How to be more desireable to search better

[ZA Dater]

A few things. I am not 40 if I were I'd probably be throwing in the towel completely at this point.

Valid points made, which really seem to validate my own views and experiences. Guys with money get a free pass. Women are quick to complain about the hook up culture but frankly my experience of trying to be the good guy suggests many actually want the bad guy.

14 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

All of what you're saying is rather moot when ZA's OLD experience has been such that the only women who seem attracted to him are the ones who are not his equal in terms of looks.

I do see ZA's point in that nobody should be expected to date somebody they don't find sexually attractive.  Women would never entertain suggesting to abother woman to date someone they find physically unappealing.  This instance is no different, it's just a male in this case.

If all @ZA Dater wants is a woman who's slim and somewhat attractive (a moderately appealing face) then that isn't unreasonable.  ZA's predicament is seemingly that, at least on Tinder, no woman who's his subjective equal seems as equally attracted to him as he is to them.

What is he to do?  He is trying.

The part that I wholeheartedly agree with you, is about friends.  Friends help friends out.  I think ZA's best bet is for a female friend/colleague of his to help try and set him up with one of their friends.  OLD is where dating is at in the 21st century; however, friends setting friends up with other friends will never cease to be a thing.

That's my point really, I am not asking for the impossible but someone who is 120 kg is never going to ever fall on my list of attractive people. I don't believe the very attractive people are impossible to date but I do believe one would need to be VERY experienced to even try but again someone who is quiet like me, its a wrong match up mostly because while I like extroverted people they don't like introverted people.

Azincourt seems to have experienced the so called high society, as have I and still do from time to time and the dynamics there are pretty much as he describes BUT I cant run those people down because they make their own decisions based on what they want, I cant make the tall brunette model like me so I don't try but sometimes I can have a good conversation I can take an interest in her. Compare that, which is semi enjoyable to going on a date where I have to do ALL the leading and mostly it just does not work.

Some days I just hate who I am because I can never get this right but mostly I just need to embrace who I am and adopt a couldn't care less attitude because its pretty obvious I cannot change how society works and how people think. I suppose though every so often I do meet someone nice and my mind can live vicariously for a while.

[Azincourt]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

A few things. I am not 40 if I were I'd probably be throwing in the towel completely at this point.

So you're what, 30?

People aren't throwing the towel at 40, bro. It's not like people turn 40 and suddenly no one wants them. Lots of people find their husbands and wives way past  the age of 40.

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Valid points made, which really seem to validate my own views and experiences. Guys with money get a free pass. Women are quick to complain about the hook up culture but frankly my experience of trying to be the good guy suggests many actually want the bad guy.

It's not a free pass. Lots of women won't marry a man for his money if they aren't compatible, if they don't feel attracted to the guy, either emotionally,  ''intellectually'' or sexually .My mother rejected rich men to marry my father, and my dad didn't have much education, and worked a low-wages job when he met her, including working for my grandfather for free(his wages paid for the roof over his head and the food ).

Ehhhh, there's nothing wrong about the hook-up culture. Matter of fact, it's a brilliant social phenomenon we're lucky to live through, half the world outside of the States and Africa and Europe are being forced to obey traditional cultures that don't really care much about their personal happiness.

Don't be the bad guy. Be the good guy women want to date. If you're that guy,  plenty of doors will open for you.

 

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

That's my point really, I am not asking for the impossible but someone who is 120 kg is never going to ever fall on my list of attractive people. I don't believe the very attractive people are impossible to date but I do believe one would need to be VERY experienced to even try but again someone who is quiet like me, its a wrong match up mostly because while I like extroverted people they don't like introverted people.

 

What if those 120kgs are lean muscle? Lots of women out there who might be considered to be big but are still attractive.  Exactly, start small,  don't expect to go on dating Miss South Africa out of the bat, just date women who might not be perfect but are still interesting.

 

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Azincourt seems to have experienced the so called high society, as have I and still do from time to time and the dynamics there are pretty much as he describes BUT I cant run those people down because they make their own decisions based on what they want, I cant make the tall brunette model like me so I don't try but sometimes I can have a good conversation I can take an interest in her. Compare that, which is semi enjoyable to going on a date where I have to do ALL the leading and mostly it just does not work.

 

Yes, I've seen the world rich athletes are living in,  either dating or marrying women who'd make Helen of Troy look unattractive in comparison, or rich guys ''cheating'' on their wives by the dozens with groupies, random women they picked-up off the street on a bar,  or escorts.

Am I envious of their lifestyle? 

Very much.  But I've accepted long ago, pretty much when I was 18 years of age, that life is what it is, and that regardless of how much I'd love to be a first team Manchester United F.C starter player, I do have a good life. A much better life than most men around the world have, and so I am content most of the time, and the rest of the time when I'm not, I just tell myself, ''dude, you could have been born in Iran and then what?''  and with that thought living inside my mind, I get down to my knees and I pray to every god in the Greek Pantheon my thanks for having me being born where I was born.

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Some days I just hate who I am because I can never get this right but mostly I just need to embrace who I am and adopt a couldn't care less attitude because its pretty obvious I cannot change how society works and how people think. I suppose though every so often I do meet someone nice and my mind can live vicariously for a while.

Accept yourself. Love yourself. You're going to spend the next 50, 60 years living with yourself. You don't want to spend those massive decades wasting away your time hating yourself, when you could activities that are much more productive and fun, and really, that tall, brunette model, most of the time she feels like she isn't attractive enough, and when she goes through  a string of failed relationships, like most people do, chances are she won't be feeling all that attractive to begin with.

 

[Weezy1973]

6 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Not really. Something I didn't share with the forum is last year I did meet someone, this time I did it the old fashioned way at a dinner I was invited to she was there with her sister and I ended up asking for her number, well we swapped numbers. BUT single mom, OK I was prepared to look past that in this instance. Met up, had a decent enough chat, for whatever reason she saw fit to introduce me to her entire family (Azincourt you would have hated this), told me her life story BUT she was actually only interested in me because she needed me to help her with expertise which I did and as soon as I wanted to try date two that was a no.

Because you have so few experiences, you put so much weight and analysis and emotional energy into every one. You just have to let it go, including that public rejection from high school. You don’t even have to spend any time thinking about the women who aren’t interested in you. Just move on. 

[Weezy1973]

6 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

It’s pretty obvious I cannot change how society works and how people think.

“Society” is diverse. Everybody’s different but as the saying goes:

”We don’t see the world as it is; we see it as we are.”

Put another way, it’s your beliefs about society that need to change. Look around, you’ll see people from all walks of life dating, in relationships, married etc. Society isn’t the problem here.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Azincourt said:

I do have to lie to these women, either women who work for the best fashion brands out there, or women who are as attractive or as nearly as attractive as Alessandra Ambrosio, but I never lie about being  a Saudi Arabian Prince or talking about having won the Powerball or anything.

I merely tell them that I do care about them, that I have feelings for them, and then I elaborate on that and from that point on, the situation to sleep with them shows itself, because they feel lonely,  or they haven't had sex in a long time, and they'd rather sleep with a guy they know than going out and take home a stranger.

 

I don't have trouble reading because you've just confirmed what I was writing about.   Apparently you don't have to lie to all women, just some women.   So that's OK then 🤮

[Trail Blazer]

15 hours ago, Azincourt said:

There are millions upon millions of people each year asking for political asylum to enter and to live and to work in the states. Millions of people each year come to the states, either legally or illegally to live here and to make a good life for themselves.  Actors want to make it big? They come to Hollywood, they don't go to Berlin. Musicians want to reach great heights of wealth and fame?  They tour the USA, they want to get record deals in America, they want to work together with American artists. 

You want to become a famous novelist?

Stephen King. 70-odd  years. Every bok published under his name, even under his pen name, has become an instant New York Times best-seller #1 for months in a row, years in a row. $400 million dollars this man has earned in his life selling books.

This would have never been possible had the guy been born in say Ukraine. The USA makes dreams possible as long as the person dreaming the dream has the potential within him to do so.

The States for all the nonsense and economical and social problems that are plaguing the US and the US life and the US people, is still the most powerful and richest nation in the world, and one day all of the problems that gravely concern us(extremely expensive college/healthcare not being universal etc) will one day be solved and the States will become even greater.

 

Nah, America is not the whole world, but there's no place quite like America.  So many different cultures, so many different cuisines, so many different people coming from all over the world, to build up something that we can all be amazed by.  A Country, a nation, a people that has never been seen the likes of before the Great Fathers Themselves, fought the Brits, kicked them away from our lands, and created the United States Of America.

I've lived in Brazil, Spain, Portugal, Italy, France, Germany, Iran, Saudi Arabia,  Argentina, Canada, Angola, and in other places, so I can say that there's no place like home. Santa Monica Beach. The center of the Universe Where the greatest man Himself, Mr. Schwarzenegger would work out often.

Bro, it doesn't matter if OP is from South Africa, The USA, or even from the North Pole. Women and men are the same everywhere. What I've said about women applies not just in the US; but also in Europe, Africa ,South America, and in the Middle-East. Well, if those women had the freedom to choose the men they wanted, it would.

 

There are millions of people asking for political assylum to enter Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Ireland, the U.K. and Western Europe, too.  America is not any more desirable than any other western nation in that regards.

By virtue of the United States' massive population, yes, for the arts industry, film and music is where, for the most part, aspiring bands/musicians/actors must go to "make it."  So what, though?  That's just one industry...

Stephen King is indeed an American, however, his success as an author has very little to do with his location.  One can write from literally anywhere in the world.  Ever heard of J.K. Rowling?  Agatha Christie?  They're both from the U.K.  Stieg Larsson?  He's from Sweden.  Hell, even Leo Tolstoy, considered one of the greatest writers of all time, was from Russia (which, as you'd know, borders Ukraine).

You seem to know a fair bit about Soccer (Association Football).  Where do America's greatest soccer players aspire to play?  Sure, they can certainly earn some decent money playing in the domestic league, but the best of them always end up where?  In Europe.

What about motorsports?  Undoubtedly the most prestigious car racing series in the world is F1.  Sure, if you're happy to race in circles (yes I know there are some circuits) in front of a bunch of redneck buffoons, one can make some decent amount of money racing NASCARs.  Same with "F1 lite", that is, IndyCars.  At the end of the day, the best drivers in the world go to Europe to compete in the most competitive racing car series in the world - Formula One.

America is an amazing country, don't get me wrong.  I love the States, from Miami to the Pacific North West, from San Diego to New England and everywhere else in between - dreams are indeed created here.  However, I've travelled a lot myself and seen how other (Western) countries do things.  Those people are every bit as proud of their country, and in many instances the quality of life actually exceeds that of the United States for the majority of its citizens.

I recall a number of years back when I was on a bus tour in Ireland where we headed up to a local mountain in county Mayo called Crough Patrick.  As the driver was giving a detailed summation of the background and history of the mountain, a stereotypical American tourist chimed in, with his big, loud American accent, and asked, "Are there lions up there in those mountains?"

I recall the collective groans and sniggers as the question was posed.  The typical American tourist; an overweight middle-aged man and his wife, wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt and oversized Nikkon lense affixed to the large camera body hanging from his neck.  This guy was a walking parody who's looks and mannerisms were finely matched with the facepalm-worthy verbal diarrhoea coming out of his mouth.

The golden moment came when the driver replied, "Ah... sure, I don't tink you'll find too many lions oop dere, me good man."  The contingent of passangers roared with laughter, whilst this guy just sat there looking rather obtuse. 

I feel that Americans think that by virtue of being American, they're somewhat superior to anyone else.  I feel as though American tourists think it's a rite of passage to be loud, brash and very unsubtle in announcing, without actually uttering the words, "I am an American!"

It's this sort of arrogance I find to not just be embarassing, but detestable.  Please, for the love of every deity conceived by man, don't be like this guy after this virus blows over and international travel resumes.  Whilst he may very well be so proud to be an American that he harbors an uncontrollable compulsion to shout it from the rooftops, everyone else on the other hand (including yours truly), thinks he's a 🤡

Edited September 11, 2020 by Trail Blazer

[Trail Blazer]

16 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

A few things. I am not 40 if I were I'd probably be throwing in the towel completely at this point.

Valid points made, which really seem to validate my own views and experiences. Guys with money get a free pass. Women are quick to complain about the hook up culture but frankly my experience of trying to be the good guy suggests many actually want the bad guy.

That's my point really, I am not asking for the impossible but someone who is 120 kg is never going to ever fall on my list of attractive people. I don't believe the very attractive people are impossible to date but I do believe one would need to be VERY experienced to even try but again someone who is quiet like me, its a wrong match up mostly because while I like extroverted people they don't like introverted people.

Many women want the bad boy to be the good guy.  They don't realize that part of their attraction to a bad boy is his aloof nature.  He doesn't act desperate, so they pursue him to try and change him, then bemoan when they get used for sex then dumped.

Of course, this "bad boy" persona can only work if you have the physical attributes to pull it off.  A Chad, for example, acts indifferent because, well, he can.  He has women lining up to be with him, so the dating world is his oyster.  The average guy cannot compete with that.

I hate to say it, but you seem to have the wrong combination of things to succeed in OLD. 

You are quiet and introverted, you're uptight and serious, you have no dating experience, and whilst your minimum standard for looks may not be totally unreasonable, if you couple it with your desire for her to have no children, to match you in earnings and education, to be able to discuss world politics with you and to be extroverted (to help bring this out of you), it's little wonder why you are having trouble.

I honestly have nothing more to offer you for your predicament.  I wouldn't go so far as to say you're a lost cause, however, something needs to change if you are to ever succeed in the dating world.  Whether it's a compromise on your standards, or a fundamental change on your part which is geared towards attracting women, you're sure to only enact Albert Einstein's definition of insanity if nothing else changes.

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Many women want the bad boy to be the good guy.  They don't realize that part of their attraction to a bad boy is his aloof nature. 

His aesthetic is not to be under rated

Edited September 11, 2020 by basil67

[Azincourt]

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It’s pretty obvious I cannot change how society works and how people think.

Do you honestly believe you're being rejected by 25 year old physically attractive women with a good job, a large network of devoted friends, emotionally stable, financially stable, she's responsible and mature, is from a good college,  doesn't have any kids, doesn't have any crazy ex-boyfriends, doesn't have college debt or any debt of any sort, has her own house at the age of 25+: Because of how society works and how people think?

How does society work and how do people think?

You want a woman who isn't attracted to you in any shape or form to date you because you want it.  Why would she do it when you won't give a chance to the women who are interested in you. Is it an issue with your sex drive? You can only feel desire for women who are hot and young, whereas the women who are in your league and age-group can't do it?

If you have a low sex drive, then that's a health issue, it has nothing to do with women and  their physical attractiveness or lack of it. Talk to your doctor and tell him all about it, and then work to fix that problem.

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Many women want the bad boy to be the good guy.  They don't realize that part of their attraction to a bad boy is his aloof nature.  He doesn't act desperate, so they pursue him to try and change him, then bemoan when they get used for sex then dumped.

Most women aren't looking for a bad boy. There are times in a woman's life when all she's looking for is sex.  

When a woman is just looking for sex, she's going to be searching for qualities that arouse her, sexually and emotionally, and a guy who is shy, awkward, quiet, and doesn't like to talk much ain't gonna be able to measure up to that, and that's fine, because there's plenty of women who are also shy and introverted, it's just a matter of meeting a large number of women until you come across such a woman, and then if you are attracted to each other you date.

I don't have trouble reading because you've just confirmed what I was writing about.   Apparently you don't have to lie to all women, just some women.   So that's OK then 

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Of course, this "bad boy" persona can only work if you have the physical attributes to pull it off.  A Chad, for example, acts indifferent because, well, he can.  He has women lining up to be with him, so the dating world is his oyster.  The average guy cannot compete with that.

I assume ''Chad'' is a man who is physically attractive, funny, charming, and confident?

How many men like that guy are there in the world ?

How many women are alive in the world as we speak?

is every woman going to date a guy like that? A majority of women?

Then don't worry what Sean O'Pry or what Simon Nessman are up to, and focus on yourself.  

Rule number 1.

If a woman is being pursued by a hot guy that means she's...?

Hot.

Go talk to the women the hot men aren't talking to and you'll do better with women.

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I honestly have nothing more to offer you for your predicament.  I wouldn't go so far as to say you're a lost cause, however, something needs to change if you are to ever succeed in the dating world.  Whether it's a compromise on your standards, or a fundamental change on your part which is geared towards attracting women, you're sure to only enact Albert Einstein's definition of insanity if nothing else changes.

He's not a lost cause, he just needs to work on coming to terms with what he can get and what he can't get, and he'll do fine.

[Datingdisabled]

There are a couple posters who I would love to see how they would socialize in a room with someone like me at the table. Someone without a university degree and no desire to go and get one! 

The answer is right in your post. This guy was the most attractive man to you, your words, and you will never find someone better, again, your words. 

The issue you have is that you are still obsessed with this person even though he himself has rejected you and found another girlfriend. My advice is as follows. 

Be careful who you seek advice from online. In my experience, some people are going to be quick to respond to your posts and give you advice when they don't even attempt to understand yet that the world doesn't revolve around them or their degrees. They don't know you in RL so let that advice go in one ear and out the other and look for genuine people who genuinely know and understand. 

I can already tell you that this guy and this women and these peoples friends, as kind as some of them were, are not the end all and be all. Rather then think about dating or sex right now, you need to dig deep. You need to now find yourself and your place outside and after this incident. You need to be able to accept that people are going to judge you or forget about you. No one worth holding onto is ever going to sit there and find pleasure out of hurting someone else. I would never find pleasure in someone else's agony. I would never laugh, or judge. I would reach out and try to help them. I know more people who would do the same. 

When I first got here, I was a write off and people judged me. These days they come around and try to talk to me but I don't have the time of day. I've had a few give me gifts that are still in the bags. I'm kind, sure, but they aren't coming into my life because I no longer have a desire for them to be here. 

You will find that strength. You need to sit and think really hard about what in this life would motivate you and inspire you without a man in it. 

I painted and fixed my house and applied for a dog. For those of you who want to judge my ability to care for an animal, I have a cat and am the best dog owner as I adore animals and would want to care for one.

[Datingdisabled]

Wrong post, sorry! 

[ZA Dater]

7 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Do you honestly believe you're being rejected by 25 year old physically attractive women with a good job, a large network of devoted friends, emotionally stable, financially stable, she's responsible and mature, is from a good college,  doesn't have any kids, doesn't have any crazy ex-boyfriends, doesn't have college debt or any debt of any sort, has her own house at the age of 25+: Because of how society works and how people think?

How does society work and how do people think?

You want a woman who isn't attracted to you in any shape or form to date you because you want it.  Why would she do it when you won't give a chance to the women who are interested in you. Is it an issue with your sex drive? You can only feel desire for women who are hot and young, whereas the women who are in your league and age-group can't do it?

 

If a woman is being pursued by a hot guy that means she's...?

Hot.

Go talk to the women the hot men aren't talking to and you'll do better with women.

He's not a lost cause, he just needs to work on coming to terms with what he can get and what he can't get, and he'll do fine.

Yes well miss overweight is never going to do it for me so that is that then. See, this is where with respect, guys like you don't get it and you sound a lot like a friend of mine, he has had what he wants dating wise so he simply cannot relate to me at all. "Everyone gets rejected, even me" which of course is true but where things differ is he at least gets to go on some dates with people he finds attractive and heck gets to sleep with some of them. I simply seldom ever go on dates I find attractive. He then tries to set me up with people which are apparently amazing yet he himself wouldn't date them, so again its the same logic is applied above.  I can assure you, you would not date women who find me attractive on Tinder. But then again you don't need to because, well you get to choose. Its a lovely position to be in but it also means I am not relatable.

What I am forced to do is go on dates with people I don't really find attractive but they are the only people who will go on dates with me, my hope then is they display some super amazing character trait which makes them attractive, which never happens.

At the end of the day attractive women get to choose and no matter what I wont be chosen, in part because I am not attractive to them and in part because I simply refuse go conform and with reason tend to call things the way I see them.

You can go on about meeting hundreds of women but my guess is your success rate is greater than your failure rate so yes its easy to just move on when rejected, you try flip that around and only have failure rate and see how you feel about that? My guess is over a 10 year period you would have the same views I do.

The reality is I can get nothing I want and everything I don't want so really lets just say I am indifferent. I approach dating with logic not emotion but it doesn't work because there is no logic applied. I have sat in clubs and bars and just looked around me and mostly just asked myself why.

I get why some single moms like me, my "boring" attributes suit them better. I however am not interested in that degree of baggage. I am always on the outside looking in, all around me nobody is single, nobody, genuinely nobody is. My belief is people don't really break up because, well its easier to stick with someone you find attractive/are comfortable with than be brave enough to go looking for something better, again my view based on what is around me.

[ZA Dater]

13 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I honestly have nothing more to offer you for your predicament.  I wouldn't go so far as to say you're a lost cause, however, something needs to change if you are to ever succeed in the dating world.  Whether it's a compromise on your standards, or a fundamental change on your part which is geared towards attracting women, you're sure to only enact Albert Einstein's definition of insanity if nothing else changes.

At this point the thing which is most likely to change is I simply chase other things in life. Park dating to the side and try just ignore the fact its a fairly fundamental life experience I am unlikely to experience in a form which I want to experience it. For all the dates I have had some were at least interesting if ultimately pointless so that's not so bad, many people were not attractive, very few were, if I step back, look at it I could just say I am not compatible.

Its very hard to explain to people why I am single, people ask often, people I see from time to time. I'd love a good reply to that question which is actually believable, for years I trotted out "well I am studying", now I am trotting out "I don't have time have too much work" but that's not really believable. Without doubt there are a handful of ladies who have contributed to me positively, they all improved my self image, they all made me try harder, they all motivated me to improve and they all believed in me so yes there is good out there but perhaps I need to accept whereas others get to date my interpersonal experiences will be different, my joys of them different too. Those same people made me believe a bit, made me live a bit vicariously and they are all nice to me, the spectre of judgement never really around, I can be me and they all know my dating story.

I think I undersold how difficult dating could be, I underestimated how difficult it would be to find mutual attraction and honestly I think that's going to be something very hard for me to find and its because of those handful of ladies, each hugely dynamic, each on top of their game, each warm, kind but they wont introduce me to anyone because they know what the forum already has told me, people like them don't find me attractive in a dating concept.

I don't believe there is much I can do to make myself attractive, I carry this huge amount of rejection around me with, I don't really try anymore because what's the point, there will always be something better that someone else has that I don't and nothing I have will be quite good enough to move me to the top of the list. Either I just keep going out with people who don't interest me or I just stop completely, accept life has other plans for me, accept I cannot win this race, accept I just don't have anything anyone else wants which would be ok but for the fact I am simply incapable of giving up on anything.

 

[MeadowFlower]

@ZA Dater, maybe you place too much value on physical attractiveness rather than the person for who they are.

 

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

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Yes well miss overweight is never going to do it for me so that is that then. See, this is where with respect, guys like you don't get it and you sound a lot like a friend of mine, he has had what he wants dating wise so he simply cannot relate to me at all.

I can't relate to you?

I've dated overweight women. I've dated 4'10'' women. I've dated women who were 6'6'' barefoot. I've dated runaway models, you know the type when you don't know when was the last time they got to eat a meal because you can see their ribcage through their dress. I've dated women with a flat chest. I've dated women with a flat rear-end. I've dated women with very long, very thick hair. I've dated women who shaved all of their hair. I've dated heavily tattoo'ed women. I've dated blind women. I've dated deaf women.

Just because a woman is overweight doesn't mean she doesn't have an attractive face and smile.  Just because a woman is taller than the greek gods doesn't mean she's not feminine.

Almost every woman has got something about her that can be attractive to a man, even more so if they're funny, charming, and sweet.

I can't relate to you because you literally only want conventionally attractive women, and that makes no sense to me.

 

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"Everyone gets rejected, even me" which of course is true but where things differ is he at least gets to go on some dates with people he finds attractive and heck gets to sleep with some of them. I simply seldom ever go on dates I find attractive. He then tries to set me up with people which are apparently amazing yet he himself wouldn't date them, so again its the same logic is applied above.  I can assure you, you would not date women who find me attractive on Tinder. But then again you don't need to because, well you get to choose. Its a lovely position to be in but it also means I am not relatable.

I've been rejected tens of thousands of times. There have been nights I was rejected by 50-100 women. Then I'd go home, and I'd try the next night. Eventually I'd get numbers, dates ,hook-ups, girlfriends etc, by not giving up on myself, by not going all like, '' if I can't get A 21 year old Mariah Carey Imma  join a convent!'' and eventually things shaped up for me.

You're telling me that there are no women in your league who find you to be attractive?  It's not as simple as that. I've been rejected many, many times, man. I don't get to choose.  I moved to a coastal city/college town/beach town because I was aware the physical attractiveness of the local woman, of the perceived average woman would be hot in pretty much everywhere, except where I was, because there were so many attractive young women who didn't realize they could be making bank by getting married to a rich soccer player instead of dating a bartender.

I played my cards well. When every woman is attractive, no woman feels she is attractive. When there are 1 dude who is single for 10 women who are single,  chances are you'll get to date attractive women as long as you don't care about things like chemistry,  similar interests, same goals etc. I don't. I have only 2 standards. Is she hot? Does she find me to be hot? Then I will date her. Superficial?  So is my bank account and I don't see anyone worried about it.

And I've been rejected by huge numbers of women, even been dumped plenty myself, even been dumped for rich old men.

 

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What I am forced to do is go on dates with people I don't really find attractive but they are the only people who will go on dates with me, my hope then is they display some super amazing character trait which makes them attractive, which never happens.

But have you considered the possibility that, if the only people who are interested in you are physically unattractive people, then your chances with attractive women are almost down to zero? Shouldn't you then consider dating women, the women who are interested in you? There's lots and lots of men around the world who'd love to have your options in women. There are millions of men in Iran, India, Pakistan, and in other Countries whom will never ever get the opportunity to meet women because there aren't enough women, and the women who live there are sold off by their parents to the highest bidders.

 

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At the end of the day attractive women get to choose and no matter what I wont be chosen, in part because I am not attractive to them and in part because I simply refuse go conform and with reason tend to call things the way I see them.

hahaha. Nah. The world belongs to rich, old men. Men own the world. The rich ones do at least. There are so many beautiful women in the world and most of these women will never have the opportunity to meet physically attractive men because there's so few of them spread  throughout the world, and then there's more to a man than just his physical looks. College education, does he have a house, is it a good house, is it paid off or at least halfway getting paid off before he's 30, does he have life savings, how much, does he treat his parents well, does he like children, does he want to have children, does he want to put up with my parents.

Beautiful women have more choice in a partner than average and unattractive men do, sure, but the people with the  most choice in the dating world? Rich old men, by far.

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You can go on about meeting hundreds of women but my guess is your success rate is greater than your failure rate so yes its easy to just move on when rejected, you try flip that around and only have failure rate and see how you feel about that? My guess is over a 10 year period you would have the same views I do.

My success rate isn't that high, dude. I'm bisexual. I've slept with over 300 men if my calculations are right. Those men were all hot as hell, but most gay men have little standards and will sleep with anything that moves. My successes with women are much smaller. There have been years that I've been without a girlfriend or a hook-up.  There have been times of feast and times of hunger. Sometimes it's like every woman and her grandma is aware of me and wants to talk to me, then there are days, weeks, months where I am invisible to everyone except to the tax man.

Mate, I've been pursuing women since before I reached puberty. My mother says when I was a baby, if she took her eyes off me for a second at the beach, she would only need to find the prettiest girls, and she'd find me there on their laps and arms.  I've always liked attractive young women. There's something magical about them. It's the promise of eternal youth in their smiles.  They don't have bills to pay(18-22 years old) they don't have a mortgagge to pay for, they don't have children, they don't have for the most part crazy ex-boyfriends, they don't have silly ideas like the desire to get married and have children, and they're really big on body waxing.

Have I ever told you I'm a huge fan of body-waxing my body myself?

Women in their 30s carry the world on their shoulders and they have shoulders too narrow for that. You wouldn't want to be me, bro.  There have been times when instead of looking at a woman I'm attracted to and imagining what she'd look like naked, I find myself imagining what our kids together would look like and I get sad, because that I ain't about that life, dawg.

But sometimes I think about what could have been. There's a lot of regret and sorrow in my life, bro.

Bro, if I was you and the only women who'd find me attractive are unattractive women, I'd turn off the light and enjoy my life.  Who cares if someone isn't perfect, as long as they like you and they treat you well you're already better off than most.

It's a numbers game. Meet thousands, tens of thousands of women, man.  See it as speed-dating. Except you're saving up money because you're not going on a date. 

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The reality is I can get nothing I want and everything I don't want so really lets just say I am indifferent. I approach dating with logic not emotion but it doesn't work because there is no logic applied. I have sat in clubs and bars and just looked around me and mostly just asked myself why.

I get why some single moms like me, my "boring" attributes suit them better. I however am not interested in that degree of baggage. I am always on the outside looking in, all around me nobody is single, nobody, genuinely nobody is. My belief is people don't really break up because, well its easier to stick with someone you find attractive/are comfortable with than be brave enough to go looking for something better, again my view based on what is around me.

Well, you could always visit Germany and take up professional escorts.

Edited September 11, 2020 by Azincourt

[Datingdisabled]

13 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

I can't relate to you?

I've dated overweight women. I've dated 4'10'' women. I've dated women who were 6'6'' barefoot. I've dated runaway models, you know the type when you don't know when was the last time they got to eat a meal because you can see their ribcage through their dress. I've dated women with a flat chest. I've dated women with a flat rear-end. I've dated women with very long, very thick hair. I've dated women who shaved all of their hair. I've dated heavily tattoo'ed women. I've dated blind women. I've dated deaf women.

Just because a woman is overweight doesn't mean she doesn't have an attractive face and smile.  Just because a woman is taller than the greek gods doesn't mean she's not feminine.

Almost every woman has got something about her that can be attractive to a man, even more so if they're funny, charming, and sweet.

I can't relate to you because you literally only want conventionally attractive women, and that makes no sense to me.

 

I've been rejected tens of thousands of times. There have been nights I was rejected by 50-100 women. Then I'd go home, and I'd try the next night. Eventually I'd get numbers, dates ,hook-ups, girlfriends etc, by not giving up on myself, by not going all like, '' if I can't get A 21 year old Mariah Carey Imma  join a convent!'' and eventually things shaped up for me.

You're telling me that there are no women in your league who find you to be attractive?  It's not as simple as that. I've been rejected many, many times, man. I don't get to choose.  I moved to a coastal city/college town/beach town because I was aware the physical attractiveness of the local woman, of the perceived average woman would be hot in pretty much everywhere, except where I was, because there were so many attractive young women who didn't realize they could be making bank by getting married to a rich soccer player instead of dating a bartender.

I played my cards well. When every woman is attractive, no woman feels she is attractive. When there are 1 dude who is single for 10 women who are single,  chances are you'll get to date attractive women as long as you don't care about things like chemistry,  similar interests, same goals etc. I don't. I have only 2 standards. Is she hot? Does she find me to be hot? Then I will date her. Superficial?  So is my bank account and I don't see anyone worried about it.

And I've been rejected by huge numbers of women, even been dumped plenty myself, even been dumped for rich old men.

 

But have you considered the possibility that, if the only people who are interested in you are physically unattractive people, then your chances with attractive women are almost down to zero? Shouldn't you then consider dating women, the women who are interested in you? There's lots and lots of men around the world who'd love to have your options in women. There are millions of men in Iran, India, Pakistan, and in other Countries whom will never ever get the opportunity to meet women because there aren't enough women, and the women who live there are sold off by their parents to the highest bidders.

 

hahaha. Nah. The world belongs to rich, old men. Men own the world. The rich ones do at least. There are so many beautiful women in the world and most of these women will never have the opportunity to meet physically attractive men because there's so few of them spread  throughout the world, and then there's more to a man than just his physical looks. College education, does he have a house, is it a good house, is it paid off or at least halfway getting paid off before he's 30, does he have life savings, how much, does he treat his parents well, does he like children, does he want to have children, does he want to put up with my parents.

Beautiful women have more choice in a partner than average and unattractive men do, sure, but the people with the  most choice in the dating world? Rich old men, by far.

My success rate isn't that high, dude. I'm bisexual. I've slept with over 300 men if my calculations are right. Those men were all hot as hell, but most gay men have little standards and will sleep with anything that moves. My successes with women are much smaller. There have been years that I've been without a girlfriend or a hook-up.  There have been times of feast and times of hunger. Sometimes it's like every woman and her grandma is aware of me and wants to talk to me, then there are days, weeks, months where I am invisible to everyone except to the tax man.

Mate, I've been pursuing women since before I reached puberty. My mother says when I was a baby, if she took her eyes off me for a second at the beach, she would only need to find the prettiest girls, and she'd find me there on their laps and arms.  I've always liked attractive young women. There's something magical about them. It's the promise of eternal youth in their smiles.  They don't have bills to pay(18-22 years old) they don't have a mortgagge to pay for, they don't have children, they don't have for the most part crazy ex-boyfriends, they don't have silly ideas like the desire to get married and have children, and they're really big on body waxing.

Have I ever told you I'm a huge fan of body-waxing my body myself?

Women in their 30s carry the world on their shoulders and they have shoulders too narrow for that. You wouldn't want to be me, bro.  There have been times when instead of looking at a woman I'm attracted to and imagining what she'd look like naked, I find myself imagining what our kids together would look like and I get sad, because that I ain't about that life, dawg.

But sometimes I think about what could have been. There's a lot of regret and sorrow in my life, bro.

Bro, if I was you and the only women who'd find me attractive are unattractive women, I'd turn off the light and enjoy my life.  Who cares if someone isn't perfect, as long as they like you and they treat you well you're already better off than most.

It's a numbers game. Meet thousands, tens of thousands of women, man.  See it as speed-dating. Except you're saving up money because you're not going on a date. 

Well, you could always visit Germany and take up professional escorts.

And that is what happens to married men down the road. That mentality is why married men cheat. Why married men divorce. After they reach a certain age, they realize they want a connection. Most men, if not all, settle. You are settling for a decent number. 

[Azincourt]

11 minutes ago, Datingdisabled said:

And that is what happens to married men down the road. That mentality is why married men cheat. Why married men divorce. After they reach a certain age, they realize they want a connection. Most men, if not all, settle. You are settling for a decent number. 

Most married men do not cheat.

They can't afford it! AH!

Eh, joking aside, monogamy is not really Mankind's strongest suit, hence why religion and social restrictions were created, and are still in effect, in most of the world. To make sure people didn't get a divorce. Which shouldn't be like that but what can I do about it ? Nothing.

Everyone ''settles''.

Unless you are Cristiano Ronaldo or Taylor Swift: everyone settles for the most they can get. Very few people get their ideal package husband or wife, but people still manage to find someone who makes them happy.

Ehh, connection.  Love doesn't pay the bills. I'll marry Madonna without a prenup if the option ever presents itself to me.

 

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

At this point the thing which is most likely to change is I simply chase other things in life. Park dating to the side and try just ignore the fact its a fairly fundamental life experience I am unlikely to experience in a form which I want to experience it.

 

Every thread you cycle round and round. Back to giving up on dating and then after a few weeks back to complaining. Do you recognize your on cycle here?

[Azincourt]

8 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Every thread you cycle round and round. Back to giving up on dating and then after a few weeks back to complaining. Do you recognize your on cycle here?

It always goes back to the same issue.

'''I'm in my mid 30s or late 30s and I only want women who are 25-40.''

''I'm only interested in women who are physically attractive and have everything going for them, making it that EVERY guy in South Africa also wants them, making competing for them much harder for me.''

''I'm ignoring overweight women because I think they're very unattractive''

Ignoring the fact that there are many fit, handsome dudes dating overweight women and happy about it, but ZA would rather spend the rest of his natural life complaining about his looks, lot in life, and how because of how society is, hot women don't want anything to do with him.

🤨

[elaine567]

14 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Yes well miss overweight is never going to do it for me so that is that then.

The problem with "women" is that so many of them are in a constant battle with their weight.
Unless "genetically programmed" to be slim, many are on a roller coaster of increasing or decreasing weight.
It takes will power, it takes time, it takes effort and some will just get fed up of being on that often losing battle of trying to attain and maintain the "desirable" weight and shape of a teenager....
Add in "hormones", the contraceptive pill, life trauma, depression, medical issues, and dealing with problems by comfort eating, and the fact that people in general  love to eat, then that sylph like model who appeared on the first date can be "overweight" in six months or even less.
Weight is not set in stone, it fluctuates, thin women become fat, fat women become thin. so really weight should not be given much importance in choosing a life partner.

If "love" and attraction is dependent purely or largely on being with a partner who is an ideal weight, then so many will be sorely disappointed...

[chillii]

14 hours ago, Datingdisabled said:

And that is what happens to married men down the road. That mentality is why married men cheat. Why married men divorce. After they reach a certain age, they realize they want a connection. Most men, if not all, settle. You are settling for a decent number. 

 

That's very generalizing. l'm male and don't know that many guys at all that so called settled , whatver you would consider settling. And there's a few main reasons why guys screw around later too btw , which l think women do just as much of or close to anyway too these days. As far as him , she lets herself go later on physically and emotionally would be the biggest by far.. l was married over 20yrs .

 

 

 

Edited September 12, 2020 by chillii

[Azincourt]

10 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

That's very generalizing. l'm male and don't know that many guys at all that so called settled , whatver you would consider settling. And there's a few main reasons why guys screw around later too btw , which l think women do just as much of or close to anyway too these days. She lets herself go later on physically and emotionally l'd think would be the biggest , or they lose whatever they did have and life became all about kids and bills, work , bs.

 

No doubt about it,  there are married men and men who have a co-habitation wife who are happy with their partners, but  there's huge numbers of relationships that don't become long-term relationships, and from those long-term relationships, few turn into marriage, and then there's the very bigly number of divorces around the world.

You might have a different sort of friends than the ones the other guy has. I know a lot of rich soccer players and fashion models and they're all very happily married, but honestly if you saw their women and how they bend their backs 24/7 to make sure the money keeps flowing their way - I'd be shocked if these guys weren't happy.

A middle-class man with a retail job, a mortggage to pay for, college debt, an average-looking wife, healthcare debt, credit card debt, yeah.  That guy might not be that happy with his wife and with his life and he might feel like he settled for what he could get.

(Which is what many women and men do anyway)

Edited September 12, 2020 by Azincourt

[ZA Dater]

On 9/12/2020 at 1:08 PM, elaine567 said:

The problem with "women" is that so many of them are in a constant battle with their weight.
Unless "genetically programmed" to be slim, many are on a roller coaster of increasing or decreasing weight.
It takes will power, it takes time, it takes effort and some will just get fed up of being on that often losing battle of trying to attain and maintain the "desirable" weight and shape of a teenager....
Add in "hormones", the contraceptive pill, life trauma, depression, medical issues, and dealing with problems by comfort eating, and the fact that people in general  love to eat, then that sylph like model who appeared on the first date can be "overweight" in six months or even less.
Weight is not set in stone, it fluctuates, thin women become fat, fat women become thin. so really weight should not be given much importance in choosing a life partner.

If "love" and attraction is dependent purely or largely on being with a partner who is an ideal weight, then so many will be sorely disappointed...

I think there is struggling with weight and simply being obviously unhealthy. There is no nice way of putting this but the people who find me attractive are not that ones who struggle with weight but the ones who are simply terribly overweight.

[ZA Dater]

On 9/12/2020 at 11:00 AM, Azincourt said:

It always goes back to the same issue.

'''I'm in my mid 30s or late 30s and I only want women who are 25-40.''

''I'm only interested in women who are physically attractive and have everything going for them, making it that EVERY guy in South Africa also wants them, making competing for them much harder for me.''

''I'm ignoring overweight women because I think they're very unattractive''

Ignoring the fact that there are many fit, handsome dudes dating overweight women and happy about it, but ZA would rather spend the rest of his natural life complaining about his looks, lot in life, and how because of how society is, hot women don't want anything to do with him.

🤨

Would you date those women? I suspect not, this is the exact same nonsense advice given by people who would never need to date anyone who they did not find attractive. You may crow on about this model and that soccer player but its clear you don't need to date people you do not find attractive so why should I?

 

[Azincourt]

11 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Would you date those women? I suspect not, this is the exact same nonsense advice given by people who would never need to date anyone who they did not find attractive. You may crow on about this model and that soccer player but its clear you don't need to date people you do not find attractive so why should I?

 

Do they have money?

I'd date them.

Can they afford to give me nice things and do they want to give those nice things to me?

I'd date them.

Are they the only women I can find who want to date me? Yeah, I would date them.

I LOVE Iranian caviar, but if all I can afford is steak, then steak it is!

Bro, you need to fine-tune your selective reading.

I've already said in a previous post that I've dated overweight women. I've dated women who were so short they made the average Spaniard man look like a giant. I've dated women who were so thin, you'd think they had spent last month drinking nothing more than milk.

I've dated women who were  almost as tall as NBA players

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How tall are NBA players? In the 2017-2018 NBA season, the average basketball player was 6'7″ tall (200.4cm) which is almost 10 inches taller ...

These women made me look like I was their younger brother. I didn't care. They're still attractive.

All of these women were attractive in their own right, besides, when a woman is good in bed the last thing you're thinking when she's making you climax for the fifth time in a row is what your friends are gonna think when they meet your girlfriend and see she isn't a super top model. Most super top models don't even look like top models most of the time.

Stop worrying about what other men do or don't do. Saudi Arabian Princes have 100000 wives each and 1000000 mistresses each. You don't see me going all pouty-pouty because these lads have all of this and much more. I just live my life, and enjoy it. Yesterday I went to the supermarket to buy food, and despite the corona virus, I still got to see a bunch of attractive women in shorts shorts. 

You gotta enjoy the little things in life, man.

There's nothing better in life than shorts, shorts, man.

Edited September 14, 2020 by Azincourt