. Santa Monica Beach. The center of the Universe Where the greatest man Himself, Mr. Schwarzenegger would work out often.

Bro, it doesn't matter if OP is from South Africa, The USA, or even from the North Pole. Women and men are the same everywhere. What I've said about women applies not just in the US; but also in Europe, Africa ,South America, and in the Middle-East. Well, if those women had the freedom to choose the men they wanted, it would.

 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, jspice said:

WTF are you talking about?

What do these men have to do with the price of eggs? Are you saying only these men get women? There are 25-30 million men in SA who are just a bunch of losers sitting around lamenting the fact that they’re not an Oppenheimer? 

Summary:

OP wants a hot, 25 year old woman, a natural blonde, who has high IQ, good college education, funny, kind, great sense of humor, gentleness to her, loyal, devoted, dedicated, hard-worker, fit, beautiful,  and the list of positive physical, mental, emotional and intellectual qualities grow larger and thicker than the Ancient Wall of China.

OP is a 40 year old with average-looks, doesn't like to talk to women, doesn't like to go out to parties, doesn't like to take part in any activities, doesn't like want to do anything the women he wants want to do, doesn't have any friends,  never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never even tried to get sex from women by talking to them in proper places women go when they want to find casual sex, and OP is completely fixated on only wanting to date women who are very young, very attractive, with much going for them, while refusing to date women in his own league, women who share the same level of looks, same age, same personality, same interests and goals in life and hobbies and desires, because he sees them as being women who are very physically unattractive.

I'm talking about rich men because there are plenty of men who are physically unattractive and older who find women who are much younger and much hotter by using their money.

If you can't catch a fish with a fishing pole, what do you do?

You use a spear.

OP can't find a girlfriend or a wife via his looks, his personality, his youth, his charm, his charisma, his willingless to brave through rejection and pain to get what he wants?

Then use money.

It's what the most powerful men and the richest do to get the women they want,  and so what? 

Even the women who go home with me because they like my eyes, or my hairline or my abs still do because I have those things. If I didn't have those things, I'd have to go home to Sasha Gray and Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters.

Dunno, man. I've never met any South Africans other than one blonde South African hottie I used to sext with and trade nudes with, and listen to her sex tales with married men. Can't really say if South American men are losers or not, although I'm confident there might be good soccer players coming out of South Africa these days.

[Azincourt]

Unattractive men want an attractive young woman?

What do they do? Do they summon The Prince of Hell and sell their soul? Nah, that's not possible, so what they do is to use money, good money to get their attention. João Félix said to an interviewer, soon after he was sold to Atlético De Madrid how before he became rich he famous, he had little luck with women.

That's macho talk for '' women didn't want anything to with me.''

Then, after he was announced to the world to have been sold for 120 million euros, after everyone and her grandmother got to learn how the kid was going to make 5 million euros minimum per year, after taxes, plus the bonus money from goals, assists etc, plus his signing bonus, which was what, 4 million euros - suddenly he has hundreds, thousands of young beautiful women sending him their nudes through his facebook, instagram, and even randomly sending him their nudes to his phone.

This guy went from having as much luck with women as a 90 year old dude has with a 20 year old woman,  to having gorgeous women offering him casual sex, and now he's dating a 19 year old or something super fashion model, and wouldn't you guess? A natural blonde at that. He cheated on her recently with a 30 year old... blonde.  Can't blame the kid for his good taste. 

Bottom line, since apparently I have to explain this in great detail is, if a young, athletic, relatively charming dude has a hard time getting attractive women to give him the time of the day let alone a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP - 

Do you realy think a 40 year old man with average-looks and a personality that doesn't inspire  a song and a tale to be writen about him to be able to get a 25 year old beautiful woman with all of the characteristics, physical, emotional,  to be a great girlfriend, a great girlfriend, a great wife, a great mother?

Every guy, or almost every guy wants a young, beautiful woman. Most are not going to be able to get one of those, either because they are average or unattractive, or they're middle-class,  or they lack the ability to talk the kind of silly nonsense women like to hear.

A man wants a woman who not only is young, beautiful, warm, charming, but has all of the great qualities a man looks for in what makes a woman a great girlfriend, a great wife, a great mother? 

Then compete with other men for them, but be warned that the men he is going to have to compete with are going to be men who are young, fit, handsome, charming, charismatic, with a big network of friends, and everything going for them, which will make it nearly impossible to find himself a woman like that, who'd be interested in him.

Either accept how life is, how things have always been and will always be, or cheat the system by using money. Get rich, bro. Then buy yourself a wife, I guess.

[elaine567]

39 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

OP wants a hot, 25 year old woman, a natural blonde

Brunette actually. ZA likes brunettes.

39 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Even the women who go home with me because they like my eyes, or my hairline or my abs still do because I have those things. If I didn't have those things, I'd have to go home to Sasha Gray and Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters.

Is a good point.
There is always some quality that makes a potential partner interesting and attractive and that is sometimes something as base as money.
We all like to think we are attractive as whole people, but when it comes down to it, it may be just one part that is the main focus of the attraction.
It may be purely sexual, it may be beauty, it may be personality or intelligence it may be humour and fun, it may be status, it may be "difference", or it may just be money...
Selling a potential partner the dream of wealth, may supersede all other considerations  for them.
And whilst such relationships may be frowned upon by some, it is a trade off that can work out well for both.
He gets a hot gf, she gets some lovely money to spend...

Edited September 10, 2020 by elaine567

[basil67]

53 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Even the women who go home with me because they like my eyes, or my hairline or my abs still do because I have those things. If I didn't have those things, I'd have to go home to Sasha Gray and Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters.

According to your previous posts, you can only get women to go home with you if you lie to them, so clearly you’re not as fabulous as you think you are.   And even then, according to your posting history, you still enjoy spending vast amounts time with a mirror and the palm of your hand.

Let’s get a bit more realistic about your life here.  

[Azincourt]

Quote

According to your previous posts, you can only get women to go home with you if you lie to them, so clearly you’re not as fabulous as you think you are.   And even then, according to your posting history, you still enjoy spending vast amounts time with a mirror and the palm of your hand.

You seem to have a hard time understanding English, understandable if it's not your first language, so I'll lay it down easily.

There are women who will approach me. There are women who will be open to hooking-up with me, if they are single. There are women who don't mind to hook-up with me, even when they have a boyfriend, but I'm not into that. Mostly because I never know if a guy is going to act like a wounded bull and come at me. 

There are women who will approach me. There are women who will be open to hooking-up with me, if they are single. There are women who don't mind to hook-up with me, even when they have a boyfriend, but I'm not into that. Mostly because I never know if a guy is going to act like a wounded bull and come at me and I'd rather not get stabbed or shot.

There have been women who rejected me.

Yes, a great deal. Thousands of women, tens of thousands of women have rejected me.

I've been out there since I was a teenager,  meeting and talking to women, hitting on and getting rejected,  many, many a time.

Been rejected for a variety of reasons. Never rejected women that much unless they were too old for me(over 30) or if they were overweight, and even then there have been overweight women I've hooked-up with because they were very pretty, and when you go a month or two without sex(well, people with a sex drive as low as a 90 year old nun wouldn't understand) you kinda don't act all picky about it when it's offered to you.

I do have a hard time getting a Victoria's Secret model to come home with me, or a Wicked Weasel model, and the only Victoria's Secret model that I've ever been with, I didn't get to hook-up with her.

I had to date her first. Took me 4 months before she had sex with me, that includes any sort of sexual contact other than kissing(OHH, better cal Pope Francis, it's sinful!) but I never spent a dime on her, so it didn't really bother me, and I was getting with other women in any case while I was waiting.

I do have to lie to these women, either women who work for the best fashion brands out there, or women who are as attractive or as nearly as attractive as Alessandra Ambrosio, but I never lie about being  a Saudi Arabian Prince or talking about having won the Powerball or anything.

I merely tell them that I do care about them, that I have feelings for them, and then I elaborate on that and from that point on, the situation to sleep with them shows itself, because they feel lonely,  or they haven't had sex in a long time, and they'd rather sleep with a guy they know than going out and take home a stranger.

Was that clear enough for you?

Would you want me to write this down in Spanish, German, French, Italian, or in Portuguese?

Oh, yes, I do spend a lot of time with my hand. It's caled Covid-19, restrictive rules, being in one of the most infected Countries in the world, and having a sex drive. Heck, even when I'm in a relationship I'll still spank the old monkey 5 times a day. Legit.

These days, since  January, reallly, haven't met any new women and I'm not going to be risking my life to call former flames and ex-girlfriends, so what I do is I spank the monkey 10 to 15 times. Legit.  

It's called being young and healthy. You might have some fond memories of it, bro. Also, eating healthy, avoiding all fast foods, sugars, chocolate, not smoking, not drinking, and being physically active by enganging in physical exercise.

No, getting out of bed and going straight to a car and drive everywhere is not being physically active.

How's your daughter's Lord of The Ring's Journey- quest To Mordor searching for a husband going ?

See how lucky you are?

 Imagine if you had gotten married to a guy with a sex drive like mine. You'd have to have some industrial-sized duracell batteries installed, and even then I'm not so sure, bro.

Edited September 10, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Brunette actually. ZA likes brunettes.

Is a good point.
There is always some quality that makes a potential partner interesting and attractive and that is sometimes something as base as money.
We all like to think we are attractive as whole people, but when it comes down to it, it may be just one part that is the main focus of the attraction.
It may be purely sexual, it may be beauty, it may be personality or intelligence it may be humour and fun, it may be status, it may be "difference", or it may just be money...
Selling a potential partner the dream of wealth, may supersede all other considerations  for them.
And whilst such relationships may be frowned upon by some, it is a trade off that can work out well for both.
He gets a hot gf, she gets some lovely money to spend...

The guy mentioned in a previous post how he saw an attractive blonde and he didn't talk to her because he felt what would be the point in doing that.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Money is attractive to women. Power, influence, being the sole owner of vast tracts of land that are worth quite a bit of money(and land is always worth something, even if it's symbolic) houses with the price tag on them already paid off, stock options etc etc.

I know that many guys feel like using money to get women is a confession to being unattractive, but really even hot guys out there like Joel Kinnaman aren't dating drop-dead gorgeous 25 year old Victoria's Secret models if they're working as bakers, so who cares man, and an attractive 25 year old every-day average-kind of woman? Sorry, but compared to a 40 year old average-looking man? She's way out of his league, which means a guy like that is going to have to use money, sorry I don't make the rules, or I'd be a very happy father to 5 kids with Sara Sampaio, and I ain't am I.

 

Edited September 10, 2020 by Azincourt

[ZA Dater]

13 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Have you ever experienced anything that you’re just kind of neutral about? Many of my past relationships started really inconspicuously. It wasn’t instant fireworks or instant “wow”. Including my wife. It was instant “maybe” let’s see how things go and then turned into “wow” after more time. You’ve never even been on a second date. 

Not really. Something I didn't share with the forum is last year I did meet someone, this time I did it the old fashioned way at a dinner I was invited to she was there with her sister and I ended up asking for her number, well we swapped numbers. BUT single mom, OK I was prepared to look past that in this instance. Met up, had a decent enough chat, for whatever reason she saw fit to introduce me to her entire family (Azincourt you would have hated this), told me her life story BUT she was actually only interested in me because she needed me to help her with expertise which I did and as soon as I wanted to try date two that was a no.

[Azincourt]

9 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Not really. Something I didn't share with the forum is last year I did meet someone, this time I did it the old fashioned way at a dinner I was invited to she was there with her sister and I ended up asking for her number, well we swapped numbers. BUT single mom, OK I was prepared to look past that in this instance. Met up, had a decent enough chat, for whatever reason she saw fit to introduce me to her entire family (Azincourt you would have hated this), told me her life story BUT she was actually only interested in me because she needed me to help her with expertise which I did and as soon as I wanted to try date two that was a no.

Well, that happens to everyone. I've had women pretend to be interested in me because they needed a bartender for their birthday party and they were too cheap to pay for one. I only work with the payment upfront, sorry.