I've got to get motivated on my own

[Realitysux]

Hello fellow ls community. I'm proud to say that I have turned a corner with the obsession I had with a guy for 7 years. It was fed and it was cruel and it didn't feel fair to me but I accept it and I'm no longer pouting that he found someone else. I had a wake up call this morning and I realize that he deserves to move on to. I would not take him back but I will be honest, I had a glimpse into the power of love. That may have also been why I stayed for so long. 

When I felt like he supported me, I felt a strength that I could do it and I achieved some great things in those couple of weeks only to feel a sudden drop and end up right back at square 1. 

Through my obsession, I have grown to appreciate a lot of you and would love some insight on how to motivate myself. I can't even bring myself to do my laundry or go to the tanning salon which is normal since I was dumped by the obsession as early as this morning. 

 

Knowing he has moved on and the entire thing was not real, what are things I can do to find my own motivation again. 

[d0nnivain]

When I need motivation I pray.  Sometimes I watch TED talks about motivation.  I have done internet searches for tips.  A lot of them suggest journaling & mediation.  Another thing is start small.  Don't say you are going to get in shape.  It's too big of a goal.  Say you will do 5 push ups per day.  You need to build in little easy ways to achieve success.  

[Realitysux]

14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

When I need motivation I pray.  Sometimes I watch TED talks about motivation.  I have done internet searches for tips.  A lot of them suggest journaling & mediation.  Another thing is start small.  Don't say you are going to get in shape.  It's too big of a goal.  Say you will do 5 push ups per day.  You need to build in little easy ways to achieve success.  

 Prayer

Edited July 16, 2020 by Realitysux

[Foxhall]

I think you have to look forward to embracing new challenges,

one thing that pleases me at the moment is that the people I am closest to currently, I actually did not know any of them 14 months ago,

I have gotten over previous failed relationships and broken friendships through connecting well with new people,

I was low in confidence for a few years- believed I was not really good enough to achieve things, but looking back I should not have felt like that, lol I remember even writing here early last year that it is very difficult for people in late 30s or older to make new friends ( I would have a different more positive view of that now)

what changed - I dont really know to be honest, perhaps just putting myself out there more- trying to do a few positive things here and there and then perhaps you get a break or two along the way.

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, Realitysux said:

 I can't even bring myself to do my laundry...

For me, I make a list of the things I want to accomplish each day and draw a line through each item as I complete it.

There is something very satisfying and rewarding about crossing off each item and throwing the list away.

They don't have to be big HUGE chores or duties, just little steps towards completing life's little niceties, like clean laundry.

How about you do a load of towels today, nothing else (put it on the list).. then tomorrow sheets (again on the list).  Just little bites at making life normal again.

 

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

For me, I make a list of the things I want to accomplish each day and draw a line through each item as I complete it.

There is something very satisfying and rewarding about crossing off each item and throwing the list away.

They don't have to be big HUGE chores or duties, just little steps towards completing life's little niceties, like clean laundry.

How about you do a load of towels today, nothing else (put it on the list).. then tomorrow sheets (again on the list).  Just little bites at making life normal again.

 

See, I used to be so productive in a day before the depression. I was doing so well but this guy keeps coming back and kicking me down. It's weird s*** guys. I connected with people involved and at that time, he inspired me. My common sense was telling me this was wrong so I didn't act on it but they told me to let him go and move on. If a man wants to be with you then no way are they going to tell you to move on. So I moved on. They also said I was a covert narcissist so I didn't want to show I was inspired and motivated by him.

I log on and found hurtful things all over the internet. I talk to my friends and just the amount t of time this guy has been absent is enough for them to say that's too long. I log on to chat chat with a man and the man's involved. 

As a result of all this, I haven't worked, done anything, I missed two tanning appointments, I'm scared to move. I've contacted him directly and nothing works. The guy had nothing nice to say about me in 7 years. Do people really enjoy doing this to someone. 

The guy didn't ask me to work on anything so we could be together, he wrote about it online. What this guy did was wrong and I am having a hard time moving on now. I'm depressed. 

Edited July 17, 2020 by Realitysux

[Ruby Slippers]

It sounds like it's well past time to put this 7 year guy in your history. Remove all connections, don't talk about him, don't write about him, and eventually the thoughts will fade out, too.

I totally agree with the advice to take baby steps. Motivation takes momentum. You don't build up momentum in one fell swoop.

If you want to go from being a couch potato to running 5 miles, on day 1, you probably walk for 5 minutes. Then you walk for 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Then you run for 1 minute. Next day, 3 minutes. Then 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and on and on till you're doing the 5 miles.

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said:

It sounds like it's well past time to put this 7 year guy in your history. Remove all connections, don't talk about him, don't write about him, and eventually the thoughts will fade out, too.

I totally agree with the advice to take baby steps. Motivation takes momentum. You don't build up momentum in one fell swoop.

If you want to go from being a couch potato to running 5 miles, on day 1, you probably walk for 5 minutes. Then you walk for 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Then you run for 1 minute. Next day, 3 minutes. Then 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and on and on till you're doing the 5 miles.

I appreciate that. I logged onto a dating site and connected with someone involved so I blocked them. I've asked this guy repeatedly not to contact me directly or indirectly and I am moving on. It was not an invisible man for 7 years, the guy was feeding it all along but mean while had a very committed relationship.