How to be more desireable to search better

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

So yes I cant say I have found any maybes, perhaps two

Two isn’t none.
 

You’ve essentially created a way to make failure inevitable. And you’re unwilling to change anything. The question you have to ask yourself, is are you afraid to succeed?

 

What would you do if there was mutual attraction and you had a second date? Or beyond? What if sex became likely? What if there was a genuine connection and you fell in love?

 

Do those things scare you? Or are they things you enthusiastically want? 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I don't believe in leagues, people on this very forum "there are lots of examples of guys with very pretty women".

 

The average guys with very pretty women generally have a lot to offer personality wise.    Having a cracking personality can raise a guy's league substantially.  

[GorillaTheater]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The average guys with very pretty women generally have a lot to offer personality wise.    Having a cracking personality can raise a guy's league substantially.  

True. In my case, "crackling" may be an overstatement, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to sell myself on looks alone ...

[basil67]

As opposed to 'substantially', perhaps your league just got a bit of a boost 😊

[Trail Blazer]

4 hours ago, GorillaTheater said:

True. In my case, "crackling" may be an overstatement, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to sell myself on looks alone ...

I believe the term used was "cracking" as opposed to "crackling".  Cracking is a term used in Aussie land (maybe Britain?) to describe something sensational, amazing, etc.

I've always found this term curious.  As to say, in the form of a verb, having a "cracking" personality is fantastic, yet in the noun form, if one has "cracks" in their personality then they are flawed.

In any case, I agree that a great personality can make up for deficits in the looks department.  Women are more amenable to looking past looks, but only in real life.  OLD is a totally different beast.

[Trail Blazer]

10 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Everyday I fight something so sure why not take on apparent reality too. I'd argue your example just goes to show how shallow the entire concept of dating is. Just think about it for a minute if throwing 5k on the counter changes someone's opinion of you what does it say about the person but what does it say about the game.

Cool my options are huge people who could not ever go trail running with me, could never go to the beach because they lack body confidence, have health issues, confidence issues, we could never do anything really at all and you tell me why I would want to go down this road, would you? I suspect not.

The only way is to have other options I suppose.

So long as you use OLD, I guess that's what th market is dictating.  I get why overweight people wouldn't interest you, despite the obvious issue of being not attracted to them.  Overweight poeple are generally unfit, don't lead a healthy life, etc.

Once this pandemic is over, you really need to work out a way to meet new people which doesn't include OLD.  I don't know how - that's ultimately up to you to figure out.  What I do know, though, is you need to totally change your methodology or you'll remain single until you're 6 feet under.

[ZA Dater]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

The average guys with very pretty women generally have a lot to offer personality wise.    Having a cracking personality can raise a guy's league substantially.  

Perhaps but personality count for zero on OLD and I'd wager its not really possible to change ones personality substantially.

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

So long as you use OLD, I guess that's what th market is dictating.  I get why overweight people wouldn't interest you, despite the obvious issue of being not attracted to them.  Overweight poeple are generally unfit, don't lead a healthy life, etc.

Once this pandemic is over, you really need to work out a way to meet new people which doesn't include OLD.  I don't know how - that's ultimately up to you to figure out.  What I do know, though, is you need to totally change your methodology or you'll remain single until you're 6 feet under.

Why would a coffee shop situation be any different? My belief is if its a NO on OLD its going to be an equally no in the coffee shop. Would I be wrong with that and if so why?

Trust me I do try and work on ways to meet people but it never really works, my best bet is to try meet tourists whenever this might be over.

[basil67]

A coffee shop will render much higher chances of a No than OLD.  Why?   Because the people on OLD are generally looking for something and will agree to meet if there's a mutual match and interest.    Compare to a woman in a coffee shop who's minding her own business....Of course it's got little chance of working.   

 

[elaine567]

5 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I've always found this term curious.  As to say, in the form of a verb, having a "cracking" personality is fantastic, yet in the noun form, if one has "cracks" in their personality then they are flawed.

It is British slang and is from the the Irish word craic.
Craic or crack is a term for news, gossip, fun, entertainment, and enjoyable conversation.
Any one with a cracking personality is sociable, fun and entertaining.

[Trail Blazer]

17 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Why would a coffee shop situation be any different? My belief is if its a NO on OLD its going to be an equally no in the coffee shop. Would I be wrong with that and if so why?

Trust me I do try and work on ways to meet people but it never really works, my best bet is to try meet tourists whenever this might be over.

No, a coffee shop situation would actually be far worse.  You don't go hunting for dates in a coffee shop like you would on a dating app.  Dating apps have captive audiences, coffee shops or public spaces are an unknown quantity.

People have been meeting people for as long as humans have existed.  It's only been in the last 20 years or so that they've been doing it online.  Smartphones and the advent of dating apps, have fast-tracked the normalisation of OLD.

How did people meet before OLD?  How do people continue to meet in the 21st century if they aren't using an OLD site or app?  Plenty of ways!  That's where most guys will have an edge if they can offer something other than just looks, as opposed to OLD which seems to solely focus on looks for the most part.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

37 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

No, a coffee shop situation would actually be far worse.  You don't go hunting for dates in a coffee shop like you would on a dating app.  Dating apps have captive audiences, coffee shops or public spaces are an unknown quantity.

 

Off topic, but you and your lady are adorbs :). 

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

No, a coffee shop situation would actually be far worse.  You don't go hunting for dates in a coffee shop like you would on a dating app.  Dating apps have captive audiences, coffee shops or public spaces are an unknown quantity.

People have been meeting people for as long as humans have existed.  It's only been in the last 20 years or so that they've been doing it online.  Smartphones and the advent of dating apps, have fast-tracked the normalisation of OLD.

How did people meet before OLD?  How do people continue to meet in the 21st century if they aren't using an OLD site or app?  Plenty of ways!  That's where most guys will have an edge if they can offer something other than just looks, as opposed to OLD which seems to solely focus on looks for the most part.

Cool so this can be summarised like this.

Nowhere to meet anyone and no edge or anything that people want. Great at least I know where I am at. Looks will always in my opinion be the make or break but most people will disagree with me.

 

[ZA Dater]

22 hours ago, elaine567 said:

It is British slang and is from the the Irish word craic.
Craic or crack is a term for news, gossip, fun, entertainment, and enjoyable conversation.
Any one with a cracking personality is sociable, fun and entertaining.

My fun and entertaining versus your fun and entertaining....see there is always this disconnect. But I am not going to let this bother me too much. The one positive is no longer do I need to pretend to be what I am not.

[Trail Blazer]

12 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Cool so this can be summarised like this.

Nowhere to meet anyone and no edge or anything that people want. Great at least I know where I am at. Looks will always in my opinion be the make or break but most people will disagree with me.

 

It can be summarized by saying that you are very negative and seemingly unwilling to listen, for the most part, to sound advice which has been offered to you time and again.

Looks won't always be make or break, but it will be more so with OLD.

If your (male) looks are average, you won't get a lot of follow-up on OLD.  It's a female's market, with many males who aren't particularly handsome, struggling to even get noticed, let alone any right swipes.

Popularity dictates where someone features on the stack of cards.  Ever wonder why most of the hot people are always displayed first?  Because Tinder and Bumble's algorithm is designed to do just that.

It's a vicious cycle.  The less popular you are, the less right swipes you'll receive.  The less right swipes you receive, the lower you'll be placed in the order of the card stack, thus lowering your exposure and, ergo, your chances of somebody even noticing you.

If you have to persist with OLD, I'd suggest deleting the apps you use and re-install it again.  You'll effectively be reseting your order in the stack of cards, which will give you an initial increased exposure.

Having said all that, I guess the reason why I've said it's probably a good idea for you to perhaps consider looking elsewhere for dates, is because looks do play a lesser part in success with females in a setting where other factors (personality, sense or humor) can be used to your advantage. 

[basil67]

28 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Looks will always in my opinion be the make or break but most people will disagree with me.

 

You're projecting.   It's definitely important to some, including you.   But it's not important to all.

[ZA Dater]

53 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

It can be summarized by saying that you are very negative and seemingly unwilling to listen, for the most part, to sound advice which has been offered to you time and again.

Looks won't always be make or break, but it will be more so with OLD.

If your (male) looks are average, you won't get a lot of follow-up on OLD.  It's a female's market, with many males who aren't particularly handsome, struggling to even get noticed, let alone any right swipes.

Popularity dictates where someone features on the stack of cards.  Ever wonder why most of the hot people are always displayed first?  Because Tinder and Bumble's algorithm is designed to do just that.

It's a vicious cycle.  The less popular you are, the less right swipes you'll receive.  The less right swipes you receive, the lower you'll be placed in the order of the card stack, thus lowering your exposure and, ergo, your chances of somebody even noticing you.

If you have to persist with OLD, I'd suggest deleting the apps you use and re-install it again.  You'll effectively be reseting your order in the stack of cards, which will give you an initial increased exposure.

Having said all that, I guess the reason why I've said it's probably a good idea for you to perhaps consider looking elsewhere for dates, is because looks do play a lesser part in success with females in a setting where other factors (personality, sense or humor) can be used to your advantage. 

Please tell me where that setting is as we have established its not in a coffee shop.

[Wiseman2]

Make sure your dating profile doesn't come off as an "I'm a catch" resume. Very common mistake.

[Trail Blazer]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Please tell me where that setting is as we have established its not in a coffee shop.

Dude, how did people meet before the 21st century when OLD wasn't a thing?  They just did.  Where?  Through mutual friends, work, work colleagues/functions... pretty much anywhere.

[basil67]

29 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Dude, how did people meet before the 21st century when OLD wasn't a thing?  They just did.  Where?  Through mutual friends, work, work colleagues/functions... pretty much anywhere.

First boyfriend: via swimming  Second boyfriend: via school review.  Third boyfriend via swimming.  Fourth boyfriend/husband via work.  Fifth boyfriend/husband set up by mutual friends.  And a few hookups in between. 

Edited August 16, 2020 by basil67

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Please tell me where that setting is as we have established its not in a coffee shop.

Somewhere where one is expected to be social.  Hobby groups, sports, adult education, parties, friends and yes....pubs and bars.   But not a pub or bar alone...you've got to go with friends and get chatting to someone who's standing next to you listening to music/waiting for drinks/waiting for the toilet.  

Edited August 16, 2020 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Dude, how did people meet before the 21st century when OLD wasn't a thing?  They just did.  Where?  Through mutual friends, work, work colleagues/functions... pretty much anywhere.

I am winning today that's for sure. Basically nowhere I actually go in other words. Places I go there are no single people.

[ZA Dater]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

Somewhere where one is expected to be social.  Hobby groups, sports, adult education, parties, friends and yes....pubs and bars.   But not a pub or bar alone...you've got to go with friends and get chatting to someone who's standing next to you listening to music/waiting for drinks/waiting for the toilet.  

In other words all the places I don't go and have little interest in going to. That's ok, I expected that. I did spend hours on OLD today, various different pictures and perhaps without much surprise no matches.

 

[ZA Dater]

10 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Dude, how did people meet before the 21st century when OLD wasn't a thing?  They just did.  Where?  Through mutual friends, work, work colleagues/functions... pretty much anywhere.

Everywhere except coffee shops it would seem. My work colleagues have nothing in common, work is work and when we walk out those doors we cease to know it each other and besides they are all married. Mutual friends, great if there is anyone single. Do you know how many single people I have met, the answer is almost none. That's the honest truth, I have been to events not one single person, dinner parties not one single person,  birthday parties sure some single people but miss low cut red dress wearing heels isn't interested in me, she want Mr tanned and wealthy wearing the expensive shirt who talks with the confidence of a politician and the sincerity of a sales person. Cynical, perhaps, wrong probably not too much. She wants fun for the night, that's all.

I hear lots of single people go to trance parties, pity I hate trance music. Or am I supposed to like something in don't for the simple reason maybe someone there likes me, is that what is required. Answer this question, do women ever take any interest at all, do they ever put in any effort whatsoever?

Once I decided to really dress up, usually I look smart but not trendy,  I wear what I like not what society prescribes I must wear and you know it made no difference at all, I was once again just lost in the shadows. It was a profound experience and it merely reinforced the need to be unemotional, to let nonsense like that go but also to realise the nature of the game.

My point is I can go and buy any dating self help book and do everything in it and I have done a few things but it frankly makes no difference because. I can go out and greet people smile at them but you know what they look at me like I am mad, why because when I look around nobody else does that. Go to a restaurant, how many times have I seen talk between strangers, the answer is never. People have their own lives, they really actually are interested in anything else.

Good case in point, I went on a date last year, she was nice enough but she only really wanted me to help her sell her property development, when she realised that wasn't going to happen I got dropped like a stone. Another example, met someone else, again used because she wanted me expertise in something she had little knowledge of, again dumped like a stone when she got what she wanted. I can go on, there are other examples.

Pre covid I had lunch at the same place daily for weeks, I greeted people, do you know how many greeted me back....one. The lady at the till. Someone here once said something which made me think "by mid 20s people have their friend, their circle they have done life with, they don't need more friends" and I remember that well because it has stuck with me as being very true to me at least.

So yes, thank you for trying to help but some of us are frankly way past the stage of being salvageable.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

In other words all the places I don't go and have little interest in going to. That's ok, I expected that. I did spend hours on OLD today, various different pictures and perhaps without much surprise no matches.

 

If you know the answer, why bother with the question?